Not Shady, Just Fierce...

God Is Your GPS; You Are the Driver

2009-12-31T09:41:00.001-05:00

As 2010 comes in - well, a new decade starts - I'm looking forward to great beginnings. I'm still amazed by the mindset that really trusts in God doing things FOR anyone. It's like some folks take country-star Carrie Underwood literally and let go of the steering wheel in the hope that God will drive. It's my belief that you can trust God to be your GPS, giving you the direction of where to go, but you have the free will to drive yourself in any direction. Accepting responsibility for our own life is difficult. It means that you are crafting your own future - good and bad. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to take chances, it's okay to do the things that make you a better you. Ultimately, the time tested opinion is that you will regret all the things you fail to try, rather than the things you try and fail at. It's 2010 - a new year, a new decade; will it be a new you? God, like GPS, is great to have in your life, but HE gave you free will so that you aren't a helpless robot. Trust your GPS, but don't slip into the passenger seat leaving your GPS to drive. Happy 2010!

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Clarity

2009-12-20T22:04:00.001-05:00

Try as you may to shroud yourself in dreams, life has a way of providing moments of clarity. It's in those moments that you are privy to your own life without the benefit of rose colored glasses of love, commitment or call of duty hampering the real-deal of your life. For the last five years or so, I have been living in that clarity. A stagnant reality that is comforting and disconcerting at the same time. I see me - and my life - for exactly what it is. I make a genuine effort to also see those in my life as they are AND love them in spite of it. It's also a bit odd to see how folks see me and their reaction to really 'seeing me'. It's like children finding out that the Boogie Man doesn't really exist or that Santa's a myth. Turns out that even with my rough-and-tumble exterior shell, I do have feelings and I do care. It's pretty extraordinary when they see me and see my true intentions, my heart and that maybe - just maybe - I may not be as heartless as they imagined. So as the holidays roll through, look around you at some of the folks you may not be seeing so clearly. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that without those clouded glasses, there is a clarity that changes everything.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

It's Not Always Clear

2009-12-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

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I Bet You Think This Post Is About You

2009-12-15T19:07:00.002-05:00

American society appears obsessed with the private lives of others. With better technology, the trend of announcing late breaking, personal information sees no way of satiating the American public's intent on being privy to every tawdry detail they can come across. Dork, self-professed-not-black, pro golfer Tiger Woods has gotten more coverage for working the hoes than the holes and yet the question each time I hear the newest discovery to his private scandal is, 'why should I give a damn'? Aren't there children missing, wars in various parts of the world and Senators stalling healthcare legislation? Don't those stories warrant more attention than some fat cat overindulgent "athlete" with poor judgment? Entertainment Tonight, the National Enquirer and even The View can do an in depth presentation of a celebrity's mistep, but when CNN and NBCs Today Show lead off with extra marital affairs as newsworthy - especially in light of the state of the world - something is wrong.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

This FAB Old House

2009-12-13T22:24:00.001-05:00

Although many thought we were already sharing a crib, BD and I alternate between each other's pad. We recently signed on the dotted line for our shared crib and have spent the last few days turning the house into a home. Admittedly, it's a lot of work - we haven't begun to address the packing and merging of our personal effects, but we've narrowed down decor for the new pad and that's a start. All said, I want us to start the new year finally enjoying a place WE call home. My fears of the unknown have been replaced by the excitment of sharing one roof and having our next logical step cement our dream-come-true commitment. Here's to our very own episode of This Old House.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

Chain E-Mail; The Hemorrhoid On the Ass of Communication

2009-12-07T11:55:00.004-05:00

Is there really a polite way of saying, “Don’t text or e-mail me with junk text or junk e-mail messages?” I mean, keeping in contact with friends and family is tough enough, but when I’m excited to see a text or e-mail from you, only to be disappointed to open it and realize it’s a chain e-mail warning me of impending doom if I don’t forward it on to ten more unsuspecting fools, I get really pissed off. I’m really happy to hear from you – via e-mail, text or phone - but if you don’t have a personal message (you know, a message that comes directly from you to me) don’t send it to me. Jesus, Allah and other religious entities don’t operate via these chain communication techniques, so stop using the Lord’s name in vain and moving this sacrilege along. With the enormous amount of spam out there don’t forward that crap, but if you MUST, please remove me from your list of folks you think will benefit from the seven people, in seven days, for seven blessings plan. Ummm….and happy holidays.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

The Weary Face Of Committed Gay America

2009-11-30T10:01:00.000-05:00

It seems a bit disconcerting to need to answer this question, but to those who have asked me whether BD or I are the "woman" in our relationship, the answer is simple - there isn't a woman in our relationship. If BD or I wanted a woman in our relationship we would've courted one. I realize that folks feel the need to neatly box and file-away people and things, but put this one in your miscellaneous folder. Gay relationships are as varied as there are gay men. To be clear and helpful to ALL of my friends, it is rude to ask adults what they do in bed intimately with their partner. Gay men don't wish to be women; you're confusing homosexuality with gender identity issues. I'm happy to be a man; never wanted to be female and am very comfortable with being a male friend to my female friends. I recognize that the mass media has long tried to make it easy for heterosexual folks to understand the gay experience, but in oversimplifying the issue for you guys they've led you to believe that one or both men in a relationship is a baton twirling, penis-loathing, sissy girlfriend, and well that is not only untrue but it compromises my ability to be polite when around those who continue with the ignorant comments and questions.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

Thanksgiving For Real

2009-11-25T06:42:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving is such a commercial holiday, but it is my favorite holiday all the same. I always feel that unlike Christmas, Thanksgiving is that holiday where you can give the most precious gift of all - yourself. Folks come together and share a meal while discussing how grateful they are about the important things in life. This year I'm thankful that the stars all lined up - I have my health; a partner who I love; a beautiful son; a supportive family; amazing friends and a great job. Make no mistake, I appreciate each one of my blessings every day. As I look back on trials I've overcome, I recognize their importance; they help me truly be grateful for my life today. It's Thanksgiving for real when you see what could have been compared to the glory of what is.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

Precious; The Human Spirit

2009-11-23T20:28:00.001-05:00

The reviews for the movie Precious, a story based on the novel Push, all appeared to identify the flick as a tear-jerker; a movie that highlighted abuse and despair. With no spoiler alert required I can say that precious is actually the story of the resilience of the human spirit. Precious does take you to the depths of abuse, but when you hit rock bottom the consolation is that there is only one way left to go. Gabourey Sidibe is genius. Her acting betrays her experience. Monique is raw in a way that I've only seen in seasoned dramatic actors. Even Mariah Carey exercised a true to character performance that makes Precious a contender for Oscar and for a place on anyone's Best Picture List.

Thanks for sharing the experience with me Mercy! Now don't judge me for being vulnerable! ;)

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

Cheese, Wine & Icons; 2009 AMA Review

2009-11-23T10:29:00.001-05:00

Last night's 2009 American Music Awards was quite the spectacle. With so many former heavy hitters performing, the event was as touted as momentous as the second coming of Jesus. Janet Jackson, Jennifer Lopez and Whitney Houston - the list of performers seemed ripped from years passed...but then the show started...

Janet Jackson...now securely in her 40s, Janet has packed on a few pounds and shed her sense of style. Although her tribute performance a few months ago showed her wearing more appropriate gear, last night’s AMA get-up had a pudgier Janet running around in what looked like saggy ill-fitted sweats and a full (meaning fully-used) diaper. It was clearly Janet's last time being asked to open a big award show. Before the hateful banter begins, let me be clear that I love Janet; I love the confidence she showed during her recent Robin Roberts’ interview; but am realistic about Janet’s future as a lock-pop-and-drop dance icon.

Jennifer Lopez...my Boricua girl from the block always has her swagger. She started her performance like a prize fighter, making her way to the ring (ahem…stage) J-Lo looked confident and ready for the world. Once she removed the boxing robe, many of us expected a sexy Lopez sporting the new svelte physique. Instead we were treated to dumpy boxer shorts and unflattering flat boxing boots. Then La Lopez did the unthinkable – and for a dancer with her experience, the moronic. She climbed, ala stairway to heaven, up her sweaty backed dancers and once at the top of the human stairwell, she looked down with apparent trepidation and she jumped up into the air landing squarely on her flat and wet-bottomed feet. With the sweat covering the bottom of her flats J-Lo saw her feet slip from under her like a little boy skipping stones across a pond. Her hard bounce off her legendary ass was captured for (dare I say) posterity. Although she recovered nicely and followed up with an onstage wardrobe and shoe change, we only remember her gelatinous gluteus hittin' the ground – hard. J-Lo will need to rethink both her feet leaving any stage and with her new thighs to match her rump, let me be your Coqui paisano to tell you, NO MORE FLATS IN PUBLIC. Save the chanclas for the house ma!

Whitney Houston...Her return to the stage is a prayer answered for many of us. Those of us who remember her meteoric rise to the top have nothing but love for our Jersey girl. When we saw early pics of a recovering Whitney, recapturing some of the luster we remembered, we sighed and thanked the Lord for bringing her through. Now, that that’s out of the way, I have a follow-up request Lord, “Please give her back her voice, her shape or the good sense to sit her behind down after this last hurrah.” Look, we can all think it, but one of us needs to say it. She reminds me of Keyshia Cole’s recovering addict mom. You’ve dressed her up and we can see the Whitney of years passed hiding somewhere in there, but it’s almost like a drag-performance. Like the real Whitney is never coming back. So, in the vein of keepin’ it real….I love Whitney Houston. I love that she’s recovering and is blessed with a come-back that shows how much we’ve missed her and wish her well, but it doesn’t mean that this is going to work long term. We are now looking at Whitney following in the vocal footsteps of her famous cousin Dionne. The voice was there back in the day. You are legend. It is gone. Please let us remember you as you were and this final beautiful comeback. To answer Whitney’s question of years ago, “How will I know?”….BECAUSE WE WILL TELL YOU.

Honorable mentions this AMA include Mary J. Blige looking like a housewife from Atlanta, Adam Lambert giving America the finger – I’m not the American Idol, but who’s laughing now bitches?! And of course don’t think you got away with that dry ass awkward performance Shakira…hips don’t lie…you can’t really dance mamita!

The AMA’s were worth watching this year because they highlighted that wine, cheese and icons all age, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they suddenly become a more expensive, quality-driven rarity. Sometimes, it just means they can make you sick.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Going Rogue In NYC

2009-11-19T10:07:00.000-05:00

For years we've heard stories about good people, that in a moment of frustration with the repeated drip-on-the-forehead torture that life's obstacles can present, finally snap and do something rash. Well, I am consistently beseiged by the overwhelming desire to, not unlike Palin, go rogue on my polite life of pleasantries and congenial banter and land at the center of a retributive beatdown. Translation: I'm growing increasingly tired of ignoring the purposeful rudeness and ignorant behavior of those around me.

Here are some of my inner thoughts and how my pressure valve finds release through imaginative thought:

* Commuter Correction: if you speak to a fellow rider or on your mobile phone at a volume louder than a whisper or soft inside voice, we are now entitled to slap your mouth, mush your riding partner for not telling you about it and/or snatch your mobile phone and stomp on it until our inner thighs hurt

* if you board a two-person wide escalator and stand to the left but choose not to walk, those behind you can kick you in the center of your back and hold your face to the teeth at the end of the escalator grate

* if a door is held for you and you choose to walk through and not say thank-you, we bring said mannerless person back to the door and repeatedly slam their fingers in it until a audible crunching sound fills the air.

I'm still on this side of the bars; Fighting the desire to snap. Imagining a world where there are reflex reactions to the consistent bating by the ignorant.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

The Circle of Life

2009-11-17T06:42:00.001-05:00

I can think back to my childhood years, my teens and even my thirties. As I enter my forties I'm conscious of my body changing and how the babies I once knew are now becoming adults and having babies of their own. The circle of life; that unstoppable reality that either plows ahead dragging you with it or buries you lifeless before leaving you behind. It's unquestionably the healthier alternative to grow old. To watch your body deteriorate - disintegrate really - and revert to that toothless bald baby you came into this world as is not a thought many of us look forward to. I often look at teens and wonder if I was that rambunctious in my early years and more important, do I resent not having the blinders of youth that make you move forward with an impenetrable fearlessness. It's a quiet secret, but just as the prospect of dying is scary, so is the prospect of growing old; watching as loved ones leave you and feeling a sense of disconnect with the gray-haired man looking back at you from the mirror. It's the circle of life. A short timeline that turns the baby into the grandad and the fashionista into the shuffle board champion. Here's to sharing some of that timeline along the way.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

Careful What You Ask For

2009-11-16T08:50:00.001-05:00

Im not a big religious type, but I do believe in God. If there's one lesson that has proven true my entire life is that God specializes in great outcomes. It's for this reason that my prayer is that he do what is best for me in my life - even when it doesn't appear to be what I want or expect. Praying that his will be done can get tricky. It sometimes means that my dreams are deferred and my plans are changed. That can be quite disconcerting. Conversly, living s short term dream that quickly transforms into a nightmare can be averted with a little divine intervention. If you're like me you struggle to relinquish control, but the beauty of God is that all is done and agreed to by you; the concept of free will. Pray smarter...save a few steps and pray that the Lord delivers what will be good for your heart and soul. Pray that your will is observed but overwritten by the almighty if it is for your greater good.

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- Mobile post from my iPhone

Bringing Shame to Boricuas

2009-11-10T09:28:00.000-05:00

NYS Senator and Pentecostal minister Ruben Diaz knows first hand that discrimination is intolerable. A Puerto Rican maneuvering in NYS politics, he should be aware where his career would be if prejudice reigned unchallenged. Diaz has two gay brothers, countless gays he calls friends and yet he has one of the most boisterous platforms against marriage equality. Shame on you Diaz. New Yorkers must show their disapproval by voting for a candidate who supports marriage equality and believes in stomping out discrimination against any group of people. The age of giving candidates your vote based on racial similarities are long gone and ignorant. Support candidates who believe in causes important to you and let ministers with religious agendas preach their veiled hatred from their pulpits without the benefit of our tax dollars. The era of proclaiming your love for a group you willfully oppress is over.

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- Mobile from my iPhone

Alan's Birthday Dinner; 11/7/09

2009-11-08T01:49:00.001-05:00

Happy birthday Alan! Here's to many more and the pleasure of celebrating with friends. Thanks for letting us be a part of it!

Obama Needs to Do It All - Fast

2009-11-04T08:36:00.000-05:00

We handed Bush eight long years and in that time the country's surplus was turned into an enormous deficit, a war began and we were so isolated from the international community it seemed Canada would declare war on the U.S. In 10 months in office Obama has to clean up some really HUGE disasters AND make good on many pressing campaign promises. Yesterday's Dem losses in Jersey and Virginia are seen as his losses; races his mere clout should have carried. Healthcare, gay marriage, Afghanistan - all on his plate. To keep it real, I don't see how anyone would want the thankless job of commander in chief and, short of walking on water, what we expected President Obama to have accomplished in 10 months. I will give him credit for improving our relations abroad and making the healthcare discussion a serious one. For his own sake though, his critics are clamoring he do it all - fast.

Keep passin' the open windows...

-- Posted from my iPhone

Good Parents vs Gay Parents

2009-11-03T09:11:00.001-05:00

When news reports broke that youngsters were accused of gang raping a girl at a high school homecoming game, the newscaster never mentioned if the parents were straight. A young boy set his classmate on fire and still no clue as to whether there were heterosexuals running the show at the alleged attacker's home. All to say that as a society we should care more about how a child is raised than the sexual orientation of the folks raising him or her. I was recently asked about the parenting of our 10-year old and whether I believe he will be affected by having two male parents. The answer is, I hope so. We deliberately teach him to respect others, to celebrate diverse races and cultures and that religion is an individual's belief in a higher power that he has no right to challenge. Our son is encouraged to ask questions, to learn how to be a responsible member of society and yes, we even answer questions about girls and dating. When all parents realize that there isn't a Gay Parents vs Good Parents argument, we can get down to the business of being one society striving to be good parents. It's high time logic kicks in and we all demand we raise kids with respect for their fellow man, a love of life and the ability to appreciate differences. As a parent, the sexual orientation, race or religion of the parents seems a moot point; either you're a good parent or a bad parent.

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-- Posted from my iPhone

NYC Subway; A Disaster In Waiting

2009-10-28T09:13:00.001-04:00

More than one hour and twenty five minutes, on what should be a 20 minute ride, I was still trapped underground on NYC,s Subway. I quietly reflected on how one train malfunction or one sick passenger can easily cripple the world's largest train system. It is for this reason - among others - that terrorist and crazies alike target the Big Apple's aging mass transportation system. I have only one wish with regard to this...that my loved ones and I are not on the train when (and I absolutely mean when) the BIG disaster happens. NYC's transit system is ill equipped, poorly run and a sitting duck that WILL suffer many victims when the horror of a real emergency occurs.

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-- Posted from my iPhone

More to Come; TV News Today

2009-10-23T09:09:00.000-04:00

Things aren't always as they appear. As the news breaks revealing facts that didn't seem initially plausible, our sensibility deteriorates. Affairs with God fearing men, murders by mothers, even heads of state being forced to fess-up to marital mayhem. It is now commonplace for many of us to look at newstories with a raised eyebrow. Maybe the question marks were always there. I'm sure society hasn't had a bout of moral decay that has rendered us coniving animals. What has definitely changed is technology. We now can pan to the video feed of Bill leaving Sally's crib or the mobile phone records of Maria calling 911 two days after strangling her kids. Shows like CSI, NCIS and Law and Order are near accurate portrayals of the amazing unraveling precision law enforcement agencies now use to solve crimes. Watching the news is only part one of current events. All newstories should offer-up the disclaimer that there is more to come.

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- mobile post

Nails In the Personal Hygiene Coffin

2009-10-22T08:58:00.000-04:00

Personal hygiene. Seems like a universal concept, but in reality it is a learned behavior that some, well, haven't really learned. Today, as the trained chugged along I gazed upon a human hand with claws extending more than three inches from the end of each finger. Unable to make something as basic as a balled-up fist, please tell me how this person wipes after using the bathroom? Assuming there's some freakish method to accomplishing that, where do they work? Can they type or pick up a small item? Aside from checking frequently, how are they sure there isn't residue lingering under these pint-sized machetes? I'm all for accessorizing - for God's sake I'm gay - but when form defeats function and you willingly render yourself disabled OR worse, a breeding ground for ecoli, I believe it's time to maybe invest in a charm bracelet and leave the unsightly potential pooper-scoopers to the guys walking behind elephants at the circus.

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Fact vs Non Fiction

2009-10-19T08:51:00.001-04:00

No matter how you put it the truth is the truth. The last week or so I have been very physically uncomfortable. Work slacks wouldn't button, shirts felt constricting and last year's coats felt like grandmas shawl...snug. When I considered buying jeans to fit the new size, I realized that it wasn't just the numbers on the waist that would change, but also my dedication to keeping a healthy size. I dumped both pairs at the nearest rack and marched out of the store. Instead I told myself to tell the truth. Happy or not, I don't care for buying clothes because I'm eating irresponsibly an treating my body carelessly. Today I left the house with an extra bag...my gym bag. For years I made time for myself and hit the gym during my lunch hour. It will start again today. The truth is the truth and I honestly can't accept a compliment or a good word if it doesn't ring true to me.

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- mobile post

Running Your Trap

2009-10-14T09:07:00.001-04:00

As i ride the train each morning I realize that I'm increasing my iPod volume to new heights in an effort to drown the chatter out. Now, I like to converse as much as the next guy, but the persistent chatter is irritating - especially when in closed spaces. It then struck me that many of the folks afflicted with Verbal Brake Failure (VBF) are complaining about being single, the disappointment of getting played, the bitch at work that "don't" like them and so on. I wondered if the chatter started because of the issues or were the issues directly related to the consistent running of the mouth. Do some folks talk too f*cking much? Could it be that part of the despair these folks are in can be traced to not knowing how to shut their trap? Well, the jury is still out, but take note, if by 10am you're already on your third 30 minute conversation, you may need to consider that the reason you're having issues with folks at work, school or even your disgruntled partner are a result of running your mouth.

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Todo Cambio

2009-10-10T21:10:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it's hard telling folks that you love them. The alternative is that they spend valuable time trying to figure out if you do. Sometimes it's hard to show someone you care and ultimately, time extinguishes the opportunities to ever have a glimmer of it reveal itself. I've promised myself that it will not be the case with BD. Every day I tell him how much I love him. Every day I tell him how important he is to me. Todo cambio (the song featured above - words included...lol) conveys these thoughts. They tell of how everything changed when I met BD. My black and white life is now in color. Tomorrow is not guaranteed...I choose to tell him today. Baby, everything changed when you came into my life and it's all good.

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Mojo Back? Pres Wins Nobel Prize

2009-10-09T09:34:00.000-04:00

On the heels of, what many considered a failed attempt at securing the Olympics for the U.S., President Obama wins the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. What struck me as comical is how various media outlets quickly lined-up their firing squads to criticize how undeserved Pres Obama is of this prestigious honor. It would appear that the divine O - not to be confused with media mogul Ms. O - can't do right by some folks. The reality is that the Nobel Peace Prize solidifies the President's apparent universal charm, respect and golden-boy persona. Say what you will but we now have a President with the Midas touch. His wins far outnumber his loses and whether he's the antonym to the worldwide disdain for Bush or held to a side-by-side comparison with successes of any other historical figure, President Obama is a man to admire, praise and behold with wonder. Congrats to the once underdog to the Presidency who today can celebrate being a stellar father, a revered President, and now, a Nobel Peace Prize Winner...not bad for a guy who many thought had lost his mojo.

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Save A Child; Shop Online

2009-10-08T09:15:00.001-04:00

Zappos.com and Overstock.com are my mainstays. I just don't have the patience and foot arch to shop retail. To make the pot even sweeter, saving more than 30%-70% each visit is an incentive I just can't turn down. I have a pretty colorful personality, but my office and casual attire are very tan and grey. Now I know there's some queen from my earlier club days that's reading this sucking her teeth like she just ate corn, but on the real, those club-wear days are long gone. Replaced by love handles that have love handles, I have learned that certain trends are left to the Desperate Housegays and not a middle-aged man who spends the bulk of his time with white collar America. It's also a great feeling when I sit at my desk with a cup of espresso and page through various websites and not have to interrupt an irritated teenager forcing them to text their BFF how she is fishing a pair of extra large cords from the stock room for an irate former legend-in-his-own-mind. Now, instead of soaking my feet at the end of a long shopping day, I can soak my hands to prepare for that manicure courtesy of that nifty mani-pedi kit I bought online. Yeah, I take the occasional stroll to a retail store every now and again - I mean even an aging kitty needs a scratch post to keep those claws sharp - and when I do it's pure entertainment. The Minnie thanks me for not dragging him from store to store and those kids working retail, well they get to be lazy another day.

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