Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Because Whatever I’m Feeling…


There’s something about being with you that makes everything alright.
You make me smile with my heart and believe in a love not tied-down to romance. You’re my best friend, my road dog and the person I want to spend the rest of my days with. I celebrate you tonight because whatever I’m feeling, you have made my life such a wonderful place to live in. My signature theme of ‘Keep passin’ the open windows’ suddenly seems to be moot…you block that window. You make my world a place I love to be in. Thank you for giving me a beautiful today. I promise you my best tomorrows.

On Blast
Do you remember who you were dating when you first heard Tony Terry’s When I’m With You? Does the song conjure new feelings or a new meaning for you today?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Para Colmo De Males


It isn’t a contradiction. I’m saddened and relieved. Just as easily as he came into my life, Bruce is gone. About a week ago I confided to BD that I may have bitten off more than I could chew. Bruce is enormous and everything I could want in a puppy, but I was finding that I had less energy and time to dedicate to him. Rather than feeling stress melting away by having him, I felt pangs of guilt for not spending every waking moment with him. Ultimately, I did what I’ve always done when matters seemed too complicated to handle on my own. I gave it to the Lord. Seems lame huh? Well, the truth is, for as much a heathen as I appear, I actually trust the Lord to always do what’s best – even when I don’t have the good sense to make the best decisions. I placed a free classified ad selling Bruce and my stipulations for the sale. I told BD that if the Lord intended that he be gone, the sale would be fast and painless. Today, I got a call at my office from a buyer and he was anxious to see my boy. After contacting my vet, he agreed to stop-over and take a look at him tonight. One look and he insisted he wanted to purchase him on the spot. I was up-front – the dog will be large; the dog has a lot of energy; he’s been spoiled; there is NO return of the dog (I cannot suffer the emotional break more than once); All said, they wanted Bruce. With heart in hand, I packed up all of Bruce’s things and watched Bruce loaded into the man’s SUV. His wife and I shared some pleasantries and she promised to share photos of Bruce with me in the future. She even squeezed my shoulder and said, “You’re going to make me cry.” It was then that I realized that I had tears streaming down my face. I quickly brushed them off and said, “Take care of my baby. He’s a good boy.” With that, I turned and ran back into my apartment. It’s so quiet. Busta laid quietly by my bed. It’s almost like we awoke from a long dream and Bruce was part of that dream. Para colmo de males (to make matters worse) I feel a strange relief; A sense that I did the right thing for both Bruce and me. That relief stirred feelings of guilt. How could I feel relieved that my baby is gone?

On Blast
Would you say my sense of relief is centered on my doing the right thing OR from knowing that somehow the transaction to see Bruce gone happened so swiftly?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Man In the Mirror

These days I’m really disappointed with the man in the mirror. Issues ranging from poor decision making; disregard for my health; and lack of holding myself to a place of priority have all conspired to take my self esteem down a few notches. Let’s start with the poor decision making…Bruce is now a 5-month old, rambunctious Weimaraner. For those of you who don’t know about dogs, Weimaraners are one of the largest of the hunting dogs and they possess an enormous amount of strength, energy and will. Bruce is normal – for purposes of discussing a puppy hunting dog of this size – but I didn’t do enough homework to realize that I am not quite the outdoorsman I initially thought I was. Long story short, the fucking dog is driving me bananas. He is a ball of energy – inside and outside the home; he hunts my Miniature Schnauzer Busta (who is 10-years old!) and he is smart, but strong willed; making him a chore to train. Thankfully, he’s housebroken – albeit a few pee-pee accidents here-and-there. All to say, I think I want to sell the baby while he’s still a baby, rather than wait until I’m letting someone enjoy the fruit of my labor and efforts when he’s a trained adult. A part of me feels guilty and ashamed that I’m failing at this, but the logical side of me screams, “Cut and run now before you invest more time and effort into it!” I’ll keep everyone posted on what I ultimately decide. The second major disappointment is my complete disregard for my health. Since August of last year, I have been waddling down the path of poor eating and no exercise. The new regimen has taken my 5’7” frame from a solid-and-bangin’ 150 lbs. to a whopping 175 lbs. I feel uncomfortable in my clothing and very self conscious naked. Since I pay for an upscale gym membership, I wonder what possible excuse I have for this disaster. Shoot, I even quit smoking in January, so I should be in better health right? Not a chance! The gym starts this weekend, period! The final glimpse at the man in the mirror has revealed my desire to give 100% to my relationship while isolating myself from my friends. My focus is BD and the Minnie – and no one else! What could possibly be the problem with this you ask? Well, here’s what my thinking was…Whether I want to do something or like to do something is secondary to whether my man wants to do something or likes to do something. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, until the pendulum of equal compromise and giving swings awkwardly in one direction and I’m left to feel that my giving is not reciprocated. The kicker is, I can’t really call him selfish…I mean, can we call someone selfish if they simply choose not to act and give of themselves in the same way we choose to do? There’s no pity party here… no one put a gun to my head to force me to do anything. Well, I brought my feelings to BD’s attention – Communication is key, right? – and the reaction was one of defense and diffuse. To be honest, he seemed downright insulted that I could feel this way and bring it to his attention. So who’s fault is it – you’ve got it – the man in the mirror! You see, when you’re thinking of blaming others and pointing fingers – even when you’re posturing to make some accusations – take a trip to that mirror and look really closely. You may find that almost all of your issues where brought about or facilitated by the man staring back’atcha.

On Blast
Failure or experience; When you don’t make the best choices, do you solve them and see the incidents as failures or simply as experiences?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Monday, April 20, 2009

Set-up Your Sprinkler and Stand Back

The proverbial green grass on the other side of the fence is green for a reason – someone’s watering it. The truth is, the grass may not even be green because the grass’ owner personally takes care of it – he may recruit a third-party vendor to stop-in and take care of his grass. All to say, that looks are deceiving. I mean, crab grass is green too right? I was thinking of how many people look at my life and I at the lives of others, thinking that somehow I – or they – have it better. The truth is we don’t know the mechanics of anyone’s existence. As multiple studies have proven, material wealth doesn’t guarantee happiness. We’ve all seen the poverty-stricken family that appear happy as larks, while wealthy members of society that can’t even bring themselves to smile. I’m taking a page from the book of life that rewards LIVING life in a way that makes me feel fulfilled and minimizes my chances at regrets. I’m appreciating what I’ve earned. My health, my family, my relationship, my job, etc. are not promised. I make my grass greener by insuring it is watered. I will do the things that make me happy; I will spend time with people who enrich my soul; I will take advantage of things that pleasure my body and I will challenge my mind to remain open to new ideas. Appearances are deceiving and wouldn’t it be devastating to find out that after all your envy, your neighbor reveals he actually has Astroturf?

On Blast
Tell of one time that you believed you were looking at your neighbors healthy, beautifully growing grass only to find out their grass was artificial.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Saturday, April 18, 2009

My Boyz; The Update

video

On Blast
Joy and pain; Can pets really lower your blood pressure or cause a stroke?

Keep passin' the open windows...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Silly Isn't It?


Silly isn’t it?
How important are the people in our lives?
As I look at the folks I considered so important to my everyday…
Today, the cast of characters is virtually a new one.
So many of the people we profess to be in our ride or die…have, well…died
I realize and live by the reason-season-lifetime rule, but damn…
Silly isn’t it?
We don’t really KNOW-KNOW who those lifetime folks will really be…well, until we realize they’re still standing there…by our side
I sometimes drift into a soft warm smile…tears well-up in my eyes…remembering the friends…the ones who probably would be here if they could…but they can’t
Silly isn’t it?
How a milestone birthday will have you getting mushy and shit?
Silly isn’t it?
How you’ll force yourself to have those flashback moments that only happen when you face your mortality…the proverbial near-miss that has you reminiscing
I’m officially missing the memories left behind by those that played such an important role in my life.
I’m officially missing the me at previous stages in my life
Silly isn’t it?
I’m officially missing me

On Blast
Have you ever missed you?

Keep passin' the open windows...

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Sliver of Wax

You know how folks will say that they’re burning the candle at both ends? Well, I’m concluding that they fail to mention what that little sliver of wax between those two burning wicks represents. I’m here to school you kids….it represents patience. That’s right; with all that I have going on and the limited hours of sleep I am down for each night, I have a scant amount of patience. I’m afraid I’m not myself; not enjoying my life to the fullest; not being the best partner, friend and parent that I could be. I’m easily irritated by small talk; am often sidetracked by the tiniest distraction and when my head finally hits the pillow, I’m virtually drooling. I have to find some normalcy. I’ve started this process with moving Bruce’s crate from my bedroom – the proverbial move of the baby to his own room – and trying to get in bed each night before midnight. Now it’s time to take the bull by the horns. I need some decent, consistent and deep rest and I need daily exercise. So, here’s my prayer for contentment and my fear that if it doesn’t come soon the sliver will be gone.

On Blast
What is an acceptable timeframe between regenerating and refreshing battery-charging vacations; is there a smart way to gauge when it’s time?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Me and Clay Aiken - Invisible

Luckily my self-esteem can take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’, but I continually notice that folks fail to recognize my assistance in their appreciative remarks regarding anything. Now, I’m not talking about some special post or novel preface to give your boy his props, I’m talking about when they have a moment to thank folks – verbally or in writing – I’m not part of the included thank-you. What is even more ironic is that I’m usually the person asked to edit the document that lacks the mention. I started to think that maybe the problem isn’t in their failure to mention me, but in my inability to say, ‘Fuck you bruh…I’m busy and don’t want to use MY time to proofread your shit. Please have the folks you send-up praises for to invest their time in your projects.’ So, rather than complain, it’s time to take responsibility for my actions. Put-up or shut-up. Be warned…if it doesn’t occur to you that I should be thanked along with the graceless goons who grace your list of appreciations, don’t think of me to write, edit or tweak your projects.

On Blast
This is the year…Katherine Hepburn told Redbook, “Never explain, never complain…” Our time is precious and investing ANY of it in people who don’t appreciate it is pointless.
Who is unworthy of your precious time?

Keep passin’ the open windows…