The Pain and Perspective of Murder

I sincerely believe that at the heart of every human being - when separated from all outside influences - we want justice, equality and peace. Unfortunately, that reality is skewed and torn by ignorance, poverty, racism, inequality and  the inability by many to pause to understand the thought process of those on the "opposing" side. 

As I watch numerous videos depicting officers charged with protecting the communities they serve actually humiliating, degrading and even killing the public they are supposed to protect, I am enraged by the wonton disregard for life and the disrespect for the authority they have been entrusted with. Conversely, I have taken the time to understand the enormous stress and danger our police officers face each day. It isn't hard to see how these two sides would validate their behavior when clashes occur. Unarmed men being gunned down in cold blood by police and police officers gunned down in the line of duty. All are inflammatory instances and opportunities to speak about a greater respect for life as a whole. All lives matter. 

Where do we go from here?  First let's acknowledge the dead and admit wrongdoing or errors that lead to deaths. We can't heal if we gloss over folks who died at the hands of rouge or irresponsible policing. Second, let's admit that our police need retraining and greater accountability to help reestablish protecting and serving as the corner stone of every police department. Third, let's create a relationship between the police and the communities they serve to help develop a trust and respect for our men and women in blue. Finally, let's instill a love and respect for life within our inner city communities. Let's instill a sense of integrity in our young men of color. 

We need change. We can continue to point fingers, but if we are simply subscribing to keeping score on each side we are simply pitiful reactors rather than proactive beacons of change. 

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2014 Holiday Retrospective

There's nothing like taking a quick peek over your shoulder to gauge your path forward. My 2014 was filled with blessings and challenges that helped me appreciate reality.  Hands-down my most valuable lesson of the year was finding my inner "pause" button. By pausing to gather my thoughts or simply to allow God to lead the way on any given issue, the results have been consistently positive.  A new role at work,  the shower of material niceties and nurturing strong relationships this year, have rounded out my 2014 as one that felt like a reward for some of the rougher patches of my earlier years.  There's still lots to do and some personal goals that I hold close to my heart and I am commited to bringing them to the top of my list of priorities. 

I hope your 2014 brought you happiness and here's to making 2015 a year to  make our hearts full. 

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Janay Rice - A Study In Self Worth

Let's establish one thing from the start - this is not about judging the victim. This little editorial is about the question, What are you worth?  Not necessarily a dollar value, but a core value that you establish for yourself as a 'deal breaker' when it is somehow compromised. When Janay was slapped to the floor and her lifeless body was dragged out of the elevator by concerned onlookers, she was rushed to a hospital and the entire incident was captured on camera allowing her to review the full extent of her personal tragedy later. Let's eliminate public opinion, legal recourse and the friends in her ear, what did she think of her man stepping over her battered body to exit the elevator?  How did she interpret the incident in a way that gave her peace with standing by a man who had basically treated her like an aggressive stranger?  The real logic behind her decision to stay is something only Janay truly knows. I suspect that the day will come when the lifestyle associated with being an NFL wife will be outweighed by the gnawing reality that you marked yourself down and your self worth has no value. Sadly, once we don't see value in our lives we have to battle the demon that is, Why are we here?  

We can't tell Janay what to do in a case like this and it's clear by the appellate court ruling that if you tell folks something enough they will believe it - in this case, Janay established early on that her worth had less value than her husband's career.  

Many in the general public have asked us all to mind our business and allow this issue to be one between a man and his wife. Maybe they're right and maybe when a man beats the hell out of his wife and children we should also look away and mind our business. Well, depending what we deem their life is worth. 

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Another Year and A Goodbye to Resolutions

Year after year we make some very important resolutions. All are well intended, but at the end of each year we have many more regrets than goals met. As we get older the list simply gets longer and, if we're lucky, some of us hold on to the desire to actually get through our list of resolutions. This year my list was cleared and was replaced with three important rules, rather than resolutions, to live by:

1. Get Healthy - this doesn't mean to get pencil-thin, but to take good care of myself (mind, body and soul)

2. Be true to myself - outside of work, I will not subject myself to people or places that do not serve to make me happy or enrich my life 

3.  Accept Life's Brevity - Truly treat life as short and valuable and not wait for a life-changing event to help me see how quickly life goes by

If you remember nothing else, remember this...if life appears to be the same year in and year out and the people in your life change, but the outcomes don't, consider what - or who - the common denominator is and make a change. 

Keep passing the open wondows...

Struggling With Gratitude

The human mind is remarkable. Many of us enjoy a host of blessings - I'm talking about the really important things - like our health, happy families, great jobs, beautiful homes and cool cars, but let one negative thing take place in our presence and we seem to erase all the great things from our minds. This is life and we're always going to be faced with challenges, but we have to keep the blessings fresh in our minds. It almost takes reminding ourselves every day about how lucky we really are. So let's continue the gratitude that Thanksgiving Day encourages. Let's give others something to be thankful for.  Let's make time to be grateful to God and to others for their kindness. 

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A Reality More Beautiful Than Any Fairy Tale

In my eyes she has always been a fairy tale  princess. The perfect  ride or die chick. She is beautiful, brilliant, kind and strong. She is the prissy girl that can still kick off her Louboutins and change a tire. Her heart is larger than the state  of  Texas and this weekend  that heart was forever joined  to the love of her life Greg Tyler.  We have been friends for more than a decade and in that time I have  been privy to Marcia's undying love for Greg.  Isn't that what real fairy tales are made of?   The magic that triumphs through pain, the love that finds a way beyond the years. I'm so proud  of my girl.  Love has won. It isn't a fairy tale, but a palpable reality that, with continued nurturing,  will live forever. 

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Fixer or Homewrecker? Scandal Season 3 Finale

Has Scandal creator Shonda Rhimes turned our fearless, fashion-forward Washington fixer into a common DC homewrecker? Kerry Washington's pregnancy may have thrown the steamy writing for a loop in season 3 of Scandal leaving some feeling like the once invincible gladiator princess has been reduced to a shaky weak damsel in distress who turns to giving up the goodies to try to score some wins. The finale highlighted the nail in Olivia's leverage coffin when she failed to control the media coverage during the firestorm at the church bombing. Scandal is a phenomenon that has captured viewers with the strength of its heroine and we can only hope that Kerry's real-life pregnancy doesn't prove to be the proverbial Rosemary's baby for Scandal. Fans can only hope that Kerry will return to season 4 ready to restore Olivia to the powerhouse that made Scandal must-see TV, otherwise Scandal will be just another sitcom drama about a cute chick that's sleeping around to get ahead.

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The Happy Sad

It's funny how most relationships feel the need to conform to a set norm or set of rules adopted by "the majority". When we look at couples that have lasted for a long time we assume that "love" is what carried them through 10, 20 or 30 years when in fact it is the ability to compromise. Love is a great thing, but as many of us can attest, it's not likely to keep us tied-down to someone. Compromise, however, alows us to see past someone's flaws to a place where the greater good exists. In The Happy Sad, the movie explores the dilemma of rules, monogamy and truth. What makes us tick and how we can have our cake and eat it too if we're honest and upfront about our feelings and desires. Ironically, I think that the majority of heartache in relationships is born from trying to NOT hurt someone's feelings. As we evolve, grow, mature and change we have to accept that to have longevity in a relationship we have to communicate and step forward together. Otherwise we join the scores of folks that tried and failed to live by rules that were not intended for their specific relationship. Create your own rules, walk your own path and allow your relationship to grow and change according to your needs and not that of other couples. Anything else is really The Happy Sad.

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We Are - Past, Present, Future

We are all a product of our past. Experiences, influences and lessons that have created the collective we call our personality today. There's a saying in Spanish that says, "La mona aunque se vista de ceda, mona se queda." All to say that life can polish, groom and equip someone, but at their core they are still 'that' person. I celebrate my humble beginnings. As I visited Puerto Rico last week and my beautiful family, I was so proud to see how resourceful we all were and are. I'm proud to have "raices" in Juncos, Puerto Rico. The Maldonado flare, charm and ingenuity are gifts that I thank the Lord for each day. When we stop running from our past we can embrace it as part of our coat of armor. We are all the more interesting, valuable and exciting when we are all that we are - past, present and future.

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The Bridge of Yu Gi-Oh

The moral of the story is that you should enjoy every moment you can with your children because they won't always be interested or impressed by you.

Our son absolutely loves playing Yu Gi-Oh cards. It's a pretty complicated card game that pits monsters against each other - all with different attack and defense levels - while pairing these with spell and trap cards. All cards have an assigned point value that gets tallied when the cards are played against each other. All to say that I would never play such a complicated game in my youth and would probably not take on such a stressful card game as an adult except as I mentioned at the start, our son loves the game and I'm interested in having brief moments when we're not the old and uncool ATM in the bedroom next door. Now, it turns out that my playing the game with him has again reminded me to think out of the box to keep a connection with our teen for as long as we can.

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If We Could Fix Our Mistakes

The moral of the story is that we fix our past mistakes by not repeating them.

As I look back I recognize that I've had a very full life. I think I always did what I really wanted to do and quite honestly, it wasn't all good. As I look back at some of my bigger mistakes, I always wondered where would I be and what would be different if I hadn't done things a certain way or if I had made different choices. The great thing about getting older is that hopefully we can see things more clearly and make better choices. The epiphany I've had about my life and my mistakes is that the only real-world fix to our mistakes (big or small) is to not repeat them. In a way it says you recognize the error of your ways. So, I've stopped wishing I'd done things differently and accepted that making it all better is all about making the right choices now and not repeating everything that can bring waves of angst and regret.

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Taking the Good With the Bad

The moral of the story is that if you don't stick around and persevere you'll never enjoy the great times. Now here's the story...
When we moved into our house a little over two years ago, we were told that upstate NY can have pretty treacherous weather, but the first year we had a total of 6" of snowfall the entire winter. We really thought that the folks around us exaggerated the winters north of NYC until this year. We've had more than 30" of snowfall since the start of winter. The back-breaking work it takes to get the property cleared is quite the undertaking. Then there is the everyday wonderful that is Orange County NY. The beautiful rich colors of fall, the bargain basement square footage pricing and - for us - a comfy and convenient location. So I carefully measure the pros and cons and recognize that, like life, upstate NY has really easygoing years where the weather is a breeze and life is easy and then there are the tear-inducing years that bring several feet of snowfall. Through it all you have to stick around through some crappy times to enjoy the great times. Life isn't all a bed of roses and those who -sadly - don't wait around for another good spell falter, fail and give up right before the great hits.

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Valentine's Reality

It's Valentine's Day and I'm consistently amazed at how folks run around trying to make it extra special for their significant other. I'm just perplexed at why folks wait for this one day to do what they should be doing every day. I've been with my partner for many years and I refuse to buy into the made-up holiday that is Valentine's Day. Now if it makes you feel good or improves your relationship then go for it. My thinking says that if you're working to make your partner happy  every day you'll have less pressure to get it right the one day of the year.

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MUSIC REVIEW: Luck Fové, Khary Mallea; iTunes/Googleplay: 2/11/14

My Masterpiece Called Luck Fové by Khary Mallea is a new guitar infused rap release that is raw, gritty and in your face. Explicit and true; you get a sense that the artist is allowing us to be voyeurs to his experiences. On the cut 'Alone' the words meld with the lyrics to give an old school feel and an edgy vibe that begs for a drink in hand. With 'Bitta #1664' - my favorite cut - Mallea brings in a beat that is contagious with a storyline that will make every underdog feel the vindication of making it without the support of his former ride-or-die. Mallea reminds me of a Lupe Fiasco had Lupe not been Disney-fide for the masses. Luck Fové is available on iTunes and GooglePlay this Tuesday, Feb 11.


- Keep passin' the open windows.

Location:New York, NY

Samsung…Innovation Meets Bad Customer Service

Six months ago I trotted over to my neighborhood Best Buy store to make a dramatic change.  I chose to switch from Apple's iPhone device to Samsung's Galaxy S4.  Like a rebellious child, I made the argument that the exodus from Apple's confining tech space would change my experience and tech development.  Samsung's S4 provided all the freedom of a teen that's off to college.  I was free to download what I wanted and set-up my device just as I dreamed.  Within a couple of months my out-of-the-box S4 ran up to its 16G memory cap and my 32G micro SD card was rendered useless by one of Samsung's software updates.  I attempted to fix the hiccup by purchasing an expensive Samsung micro SD card, only to find that the issue wasn't the SD card, it was the actual S4 device.  Countless telephone conversations andTwitter messages later and NOTHING is resolved. Samsung suggested that I send them my mobile device and they would analyze and attempt to repair it.  They were quick to mention that they do not provide replacements or loaners while you wait.  I was forced to choose another mobile device and ATT was kind enough to expeditiously forward me a new Blackberry Q10.  It has proved more reliable AND is better supported than Samsung's flagship phone.  Now, the expensive micro SD card appears to be fried and I again, gave Samsung another opportunity to make-good and replace the accessory.  After spending the better part of several hours explaining the issue with the SD card and providing Samsung Support a proof of purchase and giving them my home address, telephone information and carrier contact, Samsung sent me an email containing a UPS label.  They request I return my Samsung micro SD card to them and upon inspection, they will replace the card.  WHO MAKES THEIR LOYAL CUSTOMERS WAIT FOR A REPLACEMENT WHEN THEIR PRODUCT MALFUNCTIONS?  Samsung does.  They repeatedly use their Twitter feed to appear responsive, but all the Twitter support attendants do is ask for your device information with no real support or help.  I'm done with Samsung.  The sad part is that I drank the kool-aid and believed that Samsung was an innovator of technology, that like Apple, wanted to provide the best product with the highest level of customer service.  Apple has NOTHING to fear.  Samsung's customer service completely ruins their customer's experience.  I recant all accolades I gave Samsung.  I admonish friends, family and anyone who can read this message - Stay clear of Samsung…they couldn't care less about you or ensuring that you are happy.  Apple may want to control your environment, but they are intent on guaranteeing you are happy.  Ultimately, that's the guy that should get your business.  

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DC, Philly and the Little Things

A couple of months ago we had the bright idea of taking a family road trip to see DC and Philly. Exploring America is cost efficient and really interesting. It let us do what we wanted, when we wanted on a budget. We had a ball. My favorite little thing-turned HUGE surprise-on our trip was a stop to visit Keith's older cousins in a affluent suburb of Philly. Their home was exquisite and their company divine, but what made the stop unforgettable was how this amazing couple - married over 40 years - manages to stay warm, romantic and playful. They gave us the gift of their blessing and reminded us that successful and lasting relationships are built on our ability to stay interested.

At a time like this when the Supreme Court is considering whether same sex couples should have the right to marry, I am encouraged by couples like the one we shared an evening with in Philly who understand the importance of love and partnership and how intolerance, ignorance, homophobia and hatred will never win over the power of love. Our family is proof of God's many blessings and mercies.



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Sad, Ignorant and Painful…and that’s Family for You

It has been almost thirty years since my parents asked me to leave my house simply for being gay. Being gay wasn’t something I could change then and there is still no known cure for anyone’s hetero-, homo- or bi-sexuality. As a 15-year old who had never lived anywhere but in my comfy Christian home, the shock of surviving NYC streets was devastating, to say the least. I was forced to live with strangers, sometimes sleep in public places and work a full-time job after school, just to survive. I suffered unmentionable tragedies in the name of learning my lesson, I guess.

This story is NOT about blaming my parents and their ignorance at that time – God knows I forgave their inability to show God’s love to their own child – it is about highlighting important facts.

God’s love and support are undying. Through those terrible times on the streets of NYC, God protected me from the drug use that killed most of the people around me, he prevented me from being killed by some of the shady characters I was forced to go to bed with just to have a place to lay my head and he gave me the strength of character to push forward and get an education and do well for myself….well enough to, at times, help the very family who consistently has shown a disregard for me.  The prayers of those who cared and God’s love carried me through.

Recently, there have been a series of marches in the name of “protecting the family.” Some of my family members have taken to the streets to protest the rights of gay men and women. They allege that someone needs to stand-up for the rights of “traditional” families and that, somehow, my partner, our child and I (or the model we represent) pose a threat to the future of traditional families. To be clear, my family is NO different than any other family in America. We want what’s best for our son, we want love and success for our family and we want to be happy. How this threatens “traditional” families, I will never know. I am disgusted that folks who are otherwise logical human beings would walk in protest against my happiness while alleging to love and care about me and my family.

I have read and understand the bible. I also know that there are plenty of verses in the bible that the Christian church chooses to ignore today saying that many of those are dated or do not fit society today, yet many can’t seem to let go of the verse that speaks of “man laying with mankind.”

I’m not writing this to argue the bible…I don’t wish to toss around bible verses. I’m writing this because in 2013, after my treacherous struggle to get where I stand today, I am saddened by the betrayal and stabs to the heart delivered at the hands of the people I love the most.

Today, I will live in God’s true love. I forgive my family for their ignorance. I will practice God’s word and love them in spite of themselves. I will leave the pain in God’s all-knowing hands.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

The Folks We Leave In 2012

Oh sure, those of you who live for the drama and crazy that is toxic people in your lives thought this post was about leaving the negative people in your life in 2012, but this post is all positive. It's about the painful and real loss of the loved ones who left the land of the living in 2012. They shared our lives and left us with such heartwarming memories that we thought we wouldn't survive their departure. As we move to 2013 it's important that we take everything about them with us because they continue to live within us. We will push through the upcoming challenges and we'll celebrate those incredible wins with them in our hearts. When you think life is getting rough, think of them and how you have one more day than they did to make it all better. There's no problem as permanent as a solution and those we lost in 2012 live on in our ability to make every tomorrow better...to see the new opportunities as one more chance to do something wonderful because they are our push to be fearless. So lets pay the utmost respect to those we lost in 2012
by living life to the fullest and being authentic. Life really does go on...and the best way to show you love and remember the folks we lost is by absorbing everything wonderful about them and making an amazing you. Happy 2013.


- Keep passin' the open windows...

Another Year Over

As we get older we realize how quickly each year slips by and how precious each moment really is. This year I was blessed with so much and I was also reminded that good or bad, all things work according to a higher plan. If it wasn't so pitiful it would be funny how we mope and complain around only to see or hear of a tragedy that reminds us how truly great our lives really are.


In 2013 I'd like to make a difference in my own life...to live healthier, to care more and to live more fully. No one ever laid in their death bed wishing they had spent more time at work. That said, I give thanks for 2012...for all the wows and the awwws.

- Keep passin' the open windows...

Location:New York

Happy Thanksgiving!

Do we really know the history behind the Thanksgiving holiday? More important, do we care? I guess what I'm trying to say is that today's thanksgiving celebration should at least include our remembrance of all that we should be grateful for and not just those material possessions and accessories that are really nice, but don't define who we are. Look around you to those folks who consistently support you, the truly irreplaceable things like your health, the love of your family and friends...those are the things to be thankful for. Who knows...maybe we can let a bit of that gratitude bleed over to the rest of the year.

- Keep passin' the open windows...

Location:New York