Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Afternoon Edition - 5/25/05

On Blast
Lady Long Legs is On Blast with: Are you willing to be the other woman or the other man? If so, why?
To help make an educated or mature choice to LLL’s questions, we should explore the issue at hand – infidelity. FACTS: Merriam-Webster defines infidelity as unfaithfulness to a moral obligation or disloyalty; marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it. For our purposes we’ll focus on the first part of Merriam’s definition and say that if you’re in a committed relationship and engage in ANY behavior that proves unfaithful to your partner you are showing signs of infidelity. Many individuals engaging in infidelity will attribute their act(s) as justified for one reason or another. Ultimately, here’s the bottom line – As responsible and mature adults there is NEVER a justifiable reason for infidelity. That said, the cause for infidelity boils down to one central point – the inability to openly communicate issues with your partner. The issues can range from sexual dissatisfaction, boredom or simply refusing to accept responsibility for your actions. Outside of rape, ALL cases of infidelity can be prevented. FARCE: Those who participate in affairs outside of their relationships are sometimes diluted into believing that they are above discovery. The cheating party will sometimes reason that the affair is a short-term fix for a long-term problem and that no one is aware of their clandestine activities. Unfortunately, affairs are initially recognized but ignored by the betrayed partner who will sometimes reason away glaring clues to an affair. Additionally, some betrayed partners willfully accept cheating in an effort to keep an otherwise “good” relationship. In the end, the cheater is normally the last to recognize that everyone is aware of their activities. KARMA/TRUTH: Long story short, what goes around really does come around. Everyone will pay for their acts of betrayal and disloyalty in THIS lifetime. The hard-fast rule of how-you-get-your-partner-is-how-you-lose-him, always applies. Someone who meets you while in a relationship will more than likely repeat this behavior while engaging in a relationship with you. CONCLUSION: If you’re in a relationship, you should communicate with your partner – including when you’re feeling tempted or flirted-with by others. Your partner can sometimes help put things in perspective – this may even heat up things in the bedroom (there’s nothing more attractive than others finding your mate attractive!) Never start one relationship without ending another. Betrayal and disloyalty only serve to demean, degrade and devalue you, regardless of why you chose to do it. If you’re single, you should note that anyone willing to engage in a relationship with you while in a committed relationship will 1)more than likely not leave their partner for you and 2)if you manage to land them, they’ll do the same to you. Knowingly choosing to be the man/woman on the side completely removes all dignity from you as a person and places you in second position to the other party. FOOTNOTE: Openly dating and open relationships do not fall into the infidelity category, since all parties are aware of the entire situation and can make informed, conscious decisions. Never attempt an open relationship or open dating if you are ultimately seeking to convert your partner into a committed, closed relationship – you’ll only be disappointed and humiliated. Well, LLL, hope this helps folks answer your questions.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well I must admit, I didn't mind being the other woman. It depends on what you want out of the relationship. I have been in a relationship with a married man and I had no complaints. He gave me what I wanted and I gave him what he wanted. I filled in where his wife didn't. He wanted someone to listen to him and give him attention. His wife was so into the children, that she forgot she had a husband; the man who gave her the children. I didn't feel cheap. I felt I was being helpful. I was helping a lonely, neglected man feel needed and wanted; while getting what I wanted also.

Anonymous said...

Oh, so now we have a good samaritan on our hands!!! "I had to save him and drop my drawers to do so."

No, he couldn't talk to his wife. He ran to you and got you with the no attention excuse and you believed him.

Who's to say that he was meeting all of her needs? He wouldn't be able to handle it if the shoe was on the other foot.

Anonymous said...

According to him, she was not meeting his needs but we all know men are greedy and will lie to get what they want.

I wasn't going to mention this part but his other reason for cheating was that he wanted to bring another woman into the picture. He asked his wife and she refused. (Once again, she wasn't meeting his needs.) I didn't mind the other woman joining in. By the way, she was a woman he had an affair with previously and he told me about her. We met and decided to hook up. Neither of us wanted him as our man or husband so we gave him what he wanted and sent him back to his wife.

You are right. He would not have been able to handle his wife cheating. I have seen her several times but she had no idea who I was.

Anonymous said...

YOU SAID A MOUTHFUL COCOA...SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN THERE ON BOTH ENDS....LOL..ANYWAY I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE WITH YOU WHEN YOU SAID " EVERYONE WILL PAY FOR THEIR ACTS OF BETRAYAL AND DISLOYALTY IN THIS LIFETIME" VERY PROPHETIC.

Anonymous said...

Well I am on the other side of the wall. I know my husband is cheating but I can't leave him. He is all I have. I need him and so do the kids. Even if it means me sharing him, I have to hold onto my husband.

Anonymous said...

Wow!!! I must admit LLL, you picked a good topic. There have been some interesting posts.

LaLa

Unknown said...

Okay... let me see if I can rap this up for y'all...

First, LLL...
Whether you're in a committed relationship or just dating, if you're in an open-style relationship (where ALL parties are completely aware) then the parameter of the relationship have changed and NO it is not infidelity. Bringing us to the ALL important issue of communicating with your partner on what's acceptable to you as a couple. On the issue of repentance... the Lord forgives you when you have have truly repented for your sins (including infidelity). Unfortunately, the laws of life and Karma dictate that the consequence for sin is death - translation: You still MUST pay! For example, the smoker who repents for abusing their body, is forgiven and saved, but ultimately dies of cancer.
Now... Anonymous... HONEY... come on! You may think you were getting what you wanted and were doing the married man a huge favor, but here's how it works - just as he will pay for not simply coming away from an unsatisfying marriage - you will also suffer terrible consequences for knowingly engaging as a player in a deceitful affair. (No moral high-horses, just the facts...so if you're twat catches fire or rots, you know why). Let me be clear.. I have been both the betrayed and the cheater and have LEARNED that to wipe the slate clean and prevent negative Karma you MUST live, date and love honestly. PERIOD! You won't always be the most beloved and popular person, but I'll be darned if you won't be the most respected and trusted person around. :)

Unknown said...

Oh... LLLL, in answer to your "Why repent if you suffer the same consequences" question... here goes... you repent to avoid the flames of hell making BBQ of that cheatin' ASS... plain and simple. You'll make mistakes in life but here's what tends to ease the blow to you and others....Admit your mistake, apologize and explain (1 time), make a concerted effort to never repeat the mistake, understand that the consequences are coming, accept your karma-ass-whopin' and grow... GROW....GROW...

Unknown said...

As for the Anonymous that MUST stick to her man... I'm so sorry for you... really. No sarcasm involved. There's notihng worse than feeling you CAN'T leave that man. Of course, the first step will be for you to realize that it has nothing to do with the money or the kids. It has everything to do with you. That's the saddest part. When you love someone, it almost feels like you'll do anything to keep them. It will take you time, but hopefully you'll recognize that you're giving up the best of your years in the "hope" that something will change and that he won't physically leave you. If you believe you can't leave, he definetely must know this... the biggest horror of all is that you don't see he left you a long time ago. Hmmm... my heart goes out to you. :\

Anonymous said...

My husband cheated on me, and I was the last to know. I had never thought of cheating, just wasn't in me do so. Then one day..... Well, we're both married and I feel as guilty as the sin it is. We're very discrete, don't see each other for weeks at a time. However, we hold daily conversations. This works for us. I will stop seeing/conversing him one day. As for now, I feel justified. As for his wife, I hope she never find out.

Anonymous said...

Hector, I want to thank you for this. One of the subjects really hit home. Even though I didn't post, I have gotten some very valuable information. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous with the cheating husband. Why didn't you just leave Sweetie? Revenge doesn't help the situation. You feel better in the beginning but then the guilt settles in. I have been in that situation and I did the same thing you did. Also, any type of communication with the other man that your husband isn't aware of is cheating. Cheating is anything you wouldn't do in the presence of your mate that you do. I will keep you in my prayers. I have been there and I know your pain!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous with the cheating husband. If you want to make this marriage work, go to Christian counceling. Don't you give up on your husband or your marriage. Have you thought about seperation. Sometimes time and space are the solution. (What God put together let no man OR woman put assunder.) You give your husband to God.

I have been cheated on and I know how it hurts but God understands and He will fix it. Keep your marriage, your self and your husband in prayer.

Anonymous said...

LLL...burning in hell has nothing to do with the sins you commit. It has to do with not repenting and accepting Christ as your savior. God forgives ALL sins. If you have asked Jesus to come into your heart and forgive you for your sins there is no way you are going to hell. God knows that we are not perfect. That is why we have been given the option of repenting.

God forgives us everytime we ask for His forgiveness if we truly mean it. I have also had a child out of wedlock. I have asked for God's forgiveness and I know he has forgiven me. Every morning He gives us new mercies and new grace. He is a forgiving God and don't you let nobody tell you that He won't forgive if you just ask. I would also recommend a good Sunday School class. The teacher will be able to answer your questions. Don't you ever stop asking questions about God and your future...ever!!!

Anonymous said...

My husband has stopped cheating. I'm the one doing it now. I have asked him numerous times to go to Christian counseling with me, or counseling period, just recently. He told me that he will not sit and tell his problems to anyone. Also said that no "man" or "woman" can tell him what to do or make suggestions as to what to do for that matter. He thinks that as long as he's not cheating, and taking of home (financially), then everything should be fine.

I think I'll go to counseling alone for my own self worth. I must get back my self respect and dignity. As for leaving him, that's a very strong possibility. I know he'll go into shock or perhaps have a coronary. Don't want him to die, but wake him up. Took me a while to learn, but my happiness is more important than anything.

Anonymous said...

We must ALL repent for ours sins, no matter what they are.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous...have you asked him why he cheated? Have you mentioned the possibility of you leaving him, to him?

I would agree with you going to counceling alone. Once you are in tune with your own feelings, you may be able to help him.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous...how did you find out he was cheating?

Anonymous said...

Once you have been cheated on, can you ever really trust that person again?

Unknown said...

Let me be abundantly clear... God will always forgive you for your sins when you repent, but life's Karma has a way of having you take your consequences here on earth. That said, you will NOT burn in hell if you've asked the Lord for forgiveness and I believe raising a child conceived and born out of wedlock is difficult and trying in-and-of-itself. All said, value yourself first. If we're speaking as Christians, the Lord didn't give you a spirit of weakness and mediocrity. Don't cheat and expect the same from your partner. True, you should try to communicate and work out problems, but if you're with a dirty-low-down-HIV-carrying-candidate, ditch him and save yourself, your dignity and your family. Better you leave him and be there for you kids later, then to die by his side of a infectious disease begging the Lord to change him. Well... that's just me. Sometimes, we can't see the forest for the trees!

Anonymous said...

Cheating IS very traumatic to the innocent party! I'd like to share my experience:

A few years ago I fell head over heels in LOVE with a divorced man. He was divorced for 3 years and had 2 children. For me it was a love at first sight. After dating for a few years, we both decide to take the relationship to the next level {living together}. He buys a house {I picked it}, we pack our belongings and "live happily every after". Within 2 months of living together, I noticed a change in his behavior. He became distant and cold. To make a long story short, he starts having an affair with his "ex wife". After months of "wondering WHO, WHY, what did I DO", he finally confessed that he wants to get back together with his family! I was devastated! Not only did I lose the love of my life, but I had to relocate. Anyway, after that news - i left the house, moved back to with my parents, found an apt and I've been alone since!! It has been over 3 years since this incident happened to me and I still remember it as if it happened yesterday. So betraying/cheating can devastate an innocent soul. Be very careful with your actions and always think of the other person! Well try to.

Unknown said...

Dear LLL,
I won't rip you a new asshole, since it appears you are having no problems spewing shit from the existing holes. That said, let me say this LOUD and CLEAR.
I was raised Christian and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. I believe and accept the word as it is written and do not change any portion of it, in any way, to acommodate my lifestyle or orientation. Personally I believe homosexual acts (having sex with someone of the same gender) is a sin. That said, I have chosen to be true to my heart (especially since being gay is not something I've chosen, but something I am)and accept the reality that my choice to have sex with men will lead me to burn in hell. This is true, mainly because I do not repent for this sin and have left it to God to change things at his will. Also, I risk the obvious consequences of a gay lifestyle - ridicule, lack of offspring and inclusion in the highest risk group for HIV ever! For the record, I'm not offended and am happy to take on any other comments/questions regarding issues you may be completely in the dark about. SIDEBAR: My belief as a gay man is not shared by MOST of my gay friends and I also accept that. Enough said...
:::: can you believe this little bitch :) ::::::

Anonymous said...

TO Lady Long Legs:

That was very offensive and somewhat of a "personal attack" to Cocoa Rican! I dislike when people have negative views on homosexuality!! It's NOT THEIR FAULT!! JESUSSS CHRIST!!!!!! Anyway Lady Long legs!! It seems to me that you have been the "OTHER WOMAN" for a very long time! It's a shameful act and U SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF URSELF!!

Unknown said...

Caspar... the "religion" issue arose later in the segment. In today's topic "religion" had NOTHING to do with anything. As for Karma.. it was another way for me to express that what goes around comes around. It does... like Wendy Williams says, "It is what it is."

Unknown said...

Okay folks, here's the scoop... today's topic is, being the other woman/man - hence, infidelity. How we morphed and eased on over to religion, homosexuality and hell-fire is beyond me. If these are also issues folks would like to discuss, please be sure to include your question and ask that it be addressed On Blast. Thank you all for participating today.. hope you got something out of it... much love... Keep passin' the open windows...

Unknown said...

Never that... I'm not offended by today's topic or the turn it took. I think it's great for folks to speak openly about anything - Period. I did not initially mention anything regarding religion and infidelity, outside of saying that "what goes around comes around" It's the circle of life concept. LLL, never feel you can't ask or speak on anything free. Don't worry about the Cocoa Rican.. he's a BIG boy who can take good care of himself. :)