Afternoon Edition - 4/29/08

Black or White; What About the Blue?
The Sean Bell case highlighted arguments regarding race, policing and the value of life. Questions surrounding whether individuals who have felony convictions for drug distribution; are patronizing venues that are less than reputable; and have previous weapon possession charges are entitled to the same treatment by law enforcement officers. I’ll be the first to recognize that our men in blue risk their lives everyday for a paltry sum of money, but it is a profession they chose to undertake. For the same pay they can shuffle paper as an administrative assistant or work as a customer service representative. All said, police officers are sworn to uphold the law, while serving and protecting the public. Unfortunately, the blue has been long known to be a group with many more prejudices and above-the-law tactics than any black or white constituent. So, suffice to say that whether an officer is White, Black, Hispanic, etc. he is taught and cultured to be BLUE first. This means there is a loyalty to your kind – the blue – fellow officers. Whether alleged assailants are black or white is less relevant than the fact that the men in blue are still in a culture all their own. Ultimately, I’d like to think that the Bell case has less to do with race and more to do with the responsibility of police officers to uphold the law – even when those laws contradict your human feelings toward those that may be perceived as drug-dealing gutter trash. In the Bell case no weapon was ever recovered and all the alleged assailants at the scene were unarmed. To complicate matters further, all shots fired were from the police officers themselves – all 50. The argument that the excessive shots may have been fired when officers heard each other’s blasts and believed they were being shot at by the assailants is silly. The three officers were trained professionals, taught to remain fairly calm in situations like these. Can it be said that officers who may have joined the gun battle should have pulled their weapons and begun shooting too, since they heard shots being fired? This isn’t the wild-wild west. We have reached a time in our society when not everything is as it appears. Police officers must understand that to have the respect and loyalty of the communities they serve they must admit when glaring mistakes have been made. Judges routinely instruct juries to disregard anything mentioned that may unfairly affect a jury trial – be it previous offenses, previous charges, moral choices, etc. – and unless a defendant takes the stand, their priors are kept out of the case at hand. Do I personally believe Bell and his pals were rebel-rousing thugs who may have had too much that fateful night and gone too far? Maybe. Do I feel in my heart that it is ethical to shoot an unarmed man 50 times in the name of justice? No. Maybe we’ve rid ourselves of a drug dealer in NYC, but by saying it’s okay for the blue to serve as the reigning culture in NYC to make determinations on who lives and who dies we’re creating a two-fold problem: First, a disconnect and mistrust between constituencies and the men/women paid to protect and serve them AND second, a sense that if you want to be above the law, it’s not a matter of black or white – it’s a matter of blue.

On Blast
There are over 304,000,000 folks in the US and 800,000 of them are sworn law enforcement officers. With rulings like that of the Sean Bell case, are we saying that less than 1% of the population –the blue – is the controlling culture? Would you be as comfortable giving any race/culture the same privileges if they comprised 1% of the population – be they white or black – and permitted them to live above the law?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Afternoon Edition - 4/28/08

Ask Not For Whom the Bell Tolls

I’ve discussed the Sean Bell case with a very close friend of mine and I agree with her on many of the points she brought up regarding the case, yet my brain returns to three points:
1. No one – outside of the law enforcement officers – overheard Sean Bell or his pals speak of a weapon.
2. Why did the plain clothes officers follow Sean Bell for more than two blocks when they allegedly overheard that he was carrying a weapon or was in the process of obtaining a weapon?
3. Why were 50 shots fired by three law enforcement officers when not ONE shot was fired by the alleged assailants?

Now, I’m not dense or blind to the fact that some in Bell’s camp have a criminal record, but this still doesn’t address the three points that cross my mind. Were Bell and his friends caught in the middle of a prostitution bust? That would be plausible, except none of the employees or dancers at the club were arrested that night. Were they drunk the night they were going to operate their vehicles to go home? This may very well be true, but I’m sure they would’ve taken a DWI charge to 50 bullets that night.

In jury trials – well, the ones I’ve witnessed – the jury is instructed to make their determinations based on the facts presented to them – not previous offenses. In this case the records of all the victims in this shooting were public and discussed widely in the media. Now, although some believe that some of these men were drug dealers, etc. it can be said that the death penalty has not been exacted for dealing drugs in this country.

On Blast
I’m not siding with anyone. I do however feel that to resolve the three points that continue to cross my mind I have to be honest with myself.

Do we want to promote anarchy and vigilantism by approving the execution of individuals that may be considered criminals (or potential criminals) without a fair trail?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Evening Edition - 4/21/08

1st Annual Blogger Family Reunion; Assessments
Preparing for an event that brings together men from different geographic areas, different cultures, different age groups and all with different interests – save one (blogging) – can present a logistics nightmare for many planners. Before anything is said, first and foremost, a HUGE thank-you to Warren Jones for making the details of this event seem effortless and low cost – even cost-free for some…but that’s another story. The truth is, I’m sure Jones spent a pretty penny booking a beautiful suite overlooking Baltimore’s Inner Harbor and another grip to provide the behemoth, gas guzzling Suburban that carted many of us around. Although Darius Williams and I spent some time coordinating the event, Jones was the mastermind securing our meeting headquarters and shared transportation – thank you Jonesy! You’re a class act.

The Assessments; In Order of Appearance

Norris
Summary:
If there was ever a disservice done by a pic on someone’s blog it is certainly That Dude Right There; aka Norris. Norris’ blog picture is reserved – almost aloof and defensive; the reality is Norris is hysterically funny with a southern warmth and charm that immediately draws you in. I felt at ease with Norris from the moment we met and had a nonstop chuckle from his many witty sayings.
Same as blog:
Norris’ ability to see things for what they are and not give the negative the power to overwhelm him are qualities that transcend his blog and are ever-present in his live persona.
Different than blog:
Norris’ sense of humor and charm make him magnetic in person. His blog needs to be changed to reflect his personality and infectious spirit.
Assigned Nickname Post-Meeting:
Southern Comfort

Warren
Summary:
Warren is the college room mate I never had. Smart, funny, direct and together, Mr. Jones aka Warren Jones is the go-to guy when you want someone to give it to you straight, yet have the sense to know how to deliver it. Whether we were shopping, partying or just shooting the breeze, Warren felt like an old friend. His ability to be strong AND vulnerable made him an instant friend and a potential trusted confidant.
Same as blog:
Warren is fearless. Whether he’s tackling criticisms, delivering wisdom beyond his years or making someone feel included, Warren takes it head-on.
Different than blog:
Warren cares. It may not come through that he’s a true people person and for all the sharp-wit and ability to decimate his opponent, Warren, more-often-than-not, chooses the high road and makes everyone feel important.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
B’Mo’s Finest

E
Summary:
Eric aka E is a clear case of a man who lives through his blog. Silent to the point of invisibility, many of us struggled to drag E into our conversations, but we found that his answers were few and far between. Don’t be fooled…when he did answer his commentary was hysterically funny and you got the sense that there was so much more to the man than meets the eye.
Same as blog:
The cartoon holding the spot on E’s blog may very well be the person writing the thing…imaginary.
Different than blog:
Everything. E is an imaginary persona who sent his introverted brother to the blogger family reunion. LOL
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
The Lamb

Andre
Summary:
I didn’t have much contact with Andre’s blog pre-reunion, but he appeared to be one of those guys that knows where the party is. He was one of the first to arrive at the venue and the first to kick-off his shoes and settle right in.
Same as blog:
N/A
Different than blog:
Andre’s blog gives the impression that he is an event guru and one who is an A-list type socialite. In reality, Andre appears adept at maximizing his opportunities to get the most out of the event at hand.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
Lottery (Dollar and a dream)

Jared
Summary:
For close to two years now I have felt like the older sibling – let’s keep it real here, more like a parental figure for Jared. I’ve felt protective of him and have watched with great interest how he moved from blissful innocence to a more explorative young man. At close to 19-years old, Jared is the baby of our blogger family and my heart was full to finally meet him in person. He’s a confident young man and I felt that chest-swelling pride to hear him growing into his own – as a man AND as a gay man of color. Jared is smart, witty, fun and responsible all rolled into one. Definitely one of my most anticipated meetings of the weekend.
Same as blog:
Jared is extremely forthcoming and his live personality and his blog do nothing to muddle the feeling that Jared is telling you exactly what he is feeling. There’s a sense – whether online or in-person - that Jared has drawn you in and harkens the teen in all of us.
Different than blog:
Jared is much taller in person. His blog picture gives a sense of a waif-like child, but Jared towers over many at 5’11”. He’s slightly shy and it makes him all the more endearing.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
BJ (Baby Jared)

Joey
Summary:
Joey aka Joey Bahamas is a Bahamian prince. This isn’t an attempt at a dig. Joey carries himself with a regal peace that is neither condescending or patronizing – it’s simply an air of distinction. He’s able to interact with all with an ease that comes from polished social skills. Still in his early twenties, Joey has a grounded understanding of life, what’s important and especially how to let your confident REAL self shine.
Same as blog:
Beautiful inside and out; eloquent; poised.
Different than blog:
Great height; legs that extend to his neck; Not at all pretentious or conceited.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
KAI (King and I)

Ty
Summary:
Ty, of the Aspire blog fame, is not one to have catty blog postings and often has blog postings with entries calling for creative participation. In person there’s a strange sense that his quiet cool can easily be replaced by a much more aggressive sexually charged man OR a no-nonsense professionalism. In either case his personality is that of a well-rounded chameleon; able to be anything he’d like to be.
Same as blog:
As smart and engaging as his blog suggests.
Different than blog:
PHAT ass…sorry, got side-tracked…he’s a very funny in person. A feeling of warmth and understanding that isn’t conveyed in his blog is evident in person.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
SS (Shape Shifter)

Fuzzy
Summary:
Fuzzy aka Daniel and the author of I Wonder can at times come across as genuine, yet aloof. In person Fuzzy appears coy and flirtatious. He appears to have no issues expressing himself and letting folks know how he feels. A great heart.
Same as blog:
Appears to genuinely care.
Different than blog:
A lot more relaxed than the somewhat regimented feel you get from his personality on his blog.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
Emeril’s Nem

Shawn
Summary:
The heart at peace with the mind; that’s the thought that kept crossing my mind every time I looked over at Shawn. His somewhat colorful and creative persona from Dreams In A Fitted becomes quiet, still and tan in real life. Does it conceal the creative side of the dreamer? No.
Same as blog:
Great sense of humor and a sense of child-like innocence.
Different than blog:
Not a party animal; not really a heavy drinker.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
Quiet Storm

Promiscuous X
Summary:
Xavier aka Promiscuous X exudes sex appeal and luscious street corner boy. His boyish grin gives way to a bust yo’ face snarl…all in a matter of moments. In the end, you get a sense that X is a fun-loving below the radar kind-of guy. He’s quiet, but will speak his mind when asked. All said, he’s what was referred to in Paris Is Burning as “Up and comin’ legendary.”
Same as blog:
The look on his blog is the man you will meet in person.
Different than blog:
Nothing…he’s a leopard with spots unchanged.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
XTM (X to many…LOL)

Darius
Summary:
Another case of change that blog pic applies to this character as well. Darius Williams comes across as a low-maintenance high-revving character on his blog, but his real life persona is quite the opposite. D is light-hearted with an undercurrent of “let’s spark it.” Case-in-point, during breakfast D managed to visually notice the difference between cheddar and American cheese on his eggs, wanted his meat cooked more thoroughly and noticed a spot on his knife that couldn’t be seen with the naked eye, but had the waiter handle all of these issues – pronto! In my 38 years on earth I’ve been called colorful, raw, direct, funny, witty, but never raunchy….D holds the title for the only person to mash all my personality traits into one giant negative. Bless his heart! LOL.
Same as blog:
He’s as tall as he tells you he is. I’m wearing a neck brace following an attempt at a lengthy face-to-face conversation.
Different than blog:
D may tell you that he’s a rough and tumble man, but we saw the teddy bear come through…even if the teddy wore a teddy at times.
Assigned Nickname Post Meeting:
Mabel

On Blast
What perception of yourself did you hold near and dear only to find that everyone who met you at the blogger family reunion didn’t see quite the same way?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - 4/21/08

1st Annual Family Reunion A Complete Success!
My official run-down of the 1st Annual Family Reunion will be posted real soon, but suffice to say that I had a blast! The name we chose for this gathering was fitting…we were a true family. I’m sure we’ll have more versions of the event from my fellow bloggers than written of the Christian Bible, but one thing should be true of all posts and that is that we are all counting down the days to our 2nd Annual Blogger Family Reunion in San Juan for 2009!

On Blast
Some folks' REAL personality doesn't translate into their writing, while others clearly represent who they are when they put fingers to keyboard.

Who at our blogger family reunion represented the greatest difference between their blog persona and their real-life personality? Why?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Afternoon Edition - 4/8/08

The Optimistic Realist
Throughout my life I’ve identified myself as a pessimist – one who sees the glass as half empty. I believed that if I prepared myself for the worst that could happen, I would never be caught off guard. What I’ve come to recognize is that I’m not really a pessimist at all. My way of thinking is more of the optimistic realist. By identifying as a realist I see things for what they really are – no better, no worse. I don’t dilute myself into thinking that I can change adult minds or make the sun revolve around the earth, but I also have an ingrained sense of optimism that allows me to see how all things change and can change for the better. I’ve been blessed with having many of my wishes come true and have often felt a sense of gratitude for the universe’ seeing me through virtually every hardship in my life. So, it was an enormous disappointment when I spoke with an ex-partner last Thursday and heard the bitterness a true pessimist speaks with. When I attempted to keep our conversation light and ask, “How is it going?” he immediately set-off on a tirade of negatives that included: ‘I don’t speak to my family and act as though they are all dead to me; Would never again partake of a relationship, since all men are dogs and will eventually hurt you; and stay to myself to eliminate all chances for being betrayed.’ I sat stunned before asking, “…but don’t you think you’ve given up on life with that attitude and are dead already if you have nothing to look forward to?” The words didn’t leave my mouth before he retorted, “Look, I know where you are in your life and how you want to play the little relationship thing. How long will that last before you act a fool and do something stupid?” Rather than feel angry, I somehow felt an enormous sense of sadness. With the line hanging silent, he thought he’d suddenly make light and say, “Oh, you thought I didn’t know what was going on in your life, huh?” I took a deep breath and said, “No offense or anger in my heart, but you sound so bitter and sad. I really feel sorry for you. A few years ago I would’ve apologized for what I may have done to you to bring you to this point in your life, but I recognize that we’ve all lived through pain, frustration and betrayal. In the end, we make the choice to adopt the attitude you have or choose to ‘live’ and give ourselves every opportunity to be happy. I choose to love and not make the rest of my life some memorial service to the disasters of my years past.” I think my tone and honesty spoke to his heart and he went from bitter to awkward. He stammered to find his words and said, “So, what’s next? You guys planning on doing the lesbian thing and adopting kids?” I felt like that horrific scene in Cliffhanger, with Sylvester Stallone, where his character, trying to save a loved one and fellow mountain climber realizes he’s lost his grip on her and she slips through his grasp. “I’m glad to hear you’re alive and well. I need to get off the line. Good-bye.” There was another awkward pause before he said, “Oh, I got to you, right?” I breathed deeply and said, “No. I’m just really sad no one is able to get to you. Goodbye.” I hit the ‘end’ button on my phone and sat there for a long while thinking how someone I remember as an optimistic person with so much determination and drive had turned into a rotting shell of a man. Where there is no hope or optimism, there is no will to live. I could blame myself for somehow damaging his perception of life and love, but instead I realized that I had suffered throughout my life too, but there’s still so much life to live. We don’t have to repeat our mistakes; we don’t have to half-step to avoid pain; we don’t have to force others to pay for the wrongs of our past. We simply have to live as realists and optimists; seeing our lives for what they are and always believing that there is a brighter future on the horizon.

On Blast
It’s easy to feel that the next scene of our lives will include encore performances by actors that were bad casting choices in our lives. The truth is we are the casting agent…the executive producers of our own lives and we are in full control of the actors, setting and mood of the play we call life. We can find that we’ve been typecast into a role, but it is our job to break out of that mold and refuse to play the same characters or make the same choices.
Do you find that you are your own worst enemy with regard to choosing your roles and your supporting cast?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - 4/3/08

I Caught Up
Twenty years ago following a hot shower in a West Village YMCA in New York City I met a man and his friend in the men’s locker room. A street-smart 18-year old with a shit-load of spirit and a bangin’ ass, I slipped into my shorts and t-shirt and began applying lotion to my legs. The man, who was staring intently began a casual conversation that ended with an invitation out for a drink. As the three of us took the walk down to the watering holes that littered Christopher Street, we talked about what we did for a living and quickly found out that I was just an unfortunate youngster that happened to have quite a bit of luck at meeting wonderful people. That evening was the beginning of a 20-year friendship that saw me grow into the man I am today. Remarkably, I am now the age that man was when I met him. Today as this amazing friend celebrates a birthday, I am grateful to him for always being there; a strong, classy, mentor who never made me feel infantile or immature, simply his peer. Throughout the years, we’ve moved around – even living hundreds of miles from each other – yet we’ve always found the time to catch each other up on where we are in life. He always has a way of reminding me of key moments in my life as seen through his eyes. His view of me – both mentally and physically – have always served to build my self esteem and confidence. Today, for his birthday, I wanted to share a sliver of our history. Less than one year after meeting, he was at my house; I lived in a large private house with two roommates. The house had an attic that was never used and it led out to the roof of the house. From the roof of the house you could see the entire neighborhood and a beautiful park that was just across the street. One evening after a couple of drinks, he and I went out onto the roof and were watching the stars. I felt so warm and safe as he held me in his arms. As we got hot and sweaty under the stars I was filled with the exhilaration of making love under the stars – even if it was on the roof of my house. Yeah, memories never die and true friendship never does either. Thank you for your friendship, your love and the security of knowing that someone is there for you for life. Happy birthday Chris!

On Blast
Do you have a story of someone you dated at an early age that is still a friend today?

Keep passin’ the open windows…