Morning Edition - 1/31/07

Your Worth
Maya Angelou once said, “History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, however, if faced with courage, need not be lived again.” Sometimes folks don’t seem to understand that concept. Facing your life with courage means that you may be forced to make decisions that are not necessarily easy or may even break your heart. Living with courage means that you recognize that you MUST live with dignity; a dignity that allows you to proudly look at yourself in the mirror each day without feeling the need to avert your eyes. What I’m leading to is the “why” some men and women feel trapped into dealing with individuals that do not serve any positive purpose in their lives. Don’t ever confuse lustful attachment and bad habits with love. Here are some tips to follow if you are having trouble letting go:
** If your partner has no respect for your dreams, desires or interests – they’re not for you.
** If your partner has priorities that in no way appear to involve you – they’re not for you.
** If your partner has shown you disrespect by sleeping with people in your circle – family, friends, co-workers – they’re not for you.
** If your partner consistently fails to come through when you need them – be it emotionally and/or financially – they’re not for you.
** If your partner belittles you, verbally/physically abuses you – they’re not for you.
** If your partner cannot seem to see you through the eyes of their heart and is unable to recognize your love for them – they’re not for you.
** If you struggle to find the reasons why you are committed to someone that no one in your circle of life (family and close friends) appear to like – they’re not for you.
You see, before you can be in a committed loving relationship, you have to have TRUE love for yourself. No one ever died from being single – no one. However, many have died because they didn’t put themselves first. Your partner should not isolate you from your friends and family. Love means, I’m proud to share the person I care about with the world – not the overwhelming shame to be seen communicating with the person. True love doesn’t need to hide. True love doesn’t need to meet in shadows or avoid the eyes of onlookers.
In 2007, I want to recognize love when it arrives, but keep from confusing love with my want to have someone by my side. Evaluate your love; not for others, but for yourself. Know your worth. Here’s to true love.

On Blast
Do you know what you’re worth?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - 1/29/07

Slugger Slugged; Recovering
Some folks just can’t do anything right – including getting hit by a car. After leaving two messages on my voicemail Saturday afternoon, my friend Slugger aka Roosevelt, stepped off the curb, checking to be sure no oncoming traffic approached. Problem is, the car heading top speed in reverse down his one way street never saw Slugger. Result: Multiple contusions, abrasions, etc. I visited with Slugger last night where he was recovering at his home. His Jewish lawyer was refreshing the bandage on his knee. Enough said.

The Princess Turns 40
My sister Evelyn will be turning 40 on Sunday. We’re set to celebrate her birthday at a new upscale bowling alley – yes folks, I said bowling alley – where the food is catered, the DJ is pumpin’ and there’s plenty of reason to stay out of the gutter. Evelyn and 15 of her closest friends and family will be there, including our parents who fly in that morning. Happy birthday sis. You’ll always be our princess.

For the Record
If you’ve been buried under a rock the last few months, you probably missed the remark by ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy alum, Isaiah Washington. Just before T.R. Knight – another of Grey’s cast – came out of the closet and declared he was gay, Washington reportedly called him a “faggot” on the set setting off a firestorm of debate and comments; mostly revolving around whether he actually called Knight a “faggot.” As it turns out, after all of Washington’s denials, he admitted to calling Knight a “faggot.” So what’s the deal? Why wasn’t Washington fired? I pondered whether Knight would have been fired if he had blatantly called Washington a nigger on the set. I guess that question will be answered shortly. Grey’s cast is presently in contract negotiations for next season. Ladies and gentleman, for the record, it is NOT okay to call anyone – gay or straight – a faggot. It’s not funny, it’s not PC and regardless of how loud the voice in your head is saying it, keep it to yourself.

On Blast
Many of my friends have said that sometimes people become confused about using a specific epithet because it is appropriated and used so frequently by the intended oppressed group. For example, I have straight friends who have used the word “faggot” and Latino friends who have used the word “nigger” because they’ve heard it tossed around so easily.
As gays and/or Blacks are we responsible for ending the confusion by NOT using epithets that would be considered offensive if we heard them from someone outside of our respective groups?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - 1/26/07

Say It Isn’t So; Noah’s Arc Cancelled
Clay Cane, a fellow blogger and actual reporter for various mainstream publications and websites, interviewed a Logo spokesperson who confirmed that Noah’s Arc has not been renewed for a third season. The executive goes on to mention that the channel is in “talks” to have a movie about the all-black gay series done and on the market by 2008. By all indications – including the exec at Logo – Noah’s Arc is Logo’s most watched and supported show. Patrik Ian Polk did not cancel the show, so the decision to cancel the first black gay series on television appears to be Logo. To say that I’m disappointed is an understatement. Since Logo is a fledgling network, I just assumed that they would keep their most viewed show on the air – wrong! I guess being known as the gay network with the highest rated show being about black gay men was just a little more diversity than the channel could deal with. Logo viewers can now look forward to reruns of Queer as Folk and a host of other – almost exclusively white – gay men from around the globe. I guess you can say that white men from around the globe still trump black men from around the way, even when the viewers are American men – many of whom are men of color.
Sign a petition to send LOGO the message about how we feel about Noah's Arc by going here http://www.petitiononline.com/noah/petition.html

Am I A Marsupial?
Kangaroos are marsupials – animals that have small pouches to allow their young to develop after their actual birth. This morning, the nine degree temperature and below zero wind chills in NYC made me ask if I was a marsupial. If you’re one of those beautiful people who haven’t quite gotten the moral of this story yet, my testes appeared to recede into my body during my 20-minute wait at the bus stop this morning. As I now sit in my toasty office and await my left nut to emerge, I brace myself for a frigid weekend. Per the weather service, today is the coldest day for NYC in two years.

Sell-A-Bit Update
With temperatures plummeting, it has become more apparent that I’m not actively doing the bump-and-grind. This weekend is the last weekend of freedom and possibility before my parents arrive in New York City. As many of you know, my parents normally stay with me and the momentous event is filled with love and prescribed medication. Yes, I will keep my blog family posted on the happenings in the Cocoa clan. In addition, my boi Philippe is visiting NYC from Chicago next weekend…Fluff, you’ll experience a scene out of Meet the Parents. This weekend, I will tidy up, put away the unmentionables and try to continue my foray into being celibate – I think.

On Blast
We’ve discussed this a few times around these parts… I love song lyrics. Last night Glitter was on VH1 – yes, I know I’m the only person who owns a copy of Mariah Carey’s Glitter – and I watched straight through to the 1 a.m. end. The lyrics to most of the songs on the Glitter soundtrack are beautiful. Most striking for me is the song, Reflections (Care Enough). What song from a motion picture strikes an emotional chord that resounds through your soul?

Keep passin’ the open windows….

Afternoon Edition - 1/24/07

Chicken Noodle Soup
For those not familiar with the catchy-yet-annoying rap song, Chicken Noodle Soup, don’t worry; this post has nothing to do with that song! This particular rant has everything to do with the E-Coli poisoning I experienced at the hands of the West 72nd Street Dallas BBQ on Sunday night. All I can think right now is, “What the f*ck?!?!?” After a pleasurable weekend that included no dates – this will be covered later – I decided to take my favorite cousin Nancy and my boy Herbie out to dinner Sunday night. We figured we’d sit for an inexpensive meal at Dallas BBQ – a joint known for their generous portions and savory southern fixins. Well, it turns out the fixins had a little more wrong-in than fixin’ on Sunday night because the three of us suffered the worse case of E-Coli poisoning we had ever encountered. The bloating, followed by the stabbing pain, followed by the contractions and eventual vomiting and diarrhea, are something none of us bargained for. Three days later and it still sounds like I have Star War’s Chubaka trapped in my abdomen. So I’m surviving on yogurt, chicken noodle soup and water. Remember those pesky few pounds I wanted to drop… well, they’re dissolving like candles by a forest fire now!

Failure to Launch
My scheduled three dates were transformed into a no-dater weekend, after I opted to spend most of my weekend with my cousin having some “fam” time. We watched the entire season of Noah’s Arc where I was given the opportunity to explain that most gay men don’t sound, dress or act this way, but hey, what’s the point? By episode three, I was screaming, “Yeah girl, you know that was me all the way…” At any rate my musketeers (future exes) all agreed to take a new number on the reschedule appointment book – lucky me – and I should be hittin’ the town (and maybe even one of these gentlemen- LOL) by the weekend. Pray on the stomach folks… pray on the stomach!

Shall We Dance?
I’m not exactly Mario Lopez or anything, but I think I can shake-it-up a bit when I need to. Our friend Carmen – resident Latina-in-the-know and colleague has managed to schedule two hour salsa classes, every Monday beginning February 5th for 10 of us at the Champion Dance Studios here in New York City. The bargain basement prices are thanks to Carmen’s hook-up and previous step-ins with the instructor. I’m excited. Does anyone know where I can find a pair of high-waist, black lycra pants?

On Blast
Last night a close girlfriend asked whether I thought it would freak her man out if she attempted to toss his salad. Admittedly, I was intrigued as to why the issue came up and she said another girlfriend had mentioned that this was working well with her boyfriend. Is there some type of new intimate expression you’d like to partake in with your partner, but are afraid your partner may either 1) see you differently or 2) be offended that you even went there?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Weekend Edition - 1/19-21/07

Time For A Beat Down
For years the debate on whether spanking children is a good idea or not has been tossed around. Most would agree that blatant child abuse needs to be stopped, but is spanking as a form of punishment, actually abuse? Assemblywoman Sally Lieber of California believes it is and she is working toward having a law passed that would make spanking any child under three years of age a misdemeanor in California, punishable by one year in jail and/or a $1,000 fine. Other legislators are asking where the line should be drawn on the involvement of government in the private affairs of families, while some are praising this new initiative as necessary, saying that adults are protected from being hit by other adults and it makes sense that children should be protected by similar laws. Some child psychologists argue that children under 18 months do not understand why they’re being spanked. One person said the proposed legislation is similar to requiring parents to read to their children 30 minutes per day.

Ladies, Sometimes You Make It So Easy
Have you ever heard a man say, “She was thinking with her fallopian tubes”? No, you probably haven’t and yet I consistently hear statements like, “He was thinking with his penis,” or “She was throwing herself at him, so what could he do?” For the record, a woman’s fallopian tubes have about as much control over her behavior as a man’s penis has in controlling his. It appears that history and conditioning have led women to believe that men cannot control their behavior when faced with an easy lay. By taking this approach, women have given men the easiest way out. Women appear to place the bulk of the blame on the other woman, rather than hold the man they are in a relationship with, accountable for his actions. This line of thinking also helps in the forgiveness process, since many women continue relationships with unfaithful men because – you got it – “A man is a man…” For the record, a man is a man, is as reasonable an explanation for cheating as a woman is a woman. It’s ridiculous. A man that has respect for himself, his partner and his relationship does not engage a woman simply because she offers easy booty – PERIOD. So ladies, if you’re going to accept your cheating man in your life, at least have enough respect and dignity for yourself and call it what it is… your choice to allow your man to disrespect you. To mention any gender related reasons for why you accept your man’s infidelities makes you look like a moron.

Two Months and Counting; Baby It’s Cold Outside
I have three dates lined-up for this weekend, but I am still enjoying that self-imposed celibacy policy. It seems the longer I hold-out on having sex, the more competitive I feel with myself to extend the period longer. This weekend I’ve scheduled a movie with Mr. Goodbar, dinner with Professor Aaliyah and an up-in-the-air exchange with Councilman HD. Yes, oh-pretty-ones, we had to give each of the potential exes a name in the event that I need to update you on what happens with these wonderful guys. For the record, each of them is so distinctly different, that there’s no way to really compare the three. Please keep your fingers crossed and I’ll keep my legs crossed as I explore gay-dating without sex. Ewww…

On Blast
Women: Have you ever given your man a permission slip for his cheating by placing the blame on the woman he cheats with? Do you still hold the belief that men-can’t-help-themselves today?

Gay Men: Have you ever fallen victim to the straight mentality that as men we can’t help but be infidels?

Str8 Men: Do you find yourself allowing your girlfriend/wife to continue with the penis-as-ruler theory to protect you in the event of a misstep?

Keep passin’ the open windows….

Morning Edition - 1/16/06

Waiting to Inhale
Last night I went on another storybook date. We had dinner at a cozy neighborhood restaurant where we laughed, flirted and even engaged our waitress in the back-and-forth coy-play. When we returned to his place to watch a movie, I noticed the meticulous way he maintains his crib – the boy either has OCD or a live-in housekeeper. When I looked over to his dresser – oh yeah, I forgot to mention the DVD was in the bedroom – the fragrance bottles were organized in what appeared to be size, color and alphabetical order. I swear the only thing missing was the "Dream of a Witches' Sabbath" (5th Movement of "Symphonie Fantastique") by Hector Berlioz from the Sleeping With the Enemy soundtrack. The strange thing is that I loved it! He proudly picked-up on my admiration, of his somewhat obsessive cleaning habits, and we both laughed out loud. We watched the movie as we lay across his bed, pausing the film to periodically make light conversation. When the movie ended we sat in the dark and talked. It felt completely normal and comfortable. I could see his silhouette as the light bounced off him from the street lights outside his bedroom window. It all just felt really warm and fuzzy. As the evening was winding to a close we joked about the gym and suddenly he jumped up, dropped his pants and said, “I’m not as thin as I appear…. “ Uh, for the record, he ain’t! I was pleasantly surprised. Muscular thighs, a “Pert” booty…you know, bouncing and behavin’…. and a dark chocolate complexion that I’ve only seen before on a Mr. Goodbar. So, rather than taking the cue and disrobing as well, I said, “Boy, you sure are built right. …and to think you don’t work out. Go figure.” Don’t get me wrong, normally I would drop this boy and find myself up to my ears in chocolate, but let’s keep it real, I’m on a new kick here. So, after he put those trousers back on and I caught my breath, he walked me to my car. We really did have a great time and we promised we’d have to get together REALLY soon. I don’t think I can withstand another “flash” without having him in what figure skaters would call, a Biellmann spin position.

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly
American Idol season 6 premiere’s tonight on Fox with a 2-hour show highlighting those can’t-look-away audition disasters that precede the actual show. Each year many of us vow never to take a look at this immature joust for the spotlight – inevitably most of us do. I’m not even going to lie…I’m so there! Proof-positive that winning the national phenomenon showcase isn’t everything, Jennifer Hudson took home the Golden Globe Award for Best Support Actress last night.

Make that 25 in 5
This morning I had my allergist appointment, followed by my semi-physical. I braced myself for my weigh-in, since I knew I’d been eating like I have a feeding bag strapped on. Although I’m still fervently hitting the gym 5-6 days per week, I knew my increased caloric consumption would wreak havoc on my plans to be 140 lbs by summer 2007. The poor attendant manning the scale watched in disbelief as I stripped down to my 2xist drawers in front of waiting patients, before I lumbered onto the scale. When the final beep was heard from the scale I was brought back to reality by the attendant asking me to please stop banging the scale and step off and get dressed or security would be called. So what was the verdict, you ask? The red numbers continued flashing long after I was pried away from the apparatus by hospital staff – 165 lbs. So I’m dropping 25 lbs. in 5 months. Brace yourselves!

On Blast
Dream girl? Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce… I realize there’s an undercurrent of ill-will for the triple-threat stunner Beyonce Knowles. For those of you who don’t care to Ring The Alarm at the thought of her highness Ms. Knowles or feel that she is not exactly Irreplaceable, you may have felt validated when Jennifer Hudson walked away with her Golden Globe, while Knowles failed to snatch hers for Best Actress. After watching Dreamgirls and knowing the storyline, would you say that the lyrics of And I Am Telling You or Listen best summarize the movie’s plot? Why?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - 1/12/07

Yada, Yada, Yada…Ladies Take Heed
New York City trains and buses are ticking time-bombs during rush hour, when many of us are irritated, crowded like sardines and frustrated as we creep along at a snails pace, but the straw that can break this camel’s back is loud and continuous meaningless conversation. It appears that there are folks that should enlist their motor-mouths in the army – they can talk more before 9 a.m. than most people do all day! As I rode the train this morning (with one ear phone out of commission on my IPod) I was horrified to hear the bantering of a woman who spoke of everything from her baby’s daddy alleged seek-and-destroy tactics with her, to the even more irrelevant way she handles the other secretaries in her office. Noticing that I was glaring at her with disgust and disapproval she yammered on like a 4-year old with Tourettes on Ritalin, leaving me to simply roll my eyes and bear it. All to say, ages ago we discussed why some women are single and what they can do to make a good man notice them. Here’s a tid-bit for your log books – Stop talking so f*cking much! If you’re not sure if you run your mouth much follow these clues:
If the person you’re speaking to has been nodding in your direction and looking over at the folks surrounding you with a slightly embarrassed look – you’re talking too much.
If the person you’re talking to interrupts you to say they have to get back to work, their life or to gouge out their own eyeballs – you’re talking too much.
If people run-in to you and begin jogging away saying that their running late for a meeting (and it’s 7:30 at night) – you’re talking too much.
Get a dog, cat, bird, fish or Elmo-slap-you-to-the-floor doll and talk to them. They are less likely to become irritated with your ranting.

Celibacy Abounds…God Help the Innocent Victims
Since November I’ve been on a celibacy kick of sorts. The matter of celibacy has been discussed widely on other blogs, before I noticed that I had pretty much been holding out as well. To clarify, when I speak of celibacy, I’m specifically speaking of intimacy with others…not to be confused with self-satisfaction. There would certainly be dead bodies strewn throughout my path if I held back on that little pleasure. It’s important to mention that I don’t have any moral incentives surrounding my recent foray into this sexual Sahara and that chances are I’ll be setting my goodies free for the Martin Luther King, Jr. weekend. Free at last, free at last...

Clent, John & Mom – B-Day!
J’Moo aka Clent turned 21 for the 23rd time the 3rd of this month. The jovial dark-chocolate prince of darkness has been in a stable relationship with his cream-puff for over a year. The two recently purchased a home in the Catskills and are in the process of buying a high-end sport-ute to boot. Big smiles to the Tooda! My ex-partner and delusional stalker John B. turned the big 4-4 on the 8th…guess you can say it’s a fitting age, since he appears to want to endure everything twice. The woman I admire most– my life, my heart, me in my looking glass into the future, celebrates another birthday on MLK day! The Matriarch of the Cocoa clan is still going strong and proving it pays to be in control! I love you mommy!!

On Blast
No Disrespect…it’s probably just my lack of intimacy that has me contemplating dumb stuff like this, but…
If you had a choice of having sex with one of our iconic civil rights leaders, who would you sleep with: Martin Luther King or Malcolm X
Why?

Keep passin’ the open windows….

Morning Edition - 1/9/07

I Love New York; Noah’s Arc Season 3?
Last night VH1’s I Love New York, a spin-off of the train wreck that is Flava of Love, debuted. New York, the brashest, most ghetto reality TV contestant to grace Flava’s glorified project, was treated to two seasons of Flava and her disconnect from her own reality earned her a show of her own. Why? That is a question I repeatedly asked myself as I marveled at how I spent more time giving commentary to friends on the phone than watching the show. First, the star of the show, Tiffany Patterson aka New York, is the premiere ghetto princess. She is the projects meets Lottery winner squared. To heighten your low-life quotient, producers chose to add Sister Patterson, New York’s mom, to add a second opinion to the already brain numbing foolishness. As if having two glorified project hoochies doesn’t do enough to grate your nerves until sparks fly out of your knuckles, the requisite flaming court jester had to be added – enter Chamo, New York’s personal assistant. Chamo (real name Mauricio Sanchez) gives every gay man in America cause to pause. His dress, demeanor and laughability factor made me add half-half to my coffee this morning instead of no-fat soy milk. Please let my heart stop beating so fast LAWD!!! Deep breath… Now to the real deal of the show… long story short, 90% of the men cast to be on this reality fiasco are gay. Forget what you heard or how Sister Patterson picked out one or two of these pranksters out herself… take it from a gay man… 90% of these men are gay. The remaining 10% of the men are disgusting, boring or such a bad fit to be with this future baby-momma-drama queen that it doesn’t even make sense to televise this – well, unless you’re going to use the video as evidence at child-support hearings to show the men were intoxicated and coerced to bed this witch. So, I was disgusted… all the way to the last second of the 60-minute disaster. What struck me as funny was that it would have been a better show if we replaced New York with Noah (Darryl Stephens) and just made the show into Noah’s Arc, season 3. Go figure…

On Blast
Ladies: If a man is FINE (PHINE!!) and is willing to spend his life with you – giving of himself emotionally and physically – do you care if he is/was gay?

Gay Men: If a man is obviously gay, but refuses to accept this and lives his life closeted, can you carry on a relationship with him – even if it means that you will remain in the shadows?

Str8 Men: If you get wind that your boi (your male friend) who you thought was a player is really a closet homosexual, would you confront him and discuss it or ignore the whole issue and act as though you haven’t a clue?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - 1/4/07

It's One Of Those Weeks...

I have one thing to say...

On Blast
What is your most memorable movie line?

Keep passin' the open windows...

Morning Edition - 1/2/07

Time Will Reveal

Time Flies
This year I celebrate my 20 year high school reunion. I’m shocked – slightly appalled – and numb at the fact that that much time has passed since I walked down the aisle with my fellow classmates. We had so many dreams then and had no idea at what life would hold. Seven years ago we ushered in the millennium, almost four years ago I returned to New York City and close to two years ago my beautiful nephew was born. Time flies. In just three short years I’ll be 40. All to say, before we know it we’ll be looking back on our lives and wondering what we’ve done with it. I can honestly say that I’ve been blessed. A wonderful family, incredible friends and jobs that I really didn’t (don’t) deserve. I have no complaints. The Lord was good enough to give me sufficient good looks to get by, an intellect that I swear comes and goes and an overall healthy existence. So, it’s that time… time to work on resolution #1…taking risks. Keep me in your prayers as I explore what direction my life will take in the next few months. There are already a few things on the burner and I’ve taken that step out onto the ledge of life…I’ll keep you posted.

Sex… Who’s Having It?
Okay, so I’m not a virgin – mom, if you’re reading this, I am, but I can’t have my friends make fun of me. Of late, I’m feeling more and more compelled to hold on to the goodies. Yes, I’m single and don’t have any commitments to anyone – so I can always do the nondescript guy thing and have some hot one-nighters, but instead, I’m hanging out, having a great time and then bringing it home – alone. I’m even dating a great guy who is beautiful, smart – slightly gay (LOL), but we’re spinning our wheels. It’s like we’re junior high school kids, home before our parents get home. We have romantic dinners, watch movies, even strip down and neck until my lips are numb, but then I then dress, say my goodnight and go home. So, what’s this new disconnect? I’m physically willing, but mentally not connecting with anyone where I feel drawn to third base. Well, I have a date with a new gentleman this week. He’s different… dark, handsome and with that nerdy edge that sends me into naughty mode. With any luck, this brotha can get it.

Happy Belated Birthday V
Twelve years ago I began working for the ABA in Washington, DC. While there, I met this wonderful young woman and we became fast friends. We were tight and although our lives took different directions, she still holds a special place in my heart. A few days ago, Nesie celebrated a birthday. She now has a husband and family and is expecting a new baby this year. Happy birthday Cola… do your thing.

On Blast
What is the most romantic date you’ve ever been on? What made it extra special?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - End of 2006

Resolutions; This Is My Life
Each year we all take a moment to think of what we will do better. What changes we will make to be this new and improved person. By February many of us have dropped most of those new year’s resolutions and are just hoping to not completely revert to the person we were the year before. Well, the hope is that this year WILL be different. This year I’ve chosen a few things that are building blocks, rather than goals… building blocks to making me a better person. So here goes…

Calculated risks that can/will improve my life…I’m a pretty spontaneous person, but I’m also a creature of habit. I like sticking with what’s comfortable – whether that be my career, the clubs and bars I attend and the friends I hang with. This year I will make myself available to new career choices, make myself open to new romantic interactions and enjoy the rotten apple like a tourist. This is also the year that I stop making excuses for why I could never make it as a writer. At the very least, I have to write that novel based on my life story that will, at the very least, serve as a cathartic tool.

Accept my appearance… I’ve always felt that I’m harder on myself than anyone could ever be. I work out 4-5 days per week and point out every new wrinkle to myself each morning. In 2006 I met folks that were amazing in their self-acceptance. They loved their appearance and their self love made them all the more attractive. Rather than obsessing about the natural aging process, I will do more to continue working out hard, eating right, dropping those bad habits (my buddies know what those are) and enjoying me. I will recognize that I am beautiful today – before the workouts, the cosmetic surgery, the Whitney Houston dental work… this is my year to love me… flaws and all.

Give back… Sometimes we get so caught up on ourselves and our lives that we don’t recognize how fulfilled we would be to give back. We complain about our mortgages/rents, car payments, additional pounds, quirky families, etc. and don’t realize how blessed our lives really are. To have a mortgage, to have a car, to have families, to have our health… we are blessed. I will choose a cause and give back. I will commit to giving of my time, money and resources to help someone else. Ultimately, I suspect the biggest benefactor will be me.

On Blast
What new year’s resolution will you make today that you are sure will make 2007 the year you became a better person?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - 12/29/06

Listen

Dreamgirls; Believe the Hype
Last night I sat to experience the truth behind the enormous media buzz that is Dreamgirls. With five Golden Globe nominations – Best picture, Best Supporting Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress and Best Song – Dreamgirls proved they earned each one of those nominations. To sum it up, the acting is on point and the music sequences are superb. Beyonce Knowles as Deena Jones and Jennifer Hudson as Effie Melody White are sure to leave a lasting impression. To those that were unimpressed with Knowles performance, I completely disagree. Her character called for a sweet innocence that would have been lost had she been portrayed as a ball-bustin’ diva – we can leave that role to Jennifer Hudson. Hudson proved that she is a force to be reckoned with her first time out of the gate. Although a lot of credit was given to veteran Eddie Murphy for his portrayal of James Early, he was the character that least impressed me. His face is finally showing signs of aging and his vocal antics grated my nerves half-way into the screening. In all, the movie is definitely a must-see and worthy of a purchase-for-the-DVD-library. Hudson’s version of And I Am Telling You is no Jennifer Holliday’s 1980s soul wrenching belt-off, but it holds it’s own. The song that will leave you emotionally drained is Knowles’ Listen. The song defines the pivotal moment that sums up the story. It is a new addition to the Dreamgirls storyline and one that seals the deal to make this an overwhelming four-star picture.

On Blast
Black films (or films with primarily black casts) are usually snubbed at the award shows – even when the nomination nods run rampant. Lest we forget the 11 nominations The Color Purple had in 1986, when they walked away with none. How do you believe Dreamgirls will fair at the awards (Golden Globes & Oscars)? Who are you certain will take home an award?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Morning Edition - 12/28/06

That's What Friends Are For

As the Year Ends; I’ll Say It Today
As 2006 comes to a close, it’s important that I recognize the folks that played a pivotal role in making my life better, more interesting and flat-out more enjoyable. This is just a small token. If I didn’t mention you specifically, don’t be offended. It might just mean that you need not be mentioned because you already know the important role you play in my life.

To my soul wifey, Marcia…you have been my best friend, my voice of reason and my comfort when all seemed bleak. You know what to say, how to say it and when to say it… you are my treasure. I cannot find words to tell you how important you are to me and what your words of wisdom have done to make sense of my, sometimes, overly dramatic life. You are wise beyond your years, as beautiful as any runway model and as strong as a Mack truck. You are everything I believe a woman should be and I’m so thankful to have you in my life.

To my friend for life Clent…I know I’m difficult and, at times, not the best friend in the world. Thanks for sticking by me and always making light of the darkest conversations. You know me… I mean you really know me and that is priceless.

To Evelyn M…. my ride or die. In such a short period of time you renewed my belief in friendships and what true loyalty means. You are there, you have my back and for that, I’m so grateful. You are a born charmer and have a knack for words I can only aspire to attain. I miss you…

To Vern… after living in DC for close to 10 years I never had the opportunity to become close friends with you. Now that I’m in NYC, I find that you inspire me and have a calm strength that I admire. Thanks for allowing me to take your ride as an author with you – it is amazing to read your every word. I know you will be great and I’m proud to have you as a friend.

To Col… 30 years and you’re still acting like a god damn fool. I love you. You are my sister in every sense of the word and through everything you know nothing will ever come between you and me. Our childhood was exciting and as adults we can only dream of growing old sharing our lives.

To Herbie… who knew? A Puerto Rican who would become such a close friend? Nonsense! You are warmth personified. True, we will one day get arrested for your antics, but I have a sense that even behind bars, we will laugh until our stomach hurts. I love you.

To Robert… Okay, so I should have choked you to death 5 years ago and been writing this from behind bars, but instead, you are my heart. You know I promised to never use those three little words when referring to you, but hey, you already know. As I traverse the Big Apple and take a dip in the dating pool, I inevitably compare everyone to you. You are my model for a man. A love like ours will never be repeated in this lifetime.

To my blog family – Tam, Melissa, Donya, Eber, Vicenta, Toya, Tisha, Angie, Shey, Cola, Kim, Winona, Shannon, et al… y’all just make staying in touch so easy. You folks have made the e-mails, turned blog, a necessary part of my life. Your opinion matters to me. You are my family in every sense of the word. State lines, time and obligations are all just blips on the screen of our relationship. Thank you for being a part of my life.

And so, as 2007 begins and new chapters unfold, I thank you for continuing to share my life. I look forward to having you for all my years to come.

On Blast
What is your fondest memory of 2006?

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Morning Edition - 12/27/06

IF I COULD...

The Problem With Adulthood
As a child my mother forced my siblings and I to get along. We weren’t allowed to physically fight, we were admonished to share everything and we were never allowed to go to bed angry with each other. In hindsight it was a noble idea and one that stayed with me. Although my being gay has always been the wedge to drive me away from my family, I’ve always made an extra effort to be there for them and am fiercely protective of all my siblings. Recently, my family suffered an enormous blow and I resorted to what I know best – protect, defend and make things better. What I have quickly realized is that, as adults, I can’t help anyone (even my siblings) when they don’t want my help and worse even, don’t wish to help themselves. Although the events that transpired did not involve me directly, the very fact that they involve my siblings made me a complete wreck. Then that pivotal moment occurred. …an epiphany of sorts. I realized it is not my place to do anything, but mind my business. I guess my pain is transformed to anger – it’s all I know. Oddly, I look back to when I was 15 and was forced into the harsh streets of NYC. Rejected by my family and scared, I could do nothing but hide my fear and pain. The luxury of showing weakness was not mine to enjoy and because of this, I can’t really show vulnerability today. Strangely, rather than my family members seeing my anger and frustration toward their perpetrators as justified, I’m seen as the unrelenting bully. So, I give up. I will step back and step away to let my family find their way. In the words of Donnie McClurkin, I stand. I love my family and hope the best for them, but it is apparent that I must take my own advice. Sometimes, you have to love folks enough to let them go.

Life Subscription Not Renewed
James Brown and President Gerald Ford both died this week, Monday and Tuesday respectively, making the final days of 2006 reflective ones. Brown, a pioneering artist, hailed as the creator as such genres of music as hip-hop and funk and Ford who assumed the presidency after the infamous Nixon Watergate impeachment, both are said to have recently suffered from pneumonia – although the exact cause of death of Ford has not been announced. Brown was 73 at the time of death and Ford 93. Brown will be viewed at the Apollo theater in NYC beginning Thursday afternoon, while Ford’s arrangements have not been announced.

Serial Rapist of Men
In the small town of Baytown, Texas there’s a bit of an unusual crime spree taking place. Allegedly, a black man, 18-21 years of age and almost six feet tall is raping other men. To date five men have come forward to report they have either been raped or attacked with the intent of being raped. Authorities say that men are less likely to report a rape since the victims may feel it is a crime that shows them as weak and threatens their masculinity. Statistics show that 1-in-33 men are either raped or attempted to be raped, while women have a much higher rate of 1-in-6. Sketches of the assailant are now posted around town and the town folk are ever vigilant.

On Blast
We all have shells – personality traits that cover your true self. Some shells are thinner than others, but in the end, we all have them. For some, it’s an abrasive personality that masks a tender vulnerability, while others appear to be conservative, but are hidden freaks. What hidden personality trait would those close to you be surprised to discover?

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Morning Edition - 12/18/06

On Blast
There are many lessons learned in life, but there's always that one lesson that, as you look back, you can say, "I learned from the best, I learned from you..."
Who was that teacher; what was that lesson?

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Morning Edition - 12/13/06

Darn, I’m Sick
The last year-or-so I’ve been extra careful to eat well and work-out. The benefits have been slow, but steady and I’ve managed to avoid any colds and the like – well, that is until now. It appears my beautiful nephew is polluted and has managed to corrode me as well. Granted, I can’t help but pick him up and hug him close, so I may have brought on some of this damage. Yesterday I had a temperature, sniffles and an uncomfortable sleepiness that told me I was out of commission. I stayed home and slept throughout the day. I was awakened this morning by my stomach joining in on the sick party. Ugh...guess it's my turn.

Can Kanye Be Original?
Kanye West, a celebrated rapper has a new CD, Late Registration, which enjoyed sales of over 825,000 in just one week. Now, he’s being sued by old-school stunt artist Evel Knievel for a video and pictures that share a likeness with Knievel’s red, white and blue jumpsuit West copied for his Touch the Sky single. Knievel says West even copied the outfit down to the EK belt. West, who is using Evel Kanyevel for the segment will now answer copyright infringement accusations in court papers filed in Florida on Friday. No monetary damages were declared. How about some originality KW?

DC, HIV; The Goal
DC holds the infamous distinction of having the highest rate of new HIV infections each year. This year the city spent over $1.3 million to change these statistics. The goal was to have 400,000 residents, 14-84-year olds, tested. Unfortunately, the city says that in five months of advertising the free testing it has only managed to test 20,000 residents. The hope is that many more will come forward and be tested in the coming weeks. Hey, like the ad says, “The Know is Spreading.” Know your status; save your life.


On Blast
With the swift spread of HIV/AIDS in the minority community, do you feel additional pressure to require your sexual partners share their medical history – namely their HIV status and whether they’ve been tested – with you?

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Morning Edition - 12/12/06

Gucci vs. Louis Vuitton
We’ve talked about this in recent weeks and it was just a matter of time before this issue reared its head. I met a wonderful, smart and pretty man right before going on vacation to Puerto Rico. What troubled me – and I told him this – is that we both share the exact sexual preferences and therefore would soon find ourselves both fighting for the same position in bed. At the time, he joked that I needn’t worry, since we could recruit a third party to fill-in where we rather not go… no pun intended. During my entire vacation, he and I talked and text each other throughout the day and when I returned, the interaction only intensified. It seems that our “role” problem was somehow being ignored – granted, by the two of us. We’ve officially been on two dates, the last one taking place late last Saturday night, when we almost started a forest fire to avoid addressing the issue that we’re not sexually compatible. Unfortunately, we really like each other – enough to continue this charade – and are spinning our wheels deciding what to do. Yes, we can try being friends, but right now we’re enjoying the games of spin the bottle and wrestling that appear to be going on.

Strategic Flirting
After an experiment in same preference intimacy Saturday night, I needed a night out to unwind and explore new opportunities. This isn’t to say that I’m being greedy; I just needed to have an opposite preference person to interact with – not intimately… LOL. I lounged around all of Sunday and did a few loads of wash before hitting the gym for a leisurely run and some lower-body toning – yeah, at 37, lower body toning becomes a HUGE necessity. I returned home, showered, and slipped into some comfy jeans and a black fitted t-shirt (no draws, of course). I have an OCDish routine that includes scrubbing profusely, lotioning thoroughly and my strategic fragrance spritzing that has really become quite obsessive – but I digress. As I walked into the bar and approached my favorite bartender to order my beer, I noticed that folks were looking at me as though I had my penis hanging out or something… I took it (and hopefully not mistook it) as a positive thing and simply sauntered over to a corner by a big-screen TV that was showing the Dallas game. I’m not a football fan, but can be quickly sucked-in to the testosterone jostle that unfolds. Five minutes into my intense fixation on the game, a Lutheresque guy walks up and says, “I don’t mean to interrupt you shawty, but wanted to let you know, you’re looking good.” I smiled and said, “Thank you” and suddenly turned to see the bar had become quite populated since my arrival. I walked back to the front of the bar where I ran into some friends and who is in the midst of these guys? – right, Mr. Lutheresque. So the conversation is growing loud and heated about what you rate yourself as opposed to how others rate you. One-by-one everyone is calling out their 1-10 rating, with the group chiming-in to reveal their opinions. Suddenly, everyone turns to me and I smile and say, “I think I’m a solid 6.” One of the guys smirks, and “Luth” says, nah, I’d say you’re a 7.” Okay, let me be honest… I was offended. I always low-ball myself in the hopes that someone will hit me up with a high 8 or something… this mutha fuka says 7! The nerve! …but let me keep it real. I fail to realize that physically, I am a 7 – or thereabout. It’s only after turning on the wit and charm that I can actually increase my score. So, I inch over to “Luth” and say, “So I’m a 7 huh bruh?” He smiles wide and says, “Yeah, but a solid 7… and we’re in a crowd of about 4s” Okay, so he got me. I was out to increase my score and fast. Luth and I begin a back-and-forth convo that excludes the rest of the group and before you know it, brutha-man is all smiles and leaning in to insure he doesn’t miss a word. My strategically placed fragrance captivates him, my Trident White spearmint gum keeps him at centimeters from my mouth and I can see, he’s in the net. So he says, “Why is a sexy Puerto Rican man like you single?” I said, “Cuz I’m a 7 boo… remember.” BAM! You know I can’t let that slide. He’s got to come back with a revision on his score. So he says, “Nah, you were a 7 until we spoke, now I think you’re a 9.” Since I’m on my 5th Heineken, I don’t blush, rather I take a step back and grab my jacket. “Well fellas, it’s time for me to roll,” I announce. Luth offers to walk me to my car and we exchange digits. Turns out he’s part of a pretty interesting book club that does some networking. I’m intrigued by the concept behind the group and tell him it’s cool to hit me up. Luth lets me know he lives near me and we agree to talk Tuesday. I drive him back to the bar and he awkwardly leans over and lands a wet one on my lips. So, it’s all good. Mission accomplished. We can still drag out an alcohol induced 9 at 37.

Regifting? Two-to-eight Years for Trying
Michael Ivy, 45, was diagnosed HIV positive in December 2002. When he was told he was infected, he was also instructed not to donate blood. On September 13 he walked into a blood plasma center in Indiana, lied about his medical history and donated blood. Ivy then returned to the plasma center on September 22 to donate more blood and was told that the batch he donated earlier in the month was infected and his blood could not be accepted. Police have arrested Ivy and he is charged with donating blood while knowing he carries the HIV virus.

On Blast
Rate yourself on a scale of 1-to-10 (one being the lowest, ten the highest. Please give us two ratings for yourself:
1st: Give us your rating based solely on your physical appearance 2nd: Give us your rating based on your total package (appearance, personality, intellect).

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Morning Edition - 12/11/06

On Blast
We do some crazy things for love. Meatloaf (the singer) wasn't off the mark on this song... I would do anything for love, but I won't do that...
What is your "that?" What WON'T you do for love?

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Morning Edition - 12/8/06

Sometimes it's just like that... Hey, we all have a little nut-job freak in us... don't we?! LOL

Morning Edition - 12/7/06

It’s Not Just Your Breath
Taco Bell ordered its 5,800 U.S. restaurants to remove all scallions from the eatery after an independent lab found the green onions in the establishments were covered with a dangerous strain of E-coli. "In an abundance of caution, we've decided to pull all green onions from our restaurants until we know conclusively whether they are the cause of the E. coli outbreak," said Greg Creed, president of Irvine, Calif.-based Taco Bell. To date, five people remained hospitalized – some with kidney damage – from their fast-food foray with the across-the-border treats from Taco Bell that resulted in the E-Coli outbreak. E-Coli is found in the feces of humans and animals and is most associated with undercooked meat.

Insert This Just Over Your Pie Hole
Researchers say our bodies do not crave what we can’t smell or taste. With that theory in mind, a new study is underway to develop a nasal spray that will block smell and taste and thereby help treat obesity. The FDA has granted Compellis a patent to develop the first-ever calcium channel blocker used in nasal formulation – a nasal spray. If you can’t smell it or taste it, maybe you’ll stay away from it.

Ladies in Red
The White House holiday reception turned into fashion hell as Laura Bush joined the party to find three other women wearing the exact $8,500 red Oscar de la Renta gown. Unfortunately, Laura had already had the annual photo taken in the gown and was left to make a quick decision – wear the darn thing with the pack and look like a bad girl group or slip away and change into something no one else was sporting. Always the politically correct diva, Laura dashed upstairs and made the quick change. Of course her guests didn’t have the luxury of doing the same. This is the first time in history that any first lady joined the festivities to find a guest wearing the same gown she had chosen for an event.

On Blast
If holiday wishes could come true… Poof… you’re granted the ability to make a quick decision – a wish of sorts. You are given the opportunity to:
Be strikingly beautiful
Be brilliant beyond your imagination
Be magnetically charming
Now remember, no cheating. You can only choose one. Which would it be and why? Assume that your choice will be permanent and life-lasting.

Keep passin’ the open windows…