Not Shady, Just Fierce

Our New Home

2012-01-25T06:45:00.001-05:00

The excitement, pride and gratitude that we felt when we closed on our house last night can only be described as raw elation! The event was a culmination of prayer and faith in motion - we actually turned the final decision over to the Lord for his final stamp of approval and he sincerely treated us as the princes of his palace.

Today, we're having a slew of contractors visit the house to bid on painting, refinishing and minor touches we're having done before moving in. We're so committed to taking on these fun new challenges.

A new chapter has started for us and we're smiling ear-to-ear with anticipation!

- Keep passin' the open windows...

Suburban Heart

2012-01-13T09:13:00.001-05:00

They say, "Home is where your heart is," and this will mean that our hearts will be about an hour upstate of NYC. After much thought and an incredible find - it truly is a buyer's market - we elected to buy our very own suburban love nest.

BD, the Minnie and I continue to bask in God's undying and plentiful blessings. This is nothing short of HIS shining down on our lives again.

In the coming weeks we'll take you along on our journey from move to home makeover and hope that you share in our sunshine and feel the warmth reflected in our humble gratitude.

Home is truly where the heart is and from city town home to suburban colonial we are steadfast that wherever the Lord takes us is exactly where our happy home will be.

- Keep passin' the open windows...

I Was Here

2011-12-05T23:42:00.003-05:00

I came across a story today of a woman diagnosed with stage four cancer. What drew my attention is that there appears to be a direct correlation between being told you’re dying and when folks believe they need to start

living – fully. It’s like they find their strength, their passion and their drive from the realization that they had a short time left. Another common denominator between folks that are told they will soon die is that they want to be sure to leave a legacy of some sort…some way to have folks realize they were here. So what it made me think about was why don’t we start living before we’re told we’re dying? I mean, aren’t we all dying at some point anyway? The reality is that some of us have longer than others and it seems a bit pointless to decide to really enjoy your life when they tell you that it has suddenly been shortened.

Live…love...participate in your life.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T12:11:00.001-05:00

It seems that it really does take time to learn what life is really about. When you do, you're as grateful for the lesson as you are for arriving at the realization. My life hasn't been easy, but I've been blessed by God's grace to be where I am today. Yesterday had its lessons and its heartaches and all of it led me to today. Its a beautiful day - literally and figuratively - and for all of it, I'm thankful.

Happy thanksgiving day!

- Keep passin' the open windows...

Your Way

2011-11-20T11:50:00.001-05:00

I was telling a friend

that one of the greatest gifts of aging - well for me at least - is the sense I'm not affected by anyone's opinion. Now, I'll be honest and say that I was never big on living to please others, but I now have the benefit of feeling like I can hear opinions objectively without ever personalizing what's being said. The way I see it, you only live once so it would be tragic to have attempted to live as others would have you live only to realize we can't ever make everyone happy. So make #1 a priority - YOU - and at the very least you'll come away knowing that you did your very best to do right by the person you HAVE to live with every single second of the day.

- Keep passin' the open windows...

It's a Ghost Town in Bloggerville

2011-11-13T23:17:00.005-05:00

I remember how important blogging was just a few years ago. Since

then many of my fellow bloggers are long gone from the scene, reading from the periphery or using more current social medium. All said, I’ve been tempted to throw in the towel with the best of them, but I hold a real nostalgia for the days when I used to pour out my heart for all to read and the short wait for words of wisdom veiled as comments.

So much has changed in my life from the start of the blog days. It all started with emails to twenty or so friends that included a question of the day before moving the ‘operation’ online to a blog. I believed I had the chops to write and knew that the cathartic exorcism of negativity was a great plus for the trouble of another post.

Today, I’m older, wiser and dare I say busier – not wanting to invest too much time sharing with anyone who may or may not still read blogs to begin with. I’ve purchased a journal on my Mac that keeps all my secrets, my dreams and my thoughts – albeit without the benefit of reader commentary.

More than eight years since my first blogpost, I’m still excited to share the good, the bad and the ugly with my blog family – now also my Facebook family. There will soon be many more great things to share with you guys.

For now, suffice to say, I’m here, I’m happy and I’m pleased that I can still share a piece of my reality with some of you….if you’re still out there.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Happy Anniversary Baby!

2011-08-29T23:42:00.001-04:00

Celebrate each day and you might just end up with forever.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

The Skinny On [Same Sex] Marriage – U.S. and Abroad

2011-07-25T11:22:00.003-04:00

In my humble opinion, marriage is an institution created to contractually bind two individuals providing specified rights, privileges and expectations by both parties. Although marriage may take on varying forms – agreed terms, mode of celebration and announcement (religious ceremony) or even gender specifications – marriage is really a legal arrangement not a religious arrangement.

Same sex marriage is a hot button issue for many who have relegated marriage to a small segment of the population that meet their qualifications to attain it. The truth is that even opposite-sex couples that cannot or will not bear children enter into marriage every day rendering the argument of marriage-as-a-means-for-reproduction moot.

All said, preventing two consenting human beings from entering into the contract of marriage is discriminatory and small-minded and flies in the face of a country founded by individuals seeking freedom of expression.

Although the Netherlands was the first country to grant same sex marriages in 2001, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland and Argentina all recognize same sex marriage at the country/national level. Mexico only performs same sex marriages in Mexico City, but recognizes those marriages at the country/national level. The U.S. – ironically – performs same sex marriages in New York, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and the District of Columbia, but those marriages are not recognized at the federal level and 31 states have gone as far as setting constitutional restrictions that mention marriage is between one man and one woman. The reality is that the U.S. vehemently opposes inequality and injustice in other regions of the world – even engaging in wars to help provide it - yet we sow the seeds of injustice and inequality on our home turf.

Marriage - whether you get married in front of a justice of the peace or you have an elaborate religious show for the masses, marriage is about a contract – parameters – ratifying the arrangement that bind two individuals that may be in love.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Stop With the Fireworks; Get A Clue

2011-07-04T23:22:00.002-04:00

Maybe I wasn’t paying attention to my neighbors in the last decade, but this year seemed fast, loud and crazy with the fireworks. Truth be told, I find it quite amusing that the majority of the folks going crazy with the virtual bombs outside my window are clueless what Independence Day celebrates anyway. I’m not going to go into a history lesson, but suffice to say that I just don’t get the reasoning behind spending good money on dangerous fireworks to make a lot of noise about a holiday you’re not really clear about.

Happy Independence Day to all. Next year, skip out on the Cherry bombs and opt for a juicy steak and a some thank-you cards to the men and women who keep our country free.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Death Is a Part Of Life; It Still Doesn’t Make the Loss Less Painful (Taylor Siluwé)

2011-06-24T11:07:00.003-04:00

Taylor Siluwé, a long-time friend – for more than two decades to be exact – is dead. Just months after being diagnosed with cancer, the disease ravaged his body, leaving all those who knew him stunned at his hasty departure. As is the case with many friends, Taylor and I had years where we busied ourselves with our own lives, and we were often reconnected by an encouraging remark about a blog post, a Facebook comment or by sharing a brief word to catch up on where we were in life. I still remember our early years – the years when we didn’t have a care in the world and NYC (sometimes Jersey) was our Playground. Even then, his intense creativity, passion and flare for life served as a gravitational pull to all those around him – including me. The ten years I spent in Washington, DC still held brief contacts with Taylor – even a few laughs at the new “Taylor”. All said, I’ve grown into the man I am alongside Taylor. I’ve supported his work, admired his spirit and drive and watched in awe at his ability to be relevant from our late teens to today. I know that it’s noble to mention that he will be watching over me, but today I’m going to honor my friend and simply say that I will miss his presence in my life. I’m sure one day I’ll smile at the mention of his name, but today, I’m reverently saddened at the enormous space left vacant by his departure.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Reality and Life...

2011-06-15T10:46:00.001-04:00

As I look back over my life I remember conversations I had with my mom that highlighted my worth and how perception – unfortunately – is reality. Fight as we may, the concept of each person having their own perception of the world be their reality will never change. I really fought this issue early on in life. I often said, “Reality is reality…” but sadly, it isn’t so. This isn’t to say that we should live according to what others want for us, but we should recognize that we are not alone in the world and more often than not we will need the help, support and kindness of others. If you’re ever curious as to what happens to folks who thumb their nose at the world, they are the folks that we persistently see and hear at odds with everyone – their family, their friends and folks who should be in their corner. All to say that you should live your life recognizing:

• Your worth: If you don’t know what you’re worth you allow others to disrespect, undermine and devalue you. No one – absolutely no one – should occupy a higher position in your life than you. Once you honor yourself you do a better job at conveying what is acceptable to you and caring for those you love. Romantic, platonic and professional relationships must ALL accept that you are valuable and worthy.
• Honesty trumps bullsh*t: Trust and believe that if you’re 20, there is a 40 year old that has already traversed the road you’re on and so on… You are fooling no one when you attempt to lie, deceive and omit your way through life. Be real, be honest and stand in your truth. If your truth is that you are a flawed human being, then you can join the hordes of us that stand as flawed human beings. The truth always comes to light and most times we don’t believe you, we just see you as a bullsh*t artist (not a good one either).
• You are the author of your novel: Many of us have lives that appear ripped from the headlines – good and bad. That said, you are the author of your novel. You have the free will to do good with your life or be a complete waste of a human being. Whatever you decide, understand that you should ONLY compliment or blame yourself for the outcome of your life. Even when there are horrible and unpredictable events in our life, there are glimmers of hope where we have the opportunity to right our path and make a difference.

It may all seem rehashed…you’ve heard it all before… but what I’d like to leave you with is that if you remember that you are all important; that you should live openly – letting the true you shine; and you accept responsibility for where you are and where you’re going, then you will never regret any part of your decisions or ultimately, your life.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Puerto Rico Memories

2011-06-10T21:44:00.000-04:00

Death As A Motivator

2011-05-16T11:13:00.001-04:00

Two years ago I lost one of my closest and dearest friends. Bobby Sims died leaving an enormous gaping hole in my heart. There are still days when something happens that triggers a memory of him and I will either smile, laugh or simply tear-up. So much of who I am is a product of our friendship. Bobby’s death motivated me to live fully…never to take a second for granted and that no matter how dark any one day can be, I am here to live it. On days when I feel overwhelmed I hear Bobby say, “Don’t even go there…you’re here to fight another day.” His telephone number is still in my mobile phone’s address book and there are moments when I’m tempted to dial it with the insane hope that he’ll pick up and say, “Yeah, I fooled all of you.” …but he won’t…it’s only a wish…a dream… Yet Bobby lives on in my hopes, in my dreams and in my ability to do what he would have done – to live like I appreciate how precious life really is.

I miss you kid!

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Unsure of Whether It’s Me or Them

2011-04-21T09:30:00.002-04:00

One thing is certain, when I’m tired, worn and in need of ME time the little things will make a HUGE difference. Of late, I’ve noticed that it’s the little things that have served to light my already short wick. So here are a few of my recent pet peeves…chime in on whether you believe it’s me or them.

• If you work in the service industry – whether it is retail or food service – polite and appropriate customer service is a job requirement. Notice I didn’t say you should be warm and friendly; simply polite and appropriate. This means that when you are standing behind a counter serving customers and I am the only customer standing in front of you AND I speak to you, you are required to respond – not stare blankly into space. Is it me or them?
• If your job description includes insuring that the morning coffee is brewed and available for purchase, you should NOT be texting at the cash register (with not a care in the world) while ALL coffee dispensers sit empty. Is it me or them?
• If you wish to drive at 20-30mph under the posted speed limit, you should avoid the left lane. Moreover, you should not appear panicked and disheveled when folks show their irritability with your traffic-causing ignorance. Is it me or them?
• I’m a primarily text person – I prefer to only speak to my mom and sister on the telephone – why will people dial my number, leave no message and repeat the call several times a day? It is my personal mobile phone; you can say or text anything and trust that I am the sole recipient of your message(s). Is it me or them?
• If you are using a mobile telephone at the gym during your workout you are NOT working out hard enough. Stop complaining that you aren’t showing results. HARD AND FAST RULE: If you can carry a conversation, you’re not working out hard enough to make a difference. Stay your FAT ass home and snack on Breyers while chatting. Is it me or them?
• Weekends are my sacred 48 hours. They are my time for rest and recreation. Doing anything that requires work or driving on long jaunts is not appealing to me and likely to be met with a resounding, “No thanks.” Is it me or them?

Hey folks…the list can go on and on. The truth is that we may sometimes draw the negative to ourselves. Maybe my feeling tired and worn is contributing to my seeing these little things magnified lately. Until I’m sure, I’ll keep asking myself if it’s me or them.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Ignorance = Death; Will Your Kid Be the Next Assailant or the Victim?

2011-03-16T14:32:00.003-04:00

Anthony Collao is dead. He allegedly fell victim to a brutal beating at the hands of four other teens – Nolis Ogando, Christopher Lozada, Luis Tabales and Alex Velez – who crashed a party that Collao attended hosted by two gay men in Queens, NY. It is unclear whether Collao himself is gay – quite honestly, I don’t think that this fact is relevant to the story. A young man is dead because four other young men acted on their ignorance and like a savage pack of wolves in the wild, they targeted, beat and left an innocent individual to lose a fight for his life.

We can sit by in pity that an innocent young man had his life stripped away because others believed him to be gay. Would we be more outraged if he was killed for being Black or Latino? The reality is that these are OUR children. Whether our children are the victim or the assailants, we have allowed and in some cases perpetuated, the ignorance that incited these types of attacks.

Yesterday the popular Fox television series Glee featured a kiss between Kurt and Blaine – two of the popular series’ protagonists. I felt a sense of pride that we had come far along enough to feature two teen males sharing a kiss on national television and that it would be accepted as normal as seeing any of the other opposite sex characters kissing. Then I’m met with the story of Anthony Collao and my heart breaks.

Our children are at risk – of having their lives ended by ignorant beliefs that result in a wanton disregard for life and for diversity. They are in danger of never reaching adulthood or spending their adult lives in prison.

We MUST teach our children that life is precious AND that the beauty of life is in the richness of its individuality. Black, White, Latino, Gay, Straight, Challenged, etc., we are priceless beings that must be respected, cherished and valued for our differences.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

There’s More to Life Than Charlie Sheen and His Shenanigans

2011-03-14T14:04:00.002-04:00

My sister Evelyn started mentoring a 10-year old girl through the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization and I was floored every time I heard of the touching stories she tells me about

her new little sister. There are so many young kids who can use our mentoring and positive guidance to becoming responsible, caring and socially conscious adults. For all the negative influences young folks encounter on a daily basis – through the mass media and even through first-hand contact in their neighborhoods – it is crucial that they have adults who MAKE the time to show them that there is an amazing life awaiting each of them….and we build that perception one child at a time…one dream at a time…one hour at a time. Many of us were transfixed for chunks of our day and evening by Charlie Sheen and his shenanigans, but few of us can tell you of investing a few moments to give back to our community and specifically to make a difference in the life of a child. This month I’ve agreed to participate in the Bowl For Kids’ Sake event for the Big Brother Big Sisters of Orange County. The event is fun-filled, but the cause is a serious one. Our children and our communities are made better for our input…for our dedication to MAKING them better. Understandably, we can’t participate in every event that presents itself, but we can chip in to the cause and help those that can make time. Let’s use Facebook, Twitter and email for more than just forwarding trash and negativity that doesn’t benefit anyone. Make a difference in your community. Today I’m bringing attention to the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Orange County in New York. Tomorrow you may have an event that makes a difference. As for Charlie Sheen…well, he’s banking millions of dollars; none of which are going toward our children and our communities.

Big Brothers Big Sisters of Orange County

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Bowling Times Lanes

12-5pm

To Donate Toward This Event, Click Here

Keep passin’ the open windows…

The Reviews: Nuela / Platanos Y Collard Greens

2011-02-28T13:51:00.006-05:00

It’s important to keep the embers of romance burning in long-term relationships and BD and I do this by creating a date night…our latest venture had us visit one of my new-found favorite eateries – Nuela and taking in Platanos y Collard Greens - an off-Broadway production.

NUELA: Located in New York City’s Flatiron district, Nuela (43 W 24th Street) is a Peruvian Fusion restaurant that opened last July or so. We first visited Nuela in August 2010 and although it was brand new it captured my attention with its creative and mouth-watering fare. They’ve basically fused Latino flavors with a palate pleasing mixture of odd delicacies to create flavors you’ve never experienced before. Hot on their menu – the Ceviche – specifically the Corvina (ceviche tipico), the Chifa Empanadas – with rock shrimp and pork and my main course this go-round, their Lobster “Chupe” – a butter poached lobster – were are out of this world. BD had their lamb and we also shared their Chinese Broccoli, Papa a la Huancaina and their arroz. The portions are modest, but the flavors are so interesting and the food so well prepared, that you will be completely satisfied. I’m BIG on good service and the service at Nuela is top notch. Our server was completely versed on the dishes, the perfect pairings for side dishes and the wine service and he was attentive to have the courses arrive at their right time. You get what you pay for and Nuela is proof positive of this…expect to shell out upward of $80 per person for your average dinner.

PLATANOS y COLLARD GREENS: Although BD insists that I am bourgeois and incapable of enjoying any production off Broadway, the truth is that I’ve given a thumbs-up to plenty a basement-budget, off-Broadway show. Heck, I’ve even found myself giving a rousing standing ovation to off-off-Broadway experiences that were small, but smart and inventive. For starters, let me say that I genuinely WANTED to love this production. Platanos Y Collard Greens is the brainchild of David and Jamillah Lamb. The couple believe that P&C is thought-provoking and hilarious and advertise the production as a romantic comedy…a budget challenged West Side Story, if you will. The play should have all the ethnic charm that lends itself to a funny and nostalgia-inducing show. I mean, it revolves around the relationship between the New York Latino and African American communities. If there’s anyone who could have been recruited as a consultant for relationships between Blacks and Latinos, it’s me. Lord knows I’ve dated my share of Black men. Problem is, the point of reference used for P & C appears dated…like maybe you’re telling the story from the viewpoint of my parents when they arrived to NYC 40 years ago. Today’s NYC Latino and Black communities are a lot more interwoven….with admittedly similar challenges. P & C appears to prey on the belief that the NYC Latino community is NOT aware of their African roots or that the Latino community in NYC generally believes that they are somehow better than the African American community. These are beliefs that may have existed decades ago, but clearly are NOT the case today. Leon Joseph as the lead in the play and the African American love interest to Hjordy Matos’, the Dominican female lead appear mismatched. Joseph was gangly (although his later shirtless physique proved he was quite the hard body) to the waifish Matos. If Joseph wasn’t so silly and immature, he would almost appear more threatening that romantic toward Matos. He seems a bit unrefined and awkward when scenes called for him to be tender. Preston Taylor – a character actor who played the role of “Nah-Mean” was actually brilliant. His ability to draw the attention of the audience away from the leads each time he hit the stage was uncanny. In the end, the actors seem greener than Platanos and the storyline hits the pit of your stomach like dirty collard greens. It doesn’t help that the play takes over two-and-a-half hours to get its point across. Some light moments are sprinkled throughout and they may keep you giggling but save Preston Taylor as “Nah-Mean” this script and cast are due for an overhaul.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

My Protector, My Inspiration, My Sis...Happy Birthday!

2011-02-04T13:51:00.003-05:00

When we were kids you protected me from the school bullies
Even when those bullies were twice your size
You appeared to do everything right
The model child every parent hopes for
You had two amazing sons; both are the apple of your eye
And it’s clear by how you live that you want the best for your loved ones
Today as you celebrate your birthday it’s important that you know
We admire your strength in the face of all obstacles
We are in awe of your grace and calm in the roughest of storms
We are so proud of all you’ve accomplished
You’re not just our big sister
You’re our link to each other
The one who sees the best in all of us
The real glue that keeps us all together
We love you sis…HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Labels Are Labels, But Let’s Get Real

2011-01-10T14:23:00.003-05:00

I’m aware that some labels are perceived to be negative and therefore, some wish to avoid them at all costs, but the reality is that some labels merely give the communicator a means to describe the person in question.

For example: The Latino man walked out of the bank.
For example: The Black man stole the bike.
For example: He is bisexual, but prefers to date women.

Now, we can argue until we turn blue in the face and chances are that the labels used to define us would still exist. Is it necessary to use these defining labels in all our communication? Probably not, but sometimes it is necessary to give our reader or listener the ability to get a picture of who we’re talking about or the perceived motivation(s) for someone’s actions.

Years ago, I was amazed to hear a story about men in the Dominican Republic that slept with men for cash – tourists specifically – but they identified as straight and usually returned to their wife and children at the end of their “work day”. It kind-of made me think of a woman who stands on the street corner, sells her body for cash, but doesn’t identify as a prostitute. Does how we identify change the true label of what we are? Does it matter that we may not care for the label associated with who we are or our behavior?

It’s 2011 and labels and check boxes are a bit outdated, but they still serve as a means to define people, situations, preferences, etc. What needs to change FIRST is our associating labels with anything negative and just seeing them as a means to have a clearer vision or picture of the world around us.

So now when you see a statement such as, “The gay man suddenly felt an attraction for his housekeeper,” you should simply get a picture of who we’re talking about, why the story is relevant and how the subjects of our sentence came to know each other. Although I suspect that until we learn to stop judging, we’ll have folks looking at the labels as a means to draw conclusions based on negative perceptions for certain labels.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

You’re Never Too Old for Mom’s Wisdom

2011-01-03T14:20:00.002-05:00

One of the greatest blessings in my life is still having my mom around to chat-it-up with and get real and true tidbits of wisdom and advice on everything from preventing my rice from sticking to appreciating my relationship – long term. The truth is that for all the hell we may have given our parents growing up, we quickly realize that they may have been trying to make our lives a little better than their own. Every day, like clockwork, my mom and I get on the phone and talk about all things that are happening – including the folks in our circles. This morning I was talking to mom about her new Facebook friends – and yes, it’s quite GREAT to listen to how happy she is to connect with folks via Facebook! The conversation turned to folks who appeared so happy in love and marriage in the past and are now contemplating divorce. My mom simply said, “Some folks can’t just be happy. They have to have drama and constant activity to make them feel that their relationship is exciting and new.” I thought about those statements long after we hung up. The reality is that for those of us in long term relationships, it may sometimes feel like it can get old, routine or boring. We know our partners and what makes things work. We trudge along like hamsters on our little wheels. Then, for some God forsaken reason, some folks think that some new person is much more exciting, fun, daring….just an all-around better match for their lives. It’s like the analogy of the old shoe. You give up those comfy pair of Hush Puppies for those Balenciaga pumps only to find out that they aren’t as much fun when you have to walk in them all day, every day. That’s really how relationships are. New folks will always seem like such a fun, adrenaline-packed change to the routine that our lives have become, but as we say in Spanish, “Hasta la belleza cansa.” That new “piece” will be as hum-drum as you may have categorized your partner when you are forced to endure them day-in-and-day-out. Rather, my mom pointed out, we should take comfort in the routine we’ve established with our partners. Add in the spice at will, but appreciate that there is no drama in your home. Understand that a fire that burns slow and steady will warm you, but a flame that burns feverishly will most assuredly burn itself out and everything in its wake. Mom has the wisdom of her years and her years in a very long term relationship to speak some truth. The key is being able to take it in and live her triumphs while avoiding her heartaches. I guess that’s why I’m never too old for my mom’s wisdom.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Experience Is a Great Teacher

2010-12-14T13:52:00.004-05:00

Miki Howard’s song Love Under New Management’s first line says, “Experience is a good teacher. It takes someone like me to know.” I’ve always felt that this song spoke directly to me…or better yet, about me. You see, in my 40-some-odd years I have had quite a bit of experiences to shape me in my adult life. Recently, I’ve been called to make some pretty tough decisions that required me to delve back into that experience pool and make the decisions that were right for me and my family. Many times in life we neglect to see the importance of making the right decisions for ourselves and we forgo our good judgment to make decisions we believe will benefit someone else. I’m here to tell you that no decision you make in your best interest should ever weigh on your conscience. A mother bird will push her fledgling out of the nest to encourage its flight and as human beings we have to be prepared to make the same difficult decisions. Oh sure, that fledgling may hit the ground, but then again, nature knows this and still provides the mother bird with the instinct to push. You will never see an adult bird crowded into the nest with its parents having the bird parents still bringing it a worm. Stop facilitating bad choices, ungrateful dependents and folks who go through life insisting that somehow life has to provide for them. Yesterday, I posted a blurb about entitlement and today’s post concentrates on our role in those who feel entitled. Life is tough…heck, it isn’t a hay ride, but it does get easier the harder we try and the harder we strive to be self sufficient. Now I won’t sit here and tell you that there won’t be times when we genuinely need each other and are forced to ask for help, but more often than not we need to be reminded that you can’t become stronger and gather experience by depending on those around you to always support you each time your poor decisions land you in hot water. Experience is a good teacher; it takes someone like me to know.

Listen to Love Under New Management

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Entitlement

2010-12-13T09:20:00.004-05:00

The belief that somehow you’re owed anything – respect, financial or emotional support, etc. – is a misconception that may leave many feeling a bit frustrated when the realization that the lives we choose and create are ours to live and oftentimes, struggle through.

As an adult you have probably discovered that the only thing you MUST do is go to the bathroom and die. That’s right, everything else is a voluntary choice – heck, the bathroom thing is a choice until the body says, I’ll take it from here! All other occurrences in our adult lives are conscious choices we make for the better or worse of the course of our lives. Early on I made some really poor choices and my life suffered because of them. Today, I try to make better choices and have found that the outcome has been much more acceptable.

Admittedly, some have come to living entitled lives after having family and friends support their ideas, their ventures and their lives without question. It isn’t until folks step back and let folks truly live their lives that the entitled recognize the good fortune that they were actually living.

Now many of you will sit and read this thinking that any good friend and family member is charged with caring for their fellow man, but the truth is that the road to good citizenship goes both ways. Karma has a way of reciprocating all things. The child that is a smart-mouthed louse is usually the grown man that gets beaten by police for doing something untoward.

Hopefully we can all take a moment to be grateful – today and always – for the many folks that brought us to where we are today and can take the initiative to live our lives with the reality that we are entitled to NOTHING. Nothing is owed to us. We must make our way; struggle to make ourselves better and be grateful for the small mercies along the way.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Seek & Ye Shall Find

2010-12-10T12:23:00.002-05:00

A friend shared with me that she became irate when she came across some disturbing information while perusing through her boyfriend’s mobile phone. When I asked what she was doing intruding on her boyfriend’s privacy, she stated that if there’s nothing to hide, then it really isn’t intruding. Uh…no.

THE GOLDEN RULE: Anything done in the dark will come to light; also, seek and you will find.

We are all blessed with a sense of intuitiveness that allows us to sense when something is genuinely wrong. I always advise that you trust and follow your ability to feel when something is wrong or off. That said, it is disrespectful and unnecessary to intrude on anyone’s privacy by accessing their personal mobile device, their personal belongings, etc.

I’ve come to understand that adults flirt, speak privately with and even divulge information to individuals outside of their relationship. If we read into every tidbit of information NOT intended for us, we will be on a consistent state of alert and stress. This leads to – at times – unwarranted accusations that can only stand to weaken the healthy communication in a partnership or worse even, push your partner to do something they never intended to do, since they feel they are already being accused of it.

LONG STORY SHORT: If you don’t trust your partner you should consider dismantling the relationship, since no relationship is worth living your life feeling like peril is around the corner. Your mistrust can sometimes serve as the impetus to negative behavior. Communicate openly with your partner and share when you feel a sense of insecurity. Never resort to violating someone’s privacy, since the intended result rarely leads to a positive outcome. Know that once you discover something through deceptive or intrusive means, you can rarely share the information with your partner to rectify the matter.

Like most things, if you seek, you will find. Stop looking for reasons to be dissatisfied and enjoy your partner for all the positive virtues they have. No one feels a sense of love toward an insecure nag who violates their privacy.

IN CLOSING: Love your partner and establish “deal breakers” early on. Once both partners are clear what is acceptable and unacceptable for their relationship they can make intelligent decisions as to how they conduct themselves in their relationship. At this stage in the game I am less willing to compromise, but a lot more mature about weighing what’s important in the long run.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Your Dreams vs. What Your Parents Dream For You

2010-12-06T13:46:00.003-05:00

It just so happens that life isn’t always what we wish for and certainly not what others wish for us. Now that I’m a parent, I’m coming to terms that what we wish for our children isn’t always what they want for themselves. Accepting that our children will choose a life all their own – along with goals, dreams and beliefs – that we may not subscribe to or even agree with is truly a revelation. After spending close to two weeks with my parents in Puerto Rico, I believe they are coming to terms with the fact that I am a gay man and that their idea of what my family would look like is not so, but it doesn’t mean that they can’t make the intelligent decision to share in my life and MY dreams by simply accepting that their dream for my life WAS theirs and not mine AND that the most important things a parent could want for their children are health, happiness and fulfillment. As I look at our son I wish so many amazing things for his life, but having my interaction with my parents as a reference, I accept that he may choose a completely different life than what his dad and I have envisioned for him.

Pursuing your dreams is as important to your survival as the air you breathe and the water you drink. Sure, you can forgo your dreams, but the consequence of doing so may be the emotional, mental and spiritual equivalent of going without air or water. Your spirit would die.

Give some thought to your dreams and forget about what everyone else has dreamed for you. This life is too short and too precious to live for someone else. I’ve found that the remarkable thing about the human spirit is that it is resilient. Your parents, siblings and friends will eventually accept that who you are and who you wish to be is so much more precious when it is genuine and filled with vibrant life; the kind of life that someone lives when they are their authentic self.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

He Promised He'd Remember

2010-11-09T23:09:00.001-05:00

It was years ago during one of those conversations you have when the liquor makes you laugh and you're laying in the still of the night. We were just discussing something that happened at the club that night and I had the facts all wrong...he said he'd remember. Then there was the time when we were watching an old Oprah show we recorded on tape years earlier and I got the scenes confused...he said he'd remember. The names of the men I dated, the countless times I had been in a drunken stupor, yup...he said he'd remember. The thing is I never counted on him not being around to remind me. I miss you and my memories Bobby. Now I have to remember.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Recognize What Your “Perfect” Really Looks Like

2010-10-18T11:49:00.005-04:00

As all the pieces in my puzzle settle into their rightful place, I’ve accepted that “perfect” or what we consider close to perfect, isn’t what we envisioned it to be. I’ve accepted a new job – one that offers me so many new possibilities – and I’m really excited about it; I have an incredible partner that is supportive, loving, faithful and caring; we have a happy and healthy child; we have the home, the car, the dog. In the eyes of many of my friends I lead the perfect life. Blessings abound and for all of them I am truly grateful. I’ve become increasingly aware that “perfect” is subjective – or better yet, “perfect” is not the rose-colored-painting that some would have us believe. Oh sure, I experience the everyday life disappointments and frustrations, but I’m referring to the reality that “perfect” sometimes means that we’ve learned to stop trying to live like the poster child for any group and we accept that which is OUR reality. Perfect is being in the now and enjoying my life – with all the flawed things that are a part of it. It is my acceptance that my home isn’t perfect, my man isn’t Superman and my child isn’t Elroy Jetson. I accept that relationships are a rollercoaster and that it has those slow climbs, those exhilarating drops and those check-the-safety belt moments. It’s silly to think that I’m going to live my life like a character out of Noah’s Arc or Queer As Folk. I’m not Noah, Brian or Michael. I’m Hector and he’s quite the character in his own right. When I look at my “perfect” life I see all the compromises, the stresses and the warm-and-fuzzy moments that make me appreciate who I am today. I take the time to take inventory of what’s wonderful in my life during moments of change and am honest where I can also stand to make some improvements. It turns out “perfect” is all about making your life what you want it to be today. It is too disappointing to think that I would sit around and worry about “perfect” and even more dreadful to believe that I live my entire life waiting for “perfect” when I had it all along.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

F*CK HATE

2010-10-11T14:38:00.000-04:00

FCKH8.com Straight Talk About Gay Marriage from FCKH8.com on Vimeo.

Christianity and the Catch 22

2010-10-01T14:20:00.002-04:00

The Bishop Eddie Long sex scandal is on heavy rotation in the media and it has highlighted issues within the Christian community that we stand to make better through an open dialogue and a better understanding of why the Christian church – African American churches in particular – are a breeding ground for these types of scandals.

One of the issues that is at the forefront of many conversations regarding Bishop Long is the belief that he should have been honest about his predilection for homosexual encounters. Somehow, many Christians are confusing the issue of homosexuality with that of a pedophilic predator. They are not the same. A homosexual man is attracted to men (not boys) while a pedophilic predator has a desire to have sexual interaction with those who are not adults – whether a particular state considers them as such or not. They are not interchangeable or one in the same. The allegations against Bishop Long would classify him as a pedophile and not [just] a homosexual man. The gender of the victims of pedophile predators should not be the issue we focus on;. We should be outraged by the abuse of minors.

The second issue at hand in Christian churches is that we have set the stage for deception. We, in effect, have created an environment where homosexuals must operate like covert operatives to survive or avoid ridicule and shame. There is virtually no other sin – or perceived sin – in the Christian church that gets more attention, judgment and scorn, than homosexuality. A womanizer will come to the Lord, be saved and carry the cross (or temptation) and desire of sleeping with multiple women and we would see that individual as just another flawed Christian who is seeking salvation and the Lord, but when admitted homosexuals come to the Lord they are expected to be saved AND never feel the desire or temptation for what their alleged sin was. The Bible does not preach about being homosexual, the Bible speaks of man not sleeping with mankind as he does with women, which simply means that you can FEEL the urges and have that urge be your cross to bear and temptation to have until the second coming of Christ, but so long as you are victorious in your battle to refrain from sleeping with men and engaging in homosexual behavior, you are saved. Somehow, the Christian church believes that to PROVE you have been freed from the homosexual “demons’ you must now feel romantic attraction for the opposite sex and hopefully marry a woman, proving you are a changed man. A homosexual man who becomes saved appears to have the cloud of doubt surrounding his sexuality follow him until his dying day – not quite the environment a homosexual man can live down. Which brings us to the “why” so many men choose to keep the issue of their homosexuality a secret from the church, their family and unfortunately, the women they marry in the hopes of throwing off the dogs who persecute them; to be an honest, saved and struggling Christian homosexual is to wear a Scarlet letter of shame in the Christian church.

The third and most important issue is that sin is sin. God doesn’t having a hotter place in hell for homosexuals than he does for the liars of the world. No one sin is greater in the eyes of the Lord than another, so the belief that we should focus on homosexuality is ironic and sad. Certainly there are sins within the confines of our church walls – namely, predatory behavior toward our children – that merit our vigilance and prudent caution. Once we can understand that we are ALL sinners and fall short of God, we can stop the process of singling out any one sin or one sinner.

The Christian church is often faced with damaging disasters and scandals – sometimes perpetrated by those in a position of power and responsibility. We hear the voices of many in the congregation say that they wish(ed) that the alleged fallen man of God had been honest with himself and his flock to avoid the pending humiliation. The truth is that we as children of God need to be honest with ourselves first and accept that we sometimes CREATE an environment that punishes honesty and is vicious toward betrayal; A catch 22 of sorts. We want you to be honest with us and tell us what is wrong with you, but if you do we will tear you a new one.

Let’s be honest with ourselves and accept that if we want folks to tell us who they really are; what their weaknesses may be; and reveal their shortcomings, we cannot stand in judgment of them; we have to stand as Christ did and help guide them to a path of righteousness through prayer and the realization that no one walking on this earth is without sin and that no sin holds more weight than another in the eyes of our Lord.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Truth; The Hardest Part is Telling It

2010-09-27T10:18:00.004-04:00

The Bishop Eddie Long scandal – and make no mistake, it is a scandal – called forth our flawed trait of attempting to shift blame when faced with controversy, rather than confronting it head on and telling the truth. It seems that human nature – our pride specifically – will have us believe that our good works, our standing in the community and our perceived cover, will keep us safe from the truth. Working from the belief that ‘where there is smoke, there is fire’ Bishop Long’s future and his reputation as a man of God, hinges simply on telling the truth and how he handles the allegations in this scandal.

It doesn’t take a public relations expert or media guru to know that Bishop Long should…

1. Address the controversy head on and be clear on his stand on the issue:
When the young men came forward alleging that Bishop Long used his power as a world renowned religious leader to coerce them into having intimate sexual interaction with them, Bishop Long SHOULD HAVE come forward and emphatically (as he has done with regard to other issues that didn’t directly affect his life) deny the allegations and state clearly that he DID NOT engage in any sexual interaction with these young men and that he DID NOT in any way misrepresent his relationship as pastor with these young men. Instead, Bishop Long’s carefully crafted response to the allegations was delivered before his staunch supporters within the cocoon of his congregation and included, “I am not a perfect man, but this thing I will fight.” If that doesn’t stink to the high heavens as the precursor to, ‘Yes, I had a little homo fun, but they were adults by Georgia law and that doesn’t mean they’re entitled to any monetary damages.’ Bishop Long may be fighting the good fight with the belief that if the young men were of legal age in the state of Georgia, he is safe from prosecution and that his reputation will rebound from this, but his reputation is everything to keeping a multi million dollar religious entity like New Birth – and Long as its leader – afloat. With a flawed and hypocritical minister at the helm, New Birth’s much needed financial support would falter and die.

2. In today’s era of email messages, text messages, mobile movies and pictures, don’t play yourself thinking there is no proof:
Let’s keep it real here… today’s friends and colleagues have the potential to be tomorrow’s enemies and back stabbing climbers. In light of this, I always caution my family and friends to steer clear of communication (of any kind) that can be used later to drive a campaign to discredit or humiliate you. Most important, I caution folks to NEVER take photographs or videos that place them in compromising positions – literally or figuratively. I don’t care how much love you feel today, pictures and movies have the potential of being forwarded or found at the most inopportune times. That said, Bishop Long KNEW he forwarded pictures and email messages that were inappropriate to some of these young men. So it begs the question, why would a pastor of a 25,000 member congregation and connection to countless world leaders, act like it’s okay to email/text muscle shirt photos to the young men of his congregation? What spiritual mentoring did those pictures seek to achieve? The Bishop appears too pride-filled to recognize how damning the email, picture and text mail trail are to his reputation.

3. Illegal, immoral and unethical are three different things; as a spiritual leader, you have the responsibility to have your decisions be legally, morally and ethically righteous:
Bishop Long mentioned that he’s not a “perfect man.” The thing is, as human beings, NO ONE is. What we’re expecting from you as a pastor and leader is to be a man that makes decisions that are legally, morally and ethically righteous. Part of this means that as a leader, we expect you to have the ability to look at an issue objectively and make decisions as a leader that WE as laymen, may find difficult to come by.

Did Bishop Eddie Long indulge in homosexual behavior – the very behavior that he criticized and damned-to-hell for so many years? Was his delayed response to the accusations a means to collect himself and consult his legal experts for an ‘appropriate’ response? Would a heterosexual minister who has been tied to so many public anti-gay campaigns, wait until Sunday service to proclaim that he is, “not a perfect man…” instead of taking the bull by the horns and immediately (as he has done with hundreds of previous television appearances) state that he unequivocally, “did NOT have any kind of intimate or sexual relationship with ANYONE outside of his wife”?

This a techno-savvy pastor with extensive public relations knowledge. He is a seasoned media person who knows how a story spins and what makes for good press. His mediocre statement, coupled with his SAFE venue to deliver it, is as telling as the young men who are coming forward with their stories.

Sadly, Christianity and many folks’ belief in God will suffer because ONE man could not live his truth OR quite simply, tell the truth when exposed.

Keep passin ‘the open windows…

Know Your Place; Act Accordingly

2010-09-20T16:33:00.000-04:00

There is a line in the Meryl Streep cult classic movie, The Devil Wears Prada, where Anne Hathaway’s character is scolded by her boyfriend when she consistently chooses her career over her relationship. As Hathaway’s character, Andrea, struggles to make a point, her telephone rings and when she chooses to answer the call, her boyfriend ends their argument by saying, “…by the way, if there’s any confusion who you’re in a relationship with, it’s the person getting their calls answered.” This is a pivotal moment in the film because it is when Andrea is forced to face who she’s become – one of the shallow creatures she alleged to loathe at the start of the film.

Sometimes we have trouble accepting our place in each other’s lives and who we’ve become to each other. While we may have been the best of college buddies, we may now have a place of priority just under your loved one’s family pet. Relationships, family, new friends and careers can change the hierarchy of those in our lives and similarly affect our position in theirs. Yesterday’s best friend is today’s long lost pal.

Rather than being disappointed by my new position in the lives of my family and friends, I simply accept that our lives change and the people in our lives rotate in and out of our lives or their hierarchy simply changes. True friends and committed family members will always find a place in our lives and if folks mean something to you, you’ll have enough sense to always make time for them.

Anytime you’re making repeated calls to family or friends without a return call, is a good time to assess your position in the individual’s life and to make the adjustments on your end to minimize your frustration and maximize the quality of your relationship with them. Finding only a couple of minutes to speak to a loved ones doesn’t minimize who they are to you, it may only mean that the relationship doesn’t require as serious a time commitment as your other relationships.

Spending precious time fretting about where you stand with the folks in your circle simply means that you have not taken the time to know your place and to act accordingly.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Cocoa Cure; September 17, 2010

2010-09-17T15:07:00.006-04:00

Relationships are what you make them. Mutually create the parameters for your intimate relationships with your partner and don't attempt to conform to the mold set by other people's relationships.

An update on the August 2011 Cocoa Cruise

Happy birthday to Chris and Kas.

The VMAs; Are YOU Still Relevant?

2010-09-13T09:17:00.008-04:00

Just when you thought you were still hip and current, the VMAs come along and remind you that you need a hip replacement. From the outrageous get-up of our minister of retro-futuristic, Lady Gaga, the self described leader of her little ‘monsters,’ wore outfits that she had to apologize for before accepting each award – and she won eight. She changed from one difficult attention bullhorn gown to another, combined with matching burdening headpiece and six inch yikes before needing the help of four or five audience members to get her up the stage to pick up her moon man. Twitter was on fire with folks either loving Gaga’s ability to shock and ability to say f*ck-you to functionality, but those of us that may be reaching the age of practicality couldn’t help but think that the gimmick was not only outrageous, but making La GaG-a, a bit of an invalid.

A few other folks who caught my eye… Nicki Manj who appeared to have kidnapped Serena Williams, J-Lo and Kim Kardashian for a bride of Frankenstein ass that can only be described as out of this world. I’m an ass man, but even I had to chuckle at the cameramen scrambling to back away far enough to include her and her GARGANTUAN ass in the same frame. Note to Manaj…the rule of thumb is that if you are elbow deep each time you wipe your ass, it’s too much.

Then there was Mavis Staples from the I’ll Take You There fame back in the day….oh no wait, that was Mary J Blige. Yes, I know Mary and I are about the same age, but it’s harder for me to accept how darn old I am until I took a good look at Mary and realized that yes, we are reaching that age…AARP here I come…the kids in the audience were looking at her the way we used to look at Aretha Franklin…a back-in-the-day artist who was still doing her thing. …but you go Mary with your hollerin’ ass. We love you.

Ciara who is an Aaliyah/Maya fusion, is looking hot and finding her way into an A-list spot. She wowed the audience and looked stunning.

Taylor Swift :::sigh:::: I realize that the name Kanye West makes her cringe with embarrassment, but the truth is that he gave her more recognition than any publicist working double-time would have done for her in five years time. You would think the man beat her ass ala-Tina Turner/Ike the way folks defend this overgrown 12-year old. Her songs are a bit of a snooze and her VMA performance – outside of the intro featuring the infamous Kanye fiasco – had the equivalent effect of an Ambien with an Abilify chaser. I didn’t know if I should take a bathroom break or take a razor to my wrist. My advice to camp Taylor is that they should recruit some other rap artist to bully Taylor on the regular…maybe snatch her mic every now and again….just to spice things up again…and Taylor, we know you’re like 6 foot 6, but with those canoes, we’re going to ask that you wear shoes at all times. You really looked like a remake of the movie the 50 Foot Woman when you walked off stage last night.

This brings us to my girl Rhianna. I love her…let me start there because it’s a fair statement that I like her swagger, her music and her look – most of the time. Last night, however, she looked like an acid dropping ballerina who had been playing in mommy’s make-up and escaped out the back door of their country shack and rode 3-days on the back of a pick-up to get to the VMA stage. The fact that she dwarfed Eminem wasn’t as disturbing as when you looked at their feet and realized they were wearing matching combat boots. Rhianna…we love you…no more hanging with 19-year old Midwestern drag queens in wardrobe prior to a performance. I know…I know…the list is getting long, so let’s close this out on a high note…or ummm…a bright note

Host extraordinaire, Chelsea Handler, of Chelsea Lately fame, did an incredible job at dry, yet sobering humor. She didn’t pull any punches – even when her intended targets were sitting right in front of her. She jumped right on in – even into a hot tub with the Jersey Shore cast – and made us feel that being silly and not caring what folks say is the best way to have a great time. It takes a REAL talent to say whatever without really offending anyone and she did just that.

The VMAs are still a way for many of us who may have fallen out of the NOW to catch up on what is really going on. For folks who were offended, disgusted or plain bored, maybe you’ve officially crossed the line to the next level of life…irrelevant.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Yes to Peace; Not So Fast to the Mosque at the 9/11 Site

2010-09-10T09:16:00.001-04:00

Posted in response to Royce’s Excitable Bore 9/10 Blogspost…

I have said time and again that the primary reason for most wars is religion and differences in folk’s belief in their God. I also agree that the United States of America is built on our ability – and really, our desire – to be free of oppression and our wish to be all inclusive and diverse. That said, I disagree with talk that the United States wasn’t established with Christian beliefs at its core. Even our Declaration of Independence states, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” That creator, referred in other documents (and our currency) as God, is established as a Christian God. That said, I do believe that as a Christian nation, our intent was to show compassion for all and an open minded environment that nurtured all religions, cultures, etc. Unfortunately, the U.S. has fallen victim to the same pitfalls that other nations have struggled with for years – intolerance for other religions, cultures and orientations.

That point aside, my personal belief is that the tragedy of 9/11 was one that will live in infamy in our nation’s history forever. It was a painful reminder of our vulnerability. Like many victims, the U.S. relates all things associated with their attackers as offensive – this includes their culture, their religion, etc. In an effort to appease the masses, while holding fast to our core desire for inclusion, we should be objective. For example, although our country believes in freedom of expression, it would be painful to many Americans - African Americans in particular - if a White supremacist group set-up shop in the center of Harlem, USA with the pretext that they are trying to promote racial unity. The truth is that the historical strife between those two groups would make that arrangement a breeding ground for disaster. We can also think of religious groups that believe that being gay is a sin and how gay America would feel if religious groups chose to worship in front of their homes simply because they have the right to congregate in public spaces. Not unlike these ficticious scenarios, the mosque being touted as a place of worship for our Muslim brothers within the confines of a site that suffered the greatest loss of life on American soil from a terrorist attack, is to some, a blatant attempt to rub salt in a wound that has not healed. To date, the towers have NOT been rebuilt, human remains have been found as recently as last year and the memory of that day, just 9 years ago, is still fresh in America’s mind – especially the minds of New Yorkers. There are countless other available sites to build this house of worship on, so it begs the question as to WHY must it be built at the site of the disaster.

Our civil liberties and freedoms cannot come at the expense of any other group. Christian or Muslim, religion is intended to worship a higher power; one that encourages love, peace and maybe even a more benevolent sense of self. My hope is that the mosque would be built off the site of our nation’s worst disaster and that maybe the next generation – one that didn’t experience the horror first-hand – can converge (Christian and Muslim) and agree that peace is the only way…maybe even build ONE unified temple where all denominations worship and seek to be better human beings for their differences.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Welcoming the Fall; Now That Summer Is Over…

2010-09-08T12:20:00.005-04:00

The unusual high temperatures in the northeast this year have many a summer lover wishing for fall. This year, temperatures frequently topped the mid 90s and included a humidity that rivaled a greenhouse in hell. That said, there have been some realizations I’ve come to accept…like my disdain for flip flops and casual sandals in the workplace, the way they make that thwat-thwat sound and the hosts of filthy healed New Yorkers scrambling around our filthy city make my point all the more evident. I found that even when it rained – torrentially – folks found a way to wear their flip flops everywhere they went. All said, summer tends to lose a bit of luster as you get older and the hygiene-to-the-wind mentality contributes to that.

Now that summer is unofficially over, let’s review what worked and didn’t work this summer and what you can do going forward:

** Flip-flops may be appropriate for the beach, the occasional BBQ or the pool, but flip flops are NEVER okay for ANY work environment (if you work at the beach, wear the rubber soled deck shoes) As an aside, contrary to popular belief, flip-flops are NOT more comfortable than other casual or commuter shoes – actually they can become irritating in wet weather or when worn for a prolonged period of time. I do realize that heavier folks (that may rock cankles) find them more comfortable, but the look isn’t for you either.

** Clear Deodorant may be a claim that the manufacturer has made on the bottle of anti-per spirant, but after you put it on you noticed it wasn’t clear after all…so stop using it. White arm pits and circles of white or yellow under arms on shirts/blouses is just plain nasty. Additionally, if you appear to be carrying a natural cheerleading pom-pom under your arm, feel free to trim the hair (for men) down to a very fine amount of arm pit hair OR shave (for women) the hair all together. Invest in a shaver you keep in your bathtub to help keep your pits tidy. If you suffer from hair bumps under your arms you should 1) keep the hair trimmed short, but not shaved as your hair may be curling back into the follicle AND see a dermatologist to prescribe Klaron – a magnificent topical antibiotic that prevents hair bumps (infection) on your face, pits and pubes.

** White After Labor Day is never cool…forget what you heard. I have an aversion to any white shoe that ISN’T a sneaker. I’ll fess up to it. I refuse to wear any white shoes regardless of the season. That said, the fashion rule of not wearing white shoes after Labor Day and BEFORE Memorial Day is in effect – for life! Please do not rock white, off-white, egg shell, cream shoes between the unofficial close of summer and the unofficial opening of summer in May. If you want to show even a bit more class, don’t rock any skirts or pants in white between the same time period.

** If you must wear white, learn the DOs and Don’ts of white-wearing. Contrary to popular belief you SHOULD wear black undergarments under white clothing since red, blue, purple, green, etc. will clearly show through your garment – even white undergarments will be clearly identifiable under white clothing. I know that some of you may have been made to think that it is sexy to see your red lace thong under your white pants, but it’s actually trashy. We’ll discuss the difference between trashy and sexy in another blogpost.

**Know your feet…They are yours and they don’t look any better to us than they do to you when you peek down. No one can tell you to take a pumice stone to those dogs and remove dead skin or to cut and file down the talons working your socks/stockings for dear life, but if you refuse to handle your Flintstone feet, please keep them under wraps – both in socks and closed-toe shoes. No ifs, ands or buts.

** So you want to show cleavage? I get it, I get it…someone complimented the girls and now you think they need to dangle out of everything you own. Since this is an all-year issue and not just a summer one, let’s keep it simple here. Invest in ONE good fitting to determine what your REAL bra size is and spend the bucks to wear what makes the girls look amazing. Regardless how big or small they are, if they are not properly supported and just lay or sit there dangling like a meat sack pendulum, it is never cute. I mean, sure you’ll get compliments from the neighborhood or office perv, but the rest of us think it’s a darn shame that you don’t take better care of the twins.

** Laser and waxing are your friends. Yes folks this isn’t the dark ages and some of us grow hair where the rest of us don’t even have skin. That said, I will commit with my girlfriends to get waxed at least once every two months and shell out for laser treatments come this January. My suggestion (to the ladies especially) is to find a top-notch laser specialist and invest the dinero in getting certain areas done so that you’ll NEVER have to worry about hair growth again. Let’s just say, I’ll be handling a few trouble spots myself. Consider working on areas you either have lots of trouble maintaining – ie. your armpits or bikini area. It’s worth the investment. Remember that Jurassic Park was made more scary by the thought of what would come out of the foliage.

Now that we’ve covered these items let’s put the clothes back on, think things over the next 10 months and be ready for summer 2011.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Florida Vacation 2010

2010-09-07T21:26:00.001-04:00

It has become a most pleasant ritual - thanks to our friend Alan - to visit Kissimmee, Florida each year to close out our summer. This year we not only visited Universal Studios and the cool Harry Potter attractions, but we also shared time with family - BD's and mine. My cousins Aidita and Rene, along with their spouses hosted us for dinner and a pool party of sorts for the kiddies and meeting BD's brother was the highlight of my trip. Granted, I was nervous about making a good first impression, but hoped they could see how much BD and the Minnie mean to me. Gratefully, both visits proved that when you love someone and introduce them to those that mean the world to you, folks will appreciate what's real. A huge thank you to Alan, to our family and friends who made this trip one filled with fond memories.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Location:Orlando, FL

Cocoa Cure; August 28, 2010

2010-08-28T12:12:00.003-04:00

The Wonder of You

2010-08-26T08:16:00.002-04:00

Every misstep, every mistake
Every hard knock, nightmare and first take
All a dress rehearsal for your love
God’s way of insuring I would look to him above

Physical, emotional, mental bliss
The trophy at my finish line
A life-long first kiss

Celebrating anniversaries is important indeed
But without the daily reassurance of love
The flowers are just a bouquet of seeds

I’m grateful for the wonder that is you
I’m grateful for the wonderful that you’ve made my life
I’m grateful for trusting me with your heart

No one can guarantee a life free of pain or strife
But like Lexus I share the relentless pursuit of perfection
To make you the happiest man, no exception

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Keep passin' the open windows...

Learn to Be Still

2010-08-23T09:42:00.002-04:00

Sometimes we are so intent on clearing matters up that we jump the gun on situations. As a proactive and assertive person with no fear of confrontation, I had to learn the hard way that not all battles are yours to fight and more importantly, that the issues are not always what they appear to be. Whether you are feeling challenged at work, in your relationship or with your friends, it is best to step back and listen and observe BEFORE acting on any given situation. I learned this lesson while interacting with our son, the Minnie. Early on in our relationship I was questioning whether the Minnie would accept me and in turn if he could ever care for me as I began caring for him. Once, while on a family day out and about, we were to go back to my place. BD, the Minnie and I didn’t live together at the time, so BD and the Minnie had a choice of going home or coming home with me. As we headed to the car, I saw the Minnie pouting and then he asked me, “Are we going to your house?” Defensive and disheartened that he would want to go home when I believed we were having a good time, I defensively responded, “Not to worry, I’m driving you guys to your house.” The Minnie looked at me, a crushed look on his face, and said, “I thought we were going back to your place. I thought you and I would play video games.” I felt like a complete fool. It was in the honesty and innocence of a child that I realized that I needed to assess situations before I responded to them. Not everything is as it appears and sometimes we turn the tide and convert what could be potentially happy situations, into disasters. Today I wait for confirmation of my feelings OR for the realization that sometimes my mood, insecurities or past disappointments can adversely affect the blessings that await me. Today, BD, the Minnie and I are living our happily ever after and part of that is due to my new-found ability to be still.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Say Word; Dr. Laura and the N Word

2010-08-19T15:10:00.005-04:00

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a polarizing figure. She has indicated that she believes gay people are biological errors and deviant and most recently found herself in quite the predicament when she used the word “Nigger” eleven times while trying to convince an African American caller on her radio talk show that she was overly sensitive. All said, the argument Dr. Laura tried to make is by her accounts a philosophical point and she believes African Americans use the word affectionately OR in wrap lyrics and comic skits, but her stand did not quell the anger of everyone who felt she was insensitive to the caller, ignorant to the reality that the word “Nigger” has NEVER been used affectionately or received affectionately between African Americans and non-African Americans. Just minutes before her radio talk show ended that day, Dr. Laura realized the reaction her sponsors would have to this type of rant – or wait, as she puts it, she policed herself and realized that she was wrong for what she had done that day – and she issued an apology. The media storm that followed is probably the REAL reason Dr. Laura has chosen to not renew her contract after more than 17 years as a syndicated talk show host and 30 years on the radio. She says that she can no longer be a part of an environment that infringes on her 1st amendment rights. That’s funny…. Dr. Laura can call gays deviants and African Americans Niggers, but the moment someone alluded to Dr. Laura being an ignorant, sexist, racist, they were accused of tampering with her rights. Dr. Laura should sail into the sunset with the realization that more than 30 years after her career began, she is being exposed for who she really is. For the record, words created to hurt, harm, degrade, devalue or oppress any group of people are never okay to be used by anyone. To say that because artists or any other group uses those types of words somehow makes it okay for everyone to use them is absurd. Let’s stop the hatred, the ignorance and the hurtful banter and live in the now…without the focus on race, sex, sexual orientation or religion. The real way to begin protecting our rights is by respecting the rights of others.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Decisions; They Are All Yours

2010-08-16T11:59:00.004-04:00

It should come as no surprise that the decisions we make are ours to live-down long after the dust settles and the army of folks who weighed-in on your decisions, are gone. As I look back on the many choices I’ve made, I can say without a doubt that each of them has had a lasting effect – sometimes a lifetime effect. As I look around I’m amazed at how easily folks make life-long decisions on a whim. Buying a home, having a baby or getting married are all decisions that can be made at the drop of a hat, but are likely to be with you a lifetime. Alas, it is best to consider…

1. Can you handle the financial, emotional and physical aspects of your decision without the help of anyone else? If you need others to realize your dream, you are probably setting yourself up for failure. Your dreams are yours to enjoy and execute. Do not buy a home, entertain a marriage or have a baby, with the thought that someone will help you. Never make a decision counting on the support of others. The likelihood is that some of our dreams involve the support of others, but you will find that your decisions are most important to YOU and no one else.

2. Accept that your decisions don’t require the buy-in of family or friends to be realized. Throughout my life I have made decisions that the majority of people in my circle did not agree with me on. It is at those times that I have been forced to carefully analyze my decisions to insure that even if everyone important to me were to turn their back on me, I would be happy with my decision. Recognize that your decisions may be frowned upon by others.

3. Your family and friends don’t love you any less just because they don’t wish to live YOUR dreams. My decision to live my life as an openly gay man in a committed relationship is not one that is celebrated by all. That said, I don’t believe my family and friends love me any less for it. Accepting that all of your decisions will NOT be accepted by your friends AND that they still love you, can sometimes appear to be a contradictory concept. Learn to take responsibility for your decisions and to NOT blame others for not co-signing everything you want to do with your life.

Your life, your decisions, your dreams are yours and yours alone. No one is putting a gun to your head and forcing you to make your decisions – and if they are, call the authorities. Make decisions that you can live with and respect yourself for. Be proud of the decisions you make and others will have an easier time respecting you for them. Most important, make decisions knowing that win or lose, pass or fail, dream or disaster, they are all YOURS to live with.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Mortality and Showtime’s The Big C

2010-08-11T09:44:00.005-04:00

Since the death of one of my best friend’s last year, mortality has been at the forefront of my thoughts. I guess his passing was a signal that I will, in fact, die. Silly right? We go through our younger years without a care in the world and then something happens – hopefully to someone else (I hate to say) – that highlights how vulnerable and fragile our lives really are. Now, I’m conscious of my mortality. I live knowing that I can become one of those anecdotal stories of the “younger” guy who toppled-over at the office from a sudden heart attack. Crazy? Probably, but tragic things do happen. Which brings me to Showtime’s The Big C with Laura Linney and Gabourey Sidibe. The show follows Cathy Jamison, a conservative and stuffy Minneapolis school teacher who receives the tragic diagnosis that she is dying of cancer. The horrific shock inspires her to live in the NOW. Showtime is hocking the first episode for free on either iTunes or click here, so be sure to check it out. The storyline is funny, but like me, you may come away with a sense that we’re putting too much emphasis on the unimportant things in our lives – our home, our possessions and what others think of us. Hopefully you’ll realize that a plate of gravy may be initially flavorful, but the lack of any real substance or nutrition will kill you. It brought me back to how I felt last May when my friend passed away…life has so many possibilities, whether you’re 15 or 50…and when you stop caring about what you own or the peripheral chatter, you can actually feel genuinely fulfilled.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Germans, Monsters and Twins

2010-08-09T09:19:00.005-04:00

What appears to be a title detailing a quirky version of Clash of the Titans is actually a description of my birthday weekend. My baby surprised me with a well-planned, excellently executed dinner at Peter Luger – a famous German steakhouse rated number one by Zagat Survey for 24 years in a row. A reservation is required months before a visit and judging by our meal on Saturday evening, this is certainly a reservation worth making. We dined on two painfully plentiful ‘Steak for 3’ platters and several side dishes. A special thank-you to our dinner guests – Mari Payano, Roosevelt Davis, Herbie Lebron, Nancy Torres, Maria Bonas and Tony. Dinner was all the more special shared with you guys. Following dinner my boyz Herbie and Roosevelt (Slugger) took me out on a night on the town to one of our West Village haunts – the Monster. Six hours later we were all partied-out and ready for nap time. Sunday didn’t allow for much of a reprieve from the celebratory spirit of the weekend and we joined Mari and Ani Payano for their ‘Melrose Place’ neighborhood BBQ, The late afternoon gathering melded an eclectic group of beautiful people to eat, drink and be merry in the warmest way. The twins – Mari and Ani – served up the steak, burgers and charm. We laughed so hard my sides hurt. Thank you BD and all you incredible folks who made my birthday weekend one to remember.

Keep passin ‘the open windows…

I’m Still Standing

2010-08-05T09:57:00.005-04:00

Throughout my life my mortality has always been at the forefront of my thoughts. When I was younger, I really believed that I would not see the age of 30. Today, as I celebrate my 41st birthday, I am grateful for the many blessings that have brought me this far. It isn’t a coincidence, a fluke, a miracle even…it is divine intervention and purpose that have brought me this far. While many of the people I ran with push up daisies, I have been chosen to remain. Today, I celebrate my parents who did a great job at raising a happy, healthy boy, my siblings who are everything a brother could wish for and the friends who became my surrogate family over the years. I am not here by chance, but by the nurturing I received from each of you. We don’t know where life will lead us, but we know that we are here today…with another opportunity to be happy and make a difference. I received a note from someone who reads my blog the other day and she is undergoing a difficult time following a break-up. To her I say, please know that each day is a gift and that some people or possessions are removed from our lives to make room for greater blessings. Your email touched me because I know where you are…the pain seems unbearable. The truth is, you will get through this and you will emerge a woman who is stronger, wiser and ready to do the right thing when the blessing that awaits you arrives. There’s a hymn that says, “I could’ve been dead down in my grave, but HE told death to step back and behave…” You are here. You are healthy. You have all the opportunity to create your happiness. Thank you for reading and thank you to everyone who makes each day another of my blessed moments here. You have made all 365 of my days of the year a time for celebration.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Expectations

2010-08-02T10:52:00.001-04:00

Our expectations for our own life are sometimes changed by our circumstances. This was highlighted in a dinner conversation with friends last night. It appeared that after suffering some personal setbacks, one of my friends felt that his focus should change from ‘wanting a gratifying relationship with a partner’ to settling for a complacent relationship with friends and the occasional passing ‘good time’. To be clear, I have no judgments with regard to how folks meet and the nature of their relationships, but was somewhat disappointed to think that someone with so much to offer had relegated themselves to a life behind a figurative wall – protected from the pains and disappointments that can arise from relationships that fail to satisfy or fulfill us. When I tried to interject that there is NO age where love and its entanglements cease to be an option, they interjected that their life’s circumstances had made it clear that they would never receive the love they so willingly share with their partners. Admittedly, I once was where my friend is. It’s a place of despair and disillusion; when we have shared of ourselves only to have that love taken for granted and mishandled. The opening theme song to the sitcom Alice has a line that says, “I’m going through the world with blinders on, it’s hard to see…” My truth is that my expectations cannot be trumped or stifled by my circumstances. Had I closed myself off from the world and relegated my future interactions to mere friends and casual trysts, I may have missed out on the most amazing man I’ve met to date – BD. …but alas, this isn’t about me. It’s about my friend. You see, your expectations of life shouldn’t be side-tracked, but enhanced by your circumstances. I can now see that my previous relationships served as the sandpaper to smooth-out my rough edges and make me a more experienced and realistic partner to my soul mate. Life’s circumstances can be hard and suffering a broken heart at the hands of folk’s too irresponsible to treat our hearts and souls with respect can render us numb to the reality that we are NEVER too old to meet the partner of our dreams and that our expectations are realized when we are active participants in seeing possibility in all of our interactions. I’m not a subscriber to losing hope or permanently changing my expectations to fit a temporary setback. My expectation is that my friends will work through their pain to see that there is a lid for every pot and their expectations for a reciprocal and loving relationship is always on the foreseeable horizon.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

He May Not Be There When You Want Him

2010-07-27T09:22:00.002-04:00

There’s a church hymn that says, “He may not be there when you want him, but he’s always there on time,” referring to my God’s undying mercy and faithful presence in my life. You’ll notice that I never refer to him as THE GOD or make general statements to force him into your life? That’s right folks, I am at that stage in my relationship with God where I trust him to do what’s right in my life without feeling the need to impose him on yours. My belief in God doesn’t require you to buy into my faith. The remarkable thing about living with God in your life without feeling the need to jam him down people’s throat is that if he’s real to you and he is blessing you, the result (the outcome) will be testimony enough to all those around you. Recently there was an issue in my family that we put to God…’do something soon and we accept that what you do will be your will’, we said. Well, at what seemed the final hour and I’m sure at the right time, the Lord came through. Not only was his blessing good, it was better than we had asked. I have to admit that there was that very dark period before the blessing when I thought to myself, ‘what is really going on Lord?’ The truth is we don’t know what is in the works for our lives. We have a hard time accepting that some hardships come to reinforce our faith AND to help us grow. I think I’ve always believed that, but the Lord deemed it necessary to teach me and my loved ones that we can do all thing in HIS time. Not all prayers are answered the way we have begged to have them answered and there are things in our future that must happen a certain way to make room or way for something else. It’s hard having blind faith…the kind of faith that says, “Lord I want you here now…” only to hear silence. Just know that he may not be there when YOU want him, but he’s ALWAYS there on time.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

The Rare Benefits of Homophobia

2010-07-12T14:26:00.001-04:00

Some would argue that being denied the right to give life-saving blood donations to their local chapter of the Red Cross or marrying anywhere in the U.S. are infringing on their ability to live normal lives. To those gay men and women, I am very sorry that you feel this way. Personally, I have embraced some of the homophobia and can now recognize the benefits offered by it.

Blood Donation: Any man who has had sex with other men since 1977 cannot donate blood. This FDA regulation was set forth in response to the AIDS crisis. Gay men are in a high risk group for HIV and hepatitis. Now, when someone in my office asks me to donate blood – regardless how diligent the campaign – I simply refer to the homophobic regulation still in place, “The FDA doesn’t accept blood donation from gay men, so I’m exempt.”

Gays in the Military: The restriction that prohibits gay men and lesbians from serving in the U.S. military says that “it would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability.” I don’t really get it, but I get that I don’t have to serve in the U.S. military and that’s great with me. If our country can be one of the last Western civilizations to ignorantly ban homosexuals from military service, then I say gay men and women should appreciate our men and women who keep us safe everyday and just keep it moving. You can’t imagine how many would allege to be homosexual if we institute a draft.

Marriage Equality: I am a supporter of marriage equality and cannot understand how someone who is NOT gay would care if gay men and women were married. I believe, as comedian Wanda Sykes mentioned in her act, that the greatest threat to marriage is DIVORCE. That said, I don’t require the approval of mainstream America to validate my long-term relationship and don’t need Middle America to give my partner, my son and I permission to be a family. No piece of paper will bring us together, tear us apart or keep us together should we want to bounce. As ignorant an opposition as there was to marriages between individuals of different races in our nation’s past, we will look back and see how ignorant this issue is. If you’re NOT gay, why do you care if two consenting adults tie the knot?

Get Educated or Shut Up: Sherri Shepherd, a co-anchor on the popular daytime show The View highlighted the need for real education regarding the spread of HIV. She ignorantly declared that the rise of HIV infection in black women could be attributed to the large number of down low black men. Black women are NOT disproportionately affected and infected by the high number of down low gay and bisexual men of color. The Centers for Disease Control have dispelled that rumor, but it is ignorance like Sherri’s – who also believe (d) that the world is flat – that is remembered and shared. Let’s share the truth. First, you should treat EVERYONE you have sex with as though they are HIV positive. Second, get tested at least every other physical examination. Stop looking for a group to blame and educate on how to protect everyone.

Look, I don’t care for being discriminated against and I absolutely detest homophobia, but I accept that neither will go away in my lifetime, so while these issues are toggled back-and-forth I’ll look to turn lemons into lemonade. Hey, I don’t like either, but at least I can stomach the latter.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Shutting the F*ck Up; The General McChrystal Story

2010-06-23T10:05:00.002-04:00

We’ve all done it…spoken out of turn. Whether it was to our parents, our teachers or our bosses, at one time or another we’ve stepped out of line and said something – anything – at the wrong time or worse even, to the wrong person. General Stanley Allen McChrystal is the highest ranking soldier in Afghanistan (the Commander, International Security Assistance Force [ISAF] and Commander, U.S. Forces Afghanistan, to be exact). In the Runaway General, an article to appear in the June 25th edition of Rolling Stone magazine, Gen McChrystal mouths off to the reporter about his feelings about his commander-in-chief, President Obama, calling a French dinner they attended to recruit support from our NATO allies, “fucking gay.” He doesn’t mince his words…talk about going rogue. What struck me as odd was that a man who prides himself as a loyal soldier type could disrespect the leader of the free world and his boss by speaking ill of him – to a reporter no less. I questioned whether McChrystal chanced it because Obama was new to the game or because he’s dealing with our first Black President; the reasoning is moot. The utter ignorance of his comments will likely cost him his job – and there was more to the article than just the French diplomat dinner comments; this fool berated the Vice President and other high ranking officials. Which brings us back to the real issue…learning when to shut the f*ck up. Why the expletive you ask? It’s necessary to use the expletive to highlight the sheer curt need to be silent in the midst of adversity, discord, disagreement or dissent. You don’t have to agree with your parents, your teachers or your bosses, but you need to respect the position. Know when it’s a good time to hold your tongue. It isn’t a sign of weakness…it isn’t a show of cowardice. As we mature we can ascertain a situation, draw our conclusions and hold the conclusions for the appropriate venue or stage. Whether you’re right or wrong is not important, but WHEN and to WHOM you choose to run your mouth can make the difference between having folks admire your stoic patience and wisdom and standing disgraced and defeated on the unemployment line.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Years Don’t Matter; It’s How the Love Grows

2010-06-22T08:51:00.003-04:00

Relationships are a funny thing; some folks will tell you that if you don’t have love at first sight, it’s not going to work, while others will tell you that love is a slow boil that starts slows, heats up then bubbles over. The truth is that no one really knows the dynamics of love and what works for one couple may not work for another. What’s definitely a sure-fire thing is that no two relationships are exactly alike. That said, I was a bit shaken by the announcement a few weeks ago that Al and Tipper Gore were separating after 40 years of marriage. I kept wondering what went so bad – 40 years later – that required a split. I asked the same question…was there infidelity? Had they grown apart? It’s at times like these that those of us in relationships examine our own foundation. The story of BD and I is one that can be traced back through my blog to the present day. I actually planned my diary like postings about BD on my blog that way, so that I could read back and never forget anything about my feelings for him…then or now. What I’ve understood as true and real in relationships is that the years together don’t matter, it’s really about how the love grows, how its nurtured and do we respect it enough to do the right thing at all times with regard to the one we love. So what does this really mean? It means that love requires compromise. It also requires a great deal of patience. Love also requires self-control. Love begs participants to look beyond themselves and not allow their pride to govern the situation. As someone who has always been in control, prideful and selfish, love allowed me to grow beyond those traits so that I could receive so much more. Love doesn’t mean you’re a punk – it means that you allow others to also shine in spite of you. One thing is for certain, NOTHING is forever. Whether it be death, uneven growth, different goals, etc. relationships will end. When you get that out of the way early on and accept that fact you can appreciate the person fully…today…for all of their assets and flaws and give your all thereby helping your relationship have a leg to stand on and a means to weather the storms. Now you can boast about how long you’ve been with your partner/spouse, but the truth remains that if you’re not aware of how your love is growing, changing and being nurtured, you risk the same fate Al and Tipper’s relationship met…a tragic end.

Keep passin' the open windows...

$50 Deposit for Cocoa Cruise Due Friday, 6/25

2010-06-21T09:45:00.004-04:00

Call 866-773-4563 to book your cruise. Our group name is: COCOA CRUISE
It’s official folks…we are definitely making the Carnival Valor, August 7, 2011 cruise a reality. We are inviting all family and friends – this means your family and friends as well – to join us for a diverse and fun-filled 7-day cruise through the Western Caribbean. As mentioned below, you have over a year to pay off this dream vacation – and at the already-low cost – a monthly payment would fit your budget and make realizing this dream a snap.

Please take a look at the info below and feel free to look at the tour of the Carnival Valor (link attached).

I look forward to having you be a part of this friends and family trip of a lifetime!

* PLEASE FEEL FREE TO FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY *

Call 866-773-4563 to book your cruise. Our group name is: COCOA CRUISE

Our August 7, 2011, Cocoa Cruise, aboard the Carnival Valor is finally available to you. Departing from Miami, FL, the Carnival Valor’s seven day cruise will take us to Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands; Roatan Island, Honduras; Belize City, Belize; and Cozumel, Mexico before returning to Miami.

I took this cruise a couple of years ago and was amazed by the breathtaking beauty offered by each of the stops. Having an entire day to spend at each destination, without the worry of hotel rooms or issues with local meals, makes this vacation a real deal. The food on the ship is top quality and continuous. You will be served breakfast, lunch and dinner. Only alcoholic beverages are billed at an additional charge. There are nightclubs, spas and shopping on the cruise ship and plenty of activities to keep you busy while on board. In addition, on the nights when you want to party, there is available childcare so your child will have fun with the kids, while you club-it-up with the grown folks.

This is intended to be a family/friends vacation. Please feel free to share this invite with your family and friends.

The Available Cabin Inventory & Pricing Structure is As Follows:

Number of Cabins Held Cabin Type Cabin Category Number of people in cabin Rate per person...

16 Interior 4B 2 $820.32
14 Interior 4C 2 $830.32
20 Ocean View 6B 2 $930.32
16 Balcony 8B 2 $1080.32

PAYMENT METHODS: Visa, MasterCard, American Express and Discover Only (No checks or Money Orders are accepted for payment.)

Call 866-773-4563 to book your cruise. Our group name is: COCOA CRUISE

Payment guidelines:
Initial Deposit $50.00 June 25, 2010
Second Deposit $200.00 February 4, 2011
Final Payment Balance due May 13, 2011

PAY SMART; PAY A SMALL AMOUNT EACH MONTH TO GET YOUR BALANCE PAID AT YOUR OWN PACE.
YOUR COMPLETE BALANCE MUST BE PAID BY MAY 13, 2011 – A YEAR FROM NOW!

*Cabins are held as double occupancy but can be converted to triples and quads based on availability. Once the present cabin inventory is exhausted, more cabins can be added to our group as needed.

Once 8 cabins are booked to our group, each cabin will receive a $75.00 on board credit.
Our itinerary is as follows:
**Please click on the destinations in our itinerary for detailed info on each location

Sunday: Miami, Florida; 4pm departure
Monday: A day at sea
Tuesday: Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands; 7am-4pm
Wednesday: Roatan Island, Honduras; 11am-6pm
Thursday: Belize City, Belize; 8am-5pm
Friday: Cozumel, Mexico; 8am-5pm
Saturday: A day at sea
Sunday: Miami, Florida; 8am arrival

Call 866-773-4563 to book your cruise. Our group name is: COCOA CRUISE

PLEASE NOTE:

Room assignments, triple and quad occupancy rates and availability cannot be guaranteed until full deposit is applied to reservation.

Balance due date is date that full payment is due and also when penalties begin.
After initial deposit is paid; passengers are welcome to call in intermittent payments as often as they would like.

Please visit www.travel.state.gov for the most up to date information on passport requirements.

Rates are per person based on double occupancy; 3rd/4th passenger rates apply to passengers traveling in same cabin.

Carnival Cruise Line reserves the right to reinstate the fuel surcharge for all guests up to $9 per guest, per day, if the NYMEX oil price exceeds $70 per barrel.

Room assignments, 3rd and 4th occupancy rates and availability cannot be guaranteed until full deposit is applied to reservation.

Rates are not guaranteed until under full deposit, and are subject to change and availability.

Call 866-773-4563 to book your cruise. Our group name is: COCOA CRUISE
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REVIEW: Dancing With the Devil by Taylor Siluwé

2010-06-17T11:42:00.003-04:00

Taylor Siluwe's Dancing With the Devil takes readers on a journey through a dark, raw, yet realistic account of passion and pain as he explores the collision between lust and common sense. The protagonists feel picked from a familiar urban corner in America and each story is woven with enough detail to paint the clearest picture. If you’re in the market for a sizzling summer read, Dancing won’t disappoint. While many books in this genre are poorly written or edited, Siluwe’s short stories are crafted with expert precision and amazing detail. Turning the last page will feel like breaking up with your first love…you won’t want it to be over.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Some Things Need Not Be Discussed

2010-06-07T16:33:00.002-04:00

Have you ever walked up to your mom and asked her if she remembers where and how she got pregnant with you? Have you ever cornered your dad and asked him if he remembers the first time he slept with your mom? Have you ever sat your parents down and asked them what their favorite sexual position is? All of these questions seem absurd to ask our parents (or they should seem absurd) and more important, they have no relevance to your relationship with your parents. It is in this same vein that I tell my fellow God fearing-God loving homosexual brethren to stop trying to explain why you’re homosexual or what homosexuals do in bed to folks who have NO need to know these things. As a group, homosexuals are sometimes asked questions that are inappropriate, but worse even, is when they volunteer information in an effort to have others understand where their mindset is. A recent article I read regarding exorcising the demons from homosexuals brought to the forefront the relationship I share with my parents. More than twenty five years ago I came out of the proverbial closet and declared that I was homosexual. Since then it has been a rocky road to foster and maintain a relationship with my Pentecostal parents, but one thing has rung true – I refuse to run back into that closet or to trivialize my life to make them feel better about their religious beliefs. This may seem like a difficult thing to say, but I am not seeking the approval of my parents, my siblings, my friends or any religious sect. I am a homosexual man and they may be heterosexuals men/women and for all intents and purposes we can enjoy each other as family and friends and enjoy what we offer each other OR we can simply withdraw from each other’s life. Sounds simplistic? Well, you will find that when someone really loves you they are willing to put their beliefs aside to share in your life. I don’t necessarily agree with everything my heterosexual loved ones do, but I love them in spite of it. Basically, that’s all I ask. Love me for ME – the real me – and leave matters that need not be discussed alone. I’m happy to say that once I practiced that relationship method with my loved ones all else fell in to place. Life is too short to be spent trying to change people’s mind about who we are or worse, trying to reconcile that with who they’d like us to be.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

5 More?!

2010-06-02T10:23:00.002-04:00

My parents returned to Puerto Rico and I gave myself yet another week off from the gym and my new Take-human-bites program. I returned to the gym yesterday. Like most people, I know my own body and can feel the extra layer of cushion presently enveloping me…from both ends! After a strenuous workout (and feeling everything jiggle like a bowl of Jello sitting atop a blender) I lumbered my ass over to the gym scale to see where my starting point now is….the drum roll was more like a deafening civil war cannon….186 lbs! How in God’s precious mercy, did I pile all of this on to my 5’7” frame?! Okay…the truth, they say, will set me free. I’ve uttered the truth. I’ve accepted my responsibility for where I am physically and I now will do something about it. Stand clear…there’s nothing to see here.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Walking Out On Your Life

2010-06-01T09:15:00.005-04:00

Consider that approximately one million people commit suicide every year worldwide – 30,000 of those right here in the good ‘ole U.S. of A. So the concept of walking out on your life may actually be the healthier alternative – well, at the very least, one that offers fixes along the way. When I was younger I always considered walking out on my life and I often did escape some dire situation I felt I couldn’t conquer. At 40 the prospect of walking out on my life is slim, but the reasons why I would are there…and a reality that I can do something about.

** Recognize What You Are Really Seeking
I sometimes think that I want to pack a week’s worth of clothes and just hit the road. Keep driving, hitting different towns and meeting different people. When these thoughts flood me I can now interpret what my unconscious is trying to tell me….namely, that I feel trapped and seek newness and/or adventure. The problem is we’ve allowed movies and books to create a fantasy that we will not encounter if we work on impulse and hit the road. I now recognize that I need to visit the gym more often, take on a new hobby or make time to hang with friends. Sometimes, reconnecting with old friends can calm the feeling overwhelmed OR that you have lost yourself. The truth is your life is happy overall and making erratic changes will simply serve to undermine the hard work that got you this far.

** It’s Hard to See Perfect When It’s Always There
Defining perfect can be tricky and some of us associate money, property and the like as glimpses into perfection. The truth is there isn’t a rich person in the world that can attribute their happiness to their wealth – actually, the majority of them would tell you the opposite. Recognize what is perfect about your life today and roll with it. Your health is nothing to sneeze about; your family and friend network isn’t a give-in either. Appreciate what is working and stop highlighting the negative

** Take a Trip; Preferably Alone
If thoughts of running away from your life overwhelm you, take a nice trip - preferably by yourself and settle into the short-term notion of how you feel when separated from everyone you love. Are you having a blast in some remote state with no network of friends? It’s easy to see if the grass is greener by just taking off your shoes, climbing the fence and walking on it.

** A Problem Is Never As Permanent As a Solution
It’s a classic line in the movie Torch Song Trilogy (a movie I recommend everyone watches). The main character’s mother advises, “A problem is never as permanent as a solution,” and the obvious is clear that while problems seem hard to overcome at the time, they are there to teach you about life, toughen you up and take you to your next stage of development. A problem has a beginning and an end. Oh sure, it doesn’t seem like it at the time, but like mankind, problems are finite; they have a beginning and an end. A solution, however, can be permanent. Look at your life and recognize that what you deem as solutions can very well haunt you forever.

It’s not rocket science…it’s life. Sometimes, we feel like we’re on cloud 9 and sometimes we think the universe is conspiring against us. Ultimately, we have to realize that each phase of our life is temporary…you aren’t a teen forever and your twenties will soon be met by the responsibilities of your 30s. Once you feel like the dust is settling, you see that 40 is upon you and as you’re telling folks that you are now comfortable with who you are 50 comes along to remind you that time marches on. You tell everyone that 50 is a vibrant awakening and as you wait for folks to buy-into the notion, you hit 60. The beauty of it all is that you’re here….you can tell about it. Navigating every stage in your life.

Walking out on your life may never have crossed your mind OR maybe it crosses your mind every day. Whether you are physically contemplating it or figuratively do it by not caring for yourself or the things that grace your life every day, you’re still missing out on all that is there for you to be a part of.

Keep passin ‘the open windows…

Survival 101

2010-05-27T09:03:00.004-04:00

I was astounded to see the same cashier at my corporate cafeteria attempt to tap my credit card on the “blink” reader when I’ve told her each morning for the past three months that my card’s “blink” feature is inactive. Like clockwork, I hand her my credit card (instead of tapping it on the reader like every other tap customer) and she attempts to tap my card on the reader herself before finally swiping the card on her register. Oh sure, I can make a big scene and yell, “The reason I’m handing you my card and not tapping it myself is because the “blink” feature does NOT work,” but that would be jarring for her and probably make me feel like a bully. This morning, however, I thought about what this scene would play like back a few 100 years ago when memorization was key to our survival. All to say, this would be the young lady that doesn’t grasp the concept to take off running when other folks are running in a panic evading a predator. This young lady would be the one to continue picking berries from the forest ground before being mauled by a predator.

The skills of our ancestors weren’t so outlandish. They were established and learned to help them survive – feed, evade predators and live. Today, we should teach our children, our siblings or our friends the basic survival skills that will keep them alive. Not everyone is destined to be a lawyer or a doctor, but most healthy human beings should have a sense of self preservation. Everyone should learn that pride cannot overpower preservation. Work to eat…whether you need to flip burgers or flip insurance cases; the choice of how much education you get and whether you want to work harder at the front end or the back end is yours. Choose a partner that compliments your lifestyle and genuinely cares about your well being. Do not become attached to things that can be made, earned or replaced. Know that your very existence is the only proof that you are suppose to be here and that you have another chance at surviving.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Originality Is Priceless

2010-05-26T07:48:00.000-04:00

I guess it's a way to encourage yourself or maybe you think you look profound to others, but can you ease up with the 'status updates' on Facebook and Twitter that are merely plagaristic cliches. Let me clarify it for you, if you didn't think of your profound ascertion yourself and you didn't initially write said 'deep' observation down first, you are merely quoting OR worse plagarising when you don't attribute this morsel of wisdom to its original source. Be yourself...give us your heartfelt thoughts and let folks like Maya Angelou stand on their own iconic pedestal. I know you have the best intentions, but remember that it is always the original that is priceless; copies and replicas are usually rolled up to be sold a dime-a-dozen at amusement parks.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Location:New York, NY

Evil Will See Itself and It Will Die

2010-05-19T09:05:00.003-04:00

It was in 1988’s 4th installment of the cult classic Nightmare on Elm Street movie that Freddy is forced to face himself in a mirror before exploding and freeing the bevy of souls he amassed during his killing spree. “Evil will see itself and it will die,” the young woman screamed. For some reason that line was burned into my memory (no pun intended). I associate that line to my ability to release some negative traits that are unbecoming, unattractive or plain bad for my being. I’ve had the opportunity to share TWO WEEKS with my parents and as they prepare to head home to Puerto Rico tomorrow, I recognize that I have picked up character traits from them – whether by nature or nurture – some of which I’ve used the Nightmare on Elm Street proverbial mirror to extinguish in my own life.

The short list:

** Own Your Dysfunction: stop trying to pin your rules on your partner, your family and your friends. Announce that YOU don’t care for something and stick to it. Folks should know that YOU like or don’t like something; they shouldn’t be forced to think that you are relaying a message for others.

**Respect People’s Boundaries: Whether my boundaries consist of my house rules or the way you communicate with me, respect what I tell you. Remember the Maya Angelou quote, “When people tell you who they are, believe them…” Trust and believe me, I mean it.

**Lo Que Es Obvio No Se Pregunta: This is one of my favorites of all…directly translated, it says that ‘You shouldn’t ask about that which is obvious’. If your friend looks gay, he very will could be…don’t ask. Stop being a darn nosey kid and accept that sometimes the obvious is the obvious and reserve your important questions for when they are appropriate…like, “Doctor, how much time do I really have left?”

All said, I can’t control my parents…shoot, I can barely control myself, but I do know that when I see negative traits in others that are a reflections of my own, I have an opportunity to release mine. Evil will see itself and it will die. Let your evil die folks!

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Create the Fairytale You Seek

2010-05-17T09:05:00.001-04:00

True love is a fairytale. That’s an abrupt reality that many a youngster will come to understand when you meet the love(s) of your life. Like all fairytales there are the main characters, the supporting cast, the different scenery and whatever ending the author has deemed necessary for his or her storyline. For years I really thought that love was “happening” to me. The good, the bad and the ugly came as BIG surprises and I really believed the disappointments would be the end of me.

It was after one of my life’s biggest disappointments that I took several years off from the dating scene to get to know me. You see, sometimes we’re so hell-bent on being part of a “couple” that we don’t truly know who we are and what we’re about. You’d be surprised what’s really important to you and what makes you happy. After several years of enjoying my friends and partying it up without strings, love happened all on its own.
What I created was an environment for love to flourish…my own fairytale. I met my Prince Charming and decided I would be the other fair Prince in the equation. I set the romantic scenes, I devised the sets and I set the framework for what would be my own page-turner.

It’s not always perfect…but really, what fairytale is? My Prince Charming appeared to not receive his script at times – or maybe he just didn’t memorize his lines – and so we had a few fall-outs along the way. The important thing is that if you’re honest with yourself, your priorities, the building blocks to your fairytale will be set in their place and you’ll eventually have a beautiful fairytale.

Now, it goes without saying that not ALL characters can exist in the same fairytale. You don’t hear of Little Red Riding Hood running through Cinderella’s magical ball starting stuff, so you should take the same hint and cut some of those characters that don’t fit your fairytale…you know the ones that always have something negative to say or see pitch-black at the end of the very long tunnel…these folks may be spectacular in their own fairytale and on their own book shelf…maybe they can even be part of your same library, but they don’t belong in YOUR story.

Ultimately, nothing is promised and not all fairytales end well, but as I mentioned to some friends this weekend, if you really create a great fairytale for yourself and make it wonderful every single day, you can insure that your story has the fairytale brick house where you and the fairy-dream-lover can weather the wolf blowing at your door.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Cocoa Cure; May 14, 2010

2010-05-14T19:56:00.002-04:00

One Year Gone

2010-05-14T07:29:00.000-04:00

It's one of those gloomy days when it's easy to get melancholy. My thoughts returned to my best friend Bobby who died just one year ago, coincidentally on a day like today, with my parents visiting and all. He never saw 2010 and never met BD. He won't ever experience the me that emerged once I REALLY settled down or how much I miss swapping stories and having his unfiltered advice. They say the mourning we experience after death is God's way of helping us remember how much we loved someone...I don't quite understand Lord, but I am so grateful for Bobby and the decades we shared. We're never really prepared to lose the people we love and yet I am keenly aware of how the loss of Bobby helped me appreciate the finite nature of everything that is my life. I'm kinder, more giving and more accepting because of his loss. Just as we count off birthdays each each year, I've started the macabre countdown of the years since Bobby's departure. Bobby...one year gone.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Location:New York, NY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

2010-05-10T10:48:00.000-04:00

A very happy birthday to BD.
May God grant you all of your heart's desires and fulfill your every wish.
Stay beautiful.
Remember love.

When You Sit In Judgment of God

2010-05-10T10:18:00.001-04:00

If there’s something that amazes me about some religious individuals, is their ability to sit in judgment of God. That is, they have more restrictions, more rules and a narrower path to our Lord and Savior than written in the Old and New Testament combined.

Sin (or perceived sin) is sin. There is no bigger, dirtier, nastier or craftier sin in the eyes of God. If you believe in God, hell and the like, there is only ONE hell. In this ONE hell there is one standard heat level, the flames don’t burn hotter for murderers than they do for those who stole a piece of candy…same hell, same flame, same burn.

So I’m having a late night chat with my mom last night – well, with my parents, but dad is deaf so he’s just sitting there watching the building tension between my mom and I – and the issue of homosexuality comes up. It’s actually more the issue of sleeping arrangements that comes up, since my mother seems to think that BD and I should sleep separately when they visit our home. I thought I addressed this many times before – something like every visit for the last 26 years – but like clockwork here was the discussion again. Finally, I calmly said, “Mom, I love you and dad very much and welcome you into my home year-after-year, even though you and dad threw me to the wolves on the street at the tender age of 15; I forgive you for the timeS (that’s right, it was more than once) that I was brutally raped trying to seek shelter; I don’t hold your ignorance under the microscope for the times I was cold or hungry on the streets; I don’t stay awake at night plotting vengeance on you or dad for stealing my teenage years away from me by forcing me to need a full time job while finishing high school while other kids were simply planning their prom, but I will be very honest with you and tell you that you will NOT regulate where my partner and I sleep, how we run this household and my life as it is today.” I felt my chest swelling, but I took a deep breath and kept my voice low…my resolve did not waver when I continued, “You deal with your other children and their many sins as though you don’t see them…you ignore them because it is not your business, but you appear to feel empowered to say things that are inappropriate to me.” This is when my mom probably said the most ignorant thing I have EVER heard her say to me before…she said, “They are sinning, but they are not going against society’s norm…you know, they don’t go against the grain.” My face contorted – a combination of pain and disappointment furled into my brow before I responded, “I would have had an easier time if you were judging me through the narrow minded view of a God fearing woman that sees sin as sin, but you are judging me through the bigoted and homophobic eyes of the very sliver of society that I detest. That is the most ignorant thing you have ever said to me…stupid really. I’m disappointed in you mom. Sin is sin…read your Bible, do some soul-searching prayer.” Then I said what I knew in my heart I meant more than anything I’ve ever said to her, “I have forgiven you two and welcomed you into my home after what I suffered in my life at the hands of your ignorance, but I won’t have you disrespect me, my relationship and my family in my home. You are always welcome here, but you are a guest visiting MY family and NOTHING about MY family will change because you are here. If this is uncomfortable for you, I’m sorry, but you have the option of staying elsewhere…maybe where the sin is more tolerable for you or less against the grain.” With that I marched upstairs, took my shower and went to bed. This morning, I made coffee for my parents and left them with a kiss and a smile. I hold no grudges…life is too short. I know my parents love me and I love them very much, but God judges all sin equally and it is NOT their place to sit in judgment of God. Don’t lose your children and the opportunity to share their lives because of your ignorance. Recognize when you are a homophobe and a bigot. God is NOT a God of ignorance.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

I Respect My Silence

2010-05-06T08:27:00.001-04:00

Throughout my life I’ve been a fearlessly outspoken person. When I go silent, it isn’t for lack of words or fear of repercussions, it’s usually because I’ve shared my thoughts and don’t think anything I say will make an impact OR worse, that nothing I say matters. As I get older, I tend to respect my silence because it precipitates my disconnect from a subject or situation that I feel powerless to affect or change. There’s a funny thing about having more experience under your belt, you tend to know where things are going and can anticipate the outcome of things. I liken the feeling to that of watching an old farmer in his field; he knows what seeds will provide the best harvest for any given year and can anticipate the issues that begin to develop in his field. Sometimes we are so hell-bent to have others UNDERSTAND us that we neglect to see that we are wasting valuable time. I love where my life is right now and don’t take any of it for granted, but I’m not hyper-protective of it. I love my job, but I know that we’re all expendable; I am in love with my man, but understand that there are many variables and moving parts that keep that relationship working; I enjoy my new car, but know it can disappear in an instant. So, what’s MOST important to me is my knowledge that while I can’t predict the future, I WANT to be a part of it. Fat, old and in any varying form that my life may take, I am most grateful that I’m here. I know that deep down inside while I may struggle to sometimes fight-the-power-that-be, it is in my silence where there is a shrug of ambivalence; a means to my own sanity; and a respect for the fact that I may have reached the point in my life where there is so much that means a lot to me, but nothing that will ultimately shatter me.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Parental Guidance Requested

2010-05-05T07:25:00.001-04:00

My parents arrive for a two-week visit tomorrow and I couldn't be happier. This is the first time that my parents will stay with me since BD, the Minnie and I made our house a home last December. As we get older, it seems that religion, beliefs and everything in between takes a back seat to our being a family - for the sake of pleasurable peace, I pray it stays that way. So here's to a great visit from the folks. Celebrate the moments of your life.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Location:Bronx, NY

Help; Delivered My Way

2010-04-29T14:46:00.001-04:00

If there’s something that I’m surprised about in this day and age is how folks not only want your help, they want your help THEIR way. If they’d like a ride to the grocery store they want to tell you what time is convenient for THEM; if they need to have you work on something, they will insert the word “NOW” as if you are supposed to drop everything you are doing to accommodate their needs.

BREAKING NEWS: When you need someone’s help OR someone offers their help, that assistance puts you at the whim of the provider.

There’s nothing to interpret. Life is not always fair. If you need help, you make yourself available when I can provide that help. If you want me to step in, you have to be prepared to deal with whatever it is I shell out.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Today you need help; tomorrow I may need help. In light of the fact that today is YOUR day – and you are the one in need – you need to be humble, accessible, available and grateful to receive my assistance.

There’s always OPTION B: NEVER ASK ANYONE FOR ANYTHING.

You see, I’m really a giving person, but I hate to feel punked.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Blogger May Be Dead to Some; The Nostalgia Lives for Me

2010-04-26T08:56:00.005-04:00

I still remember the day I decided to put my daily “Morning Edition” emails to friends on a less intrusive medium; that venue was the internet’s new diaryesque system, Blogger. Blogging was a way to catalog my life, stay in touch with friends and get some feedback – sometimes cruel and brutal – to my life’s ups and downs. I began blogging in 2005, so I guess five years later, I’m a bit nostalgic when I read back on where I was a relatively short time ago. The truth is blogger still serves that purpose for me. While having dinner with friends this weekend, we talked about how most of the bloggers who we read years ago are completely ghost today; their blog pages have been either removed or untouched for months or even years. Abandoned sites; like a scene out of NBCs Flash Forward; it’s like they ceased to exist one day. Admittedly, I average about one post a week, but it’s one post more than most of my former blogger buddies. I guess old habits die hard. I love reading back through my blog every now-and-again to see the intricacies of my life; the hard to remember details are right there in full color. A few years ago – and yes, it was a few years ago - some of us bloggers actually decided to put a face to all of those blog posts we read over the years. We scheduled a meet-and-greet in Baltimore, Maryland and had a real blast of a weekend. I guess even that aspect – the anonymity of blogging – died for some that day. All said, blogging may be a dying medium, but until blogspot.com tells me that they are dismantling my blog, I will be that familiar place where Cocoa still exists; A safe haven for my thoughts, my dreams – some I’m happy to see I have realized over the years. It’s funny, but I jumped on AOL Instant Messenger the other day and BAM, I had a quick chat with some of my friends via my iPhone AIM application. Just when I thought that medium was completely dead, it turns out there are still folks sitting there…manning the stations of a medium I thought was gone. I guess I’ll be holding down the fort at Blogger.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

The Freedom of Old Gay

2010-04-15T09:39:00.007-04:00

Even when I was just a young kid, I gravitated toward older folks. I guess I found their way of handling situations remarkably stoic and matter-of-fact. Today, as part of what many would consider the “older gay generation” I’ve come to accept that many of the issues that my younger brethren fret about are not issues that I am ready to waste a Tweet on. Recently in the news, the Vatican mentioned that the sexual abuses forged on children by its Priests could be attributed to homosexuality. I found the comment ignorant, but also laughable. Some of my younger compadres appeared to be ready to do battle with the Catholic Church about the comment, but really, in my view, sometimes you have to let ignorance sit out there on its own. Just let the general population look at it and say, “Yeah, with all due respect, the Pope is a straight-up ass.” As has been discussed here before, the vast majority of all sex offenders (pedophile priests included) are straight. It’s just the reality of the matter folks. Then there’s the issue of marriage equality. The younger generation will rip doors off hinges to have the straight population accept that ALL consenting adults have the right to marry who they want to marry. PERIOD. In the end, many heterosexual opponents to marriage equality feel that allowing same sex couples to marry will somehow degrade the institution of marriage – meanwhile there have been countless reality shows about marrying a millionaire, a midget, a foreigner…you name it. No one complained about f’ing up the institution of marriage when those shows aired on television. All said, I love my man, we’re committed, we have a beautiful son and our family is not made or dismantled by the hatred and ignorance of lonely, repressed heterosexual America. Let me be clear, “I support marriage equality, but I will not bust a gut trying to help a homophobe see my point. Then there’s the issue of God, religion and whether or not some minister believes my gay ass will be burning in the pits of hell. Let me be clear my dear friends, as the son of a Pentecostal minister (whom I love dearly) I will say to you that MAN has interpreted the word of God since the beginning of time. In that interpretation, man has chosen to keep or dispose of whatever rules, mandates, etc. they saw would make their worship what they envisioned it to be. Entire chapters of the holy word are rewritten and re-interpreted so that women can worship with more freedom, so that fashion can prevail over what Biblical norms appeared to dictate, but homos appear to fail to get the green light to love God, be loved by God and be saved. Well, my dear friends, my relationship with God is a real one. He has never failed me, he has answered my prayers and he is there for me; I guess you can say he looked beyond my faults and saw my needs. As part of a population referred to as OLD GAY, I am completely content; happy with all of God’s blessings: a healthy family, great friends and a God that never fails me. I refused to be sucked in to the negative cancer that plagues the religious right; the divisive hatred that does not represent my God. Life is too short to wait on laws to pass before you feel free enough to live your life; love the person you want to love; and worship your God with all your heart. Enjoy life; Go ahead and live the OLD GAY.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Pet Names; A Sign of the Times

2010-04-09T12:15:00.001-04:00

Love is a funny thing. It blossoms, matures and continually changes. Many folks have trouble seeing themselves – as others see them – but I do a pretty good job at stepping back and getting a good view of me. I’ll tell you that for all the quirks I have, I am equal parts treasure. It may sound conceited to say that I’m worth the trouble, but my true friends know that I am fun, fun-loving and loyal, but I am also neurotic, anal and demanding. All said, I recently had to chuckle to myself at BD and how his pet name for me has changed. To be fair, BD has had a great deal more exposure to me and my FULL personality since we started living together, but I was recently surprised to see that his pet name for me on instant messenger had changed from Macchiato (referring to the caramel treat you get from Starbucks) to Spock (the overly-logical and incapable of warmth character) from Star Trek. When I noticed the change I mentioned it to him and he said, “Oh, it’s just that you’re so logical about everything, that’s all.” Right… So anyway, life goes on, pet names change and my hope is that I don’t somehow find myself face-to-face with HELLRAISER staring back at me as my new pet name. Such is life, huh?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Dear Bobby

2010-03-25T07:39:00.002-04:00

Yesterday while talking to a group of domestic violence survivors, I mentioned how you inspired me to live life in the reality that each moment is precious; that I'm not guaranteed tomorrow. I told these ladies that I was sure you'd give anything for the chance to return ONE more day to do some of the things you hadn't done. Looking into their faces I could see hope and that spark that happens when people actually recognize how fleeting life really is.

We're almost a month away from celebrating the one year anniversary of your death. I think I'm going to invite the "guys" to join me in a yearly ritual of celebrating your life. I think it would honor your memory and help comfort us.

We'll always miss you, but I wanted you to know that even in your absence, you're impacting lives.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

I’m Reminded Of Wise King Solomon

2010-03-22T08:34:00.006-04:00

Mexican singer Paquita la del Barrio (translation: Franny from the block) aka Francisca Viveros Barradas (62) was recently quoted as saying that ‘she would rather see a child die on the streets than adopted to a gay couple’. Pretty strong words of course, but it got me to thinking about wise King Solomon and the story of the two women – both mothers – who brought one child to the king claiming the other was trying to take her baby. The story alleges that Sollie asked that the child be brought before him, unsheathed his sword and announced that he would chop the child in half and give each mother a portion of the baby in question. In that instant, the REAL mother screamed, ‘Give the child to her!’ highlighting the desire of any RESPONSIBLE PARENT (the preservation of their child’s life). A parent will always seek to have their child given the opportunity to survive and be happy – well, any good parent that is. Paquita is not the first person to feel this way – the reality is that Mexico (and a great number of folks in other countries) feel this way. Personally, I would sooner have my child raised by Chavez and Castro inside a devil worshipping monastery than to see him die in the streets, but hey, that’s just me. As gay parents I can tell you that we love our son with everything we’ve got. We support him – emotionally, spiritually and financially – and we encourage him to be a responsible, caring and happy member of society. I recognize the fear that gay parents will somehow make their children gay, but if this were the case, my God-fearing-married-for-47-years-Pentecostal-parents would have somehow turned out ALL straight children – they obviously did not. Sexuality is not taught. The only potential difference between our son and that of a boy raised by a heterosexual couple is an ingrained sense of tolerance and respect for diversity. Sadly, the REAL damage to children raised by same-sex couples is done by people like Paquita, who show these children what intolerance, prejudice, ignorance and hate sound and look like. I can’t change the world, but I can make a difference in the life of our son. He will understand that for all that we provide for him there will always be those who feel they can do it better, but the hypocrisy of it all is that they don’t offer to help the masses of dying children, they only spew hate and judgment and are ready to cry out like the other mother in the Solomon story – CUT THE CHILD IN HALF.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Puerto Rico 2010

2010-03-17T19:10:00.001-04:00

I've enjoyed a fabulous vacation with my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and my pumpkin, Evelyn Maldonado, in Puerto Rico. All that was missing was BD and the Minnie to make my trip PERFECT. Once I'm settled I'll post pics and tell stories. Until then...

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Location:Cll Lucero,Caguas,Puerto Rico

Packing, Puerto Rico and Padding

2010-03-09T09:02:00.003-05:00

It’s no secret that I’ve put on considerable weight in the last 18 months. Long before I bought the tickets to Puerto Rico, I knew I wanted to do something about my size – for my mental health if nothing else – and started back at the gym a little over two weeks ago. Needless to say, I’ve lost less than 5 lbs, mainly because I added exercise to my daily regimen, but I never changed my diet. To keep it real, I wanted to maintain some “thickness” and I thought that if I modified my diet and also added exercise, the weight loss would be pretty drastic. As it turns out, 40 ain’t just a number folks! A man with my previous metabolism easily dropped 10 lbs in two weeks by just hitting the gym. Well, as I began trying on clothes for my pack to Puertorro, I realized that NOTHING – no exaggeration here – NOTHING fit me anymore! Bathing suits that currently grace my Facebook pages or appeared on my blog barely come over my knees and virtually all those HOT summer pants with the slightly sheer air, now threaten to sever me at the thighs. To be clear, no previously worn bottoms can come over my hips and behind and certainly nothing can meet at the waist and button. At first the complete horror of it had me panic. BD squirmed as I cussed and jumped around like a sausage on springs. He’s always supportive, but it’s hard to call a bathing suit a liar; it was clear I was “swole”! I wanted to start a full-scale bonfire of bootylicious attire in the middle of my bedroom floor, but I accepted my reality. I’ve now purchased a few outfits to wear while in Puerto Rico for the next week, but intend to modify my diet AND hit the gym hard when I return from beaching myself in Puerto Rico. I have hope that I will be NYC beach ready by summer. I don’t think that I’m bothered about being heavy, I’m more concerned with the realization that my body feels so drastically different – from the outside and the inside (no pun intended). If I could literally slice off my love handles and belly I would probably be alright. Well, life goes on. The young become the old and the thin get a little chunk butt going. LOL In a BIG PICTURE kind of way, I’m blessed…I have a beautiful family, an amazing partner , a gorgeous son and love that abounds. Part of my padding is love…for that, I’m grateful.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

En Guerra Avisada No Muere Gente

2010-03-05T09:25:00.003-05:00

There is an old Spanish proverb that says that, “En guerra avisada, no muere gente.” The direct translation is, “People don’t die in wars they are warned about” or more clearly “no soldiers will die in a scheduled war.” Now, what I suspect the saying was intended to mean is that if you are privy of the dangers around you, you are less likely to suffer a catastrophe from them. If there’s one thing I absolutely HATE is when I warn family and friends of something and they ignore me only to find themselves in the middle of Lake Shittybottom. I think we can all agree that you DON’T have to experience all things to understand them and some experiences and their nasty consequences are best learned vicariously – LEARN FROM OTHERS, RATHER THAN SUFFERING THINGS YOURSELF. So, in final recap, live by the brilliant Boricua proverb, because “en guerra avisada no muere gente.”

Keep passin’ the open windows…

59 Weeks; 417 Days; 10,008 Hours; 600,480 Minutes

2010-03-04T09:14:00.004-05:00

**PLEASE CLICK TO ENLARGE PICTURE BELOW; VERY INTERESTING FACTS INCLUDED**

It isn't easy
It's an addiction to be fought each day
With each day I feel stronger
I wonder how I ever engaged in such a destructive behavior
I now look at smokers and feel so sorry for them; I see my former self

I actually paid top dollar to be poisoned
The gum doesn't cover the wretched stench
Bleach doesn’t remove the nicotine stains – to your teeth, your furniture or your clothes
Children – your own and those that look up to you – are learning from you; don’t encourage smoking with your actions

I want a cigarette every day
I don’t smoke
I am an addict
I am a winner
Mind over matter

59 weeks…417 days…10,008 hours…600,480 minutes

Keep passin’ the open windows…

I'm Still Here

2010-03-02T09:09:00.003-05:00

Good times and bum times
I've seen them all and my dear
I'm still here.
Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just pretzels and beer
But I'm here.
I've stuffed the dailies in my shoes,
Strummed ukuleles, sung the blues
Seen all my dreams disappear
But I'm here.
I've slept in shanties
Guest of the WPA
But I'm here
Danced in my scanties
Three bucks a night was the pay
But I'm here
I've stood on breadlines with the best
Watched while the headlines did the rest
In the Depression, was I depressed?
Nowhere near.
I met a big financier
And I'm here.
I've been through Gandhi,
Windsor and Wally's affair
And I'm here
Amos and Andy,
Mahjong and platinum hair
And I'm here
I've been through Abie's Irish Rose,
Five Dionne Babies
Major Bowes
Had heebie-jeebies
For Beebe's bathysphere
I lived through Brenda Frazier
And I'm here.
I've gotten through Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover
Gee, that was fun and a half
When you've been through Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover
Anything else is a laugh.
I've been through Reno
I've been through Beverly Hills
And I'm here
Reefers and vino
Rest cures, religion, and pills
And I'm here
Been called a pinko commie tool
Got through it stinko by my pool
I should have gone to an acting school
That seems clear
Still someone said, "She's sincere."
So I'm here.
Black sable one day
Next day it goes into hock
But I'm here
Top billing Monday
Tuesday, you're touring in stock
But I'm here
First you're another sloe-eyed vamp,
Then someone's mother,
Then you're camp
Then you career from career
To career
I'm almost through me memoirs
And I'm here.
I've gotten through "Hey lady, aren't you whoozis?
Wow, what a looker you were."
Or better yet, "Sorry, I though you were whoozis.
What ever happened to her?"
Good times and bum times
I've seen them all and my dear
I'm still here
Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just pretzels and beer
But I'm here.
I've run the gamut A to Z
Three cheers and damn it
C'est la vie.
I got through all of last year
And I'm here
Lord knows at least I was there
But I'm here
Look who's here
I'm still here.

Dedicated to all my friends who wish they could be...

The Squeaky Wheel

2010-02-22T10:52:00.003-05:00

It always amazes me how folks will complain to their family, friends and colleagues about the customer service fiascos they encounter, but they never complain directly to the source of their dissatisfaction. I’m a firm believer in letter writing – be it an old-style hard copy letter to a company or a website comment area and yes, I even break it down in the Google reviews for the vendor in question. I also read Better Business Bureau reviews for businesses I want to engage to avoid some of the hassles that may arise – hey, if someone else is bitching about the business, then maybe I should avoid them. All said, we have to be proactive with regard to bad customer service. Let folks know (in writing) what you are dissatisfied with.

So here are the simple steps to follow BEFORE engaging any organization where you’ll be spending more than a hundred dollars for their goods/services:

1. Check out their Better Business Bureau (BBB) rating and any customer comments about the business
2. Google the organization and read customer reviews
3. Call their customer service department and ask questions – hey, if they’re rude before you do business with them, imagine how you’ll feel when they have your money

If you have to engage a company to rectify an issue, follow these steps:

1. Call their customer service department; get the name of the person you speak with BEFORE you begin detailing the issue and be concise about relaying what your problem is and what you need; keep your emotions in check
2. Google organization and post a review about your experience; keep your review to the facts; do not use profanity; explain what went wrong;
3. Go to the Better Business Bureau (bbb.org) and file a complaint
4. Write a letter to the organization’s President/CEO and to their customer service manager(s); be clear, but keep it short; no profanity; leave out your emotions; simply write what went wrong and what they can do to resolve the issue

Your family and friends may be a great resource to vent, but if you want a resolution to your customer service disasters, go to the source. Remember that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

The Exit for Humiliation is Marked, “Divulge for Dignity”

2010-02-19T08:58:00.001-05:00

I will be the first to tell you that your life is NOT everyone’s business. You do not need to explain your motives, decisions or reasoning to anyone – well, unless you understand that your silence will leave room for speculation and uninformed conclusions. Case in point, Tiger Woods chose the high road. Caught red handed, the parade of women he cheated with lined-up to tell their version of what happened and painted him as the cheating, low-down husband who betrayed his family. Although this may very well be true, had Tiger chosen to come out at the onset of the scandal – ala Kobe Bryant –appeared contrite and apologized to HIS FAMILY for his betrayal, the parade of women would have had the wind knocked out of their gossip sails; America would have simply looked at those women and their stories as jilted ‘home wreckers’ unworthy of our attention. Today Tiger faces the media – still with his posturing and rules in place – and he will try to explain what has been discussed for months.

LESSON 1: CONTROL YOUR OWN STORY; OWN UP TO IT; BEAT YOUR ACCUSERS TO THE PUNCH

LESSON 2: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SAVE FACE; APOLOGIZE FROM THE HEART

LESSON 3: GROW FROM YOUR MISTAKE; DON’T REPEAT IT AGAIN

It’s seems difficult and complicated at the onset, but addressing issues head-on is always the best solution. After the initial explosion of emotions, today’s disaster quickly becomes yesterday’s news.

To recap…follow these simple steps:
1. Admit to the incident (especially when there is proof of the same) and provide a few short sentences about why you believe it happened. Do not provide sordid details – including names, why it felt good at the time, etc. This only creates further insecurity for parties who want to repair relationships.
2. Apologize to the loved ones your hurt. Do not attempt to save face during your apology since this will be the ONE time that you will put forth that you are SORRY for hurting the ones you love.
3. Explain what you look forward to – this includes, not repeating the same mistake, rebuilding your relationship OR attempting to forge a friendship with the hurt party.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Die

2010-02-11T09:48:00.004-05:00

Ignorance is ignorance. There’s just no way of getting through to folks when it seems they lack commons sense. Gay men and women live among you, go to school with you, shower next to you in locker rooms across America every day and we can probably count on ONE hand how many reports of male-on-male or female-on-female rape occur every year at the hands of a gay person. Translation: Gay people have a pool of eligible, available and equally GAY individuals to interact with, date and be intimate with AND we are not uncontrollable sex-starved maniacs ready to attack every unsuspecting straight person in our day-to-day life. Which brings us back to the FEAR some straight individuals have of serving side-by-side with gay servicemen and women; stop fantasizing, we don’t want you. Throughout the years this argument has become more and more comical to me for ONE reason and one reason only: Why should I fight to be placed on the front lines and defend a bunch of ignorant asses that would sooner kill me themselves when we are on our home turf? Gay people of America, hear me and hear me well….LET THOSE HOMOPHOBIC MEN/WOMEN WHO AGREE WITH THE DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL POLICIES DIE FOR OUR GAY ASSES. GO AHEAD AND PRAY FOR THEIR SAFE RETURN TO AMERICAN SOIL AND RAISE YOUR GLASSES AT YOUR NEAREST GAY PUB TO THANK THEM FOR ALLOWING YOU TO BE FREE, SAFE AND SOUND. Go out and fight for rights that really do impact our day-to-day lives like marriage equality and the right to equal housing, jobs, etc. Yes, it’s wrong for anyone to discriminate against a group of Americans based on their sexual orientation, but sometimes you have to choose your battles and I say, LET IGNORANT STRAIGHT AMERICA FIGHT AND DIE TO PROTECT ALL AMERICANS – STRAIGHT AND GAY. There’s really no point in fighting for the right to die for our oppressors.

On Blast
America is suppose to be the picture of freedom, diversity and opportunity for all. Throughout history we’ve proven to be as intolerant and prejudiced as some of our most primitive adversaries. Do you consciously choose to be part of the solution and impart open minded support for diversity and inclusion for all or do you find that you sometimes fall prey to intolerance for certain groups of people?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Didn’t Want Any, But Lucky to Have One

2010-02-08T09:38:00.004-05:00

I’ll be the first to tell everyone, I never wanted children. I sincerely feel that folks should stop feeling like they HAVE to leave their mark on the world by adding another human being to it. For the record, if your ass is screwed up, there’s no need to pass those jacked-up genes of yours on to another person in the world. It’s like an even more f*cked up version of 100 Years of Solitude (a novel by Gabriel Garcia marquez)…maybe I’m just wasting that little reference, but what the heck. All to say that children are NOT for everyone…shoot, let’s keep it real here, children are not for MOST people. My initial thought was that children require a lot of time, positive reinforcement, selfless love and an innate ability to place them-over-you, at all times. Well, as a man who is now parenting a 10-year old boy, let be the one to tell you that none of my thoughts on the subject were off…not even a little. If you’re going to do a good job of parenting you will NEED to put your child’s needs first and let me tell you, this is a HUGE learning experience for someone who has cared for himself and only himself all of his life. Take this simple example…our son asked me why I would give him the best bacon on the serving plate and take the burned pieces for myself. He asked, “Do you like burned bacon?!” I let his giggles subside before I replied, “No, but I love you, so I sacrifice what I want to give you the best.” He fidgeted for a minute then smiled at me and I smiled back. Nothing else needed to be said on the matter. That ONE simple interaction really defines good parenting…you MUST be willing to give up all that you thought was yours for the simple pleasure of making the life of another human being wonderful. Don’t sleep on this story, I still will tell anyone that I didn’t want children, but now that I have one I realize that the ONLY concern I now have is whether I’m making an impact in his life. Am I making him a better person? Will he ever understand how much we love him and are willing to do for him? The truth is that those are moot questions. This isn’t about what I desire or what I wish the outcome will be, I now realize that the real way to make an impact is to be the best example to him, coach him and give him a little fun and laughter in between it all. I really didn’t want any kids, but I’m so lucky to have one. It is the most gratifying, taxing, selfless and core-love experience I’ve ever had in my life. I’m lucky to have our son and I’m thinking that it’s not just about what we WANT in life, sometimes it’s about what life deems we need.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

What Do You Know?

2010-02-05T06:00:00.002-05:00

Isn’t it odd how little we know about the folks in our inner circle? I mean let’s keep it real, if folks don’t share something with you, you can assume all you want to assume, but you don’t really know it. This means that our family, closest friends and colleagues are sometimes a labyrinth of unknown tidbits. These tidbits are sometimes discovered at death and sometimes never at all. A few days ago I watched Oprah – yeah, I watch the O show y’all – and reality TV star Ruby was on the panel. The story was simple; Ruby had reached 716 lbs. by comfort-eating. What was she soothing? Well, the fact that the trauma was hidden was a big part of Ruby’s problem and burying it further with food seemed like the right thing to do for her. She had no recollection of her life before the age of 13 and her mom, who apparently had the key to those memories, was keeping her mouth shut. The point of this is that Ruby, like many of us, didn’t know everything about herself or those around her. We compartmentalize our lives in an effort to cope with trauma and emotional distress and we become a vault of undiscovered experiences and information. I know for a fact that there are traumas in my childhood and in my formative teenage years that were so traumatizing that even today, I choose never to share them or speak of them. Are they a consistent pain? The short answer is NO. By compartmentalizing these traumas I’ve managed to live a fairly normal life – albeit a few quirks that peek through the cracked eggshell that is my personality. I’m a firm believer that sometimes the preacher’s message is for the preacher. This may very well be one of those times. In the event that this post speaks to you as well, well suffice it to say that to be truly free, happy, secure and healthy – mentally, physically and emotionally – we have to open the compartments and be honest with ourselves and those we love. We have to let the sun shine clear through to the pale and sometimes ugly, innards. It really is tragic to think that the folks that I love and who love me don’t really know me OR that I really don’t know them. Ask yourself, what do you know?

On Blast
Have you ever heard your inner voice (spirit) call you a liar?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Ode to My Sister; Happy Birthday Evelyn!

2010-02-04T04:00:00.003-05:00

Two years my senior, but light years ahead
Her strength, her calm, her resolve immense
Ability to navigate through the roughest storms
A super hero by day; and at night a humble sibling takes form
A Bachelor’s Degree while in the midst of disaster
One more life curveball and she’ll get a Masters
She’s my sister, my champion, my hero, my heart
Happy birthday today; you’ve made life’s ordinary into art

Dear Bobby

2010-02-03T05:00:00.003-05:00

So much has happened in the last few months! BD and I moved-in together at the end of December – three days after Christmas to be exact! It was stressful as hell. I tried remembering my previous move and I think you didn’t help me on that one either! Hmmm….could it be that death wasn’t the only thing preventing you from helping me move all along?! I know..I know…bad joke, but it’s how I’ve been coping with you being gone. Clent and I call each other and ask each other if we’ve spoken to you. Depending on which of us asks, the other will go into this long discussion about how we spoke to you, “…just the other night…” and give a great story of what we chatted about with you. Sick huh? It’s our joke/wishful thinking to keep us from crying about you constantly. You know me…sick sense of humor to mask the pain. Anyway, the new crib is going really well. BD, the Minnie and I are living the happily-ever-after and we’re quite the postcard for SGL family living. I’m cooking dinner for the family every night – and they are still living – and you would be proud of my being able to fix BIG meals. I still remember you being angry that I burned pots boiling water back in the day. As an aside, I miss your fried chicken…nobody fries some chicken like you. On a depressing note, Al isn’t doing too well and I don’t know what to do. After you passed, his already worn and disheveled appearance got worse. Folks that see him more regularly than I do have mentioned to me that he looks really bad. I can’t bear to hang with him – shoot, I don’t hang much at all really – but the thought of having another inner-circle friend racing toward his end has alienated me from him. I know…unfair. Then again, you know you were the buffer between Al and I and he and I can find many a reason to get into silly catfights. He seems to think that I’m spoiled…go figure. I see Slugger for special occasions and he looks great. He’s my faithful buddy and I love him for that. Strangely, when you and I fell out, Slugger took the reigns to be my everywhere buddy. No matter where I went or what I did, I had Slugger by my side. I kind of feel disconnected to only see him two-three times a year now. Herby is doing great…you know our Herby. He’s nuts, he’s beautiful, he’s funny and he’s me without the restraint of good sense…LOL Well, I celebrated a year off of the cigarettes – I know you begged me for years to quit, but you know I never listened to you bitch...lol...and I have started hitting the gym daily to get my weight back in order. Yeah, I’m still battling a demon you never felt I should even entertain. Well, I almost want to say that I hope everything is going well…and really, since I don’t know for certain what happens once we leave our earthly bodies, I hope you’re able to see me…to hear me…to know that I think about you everyday. Somehow, someway, someone reminds me of you and I smile through the tears that glaze over my eyes. I’ll write to you again soon!

On Blast
How have you changed the way you live today because of the loss of a loved one?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

WTF Is Groundhog Day Really?

2010-02-02T08:48:00.002-05:00

The short answer with the “groundhog” thing is that if he (the large rodent) sees his shadow, there WILL be six more weeks of winter, but if he does not we can expect spring to come rolling right in. This year, the groundhog saw his shadow predicting six more weeks of winter. F’ing rat! The long story surrounding Groundhog Day is not very interesting. Apparently German tradition says that a hibernating animal casting a shadow on the Christian holiday of Candlemas (February 2nd) is a sure sign that six more weeks of winter will follow. The tradition has been tracked since 1887 and the groundhog has seen his shadow 98 times. Yeah, this is truly Doppler Weather Forecasting for the late 1800s. If you’re as skeptical as I am you’re wondering how often Phil – that’s right folks, this groundhog has a name – has been right about predicting the end of winter. Can you believe he has a 90% accuracy rate! I guess I can go ahead and buy those boots I was on the fence about.

On Blast
What longstanding tradition do you believe in that others would find comical? Does it have a great accuracy record?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

On My Way to Meet Me Again

2010-01-28T10:36:00.002-05:00

We’ve all seen the Biggest Loser transformations on NBC and although those are a direct result of 8-hour-a-day work outs and restrictive meal plans, the truth is they’re trying to lose a lot more weight than what most of us are faced with dropping. My doctor appointment on Monday revealed my weight at 180 lbs and the truth is that it’s uncomfortably heavy for my frame. This Monday, February 1st, I will do to my weight what I did with my smoking – battle it. It isn’t about being thin; it’s about being healthy, flexible and feeling my best. The size 29 waist and washboard abs…well, they’re just gravy. So, as I look back at myself in my camo just 18 months ago - yeah...how the body changes - I can say that it’s time to get it together and enjoy my forties. You have to step out and make your future happen…conquer it…head-on…because it’s not making any special trips to catch up with you.

On Blast
Lifelong issues…for some it’s their weight, for others it’s their complexion or maybe even their sense of style. We have a saying in Spanish that says, “El que no tiene dinga, tiene mandinga.” Simply put, if it isn’t one thing it’s another.
What is your dinga?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Me Maintenance

2010-01-25T08:02:00.000-05:00

Of all my friends, I'm the hypochondriac. The guy who sees a tumor when there's a pimple, pneumonia when there's a cold, a possibility for early death due to an aneurysm. Hey, I can't help it. I try to placate my fears by hitting the doctor every so often and pointing out everything that looks peculiar. Today, I've scheduled a dentist and doctor appointment in an effort to kill two birds with one stone. I'm asking about cosmetic dentistry possibilities. BD has already requested I not get the Mr. Ed package. I'm prepared for the miscellaneous wait and am prepared with my PSP and iPhone Kindle Reader. My fingers are crossed that any fears I have are again, unfounded.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

As John Edwards Found, Time Will Reveal

2010-01-21T09:02:00.000-05:00

It’s always easier to tell the truth – in retrospect. I was teaching the Minnie a lesson in honesty this week. After lying about his homework, we had a conversation where I mentioned that, “I am NOT angry when you don’t do something – I’m disappointed – but when you lie, I’m angry that you: 1) Lied to me 2) Think that I am somehow stupid enough to fall for it.” I ended the discussion with a simple statement, “I can respect you and work with you if you tell me the truth, but if you lie, you will receive my full wrath – you will be punished and you will have lost our trust. The conversation sank in and he stuck to the script for the first couple of days, but last night he played himself again – lying to me that he did his homework, only to ask for help from BD on the side. He got caught and I did the fiery, “See, you think you’re fooling somebody, but you’re not….” And on, and on, and on. On a bigger stage is John Edwards. He lied about having an affair, lied about having a baby and is now trying to run interference to a tell-all book set to release in the coming few weeks that show him the father of 2-year old Frances Hunter born to his, then videographer, in ’08. Edwards now says that he hopes his daughter will one day realize why he had to lie and forgive him. Alrighty then… First, it’s not our business – well, outside of that little Presidential-run-thing, but really, in the BIG scheme of things, this story is hurtful and disturbing to his wife and children who were lied-to and betrayed, more so than John Q Public who finds these juicy tidbits of gossip newsworthy. Time will reveal was the title of a beautiful song by a group called Debarge back in the ‘80s. As I mature, I’m less judgmental and recognize that the lesson of truth and honesty that I teach the Minnie are lessons I hope for in myself and those in my immediate circle. Honesty always wins. Even if the person you’re dealing with hates you at the moment, they will ultimately respect you for being honest and telling the truth. You can’t lose on that point. Unfortunately, when you’re in the midst of the issue, honesty sometimes doesn’t seem possible and as John Edwards will tell you, honesty is much easier….in retrospect.

On Blast
What lie have you told that IN RETROSPECT you wish you would’ve been honest about? How would the truth have changed the outcome?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Just a Few Moments

2010-01-19T07:37:00.001-05:00

In those few quiet moments as I hustled to get out the door, I paused and thought to myself how I should take in these precious minutes and thank God for many blessings and how fragile our lives really are. An earthquake, a tsunami, a terrorist attack or something as simple as an artery or vein faltering under pressure, can be our end. Have we looked around? Do we see our blessings or are they lost on eyes looking for the next great thing? Does making the next dollar prevent us from seeing what we bought with the last dollar? After getting dressed I walked back to the bed and pulled the covers back to kiss my baby goodbye. I fed the dog and glanced at a picture of BD, the Minnie and I on a visit to Disney. We had such a great time. In those few moments I embraced my life; for all it is; for all its blessings. In those few moments I understood that all of it is not guaranteed, just a few moments.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

My Mommy; Happy Birthday Negra

2010-01-15T07:52:00.001-05:00

Some would find it odd, but I speak to my mom two-maybe-three times a day. Millie and I are not just mother and son, she is one of my best friends. When I'm tired, weary or unable to cope with a difficult day, I need to just consider all that my mom has done - does really - and all seems attainable. As she celebrates another birthday, I am grateful for every moment I have her and relish each conversation, every visit and every day God grants me my mommy. Happy birthday Negra. You are everything a mom should be. The umbilical chord between you and I went from a physical to a spiritual one the day I was born.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

All Smoked Out

2010-01-14T06:00:00.001-05:00

This week I celebrated one year of being cigarette free! It’s an enormous accomplishment. I smoked for 25 years. Normally folks tell you how some amazing product helped them reach their goal, but my experience is that no drug will help you quit if you’re not ready to give cigarettes up. Once your mind is set, the body may be weak, but the mind is so much stronger. One year into my decision to quit, I still have daily temptations and cravings – yes, it’s that serious – but today I recognize that smoking is not an option. Part of my recovery is accepting that I can never believe that I’ve beat my addiction. You don’t beat addictions; you simply fight them – daily.

Here are my suggestions for folks who are trying to quit smoking:

** Set a specific date/time
Understand that you have the power to set yourself up to succeed or fail. The first step in succeeding is insisting that you hold yourself accountable for when you will stop smoking. Know the date/time in advance and do not deviate from this time for any reason. The first days are critical to your success so do not schedule to quit smoking on the weekend that you’re hanging with your buddies OR the morning of your BIG year-end review. Keep it real and set your quit date/time around the beginning of an average week.

**Rid Yourself of Temptation
Cigarettes, ash trays and matches must be disposed of the night before, if not the morning of, your scheduled quit time. At your scheduled quit date/time you should not light up one last cigarette or permit yourself to indulge in a final “good-bye” drag. It’s over. Your smoking cessation has begun. All cigarettes must be disposed of in a place where they cannot be retrieved. Cigarettes should be flushed down a toilet, sent down a trash compactor or tossed into a public trash can. This is especially important because an addict in withdrawal will retrieve their disposed cigarettes out of a baboons ass if need be.

**First Couple of Weeks Are Crucial
If you’re serious about quitting, understand that the first couple of weeks are crucial. You should refrain from hanging out in public bars or clubs to avoid your free access to smoking paraphernalia. Friends who smoke should be avoided in the first two weeks and if they can’t be avoided they must understand that they cannot smoke in your home or your car. You will be on edge the first couple of weeks and are at your weakest point – physically and mentally. Do not set yourself up to fail by believing you can interact with smokers and refrain from smoking. STAY CLEAR OF ALL POTENTIAL FRIENDS, FAMILY OR SITUATIONS THAT MAY FACILITATE SMOKING.

**You Can Never Have a Social Puff
Accept that you are a recovering addict. The smoking addiction is considered more powerful than an addiction to heroin. You can NEVER partake in a casual/social puff from a cigarette. You will undermine your efforts and trigger a tidal wave of defeat and relapse if you indulge yourself. You don’t have to be judgmental toward your smoking pals, but you also don’t have to be the punk that gets smoke blown in their face or are disrespected when you ask that folks don’t smoke in your home or car. Luckily, laws in most states are on your side and your smoking buddies will be forced to smoke outside of any club/bar environment you go to.

**One Day at a Time
If you’re really an addict (you smoked every day) you’ll notice that even after a few weeks, months, etc. you still desire a cigarette. Don’t dismay. You have to take it one day at a time. Build on each day by recognizing that you have overcome so far and will overcome again. Keep count of how long you have been smoke free to provide self-encouragement of what you will lose if you fail.

** Tackle Other Issues Only After You Have Smoking Cessation Under Control
There is a potential to gain 10-40 lbs when you quit smoking simply from replacing cigarettes with food/snack items. Understand that no matter how bad your temporary food/snack smoke replacements are, they can NEVER be as bad as the cigarettes you were smoking. Once you’ve managed the desire to smoke, you can begin to attack any issues that you may have developed with replacing your cigarettes with food items.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Start at the beginning if you try and fail.

It isn’t easy, but it is rewarding to quit smoking. My desire to smoke is still there – ONE YEAR LATER – but the satisfaction at knowing that I have control over my behavior helps me to live healthier; smoke free.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Haiti; Do You Hear Me Now?

2010-01-13T09:00:00.001-05:00

Haiti is no stranger to devastation. Long heralded as the poorest country in the Americas, the IMF (International Monetary Fund) now believes Nicaragua holds that title; making Haiti the 2nd poorest country in the Americas. Some would say, they can’t even win at being the worst. Floods, deforestation and a non-existent economy have rendered Haiti a wasteland; need that goes beyond humanitarian relief and looks more like a global intervention is needed. Yesterday, after a earthquake measuring 7.0 splintered the already ravaged country, the world now turns their attention to a country that has long begged for help. Today, more than 80% of the population lives in poverty with close to 40% of the national budget funded by foreign aid. For Haitians the earthquake may very well be the dark before dawn. Maybe now Americans realize that less than 500 miles off our shores, Haiti sits starving in despair. Diseased, hungry and hopeless they are returned to Haiti when they risk their lives at sea and arrive on U.S. soil. Hopefully the earthquake has shaken our moral foundation and we will show some compassion to our Haitian neighbors.

On Blast
Cubans are granted asylum once they set foot on U.S. soil. Do you believe Haitians should be granted the same opportunity? If so, how does the U.S. control illegal immigration?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Bringin’ Home the Bacon

2010-01-12T09:10:00.000-05:00

BD and I do a great job of running an efficient home. With less than two weeks since our move, we’re still adjusting, but we have already set the wheels in motion for a successful partnership. The morning belongs to BD. He walks the dog, takes the Minnie to school and is our late guy at the office. My only job in the morning is to get out the door and on the train by 7am. Now this sounds like I have the pie gig, until the evening shift hits. I dash out of the office at 5pm sharp, pick up the Minnie at the aftercare, run to the grocery store for any necessary food items, get him settled in, walk the dog and get the Minnie cranking on homework before I cook dinner for the family. BD arrives and we sit to dinner – FAMILY FIRST - before he checks homework and we simmer down for the night. It sounds pretty smooth, but it can get hectic. With our routine in place we’re bringin’ home the bacon, frying it up in a pan and still feeling like we’re both the man.

On Blast
I congratulate my single-parent friends. It is an exhausting undertaking to work outside the home and maintain a healthy home life. What ideas do you have for keeping a busy household functioning as a loving family?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Settling; Rolls Royce vs. Chevy

2010-01-11T09:13:00.002-05:00

Contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t as promiscuous as people assumed. Yes, I had my fair share of fun follies, but my order to have a revolving door installed was declined for lack of traffic. That said, an associate recently asked me how it felt to ‘settle’ on one man and not have the fun that comes from a variety of pieces. Let’s keep it real here, most folks will rant-and-rave about how variety is the spice of life. It’s quite simple, if you own a Rolls Royce, why would you insist on giving it up for the opportunity to drive a different Chevy Malibu every day of the week? Variety doesn’t mean anything if the quality is lacking. Sometimes in our quest to prove our virility or maintain the lion-at-the-head-of-the-pride shit-show, we let true quality slip through our fingers. It’s a sad sight when the Animal Planet Channel features a National Geographic depicting the winded, crippled, mauled older lion chased out of his domain by the new, young leader on the block. Too bad lions don’t have the opportunity to settle down with one quality partner that can live out their years with happiness and dignity; turns out you do.

On Blast
Do you believe folks opt to play the field for variety OR is the inability to find a quality partner leading folks to promiscuity in the search for companionship?

Keep passin the open windows…

Cocoa's Next Top Puppy

2010-01-08T08:05:00.001-05:00

Puppies are hard work, but if you do a great job you're rewarded with a magnificent addition to your family. As I mentioned before, Busta has been a respected member of my family for 10 years now. I've started looking for a puppy that fits our family and have now narrowed our choices to a splendid Chow-Chow or a regal Doberman pup. Both are equally beautiful and healthy pups. Now, the conversation with the breeders may break down after some negotiation, but the breeder business is like the auto industry, they need us more than we need them. I don't subscribe to the notion that you're going to hold me over the fire AND take my money. I'll keep you posted - even with pics - on our family's very own Next Top Puppy.

Attached is today's front runner to be Cocoa's Next Top Puppy

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Living My Best Life

2010-01-07T08:17:00.001-05:00

Quite honestly, living your best life is all relative to what you like and what you do to surround yourself with who and what you like on a daily basis. As active and outgoing as I appear to folks, I actually enjoy a pretty low key life. This year I've stretched my interpretation of living my best life to include minimizing my interaction with people and situations that go against my goal to live my best life. You don't have to be a 'yes' man in my life, but you won't be a thorn in my side. It isn't so hard to just blend the bad away until it's no longer part of your pictured future. Tomorrow really isn't promised, so I'll go ahead and live my best life today.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

Age Winning Over Determination

2010-01-06T10:44:00.004-05:00

Busta – my Miniature Schnauzer – has been with me since he was eight weeks old. In May, Busta will be 11-years old. Outside of one medical emergency that rendered Busta a temporary paraplegic, Busta has been a healthy guy. Since our move one week ago, Busta is now forced to navigate two, pretty steep, flights of steps. This morning, after having to call him to come downstairs to eat several times, Busta stumbled down the stairs and had to be fed by hand. Quite honestly he looked in pain at having to come down the stairs. After having to encourage him to eat, I ran back upstairs to begin getting ready for the work day when I heard Busta struggling and scratching trying to come up the flight of stairs to join me. I ran back down, scooped him up and placed him in his bed. He licked my hand – as if to say, ‘THANK YOU’ for the help. The realization hit me that my loyal best friend was showing real signs of aging. His pain and age are winning over his determination to be by my side at every moment. We often see what we want to see and I couldn’t see my pal growing old and struggling to still serve as my faithful protector. Busta can count on me being there to lift him up those stairs and carry him down those stairs to help him maintain his dignity as his body begins the process of betrayal…age winning over determination. It’s a sad sight.

On Blast
Canine companions will put your needs ahead of their own every time. They will tackle anything – no matter how big or threatening, comfort you when you’re down and even snuggle by you when you have nothing but a nasty word after a long day. There is no loyalty like that of a dog. Have you ever experienced that type of commitment and selfless abandon from a human being?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

For Better or For Worse

2010-01-05T09:00:00.002-05:00

You don't know what a relationship will REALLY be like until you live together. Add a child to the mix and you have a trial by fire style merging. Today's family is as varied as flavors of ice cream. Traditional parents are now outnumbered by single family households and same gender parents don't even raise an eyebrow in major metropolitan cities. Yet each family celebrates their milestones, endure their own defeats and face their own hardships differently. It doesn't matter what your social status is or even your sexual orientation when you're making decisions affecting your family's future. As BD, the Minnie and I adjust to our new home we are hopeful that we continue to enhance each other's lives. That's what family really is about. Knowing that for-better-or-for-worse is just a way of saying that I love you enough to hang with you when everything is golden and when stuff ain't lookin' too hot. It isn't a deafeatist mentality, it is a concept exercised by loyalists from all walks of life.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

God Is Your GPS; You Are the Driver

2009-12-31T09:41:00.001-05:00

As 2010 comes in - well, a new decade starts - I'm looking forward to great beginnings. I'm still amazed by the mindset that really trusts in God doing things FOR anyone. It's like some folks take country-star Carrie Underwood literally and let go of the steering wheel in the hope that God will drive. It's my belief that you can trust God to be your GPS, giving you the direction of where to go, but you have the free will to drive yourself in any direction. Accepting responsibility for our own life is difficult. It means that you are crafting your own future - good and bad. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to take chances, it's okay to do the things that make you a better you. Ultimately, the time tested opinion is that you will regret all the things you fail to try, rather than the things you try and fail at. It's 2010 - a new year, a new decade; will it be a new you? God, like GPS, is great to have in your life, but HE gave you free will so that you aren't a helpless robot. Trust your GPS, but don't slip into the passenger seat leaving your GPS to drive. Happy 2010!

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

Clarity

2009-12-20T22:04:00.001-05:00

Try as you may to shroud yourself in dreams, life has a way of providing moments of clarity. It's in those moments that you are privy to your own life without the benefit of rose colored glasses of love, commitment or call of duty hampering the real-deal of your life. For the last five years or so, I have been living in that clarity. A stagnant reality that is comforting and disconcerting at the same time. I see me - and my life - for exactly what it is. I make a genuine effort to also see those in my life as they are AND love them in spite of it. It's also a bit odd to see how folks see me and their reaction to really 'seeing me'. It's like children finding out that the Boogie Man doesn't really exist or that Santa's a myth. Turns out that even with my rough-and-tumble exterior shell, I do have feelings and I do care. It's pretty extraordinary when they see me and see my true intentions, my heart and that maybe - just maybe - I may not be as heartless as they imagined. So as the holidays roll through, look around you at some of the folks you may not be seeing so clearly. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that without those clouded glasses, there is a clarity that changes everything.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

It's Not Always Clear

2009-12-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

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I Bet You Think This Post Is About You

2009-12-15T19:07:00.002-05:00

American society appears obsessed with the private lives of others. With better technology, the trend of announcing late breaking, personal information sees no way of satiating the American public's intent on being privy to every tawdry detail they can come across. Dork, self-professed-not-black, pro golfer Tiger Woods has gotten more coverage for working the hoes than the holes and yet the question each time I hear the newest discovery to his private scandal is, 'why should I give a damn'? Aren't there children missing, wars in various parts of the world and Senators stalling healthcare legislation? Don't those stories warrant more attention than some fat cat overindulgent "athlete" with poor judgment? Entertainment Tonight, the National Enquirer and even The View can do an in depth presentation of a celebrity's mistep, but when CNN and NBCs Today Show lead off with extra marital affairs as newsworthy - especially in light of the state of the world - something is wrong.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

This FAB Old House

2009-12-13T22:24:00.001-05:00

Although many thought we were already sharing a crib, BD and I alternate between each other's pad. We recently signed on the dotted line for our shared crib and have spent the last few days turning the house into a home. Admittedly, it's a lot of work - we haven't begun to address the packing and merging of our personal effects, but we've narrowed down decor for the new pad and that's a start. All said, I want us to start the new year finally enjoying a place WE call home. My fears of the unknown have been replaced by the excitment of sharing one roof and having our next logical step cement our dream-come-true commitment. Here's to our very own episode of This Old House.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone