Monday, February 02, 2009
Super Bowl Sunday Fun
Thank you Cas for a great Super Bowl Sunday. Celebrating with friends is always fun. It's late, so I'll have the pictures tell the story, but know that we had a ball!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Decisions, Decisions…Baby or Not?
To many, adding a puppy to the family simply means finding a name like “Spot,” getting a couple of dog bowls and prepping some spot to keep the furry creature away from your good furniture. For others, it means having a new member of the family and the weight of that responsibility can be a bit daunting. Shucks, Busta will be 10-years old on May 5th and I still remember the day he became my baby. A robust Miniature Schnauzer, Busta does not appear to be an older guy and is as active as the day he arrived home. As I consider adding another baby to my household,
I’m pondering a couple of things: First, the added responsibility. Dogs are not some entity that can just be put aside when you’re not feeling them. They require lots of attention and affection; not to mention money. Second, I’m a spontaneous kind-of guy and Busta has learned to adjust to my mood swings as well as my going on vacation and leaving him with his aunt or play-aunts. This is especially acceptable since everyone loves Busta and he’s fairly small at 13 pounds. The new kid under consideration is a Weimaraner. For those of you who are not dog lovers, Weims are hunting dogs and are known to be high-energy dogs. I specifically chose the breed so that I have a guy for morning runs and quite honestly, I hate a carbon copy of what everyone else has – even when it comes to dogs. The new little guy is presently 11 weeks and is already heavier than Busta at 20 pounds. I’ve been thorough in my research of the breed and how he would fit into my family. BD and the Minnie are not really dog people and my love for dogs is sort-of that eye-sore, pin-prick flaw that they find hard to turn a blind-eye to. All said, I love my boys and am weighing everything before making a final decision.
On Blast
From lowering blood pressure, to cutting the possibility of depression in half, dogs present magnificent benefits to life and health, but there is a dark side to dog ownership. Tell of your experience(s) with dog ownership.
Keep passin’ the open windows…
I’m pondering a couple of things: First, the added responsibility. Dogs are not some entity that can just be put aside when you’re not feeling them. They require lots of attention and affection; not to mention money. Second, I’m a spontaneous kind-of guy and Busta has learned to adjust to my mood swings as well as my going on vacation and leaving him with his aunt or play-aunts. This is especially acceptable since everyone loves Busta and he’s fairly small at 13 pounds. The new kid under consideration is a Weimaraner. For those of you who are not dog lovers, Weims are hunting dogs and are known to be high-energy dogs. I specifically chose the breed so that I have a guy for morning runs and quite honestly, I hate a carbon copy of what everyone else has – even when it comes to dogs. The new little guy is presently 11 weeks and is already heavier than Busta at 20 pounds. I’ve been thorough in my research of the breed and how he would fit into my family. BD and the Minnie are not really dog people and my love for dogs is sort-of that eye-sore, pin-prick flaw that they find hard to turn a blind-eye to. All said, I love my boys and am weighing everything before making a final decision.
On Blast
From lowering blood pressure, to cutting the possibility of depression in half, dogs present magnificent benefits to life and health, but there is a dark side to dog ownership. Tell of your experience(s) with dog ownership.
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Friday, January 23, 2009
Happy Enough to Shut the F*ck Up
In the vein of the saying, “Better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and confirm it,” I’ve been quietly content of late. My spirit is in a great place and I’m consistently happy – in general. I have my health – and I’m no longer a smoker! Now, let’s be clear, I’m forever an addict that can’t “sleep” on cigarettes, but I have beat the initial physical withdrawl of quitting. This weekend I again pick-up where I left off and return to the gym. My goal is to work-out hard and feel great; I’m sure the aesthetic results of weight loss and muscle tone will soon follow. My relationship with BD is in a good place; I love him, he loves me and we’re appreciating every moment we have together. I still have my job and was even given a raise and small bonus at a time when the industry I work for is dropping folks like flies; professionally, I’m blessed. So, as I ticked-off these items from my “be-happy” list, I realized that I don’t have much to say. Add to my personal blessings the fact that we now have a President of color, a female Secretary of State and a hopeful American public and you can actually say that come what may, 2009 has gotten off to a great start. So, I may not be doing a great deal of posting to my blog, but I am doing some good living. I’m laughing a lot; I’m relaxed about my future and I’m even considering an addition to my family – a puppy. For the record, I still have Busta and he will be 10-years old this May, but I may just have a large breed pup join the household. Here’s to being silent – even if we’re thought a fool – because it’s so embarrassing to watch folks open their mouths and confirm it.
On Blast
What celebrity did you admire initially, only to be disappointed when they sat down for a one-on-one interview?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
On Blast
What celebrity did you admire initially, only to be disappointed when they sat down for a one-on-one interview?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Friday, January 16, 2009
Hypocrisy; the Catholic Church & Their New Delusion
Hypocrisy; the Catholic Church & Their New Delusion
The Vatican now says it is doing a better job of rooting-out homosexuals and teaching chastity and celibacy at its seminaries implying that it is now safer for boys and girls in parishes across the United States. After spending over $4 billion since 2002 to settle lawsuits brought by victims alleging abuse by priests – and worse, the long-stemming problem of the Catholic church turning a blind-eye to the accusations, the Vatican still does not recognize that Catholic priests are just a smaller representation of the general population and statistically, child molesters are more likely to be heterosexual regardless of the gender of their victims. Some scientific reports now mention that child molesters ‘don’t necessarily have a sexual orientation and that the term “homosexual molestation” actually refers to “male-to-male molestation” and does not accurately convey the more widely-accepted fact that the majority of child molesters have not developed the capacity for sex or attraction with adults and are therefore attracted to children’ – male, female or both. So while the Vatican celebrates a win – the effective discrimination and banning of gay priests from Catholic seminaries and parishes – child molesters who purport to be heterosexual can rest easy; the Catholic Church has banned the goat from the chicken coupe only to let the proverbial fox guard the joint.
On Blast
Should help organizations (such as Catholic Charities) that align with a specific religious sect be granted/awarded federal and state dollars? Do you believe in the separation of church and state?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
The Vatican now says it is doing a better job of rooting-out homosexuals and teaching chastity and celibacy at its seminaries implying that it is now safer for boys and girls in parishes across the United States. After spending over $4 billion since 2002 to settle lawsuits brought by victims alleging abuse by priests – and worse, the long-stemming problem of the Catholic church turning a blind-eye to the accusations, the Vatican still does not recognize that Catholic priests are just a smaller representation of the general population and statistically, child molesters are more likely to be heterosexual regardless of the gender of their victims. Some scientific reports now mention that child molesters ‘don’t necessarily have a sexual orientation and that the term “homosexual molestation” actually refers to “male-to-male molestation” and does not accurately convey the more widely-accepted fact that the majority of child molesters have not developed the capacity for sex or attraction with adults and are therefore attracted to children’ – male, female or both. So while the Vatican celebrates a win – the effective discrimination and banning of gay priests from Catholic seminaries and parishes – child molesters who purport to be heterosexual can rest easy; the Catholic Church has banned the goat from the chicken coupe only to let the proverbial fox guard the joint.
On Blast
Should help organizations (such as Catholic Charities) that align with a specific religious sect be granted/awarded federal and state dollars? Do you believe in the separation of church and state?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Monday, January 12, 2009
A Roundabout Way To Say, I Quit
Make It Through The Rain
At 15 I left home – was caught in the rain. I knew I could never go back. I’d confessed to my Reverend (who just happened to be my dad) that I was in fact gay – worse, that the mechanic he trusted to fix his car was working on his sons engine - and that I was mature enough to take care of myself. The scene is as vivid today as it was over 24 years ago; my father resting his face in his hands and a guttural cry that I never heard from him before rumbling in his chest. I pray that I never hear it again. I knew whence that cry came from; the depths of his heart and soul. His dreams of my marrying and leading what dreams he may have had for me evaporating before his eyes. I remember pivoting to leave and his anguish transforming to anger as he flung a bottle of Liquid Paper at me, my reflexes saving me from having at least four front teeth knocked clean out of my head. The deafening sound of that small hard plastic jar bore a hole in the wall, pieces crumbled down to my feet missing my face by inches. My tears joined the wall fragments on the floor that day. I made a small overnight bag, but really had nowhere to go. The man I professed was my love lived a state away and even worse lived with his mom. But youth and ignorance have a way of giving us the strength and fortitude to NOT see impending doom – rather an alternative to success. I stayed in school, partied 3-4 nights a week and found myself in the midst of a cast of characters never to be seen again. They became my new family. My odd-end jobs on the books supplanted by my tail-end job at the end of many nights. As Kate Hepburn said to Redbook once, “I never complained, never explained.” I did what I had to do to survive and my rewards were only as gratifying as some of my encounters were depreciating. It can be said that the prayers of my parents and loved ones kept me safe – well, as safe as I could’ve been on the streets of NYC – and with each new person I met a new door was opened. The Lord gave me the charm to move ahead, learn – and fast – how to blend. Blend with the ‘haves’ and appear like I had always been there. Soon, I was working for fashion giant Womens Wear Daily (WWD) in NYC and as luck would have it I began dating one of the editors of the fashion giant. His unfortunate alcoholism proved our demise, but not before he taught me what was truly important and how to always be above the fray. It wasn’t long before I had to choose – play boy-toy to someone who I could learn from OR common piece for the next sex starved New Yorker that wanted to sample young Puerto Rican goods. Let’s just say, this boy was no fool…it was the toy box for me. Like all dysfunctional things, our odd roommate arrangement came to an end after his drunken visits to my room proved more than I could bare. I remember getting up from my bed in the middle of the night once to find myself pinned under his arm, the smell of alcohol permeating through the room. I shoved a cigarette in his mouth, grabbed my jeans and t-shirt from the chair and turned only to light his cig. As I wiped at my eyes and was about to walk out the front door, he called to me, cigarette in hand; when I turned, standing at the threshold he took a deep drag and asked, ”You were going to let a drunken man lie in bed with a lit cigarette and walk out? I remember the calm smile that lifted both sides of my mouth as I said, “Yes, I was hoping for the best…my best.” With that I turned and walked out. He never entered my room again. A few weeks later we both agreed that it would be best that I move on. So where is this going you ask? Simple, I’m smoking my last cigarette tonight. I’m announcing it because in the dramatic Oprah-esque tale that is living in your truth, I’m addicted and I have to stop. I look back at the addicted man I’ve become and like my hopes for the editor/roommate, I pray he’s charred when I look back; That the addicted soul that shares this shell lives no more; That the strong-hold and surprise won’t exist. Maybe I’m just fooling myself, but somehow, I’ve grown as tired of the addict-within as I did of the alcoholic editor that thought he had a live in doll. My body has been used by the nicotine for the last time. The first-puff of nicotine now gone, I’m left with the smell and taste of a stale cigarette. It will be really hard, but I recognize that like many things in life, the smell and feel of them are littering my psyche and not just my physique. The addict thought he was getting ahead but really, the cigarettes like the editor have served their purpose. The next chapter awaits.
On Blast
From smoking to be mature and cool-to smoking in the office- to please put that out in the building- to walk away from the building to smoke that-to everyone being the next poster boy and crusader for the smoke cessation movement-I’m tired. I will not fight for something that is basically betraying me from the inside. What difficult addiction/habit can you 1) admit to having 2) work to release?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Leaving Your Mark On The World
Leaving Your Mark On The World
If one of you %$#$% asks if this is a video of me getting ready for work, I will bust you straight in the mouth…LOL
…but seriously, I watch Paris Is Burning and Dorian Corey – one of my old, house-mother favorites - and sigh in awe of how street-smart and hard-lived they were; seems like they did leave some of us with some great words of wisdom. Her take on each of us leaving our mark on the world by just getting through it was one of those priceless pearls of wisdom.
On Blast
Long after you’re gone, what do you want folks to remember about you?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Friday, January 02, 2009
Lucky In Love; Refuse To Be Lonely
Lucky In Love; Refuse To Be Lonely
It’s 2009 – the year I come into the BIG 4-0. As I was catching up on some of my favorite bloggers I noticed the persistent theme of elusive love. As I think back to my love-life I am grateful that there was NEVER (and I assure you I’m not gloating) a time that I actually wanted a relationship and wasn’t in one. As a matter of fact, one of the more consistent themes in my life has been that I spent a considerable amount of time in long term relationships. BD isn’t the first long-term relationship that I’ve engaged in –although my prayer is that he’ll be the ONE that is with me for the rest of my life. I guess I say all of this to say that even in those moments when I was a single man, I used those times to get to know me; resolve my issues (and believe me, there were plenty of them); and enjoy great times with my friends. It was while in one of these periods that I met BD. We dated off-and-on for over a year-and-a-half before either of us realized how much we really cared about each other and wanted to be exclusive. During that first year we dated other people simultaneously and it wasn’t even a thought to stress each other or ask questions about what the other was doing when we weren’t together. Which brings me to the real issue at hand…Sometimes, we spend too much time worrying about not having a relationship or what we’re doing wrong or even what’s out there, to be someone enjoyable enough to want to be around. I’ve always had this concept that I can do bad by myself (I know…not original or new) but I also apply it to mean that I don’t need a brotha dragging me down – not my finances, my mood or my spirit. If you’ve become a hum-drum-drag, it’s harder to find someone to want to tolerate your melodramatic ass at the onset. Now I’ll tell you that I’m pretty high-strung and filled with colorful emotions, but I’m not one to bring all those zany tid-bits to the surface when I want a potential suitor to get to know how humorous, fun-loving, spontaneous and caring I am. I mean, don’t you want to buy a car and have it look good, drive like a cheetah and be fuel-efficient before you find out that repairs will cost you and arm-and-a-leg? Chances are that after you fall in love with this bad-ass ride you’ll be more comfortable investing the money in your car because it’s proven itself worthy of your every penny. Now if you drive that bitch off the showroom and the first thing you have to do is go up into a repair shop for a hefty tune-up, you’re likely to turn around and drive that heap right back to the dealership. All to say, loosen-up and enjoy your relationships – friendships included – and let the natural progression of things happen. You know there are still times that I wonder if BD and I will last forever. It’s at those times that I take a deep breath and appreciate today; because whether we’re together for life or not doesn’t minimize how much we love each other today and chances are, for life. The relationship part…well, that’s the part that we have to nurture every day. Here’s to loving ourselves first in ’09 and becoming the kind of people others gravitate to.
On Blast
What bummer will you admit to pulling out of your emotional bag too soon when dating?
Keep passin’ the open windows….
Monday, December 29, 2008
Click; ’09 Holds the Splendor of Grace
Click; ’09 Holds the Splendor of Grace
Grace: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God
Last night I watched Adam Sandler in Click – a movie that takes a young husband and father of two through a hell ride when he’s given the opportunity to forward, rewind and pause through any part of his life with the use of a nifty universal remote given to him by, who we later find out is, the angel of death. Halfway into the flick I figured I missed this movie with good reason – it was Adam Sandler giving his usual great guy, bad circumstances act, but I was wrong. By the last 30 minutes, I was pulling my tissue box off the nightstand and using every commercial break to reflect on my own life and the times when I didn’t make the best choices. The moral of the story was simple, given the chance, would we fast forward through the difficult times in our lives only to find that it was at these very times when all the excitement and worthwhile living was taking place. As 2008 comes to a close I reflected on my family – BD and the Minnie included – and how there were warm-hearted times to go along with those frustrations that had me wishing for a universal remote of my own. This year showed me that the biggest priority in my life is those I love. I had the honor of caring for my parents when my dad had a recent surgery and this past weekend had me put my money where my mouth is as I spent 22 hours at BD’s bedside during his bout with appendicitis. All said, my loyalty to him was a greater gift to me than all the wonderful material things BD showered on me this Christmas. Our hospital drama gave me the gift of “in sickness and in health” and allowed me to live it, not just say it. I realized that I love BD and it had nothing to do with whether I think he’s the hottest man since baked bread. For all the times that I wondered if I could be the man he deserves, I felt I was given the luxury of earning my man’s heart. He’s now at home recovering – minus an appendix. As for my siblings, my sister hosted BD, the Minnie and I Christmas eve and we had an amazing time opening gifts; our children interacting and playing with their toys. As BD, the Minnie and I slept in front of the fireplace that night, I lay awake thinking how lucky I am to have more than I wished for. Can 2009 get any better? Well, it’s not always a matter of better. I believe that when you give of yourself and give without reservations it comes back to you ten-fold. I never would’ve predicted that 2008 would bring me the many gifts it deposited in my heart, but it did and for that I’m eternally grateful. My wish for 2009 is that the Lord blesses my loved ones and brings us genuine peace and happiness. In the end, it’s really what it’s all about. To my fellow bloggers, thank you for being a part of my extended family and sharing all that my life is with you. May your lives be filled with more happiness than you ever dreamed of and the splendor of grace. Here’s to the shine of ’0-9!
On Blast
With 2009 set to begin, what one thing about yourself do you KNOW to be true for the New Year?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Grace: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God
Last night I watched Adam Sandler in Click – a movie that takes a young husband and father of two through a hell ride when he’s given the opportunity to forward, rewind and pause through any part of his life with the use of a nifty universal remote given to him by, who we later find out is, the angel of death. Halfway into the flick I figured I missed this movie with good reason – it was Adam Sandler giving his usual great guy, bad circumstances act, but I was wrong. By the last 30 minutes, I was pulling my tissue box off the nightstand and using every commercial break to reflect on my own life and the times when I didn’t make the best choices. The moral of the story was simple, given the chance, would we fast forward through the difficult times in our lives only to find that it was at these very times when all the excitement and worthwhile living was taking place. As 2008 comes to a close I reflected on my family – BD and the Minnie included – and how there were warm-hearted times to go along with those frustrations that had me wishing for a universal remote of my own. This year showed me that the biggest priority in my life is those I love. I had the honor of caring for my parents when my dad had a recent surgery and this past weekend had me put my money where my mouth is as I spent 22 hours at BD’s bedside during his bout with appendicitis. All said, my loyalty to him was a greater gift to me than all the wonderful material things BD showered on me this Christmas. Our hospital drama gave me the gift of “in sickness and in health” and allowed me to live it, not just say it. I realized that I love BD and it had nothing to do with whether I think he’s the hottest man since baked bread. For all the times that I wondered if I could be the man he deserves, I felt I was given the luxury of earning my man’s heart. He’s now at home recovering – minus an appendix. As for my siblings, my sister hosted BD, the Minnie and I Christmas eve and we had an amazing time opening gifts; our children interacting and playing with their toys. As BD, the Minnie and I slept in front of the fireplace that night, I lay awake thinking how lucky I am to have more than I wished for. Can 2009 get any better? Well, it’s not always a matter of better. I believe that when you give of yourself and give without reservations it comes back to you ten-fold. I never would’ve predicted that 2008 would bring me the many gifts it deposited in my heart, but it did and for that I’m eternally grateful. My wish for 2009 is that the Lord blesses my loved ones and brings us genuine peace and happiness. In the end, it’s really what it’s all about. To my fellow bloggers, thank you for being a part of my extended family and sharing all that my life is with you. May your lives be filled with more happiness than you ever dreamed of and the splendor of grace. Here’s to the shine of ’0-9!
On Blast
With 2009 set to begin, what one thing about yourself do you KNOW to be true for the New Year?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Educating Ritas
Educating Ritas
One of the benefits of bloggers young-and-old sharing their thoughts is the hope that we come away with helpful information from each other. While the younger bloggers often relay some new fad or youthful mindset to me via their posts, I’ve found that with regard to issues of sexuality, my young Ritas appear to be treading on the dated line of years past. Let me save my youngins some time and effort here – safely enjoy your sexuality and vitality today, so you have no regrets tomorrow. In 2008 gay men should be less concerned with their sexual roles and more concerned with their social ones. As an aggressive man and self-proclaimed versatile bottom, I would strongly suggest that gay men consider how we carry ourselves on a day-to-day basis, rather than whether we decide to lay on our back and hold our own ankles. You see, from the moment I took an axe to my figurative closet door, I’ve always been a very assertive man – one not likely to roll-over for any man regardless of how sexually aggressive he is or his propensity to blow-out my back. I’ve often had to pull back on the reigns of my personality for fear of emasculating my partners and yet at no time have I felt any shame in enjoying bottoming for any of my sexual partners. As I’ve often professed, I love being a man – the rough-and-tumble; the perceived minimalist approach to aesthetic beauty. As I watch my younger brethren press into their jeans, wear cosmetics, slather lip gloss and emulating female runway models, I wonder whether they realize that their hyper-femininity, coupled with their inability to admit to enjoying being passive bed partners, makes them caricatures of gay culture – the very picture every comedian or gay-detractor attempts to paint in their routines. What happened to the boy next door look? Are there any youngin boys next door left? Being a gay man has nothing to do with what you wear; whether you top or bottom; whether you’re extremely masculine or feminine. You are not MORE or LESS gay because of what sexual role you prefer. You can equate being gay to being pregnant; simply because you’re not showing, doesn’t mean you’re not pregnant and one pregnant woman is no more pregnant than the next – regardless of appearance. When in doubt, here are some rules to follow:
* Be proud to be a gay man and understand that being gay simply means that you prefer intimacy with the same sex; nothing more, nothing less.
* Whether you truly prefer to be a top or bottom, how assertive or passive your personality traits are outside the bedroom don’t matter. You can be an aggressive bottom and/or a passive top.
* Have your own sense of style; dress appropriately to work and social functions and recognize when you have become a cartoon of yourself; have you become a joke?
* Be satisfied by your sexual partners. Communicate what you truly like without shame or fear of reprisal. Don’t attempt to take on a role that you feel would be more socially acceptable simply to fit into a mold.
* Accept others. Whether feminine or masculine; top or bottom; black, white, Latino, Asian or other; we are all gay men; same ship, different decks; what affects one, affects us all.
* Don’t engage or cosign gay bashing (verbal or physical) when in the company of our straight counterparts. Today it is them, tomorrow it’s you.
* Live honestly – even if you’re a hookah – and you’ll always have the luxury of holding your head high.
On Blast
What negative traits (if any) do you associate with sexually passive (bottom) gay men?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
One of the benefits of bloggers young-and-old sharing their thoughts is the hope that we come away with helpful information from each other. While the younger bloggers often relay some new fad or youthful mindset to me via their posts, I’ve found that with regard to issues of sexuality, my young Ritas appear to be treading on the dated line of years past. Let me save my youngins some time and effort here – safely enjoy your sexuality and vitality today, so you have no regrets tomorrow. In 2008 gay men should be less concerned with their sexual roles and more concerned with their social ones. As an aggressive man and self-proclaimed versatile bottom, I would strongly suggest that gay men consider how we carry ourselves on a day-to-day basis, rather than whether we decide to lay on our back and hold our own ankles. You see, from the moment I took an axe to my figurative closet door, I’ve always been a very assertive man – one not likely to roll-over for any man regardless of how sexually aggressive he is or his propensity to blow-out my back. I’ve often had to pull back on the reigns of my personality for fear of emasculating my partners and yet at no time have I felt any shame in enjoying bottoming for any of my sexual partners. As I’ve often professed, I love being a man – the rough-and-tumble; the perceived minimalist approach to aesthetic beauty. As I watch my younger brethren press into their jeans, wear cosmetics, slather lip gloss and emulating female runway models, I wonder whether they realize that their hyper-femininity, coupled with their inability to admit to enjoying being passive bed partners, makes them caricatures of gay culture – the very picture every comedian or gay-detractor attempts to paint in their routines. What happened to the boy next door look? Are there any youngin boys next door left? Being a gay man has nothing to do with what you wear; whether you top or bottom; whether you’re extremely masculine or feminine. You are not MORE or LESS gay because of what sexual role you prefer. You can equate being gay to being pregnant; simply because you’re not showing, doesn’t mean you’re not pregnant and one pregnant woman is no more pregnant than the next – regardless of appearance. When in doubt, here are some rules to follow:
* Be proud to be a gay man and understand that being gay simply means that you prefer intimacy with the same sex; nothing more, nothing less.
* Whether you truly prefer to be a top or bottom, how assertive or passive your personality traits are outside the bedroom don’t matter. You can be an aggressive bottom and/or a passive top.
* Have your own sense of style; dress appropriately to work and social functions and recognize when you have become a cartoon of yourself; have you become a joke?
* Be satisfied by your sexual partners. Communicate what you truly like without shame or fear of reprisal. Don’t attempt to take on a role that you feel would be more socially acceptable simply to fit into a mold.
* Accept others. Whether feminine or masculine; top or bottom; black, white, Latino, Asian or other; we are all gay men; same ship, different decks; what affects one, affects us all.
* Don’t engage or cosign gay bashing (verbal or physical) when in the company of our straight counterparts. Today it is them, tomorrow it’s you.
* Live honestly – even if you’re a hookah – and you’ll always have the luxury of holding your head high.
On Blast
What negative traits (if any) do you associate with sexually passive (bottom) gay men?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Monday, December 08, 2008
Fantasy Freak
Fantasy Freak
Relationships grow and sometimes grow apart. What makes them flourish varies depending on the partnership. The rules of engagement can change as the years progress. I had a conversation with BD this weekend and remarked at how I read an article about how some long-term relationships included everything from freakish fantasy play to third parties to enhance the union. Although we both agreed that a scenario that includes a third party in our particular relationship is out of the question, I made clear that it is my hope that we can always share and explore our fantasies and desires with each other. I began to think about how some partners choose to step-out on their partners using the excuse of being bored or trapped, rather than addressing – without judgment – the advent of fantasy. At virtually 40-years old, I don’t see the need to hold back what my desires are from BD. I’ve been able to stretch the limits of what I thought was enjoyable – even trying things I never tried before – and am enamored with the sense that he shares my desire to explore each other physically and mentally through fantasy sharing and role play.
15 Will Get You 20
In a matter of three months I’ve put on 15 pounds. On my recent trip to Puerto Rico, family members remarked that I had gained weight, but that they liked me better thicker; a sentiment shared by most of my straight friends and family. Although I’m not overweight – probably never will be – I’m not at a weight where I’m comfortable or better – confident. At over 160lbs., I’m a good 10lbs. over my ideal weight. This Thursday I’m undergoing a minor ambulatory procedure and will try to be at the gym again by next Monday. Although my lunch-time workouts would be professional suicide right now, I will make the time to workout in the evening. As luck would have it my gym has opened a location just 5 minutes from my crib.
Annette (Freakin Rican) Sympathy
My deepest sympathy goes out to Annette (Freakin Rican). Freakin’ lost her dad recently and unbeknownst to me, was in Puerto Rico at the same time as I was with my dad. Freakin was a frequent commentator on this humble blog years ago and recently visited the spot to let me know of this tragedy. Thank you for finding the strength to offer your words of encouragement to me during my rough patch. Please know that you are always welcome back at your Not Shady Just Fierce home.
On Blast
Describe one sexual fantasy that you believe is difficult for you to share with your partner(s) or friend(s).
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Relationships grow and sometimes grow apart. What makes them flourish varies depending on the partnership. The rules of engagement can change as the years progress. I had a conversation with BD this weekend and remarked at how I read an article about how some long-term relationships included everything from freakish fantasy play to third parties to enhance the union. Although we both agreed that a scenario that includes a third party in our particular relationship is out of the question, I made clear that it is my hope that we can always share and explore our fantasies and desires with each other. I began to think about how some partners choose to step-out on their partners using the excuse of being bored or trapped, rather than addressing – without judgment – the advent of fantasy. At virtually 40-years old, I don’t see the need to hold back what my desires are from BD. I’ve been able to stretch the limits of what I thought was enjoyable – even trying things I never tried before – and am enamored with the sense that he shares my desire to explore each other physically and mentally through fantasy sharing and role play.
15 Will Get You 20
In a matter of three months I’ve put on 15 pounds. On my recent trip to Puerto Rico, family members remarked that I had gained weight, but that they liked me better thicker; a sentiment shared by most of my straight friends and family. Although I’m not overweight – probably never will be – I’m not at a weight where I’m comfortable or better – confident. At over 160lbs., I’m a good 10lbs. over my ideal weight. This Thursday I’m undergoing a minor ambulatory procedure and will try to be at the gym again by next Monday. Although my lunch-time workouts would be professional suicide right now, I will make the time to workout in the evening. As luck would have it my gym has opened a location just 5 minutes from my crib.
Annette (Freakin Rican) Sympathy
My deepest sympathy goes out to Annette (Freakin Rican). Freakin’ lost her dad recently and unbeknownst to me, was in Puerto Rico at the same time as I was with my dad. Freakin was a frequent commentator on this humble blog years ago and recently visited the spot to let me know of this tragedy. Thank you for finding the strength to offer your words of encouragement to me during my rough patch. Please know that you are always welcome back at your Not Shady Just Fierce home.
On Blast
Describe one sexual fantasy that you believe is difficult for you to share with your partner(s) or friend(s).
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
La Isla Bonita and Temper-Temper
La Isla Bonita and Temper-Temper
Well folks I’m back from seven days on my home turf of Puerto Rico. Unlike most of my other trips, this one had little to do with pleasure and more to do with taking care of my dad post surgery. I’m happy to report that the surgery was a success and he’s recovering well. In the same vein, I’m recovering well too – since I worked like a country mule. Sitting in my office today is my true vacation and my appreciation for not working in a capacity that requires me to perform manual labor daily. I love my parents and would truly do it again – a million times over – but I’m afraid for them. After working seven days straight – everything from cleaning, painting, gardening, cooking and caring for their dog and cat – I realized that I (not yet 40-years old) was exhausted. I couldn’t imagine retirees doing this. Having a home at their age is physically taxing and I suspect it’s a responsibility they won’t be able to maintain for long. I pray the Lord I’m wrong. All this said, I was the parent and as such I was attacked by mom and dad at every turn. The role reversal of saying we were not going out on a given day was odd at best and disconcerting at worst. As has become the norm, BD was my constant anchor in the storm. I can’t thank him enough for being my back bone. I suffered terrible separation anxiety since I haven’t been away from him for any real time for over a year. Let’s keep it real, this man is my 24-7 tireless ying to my yang. One thing is certain; my temper is not what it once was. Maybe it was the added stress of running a house, having two geriden (geriatric children) and stressing about the well being of my dad, but my fuse was virtually nonexistent. I was blunt, coarse and at times terrifying in my delivery. I finally took a deep breath a few days before returning to NYC and said, “Cocoa you’re scaring folks so stop it.” I may have to return at the beginning of the year to check on the folks again. BD made my return to NYC extra special. He surprised me with Chinese food, while I showered and we made love until every last knot of stress was worked away. His thoughtful card, intuitive kindness and calm make me the person I want to be. Thank you happy boi! I now miss mom and dad, but with my sister at the helm for the next week, I’m sure they’ll be okay. To all who prayed for my family a HUGE thank-you!
On Blast
My parents have officially reached the stage where I am anxious about their well being while they live alone. What would you do to minimize the pressure of elderly family members when they live so far away?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Well folks I’m back from seven days on my home turf of Puerto Rico. Unlike most of my other trips, this one had little to do with pleasure and more to do with taking care of my dad post surgery. I’m happy to report that the surgery was a success and he’s recovering well. In the same vein, I’m recovering well too – since I worked like a country mule. Sitting in my office today is my true vacation and my appreciation for not working in a capacity that requires me to perform manual labor daily. I love my parents and would truly do it again – a million times over – but I’m afraid for them. After working seven days straight – everything from cleaning, painting, gardening, cooking and caring for their dog and cat – I realized that I (not yet 40-years old) was exhausted. I couldn’t imagine retirees doing this. Having a home at their age is physically taxing and I suspect it’s a responsibility they won’t be able to maintain for long. I pray the Lord I’m wrong. All this said, I was the parent and as such I was attacked by mom and dad at every turn. The role reversal of saying we were not going out on a given day was odd at best and disconcerting at worst. As has become the norm, BD was my constant anchor in the storm. I can’t thank him enough for being my back bone. I suffered terrible separation anxiety since I haven’t been away from him for any real time for over a year. Let’s keep it real, this man is my 24-7 tireless ying to my yang. One thing is certain; my temper is not what it once was. Maybe it was the added stress of running a house, having two geriden (geriatric children) and stressing about the well being of my dad, but my fuse was virtually nonexistent. I was blunt, coarse and at times terrifying in my delivery. I finally took a deep breath a few days before returning to NYC and said, “Cocoa you’re scaring folks so stop it.” I may have to return at the beginning of the year to check on the folks again. BD made my return to NYC extra special. He surprised me with Chinese food, while I showered and we made love until every last knot of stress was worked away. His thoughtful card, intuitive kindness and calm make me the person I want to be. Thank you happy boi! I now miss mom and dad, but with my sister at the helm for the next week, I’m sure they’ll be okay. To all who prayed for my family a HUGE thank-you!
On Blast
My parents have officially reached the stage where I am anxious about their well being while they live alone. What would you do to minimize the pressure of elderly family members when they live so far away?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Monday, November 24, 2008
Puerto Rico & Gettin’ My Dick Sucked
Puerto Rico & Gettin’ My Dick Sucked
After adding $1,900 in car repairs to my credit burden, I proceeded to sigh in preparation for my departure to Puerto Rico tomorrow morning. What is normally a Thanksgiving family reunion of sorts, is now also a time to take care of dad who will have surgery in the coming days. A special thank-you to Clent for being there and taking care of Busta for me last minute and to Cas for taking the insomniac task of driving me to the airport at 3:30 a.m. for an early flight. As usual, BD is my knight in shining armor and he’s always there making me feel great even when I don’t want to feel anything at all. I’m so in love with my man and each passing day I find myself more and more attracted to him. This weekend while watching 24 (the first season) we decided to role-play and I was a captive being repeatedly sexually abused by my attacker. Of course, once all was said-and-done, I had just as much fun relaying to BD – who had managed to save me - what the attackers had done to me and how I couldn’t believe I survived all of it…I included all the juicy details of how my assailant looked and how I felt while he was abusing me. I get ‘brick’ just thinking about it. All said, the man just does it for me and I’m amazed at how I’m never bored or ho-hum about enjoying him. Now, this makes this morning’s story that much more ironic. Just before meeting BD at the train for our ride to work, I was walking Busta when I noticed a guy in his late teens-early-twenties cross the street with a puppy pitbull. He approaches me and let’s his pup play with Busta before saying “Hey, what kind of dog is that? He’s so cute.” For whatever reason, I heard my internal alarm ringing like mad. I couldn’t understand why, since it seemed innocent enough. Then suddenly he says, “What’s his name?” Once I responded he quickly jumped to, “What’s your name?” I looked at him annoyed and used my middle name (I never use this and it’s simple enough to remember) Snatching Busta who was pulling toward the guy’s puppy, I said, “I really am running late for work.” He then asked me, “So what are you Dominican?” I sounded insulted and retorted, “No, Puerto Rican.” This bold youngin’ continues without a care in the world, “So my girlfriend says that Puerto Ricans have big dicks and I was wondering if you would show me yours.” I looked incredulously at this guy and felt embarrassed, confused and amazed that he was so out-there to say this to me in broad daylight in the middle of the Bronx! “Well you should have one of your Puerto Rican friends show you one,” I icily responded. I pulled Busta so hard he yelped! Homeboi then says, “Yeah, cuz I like to suck dick and I would really like to suck yours.” Dude was out of his mind! With Busta in a mid-crap squat I was trapped in place when dude says, “So you rushing to work? What’s your number…212-“ I said, “Later…I have to run kid.” I took off so fast Busta was running to keep up. In all my years, I’ve never been propositioned by someone 20-years my junior in the middle of the Bronx at the crack of dawn. When I met with BD, I told him what happened and we laughed about it. What are kids coming to these days?
On Blast
There’s never a reason for violence, but the level of bold disrespect the youngster in my neighborhood showed this morning justifies gay-bashing for some. At 39, I have never propositioned someone on the street. Have you ever been bold enough to do or say something to someone you weren’t sure shared your interest?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
After adding $1,900 in car repairs to my credit burden, I proceeded to sigh in preparation for my departure to Puerto Rico tomorrow morning. What is normally a Thanksgiving family reunion of sorts, is now also a time to take care of dad who will have surgery in the coming days. A special thank-you to Clent for being there and taking care of Busta for me last minute and to Cas for taking the insomniac task of driving me to the airport at 3:30 a.m. for an early flight. As usual, BD is my knight in shining armor and he’s always there making me feel great even when I don’t want to feel anything at all. I’m so in love with my man and each passing day I find myself more and more attracted to him. This weekend while watching 24 (the first season) we decided to role-play and I was a captive being repeatedly sexually abused by my attacker. Of course, once all was said-and-done, I had just as much fun relaying to BD – who had managed to save me - what the attackers had done to me and how I couldn’t believe I survived all of it…I included all the juicy details of how my assailant looked and how I felt while he was abusing me. I get ‘brick’ just thinking about it. All said, the man just does it for me and I’m amazed at how I’m never bored or ho-hum about enjoying him. Now, this makes this morning’s story that much more ironic. Just before meeting BD at the train for our ride to work, I was walking Busta when I noticed a guy in his late teens-early-twenties cross the street with a puppy pitbull. He approaches me and let’s his pup play with Busta before saying “Hey, what kind of dog is that? He’s so cute.” For whatever reason, I heard my internal alarm ringing like mad. I couldn’t understand why, since it seemed innocent enough. Then suddenly he says, “What’s his name?” Once I responded he quickly jumped to, “What’s your name?” I looked at him annoyed and used my middle name (I never use this and it’s simple enough to remember) Snatching Busta who was pulling toward the guy’s puppy, I said, “I really am running late for work.” He then asked me, “So what are you Dominican?” I sounded insulted and retorted, “No, Puerto Rican.” This bold youngin’ continues without a care in the world, “So my girlfriend says that Puerto Ricans have big dicks and I was wondering if you would show me yours.” I looked incredulously at this guy and felt embarrassed, confused and amazed that he was so out-there to say this to me in broad daylight in the middle of the Bronx! “Well you should have one of your Puerto Rican friends show you one,” I icily responded. I pulled Busta so hard he yelped! Homeboi then says, “Yeah, cuz I like to suck dick and I would really like to suck yours.” Dude was out of his mind! With Busta in a mid-crap squat I was trapped in place when dude says, “So you rushing to work? What’s your number…212-“ I said, “Later…I have to run kid.” I took off so fast Busta was running to keep up. In all my years, I’ve never been propositioned by someone 20-years my junior in the middle of the Bronx at the crack of dawn. When I met with BD, I told him what happened and we laughed about it. What are kids coming to these days?
On Blast
There’s never a reason for violence, but the level of bold disrespect the youngster in my neighborhood showed this morning justifies gay-bashing for some. At 39, I have never propositioned someone on the street. Have you ever been bold enough to do or say something to someone you weren’t sure shared your interest?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Stop and Get On Your Knees
Stop and Get On Your Knees
Life is full of ups and downs and although some folks may think that the world should always be seen through rose colored glasses, the reality is that those rose colored glasses can sometimes be smoky or worse cracked; such is life. Lately I’ve been feeling very emotional – crying while watching some sappy Oprah episode or having fits of rage; you’d almost think I was manic. I realize that several things are weighing heavily on my mind. First, my dad is about to have surgery to repair a recurring hernia. What should be a routine surgery is actually a bit more involved since he’s now older and it involves working around his intestines. The doctors predict that it will go well and I believe them, but it doesn’t take away the worry of having the man I sometimes view as invincible suddenly appearing vulnerable. Second, working for one of the financial industry giants, I am hypersensitive to the threat of layoffs. I spend a good part of my work day analyzing my boss’ reactions to me in the hopes of figuring out if he somehow knows some clue to what my future holds with the firm. Trying to juggle my immense workload and play clairvoyant to his moods sends me home completely exhausted at the end of each day. So all said, it’s time to ‘circle the wagons.’ I got home tonight and had yet another frustrating incident – not even worth mentioning here – and decided to stop and get on my knees and take it to the only one who can do something about anything. “Lord, you’ve always been there for me and you’re the one who knows my yesterday, today and tomorrow. I’m not going to ask you to do what I want; I’m asking you do what’s best for me. May your will be done in my life and may it serve to make me better; In Jesus name I pray. Amen. …and so it is, that come what may, it will be what is suppose to be and it will be good.
On Blast
Believing in God gives me the resolve to push forward and know that all things work best when left to him. Like the hymn says, “He may not be there when you want him, but he’s always there on time.”
Have you ever been at a place in your life when you’ve looked around and wondered what the Lord had in store for you?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Life is full of ups and downs and although some folks may think that the world should always be seen through rose colored glasses, the reality is that those rose colored glasses can sometimes be smoky or worse cracked; such is life. Lately I’ve been feeling very emotional – crying while watching some sappy Oprah episode or having fits of rage; you’d almost think I was manic. I realize that several things are weighing heavily on my mind. First, my dad is about to have surgery to repair a recurring hernia. What should be a routine surgery is actually a bit more involved since he’s now older and it involves working around his intestines. The doctors predict that it will go well and I believe them, but it doesn’t take away the worry of having the man I sometimes view as invincible suddenly appearing vulnerable. Second, working for one of the financial industry giants, I am hypersensitive to the threat of layoffs. I spend a good part of my work day analyzing my boss’ reactions to me in the hopes of figuring out if he somehow knows some clue to what my future holds with the firm. Trying to juggle my immense workload and play clairvoyant to his moods sends me home completely exhausted at the end of each day. So all said, it’s time to ‘circle the wagons.’ I got home tonight and had yet another frustrating incident – not even worth mentioning here – and decided to stop and get on my knees and take it to the only one who can do something about anything. “Lord, you’ve always been there for me and you’re the one who knows my yesterday, today and tomorrow. I’m not going to ask you to do what I want; I’m asking you do what’s best for me. May your will be done in my life and may it serve to make me better; In Jesus name I pray. Amen. …and so it is, that come what may, it will be what is suppose to be and it will be good.
On Blast
Believing in God gives me the resolve to push forward and know that all things work best when left to him. Like the hymn says, “He may not be there when you want him, but he’s always there on time.”
Have you ever been at a place in your life when you’ve looked around and wondered what the Lord had in store for you?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Monday, November 17, 2008
Minimizing Stress; It’s About You
Minimizing Stress; It’s About You
Call it a case of maturing or simply an attitude that ‘life is too short’ to spend it on self-created drama, but I’m learning to pull back and withdraw from negative behavior that doesn’t necessarily affect me OR negative attitudes that don’t need to suck me dry of all my positive energy; in either case, if you don’t serve to make my life better, then you won’t be served. Sounds really cut-and-dry, but some of life’s choices are really black-and-white. I read some of my favorite bloggers post about situations that ring of self-imposed drama – they create these suspenseful, negative or no-win situations and then live to tell how they were victorious – or not – in combating them. The real question is, why do it to begin with? BD and I recently had a conversation regarding infidelity (a hot topic for so many relationships) and one that I think should be discussed openly in any partnership. As I mentioned to him, I can’t foresee myself cheating at this stage in the game and would more than likely bring any thought of stepping-out to his attention. For me, it boils down to an issue of minimizing drama. If I feel the need to sleep with someone else – and for the record, BD and I are so passionately sexual with each other that I don’t have my sexual interest piqued by anyone outside of our relationship – it would just be simpler to bring it to his attention and either get a go-ahead or a ‘let’s be friends.’ Then there are some basic stressors that can be minimized or extinguished with the simple click of a button. There are folks that are trapped in a negative rut. They call you and ‘bitch and moan’ for what seems like hours with no real solution on the horizon. There’s never really a time that these folks have anything positive to say. You’ll find that you’re consistently interjecting with, “Everything will be okay….” or “no you’re not having a streak of bad luck…” the truth is THEY aren’t – YOU ARE! Now don’t get me wrong, you should be sympathetic and supportive of your friends, but when there is nothing positive and you are simply being used as a back-up battery to recharge your friend with every conversation, it’s time to cut it off. Hit that ‘Ignore’ button and realize that you are being drained of everything positive within you. We’re all entitled to a rough patch, but when that patch becomes a dirt road to nowhere, cut your losses and be still…you aren’t the bad guy for saving yourself. A couple of years ago I had a motto of not taking calls on weekends before noon and not answering my phone if I was in the middle of something important. Since my return to New York I revised my own rules to accommodate my friends and family only to find that I’m expected to answer their calls or suffer their hang-up-call-back repeated calls with insults about my reasons for not being available. This has all changed. This weekend I promised myself to answer the phone when I’m available and only when I’m truly available. This means that when I’m simply not in a position to give my full attention, I don’t answer any calls – save for my mom and my man – who will be told I need to call them right back. Technology and the advent of mobile phones has to be used for what it was intended – a convenience item for ME to use; not a ball-and-chain making me available to everyone 24-7. The ultimate message is simple, whether it’s friends, family or work that drain you, it will continue until YOU decide to control your own life and the exchanges in it. In the end, folks will come to understand that your time is precious and that whether you want to lie on your side for an hour or speak to them is strictly up to you. Like any commodity you are as desirable and popular as you are scarce and exclusive. Make yourself important to you and you will be important to and respected by everyone else.
On Blast
They say you should practice saying “No” while standing in front of a mirror until you are comfortable with saying it. You set the rules that improve your quality of life.
What area of your life has seen some stressful twists because of your inability to assert control?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Call it a case of maturing or simply an attitude that ‘life is too short’ to spend it on self-created drama, but I’m learning to pull back and withdraw from negative behavior that doesn’t necessarily affect me OR negative attitudes that don’t need to suck me dry of all my positive energy; in either case, if you don’t serve to make my life better, then you won’t be served. Sounds really cut-and-dry, but some of life’s choices are really black-and-white. I read some of my favorite bloggers post about situations that ring of self-imposed drama – they create these suspenseful, negative or no-win situations and then live to tell how they were victorious – or not – in combating them. The real question is, why do it to begin with? BD and I recently had a conversation regarding infidelity (a hot topic for so many relationships) and one that I think should be discussed openly in any partnership. As I mentioned to him, I can’t foresee myself cheating at this stage in the game and would more than likely bring any thought of stepping-out to his attention. For me, it boils down to an issue of minimizing drama. If I feel the need to sleep with someone else – and for the record, BD and I are so passionately sexual with each other that I don’t have my sexual interest piqued by anyone outside of our relationship – it would just be simpler to bring it to his attention and either get a go-ahead or a ‘let’s be friends.’ Then there are some basic stressors that can be minimized or extinguished with the simple click of a button. There are folks that are trapped in a negative rut. They call you and ‘bitch and moan’ for what seems like hours with no real solution on the horizon. There’s never really a time that these folks have anything positive to say. You’ll find that you’re consistently interjecting with, “Everything will be okay….” or “no you’re not having a streak of bad luck…” the truth is THEY aren’t – YOU ARE! Now don’t get me wrong, you should be sympathetic and supportive of your friends, but when there is nothing positive and you are simply being used as a back-up battery to recharge your friend with every conversation, it’s time to cut it off. Hit that ‘Ignore’ button and realize that you are being drained of everything positive within you. We’re all entitled to a rough patch, but when that patch becomes a dirt road to nowhere, cut your losses and be still…you aren’t the bad guy for saving yourself. A couple of years ago I had a motto of not taking calls on weekends before noon and not answering my phone if I was in the middle of something important. Since my return to New York I revised my own rules to accommodate my friends and family only to find that I’m expected to answer their calls or suffer their hang-up-call-back repeated calls with insults about my reasons for not being available. This has all changed. This weekend I promised myself to answer the phone when I’m available and only when I’m truly available. This means that when I’m simply not in a position to give my full attention, I don’t answer any calls – save for my mom and my man – who will be told I need to call them right back. Technology and the advent of mobile phones has to be used for what it was intended – a convenience item for ME to use; not a ball-and-chain making me available to everyone 24-7. The ultimate message is simple, whether it’s friends, family or work that drain you, it will continue until YOU decide to control your own life and the exchanges in it. In the end, folks will come to understand that your time is precious and that whether you want to lie on your side for an hour or speak to them is strictly up to you. Like any commodity you are as desirable and popular as you are scarce and exclusive. Make yourself important to you and you will be important to and respected by everyone else.
On Blast
They say you should practice saying “No” while standing in front of a mirror until you are comfortable with saying it. You set the rules that improve your quality of life.
What area of your life has seen some stressful twists because of your inability to assert control?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Sunday, November 16, 2008
In Closing; Sense Through Humor
In Closing
I think she said it best. Sometimes humor conveys the message in a way that makes most sense.
On Blast
Why haven't those attempting to protect 'marriage' outlawed divorce?
Keep passin' the open windows...
Friday, November 14, 2008
My Soul Wifey & 99 Red Balloons
My Soul Wifey & 99 Red Balloons
When she told me she was moving to Germany, I could only think of that 1984 tune by Nena – 99 Red Balloons. An eerie tune that didn’t have much meaning then – really, doesn’t hold much meaning to me now – but had a catchy tune. Marcia Rhodes a.k.a. My Soul Wifey was joining the love of her life in Germany; a move that would put her thousands of miles away and a time zone six hours ahead of mine. Marcia fast became one of my closest friends and confidants when we worked together in Washington, DC more than six years ago. The size zero beauty is more than 10 years my junior, but has such a wealth of wisdom, charisma and natural warmth that I couldn’t resist feeling instantly connected to her. Throughout the years she has been a Godsend; her advice level-headed yet stern; never agreeing just to agree; never blind to my feelings. Marcia appeared to always know what I was thinking – even when I was fuming and hollering or just silent from disappointment. In the end, I knew she had my back A couple of years ago we vacationed in Puerto Rico, staying at my parents house. We hit the beach and the clubs, making my birthday celebration that year one of the best ever. On our last night in Puerto Rico there was a power outage and Marcia and I slept together in the back room of my parent’s house. All the windows open we talked into the wee hours of the night, sweat beading on our foreheads. The Coqui – a frog indigenous to the island – sounded louder than crickets on our pillows. Marcia probably doesn’t recall, but she was also the one who with the most modest – yet thoughtful gesture – brought cupcakes to the office for my birthday on a day when she was off, making me tear-up at the thought of her making the time and effort to make my day special. To date, it is one of the most heartwarming birthdays I’ve had. Although I’m a bit sad to have my girl so far away, I’m extremely happy for her. She deserves all the happiness in the world. Greg – her fiancé- should thank his lucky stars that I’m gay as a fruit basket or he would have the competition of a lifetime. I miss you Marcia….
99 dreams I have had. In every one a red balloon. It's all over and I'm standing pretty. In this dust that was a city. If I could find a souvenir. Just to prove the world was here. And here is a red balloon; I think of you and let it go.
On Blast
Expensive gifts are eclipsed by thoughtful ones….your heart’s desires are satiated with quality, rather than quantity.
Name a gift you’ve received that holds/held little material value, but is priceless to you.
Keep passin’ the open windows…
When she told me she was moving to Germany, I could only think of that 1984 tune by Nena – 99 Red Balloons. An eerie tune that didn’t have much meaning then – really, doesn’t hold much meaning to me now – but had a catchy tune. Marcia Rhodes a.k.a. My Soul Wifey was joining the love of her life in Germany; a move that would put her thousands of miles away and a time zone six hours ahead of mine. Marcia fast became one of my closest friends and confidants when we worked together in Washington, DC more than six years ago. The size zero beauty is more than 10 years my junior, but has such a wealth of wisdom, charisma and natural warmth that I couldn’t resist feeling instantly connected to her. Throughout the years she has been a Godsend; her advice level-headed yet stern; never agreeing just to agree; never blind to my feelings. Marcia appeared to always know what I was thinking – even when I was fuming and hollering or just silent from disappointment. In the end, I knew she had my back A couple of years ago we vacationed in Puerto Rico, staying at my parents house. We hit the beach and the clubs, making my birthday celebration that year one of the best ever. On our last night in Puerto Rico there was a power outage and Marcia and I slept together in the back room of my parent’s house. All the windows open we talked into the wee hours of the night, sweat beading on our foreheads. The Coqui – a frog indigenous to the island – sounded louder than crickets on our pillows. Marcia probably doesn’t recall, but she was also the one who with the most modest – yet thoughtful gesture – brought cupcakes to the office for my birthday on a day when she was off, making me tear-up at the thought of her making the time and effort to make my day special. To date, it is one of the most heartwarming birthdays I’ve had. Although I’m a bit sad to have my girl so far away, I’m extremely happy for her. She deserves all the happiness in the world. Greg – her fiancé- should thank his lucky stars that I’m gay as a fruit basket or he would have the competition of a lifetime. I miss you Marcia….
99 dreams I have had. In every one a red balloon. It's all over and I'm standing pretty. In this dust that was a city. If I could find a souvenir. Just to prove the world was here. And here is a red balloon; I think of you and let it go.
On Blast
Expensive gifts are eclipsed by thoughtful ones….your heart’s desires are satiated with quality, rather than quantity.
Name a gift you’ve received that holds/held little material value, but is priceless to you.
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Equality; Black or Gay – Does it Matter?
Equality; Black or Gay – Does it Matter?
A recent discussion regarding marriage by same sex couples highlighted an important issue for me. Gays are somehow considered less beholden to civil rights based on the ignorant notion that we have a choice on whether to be gay or not. By saying that the plight of the Black person somehow eclipses that of the gay person simply because the Black person can’t change the color of their skin, is saying that gays can somehow change their sexual orientation. For the record, my misguided straight brethren, my being gay is as embedded in my DNA as your IQ falling in the single digit range is to yours. Which brings us to the next issue – who has suffered more? I guess my question is, “Who cares?” Suffering is suffering. The fact that the struggle for equality by the Black race is a much documented one doesn’t negate the devastating trials the gay community has suffered. Add to this the struggle of being a person of color AND gay. One of the key differences between the Black and gay struggle is that when you’re a person of color, you can call HOME the safe haven from the injustices of your day. For a gay person this isn’t necessarily true. Some gay youngsters (as Norris pointed out in a recent blog post) are banished from their homes simply for admitting to the very people that brought them to this world that they are gay. I haven’t come across a Black or Latino child that claimed to be put out of their home because their parents realized what their race was. All to say that regardless of what the injustice is the ONE FACTOR that should guide our judgment is justice and equality. It lacks common sense to deny folks their rights simply because we don’t agree or take part in their struggle. Human rights and civil rights are a privilege we should insure is shared by all Americans – Black, White, Latino, Gay, Straight, Handicapped – and ANYTHING short of EQUAL rights for all is wrong. We’ve tried the separate, but equal thing in the past and as many can attest, it does not work. There is no need for a separate set of rules when we’re all EQUAL. America is beautiful for its rich diversity – religious differences, racial differences, etc. – but we’re also one of the most judgmental countries in the world. We insist on forcing others to live their lives as WE see fit or in a manner that makes us comfortable. That is not what America is built on. Let’s stop the hatred and ignorance. Let’s stop meddling in other people’s household and take care of our own. Let’s insure that everyone has EQUAL rights to live their lives as they see fit and the RIGHT to make the same choices and mistakes as their fellow man/woman.
On Blast
Do you believe that astronauts landing on the moon should be required to wear briefs rather than boxer shorts? Since you’re not an astronaut, why should your opinion matter? Why do you care?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
A recent discussion regarding marriage by same sex couples highlighted an important issue for me. Gays are somehow considered less beholden to civil rights based on the ignorant notion that we have a choice on whether to be gay or not. By saying that the plight of the Black person somehow eclipses that of the gay person simply because the Black person can’t change the color of their skin, is saying that gays can somehow change their sexual orientation. For the record, my misguided straight brethren, my being gay is as embedded in my DNA as your IQ falling in the single digit range is to yours. Which brings us to the next issue – who has suffered more? I guess my question is, “Who cares?” Suffering is suffering. The fact that the struggle for equality by the Black race is a much documented one doesn’t negate the devastating trials the gay community has suffered. Add to this the struggle of being a person of color AND gay. One of the key differences between the Black and gay struggle is that when you’re a person of color, you can call HOME the safe haven from the injustices of your day. For a gay person this isn’t necessarily true. Some gay youngsters (as Norris pointed out in a recent blog post) are banished from their homes simply for admitting to the very people that brought them to this world that they are gay. I haven’t come across a Black or Latino child that claimed to be put out of their home because their parents realized what their race was. All to say that regardless of what the injustice is the ONE FACTOR that should guide our judgment is justice and equality. It lacks common sense to deny folks their rights simply because we don’t agree or take part in their struggle. Human rights and civil rights are a privilege we should insure is shared by all Americans – Black, White, Latino, Gay, Straight, Handicapped – and ANYTHING short of EQUAL rights for all is wrong. We’ve tried the separate, but equal thing in the past and as many can attest, it does not work. There is no need for a separate set of rules when we’re all EQUAL. America is beautiful for its rich diversity – religious differences, racial differences, etc. – but we’re also one of the most judgmental countries in the world. We insist on forcing others to live their lives as WE see fit or in a manner that makes us comfortable. That is not what America is built on. Let’s stop the hatred and ignorance. Let’s stop meddling in other people’s household and take care of our own. Let’s insure that everyone has EQUAL rights to live their lives as they see fit and the RIGHT to make the same choices and mistakes as their fellow man/woman.
On Blast
Do you believe that astronauts landing on the moon should be required to wear briefs rather than boxer shorts? Since you’re not an astronaut, why should your opinion matter? Why do you care?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Monday, November 10, 2008
Obama Believes in Separate but Equal?
Obama Believes in Separate but Equal?
The recent Obama win has everyone cheering for the enormous step our country has taken to recognizing the ignorance of discrimination based on race, but it has heightened the awareness that many Americans can’t seem to get around the discrimination based on sexual orientation. California’s Proposition 8 is legislation to specifically ban same sex partners from marrying. In essence, the California Supreme Court ruled that providing anything other than marriage for same sex couples would be a means of discrimination – a separate, but equal status, if you will – that does not jive with what America is about. Yet, California couldn’t accept that ruling. They invested over $74 million toward the issue and voted on the very day we elected our first African American President, to outlaw marriage by same sex partners. The ads for Proposition 8 depicted scare tactics showing teachers forced to teach same-sex education in elementary school and religious leaders charged by the state to forcibly marry gay couples. Neither scenario is real. The truth is that supporting equality for all Americans doesn’t erode family values; on the contrary, it enhances family values; the value that should be part of every American family to believe that ALL men/women in this country are equal in the eyes of the law. Sadly, even our President-elect who is enjoying the very concept of ‘all men created equal’ has repeatedly mentioned that he supports gays having equal protections under the law and an institution similar and equal to marriage, but not marriage. How does a black man who required ALL Americans to pump their brakes on discrimination and old school ignorance fix his mouth to say such a thing? I’m disappointed at best and disgusted with the hypocritical belief that discrimination based on race is now viewed as dated and ignorant, but prejudice surrounding same-sex relationships is fair game. Regardless of what your religious beliefs are, gay Americans are not asking you to join them in bed; they are asking that you allow them the SAME rights as every other American. Gay parents don’t want same sex education taught in public elementary schools as much as ANY parent wants sex taught to their children in elementary schools. The state cannot FORCE a religious institution to go against their beliefs to unite gay couples in their sanctuary – know what the facts are people. Here it is 2008 and we’re having some statewide battle on whether we should allow consenting adults to marry simply because they don’t look like the picture of the couple we have in our heads. It rings of the black/white marriage bans that plagued our nation in years passed. Marriage for same sex partners is NOT an issue that should be left to the states, it is an issue that should be approved at a federal level and incorporated into our present marriage laws. The issue does not open the flood gates on marrying animals and inanimate objects; those ignorant comments are so off-base I can’t begin to comment on them. If gays across the country will not be offered EQUAL rights to our straight brethren then we should be offered a cut in our tax liability to compensate for our lack of equal rights. At a time when we should be celebrating an Obama win, it’s disappointing to hear the very man flying on the wings of equality playing a different tune when it comes to marriage by same sex couples.
On Blast
Either you take a stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. In what way does the marriage of same-sex couples affect the values of heterosexual families? As a straight man/woman, why do you care if same-sex consenting adults marry?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Friday, November 07, 2008
Grateful
Grateful
Every one of us has been given so much. Blessings that far outnumber the crushing defeats. Are we grateful? Obama in the White House…be grateful. Gay marriage suffering at the hands of ignorance…be grateful. Our health, our families, our friends, our jobs…be grateful.
On Blast
What will you give back?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
President Obama...When You Believe
President Obama and the Inspiration for A Personal Campaign
Like most everyone in blogland, I too have moments when blogging just isn’t a priority and getting me together far outweighs getting my thoughts out to others. This is certainly one of those moments. Overall, I’m happy. I have my health, a good job and a great man; God is good. The race for the White House is over and history was made; I now see the infinite possibilities of what can be when you believe – really believe. I am so proud of President Barack Obama and the campaign he ran.
As the weeks progress I’m implementing 5 ongoing projects; my personal campaign if you will…
1. Faithfully returning to and maintaining my regular regimen at the gym
2. Making time to honor myself and my well being – decent rest, healthy food, killing the vices
3. Begin to write my novel – maybe even co-write a novel with BD
4. Get a grasp of my finances and work to create a healthy savings plan
5. Treat BD like each moment with him is my last; insure that he always has my full attention
On Blast
New Year’s resolutions are a crock….What five (5) things will you implement going forward – your personal campaign – to a better life for you?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
Like most everyone in blogland, I too have moments when blogging just isn’t a priority and getting me together far outweighs getting my thoughts out to others. This is certainly one of those moments. Overall, I’m happy. I have my health, a good job and a great man; God is good. The race for the White House is over and history was made; I now see the infinite possibilities of what can be when you believe – really believe. I am so proud of President Barack Obama and the campaign he ran.
As the weeks progress I’m implementing 5 ongoing projects; my personal campaign if you will…
1. Faithfully returning to and maintaining my regular regimen at the gym
2. Making time to honor myself and my well being – decent rest, healthy food, killing the vices
3. Begin to write my novel – maybe even co-write a novel with BD
4. Get a grasp of my finances and work to create a healthy savings plan
5. Treat BD like each moment with him is my last; insure that he always has my full attention
On Blast
New Year’s resolutions are a crock….What five (5) things will you implement going forward – your personal campaign – to a better life for you?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
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