The Weary Face Of Committed Gay America

It seems a bit disconcerting to need to answer this question, but to those who have asked me whether BD or I are the "woman" in our relationship, the answer is simple - there isn't a woman in our relationship. If BD or I wanted a woman in our relationship we would've courted one. I realize that folks feel the need to neatly box and file-away people and things, but put this one in your miscellaneous folder. Gay relationships are as varied as there are gay men. To be clear and helpful to ALL of my friends, it is rude to ask adults what they do in bed intimately with their partner. Gay men don't wish to be women; you're confusing homosexuality with gender identity issues. I'm happy to be a man; never wanted to be female and am very comfortable with being a male friend to my female friends. I recognize that the mass media has long tried to make it easy for heterosexual folks to understand the gay experience, but in oversimplifying the issue for you guys they've led you to believe that one or both men in a relationship is a baton twirling, penis-loathing, sissy girlfriend, and well that is not only untrue but it compromises my ability to be polite when around those who continue with the ignorant comments and questions.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Thanksgiving For Real

Thanksgiving is such a commercial holiday, but it is my favorite holiday all the same. I always feel that unlike Christmas, Thanksgiving is that holiday where you can give the most precious gift of all - yourself. Folks come together and share a meal while discussing how grateful they are about the important things in life. This year I'm thankful that the stars all lined up - I have my health; a partner who I love; a beautiful son; a supportive family; amazing friends and a great job. Make no mistake, I appreciate each one of my blessings every day. As I look back on trials I've overcome, I recognize their importance; they help me truly be grateful for my life today. It's Thanksgiving for real when you see what could have been compared to the glory of what is.


Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Precious; The Human Spirit

The reviews for the movie Precious, a story based on the novel Push, all appeared to identify the flick as a tear-jerker; a movie that highlighted abuse and despair. With no spoiler alert required I can say that precious is actually the story of the resilience of the human spirit. Precious does take you to the depths of abuse, but when you hit rock bottom the consolation is that there is only one way left to go. Gabourey Sidibe is genius. Her acting betrays her experience. Monique is raw in a way that I've only seen in seasoned dramatic actors. Even Mariah Carey exercised a true to character performance that makes Precious a contender for Oscar and for a place on anyone's Best Picture List.

Thanks for sharing the experience with me Mercy! Now don't judge me for being vulnerable! ;)

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Cheese, Wine & Icons; 2009 AMA Review

Last night's 2009 American Music Awards was quite the spectacle. With so many former heavy hitters performing, the event was as touted as momentous as the second coming of Jesus. Janet Jackson, Jennifer Lopez and Whitney Houston - the list of performers seemed ripped from years passed...but then the show started...

Janet Jackson...now securely in her 40s, Janet has packed on a few pounds and shed her sense of style. Although her tribute performance a few months ago showed her wearing more appropriate gear, last night’s AMA get-up had a pudgier Janet running around in what looked like saggy ill-fitted sweats and a full (meaning fully-used) diaper. It was clearly Janet's last time being asked to open a big award show. Before the hateful banter begins, let me be clear that I love Janet; I love the confidence she showed during her recent Robin Roberts’ interview; but am realistic about Janet’s future as a lock-pop-and-drop dance icon.

Jennifer Lopez...my Boricua girl from the block always has her swagger. She started her performance like a prize fighter, making her way to the ring (ahem…stage) J-Lo looked confident and ready for the world. Once she removed the boxing robe, many of us expected a sexy Lopez sporting the new svelte physique. Instead we were treated to dumpy boxer shorts and unflattering flat boxing boots. Then La Lopez did the unthinkable – and for a dancer with her experience, the moronic. She climbed, ala stairway to heaven, up her sweaty backed dancers and once at the top of the human stairwell, she looked down with apparent trepidation and she jumped up into the air landing squarely on her flat and wet-bottomed feet. With the sweat covering the bottom of her flats J-Lo saw her feet slip from under her like a little boy skipping stones across a pond. Her hard bounce off her legendary ass was captured for (dare I say) posterity. Although she recovered nicely and followed up with an onstage wardrobe and shoe change, we only remember her gelatinous gluteus hittin' the ground – hard. J-Lo will need to rethink both her feet leaving any stage and with her new thighs to match her rump, let me be your Coqui paisano to tell you, NO MORE FLATS IN PUBLIC. Save the chanclas for the house ma!

Whitney Houston...Her return to the stage is a prayer answered for many of us. Those of us who remember her meteoric rise to the top have nothing but love for our Jersey girl. When we saw early pics of a recovering Whitney, recapturing some of the luster we remembered, we sighed and thanked the Lord for bringing her through. Now, that that’s out of the way, I have a follow-up request Lord, “Please give her back her voice, her shape or the good sense to sit her behind down after this last hurrah.” Look, we can all think it, but one of us needs to say it. She reminds me of Keyshia Cole’s recovering addict mom. You’ve dressed her up and we can see the Whitney of years passed hiding somewhere in there, but it’s almost like a drag-performance. Like the real Whitney is never coming back. So, in the vein of keepin’ it real….I love Whitney Houston. I love that she’s recovering and is blessed with a come-back that shows how much we’ve missed her and wish her well, but it doesn’t mean that this is going to work long term. We are now looking at Whitney following in the vocal footsteps of her famous cousin Dionne. The voice was there back in the day. You are legend. It is gone. Please let us remember you as you were and this final beautiful comeback. To answer Whitney’s question of years ago, “How will I know?”….BECAUSE WE WILL TELL YOU.

Honorable mentions this AMA include Mary J. Blige looking like a housewife from Atlanta, Adam Lambert giving America the finger – I’m not the American Idol, but who’s laughing now bitches?! And of course don’t think you got away with that dry ass awkward performance Shakira…hips don’t lie…you can’t really dance mamita!

The AMA’s were worth watching this year because they highlighted that wine, cheese and icons all age, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they suddenly become a more expensive, quality-driven rarity. Sometimes, it just means they can make you sick.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Going Rogue In NYC

For years we've heard stories about good people, that in a moment of frustration with the repeated drip-on-the-forehead torture that life's obstacles can present, finally snap and do something rash. Well, I am consistently beseiged by the overwhelming desire to, not unlike Palin, go rogue on my polite life of pleasantries and congenial banter and land at the center of a retributive beatdown. Translation: I'm growing increasingly tired of ignoring the purposeful rudeness and ignorant behavior of those around me.

Here are some of my inner thoughts and how my pressure valve finds release through imaginative thought:

* Commuter Correction: if you speak to a fellow rider or on your mobile phone at a volume louder than a whisper or soft inside voice, we are now entitled to slap your mouth, mush your riding partner for not telling you about it and/or snatch your mobile phone and stomp on it until our inner thighs hurt

* if you board a two-person wide escalator and stand to the left but choose not to walk, those behind you can kick you in the center of your back and hold your face to the teeth at the end of the escalator grate

* if a door is held for you and you choose to walk through and not say thank-you, we bring said mannerless person back to the door and repeatedly slam their fingers in it until a audible crunching sound fills the air.

I'm still on this side of the bars; Fighting the desire to snap. Imagining a world where there are reflex reactions to the consistent bating by the ignorant.


Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

The Circle of Life

I can think back to my childhood years, my teens and even my thirties. As I enter my forties I'm conscious of my body changing and how the babies I once knew are now becoming adults and having babies of their own. The circle of life; that unstoppable reality that either plows ahead dragging you with it or buries you lifeless before leaving you behind. It's unquestionably the healthier alternative to grow old. To watch your body deteriorate - disintegrate really - and revert to that toothless bald baby you came into this world as is not a thought many of us look forward to. I often look at teens and wonder if I was that rambunctious in my early years and more important, do I resent not having the blinders of youth that make you move forward with an impenetrable fearlessness. It's a quiet secret, but just as the prospect of dying is scary, so is the prospect of growing old; watching as loved ones leave you and feeling a sense of disconnect with the gray-haired man looking back at you from the mirror. It's the circle of life. A short timeline that turns the baby into the grandad and the fashionista into the shuffle board champion. Here's to sharing some of that timeline along the way.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Careful What You Ask For

Im not a big religious type, but I do believe in God. If there's one lesson that has proven true my entire life is that God specializes in great outcomes. It's for this reason that my prayer is that he do what is best for me in my life - even when it doesn't appear to be what I want or expect. Praying that his will be done can get tricky. It sometimes means that my dreams are deferred and my plans are changed. That can be quite disconcerting. Conversly, living s short term dream that quickly transforms into a nightmare can be averted with a little divine intervention. If you're like me you struggle to relinquish control, but the beauty of God is that all is done and agreed to by you; the concept of free will. Pray smarter...save a few steps and pray that the Lord delivers what will be good for your heart and soul. Pray that your will is observed but overwritten by the almighty if it is for your greater good.

Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

Bringing Shame to Boricuas

NYS Senator and Pentecostal minister Ruben Diaz knows first hand that discrimination is intolerable. A Puerto Rican maneuvering in NYS politics, he should be aware where his career would be if prejudice reigned unchallenged. Diaz has two gay brothers, countless gays he calls friends and yet he has one of the most boisterous platforms against marriage equality. Shame on you Diaz. New Yorkers must show their disapproval by voting for a candidate who supports marriage equality and believes in stomping out discrimination against any group of people. The age of giving candidates your vote based on racial similarities are long gone and ignorant. Support candidates who believe in causes important to you and let ministers with religious agendas preach their veiled hatred from their pulpits without the benefit of our tax dollars. The era of proclaiming your love for a group you willfully oppress is over.

Keep passin' the open windows...


- Mobile from my iPhone

Alan's Birthday Dinner; 11/7/09

Happy birthday Alan! Here's to many more and the pleasure of celebrating with friends. Thanks for letting us be a part of it!

Obama Needs to Do It All - Fast

We handed Bush eight long years and in that time the country's surplus was turned into an enormous deficit, a war began and we were so isolated from the international community it seemed Canada would declare war on the U.S. In 10 months in office Obama has to clean up some really HUGE disasters AND make good on many pressing campaign promises. Yesterday's Dem losses in Jersey and Virginia are seen as his losses; races his mere clout should have carried. Healthcare, gay marriage, Afghanistan - all on his plate. To keep it real, I don't see how anyone would want the thankless job of commander in chief and, short of walking on water, what we expected President Obama to have accomplished in 10 months. I will give him credit for improving our relations abroad and making the healthcare discussion a serious one. For his own sake though, his critics are clamoring he do it all - fast.

Keep passin' the open windows...


-- Posted from my iPhone

Good Parents vs Gay Parents

When news reports broke that youngsters were accused of gang raping a girl at a high school homecoming game, the newscaster never mentioned if the parents were straight. A young boy set his classmate on fire and still no clue as to whether there were heterosexuals running the show at the alleged attacker's home. All to say that as a society we should care more about how a child is raised than the sexual orientation of the folks raising him or her. I was recently asked about the parenting of our 10-year old and whether I believe he will be affected by having two male parents. The answer is, I hope so. We deliberately teach him to respect others, to celebrate diverse races and cultures and that religion is an individual's belief in a higher power that he has no right to challenge. Our son is encouraged to ask questions, to learn how to be a responsible member of society and yes, we even answer questions about girls and dating. When all parents realize that there isn't a Gay Parents vs Good Parents argument, we can get down to the business of being one society striving to be good parents. It's high time logic kicks in and we all demand we raise kids with respect for their fellow man, a love of life and the ability to appreciate differences. As a parent, the sexual orientation, race or religion of the parents seems a moot point; either you're a good parent or a bad parent.

Keep passin' the open windows...


-- Posted from my iPhone