One Year Later; Is Moving-In the New Marriage Equivalent?
Just one year ago, I moved into my new apartment. Admittedly, I should be further along on the decorating and lived-in feel of the place, but I’m not home enough to really concentrate on what needs to be done. The great part is that all the required pieces of the puzzle are now there. I purchased my new bedroom furniture one month after moving in and just a few months ago, had my new living room suite delivered. What’s really left to do is to organize things the way they belong and insure that my artwork is hung strategically throughout my home. Not to mention that I want to include some personal pictures as poster-size art for my place; yeah narcissism at its finest. So it may come as no surprise that I am having cold feet surrounding my in-depth discussion about BD, the Minnie and I biting the bullet and living together. To heighten my anxieties about the matter, the perfect place has opened up and would require BD and me to hasten our plans and be moved-in by August 1st. We’d discussed many of the details – including my new role and responsibility as parental figure in the household. Although I never wanted children before, I really love the Minnie and we have a great relationship. My concerns are as follows:
1. BD has not spoken to the Minnie regarding our specific romantic situation AND possible upcoming move (yes…I realize the kid isn’t blind, but he’s also only eight)
2. BD has NOT come out to his family – including his own mom who presently shares the responsibilities of raising the Minnie
3. Although I appear to get along famously with the Minnie, I’m afraid that once the daily routines kick-in, I may not come across as Mr. Laugh NFun anymore
On Blast
Given my short list of anxieties, which would be the most serious for you and based on an August move, which do you believe is most urgent on the list of priorities?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
21 comments:
don't do it.
I think deciding if this new life is right for you is probably first and foremost. I say this because if you're absolutely sure this is for you, then all the details can really be worked out. But if you're having a permanent case of cold feet, then it's time to be very careful about this.
I think he should be open and honest with his family before you guys just move in togther.What are you going to be his roomate. Dont rush into this take your time.
I just dont think this is right for anyone right now...consolidating bills is one thing...but honey hasnt come out to his family, lil man hasnt been brought up to speed and YOU had reservations just a few short months ago...I realize you may love each other dearly, but moving in together isnt going to make a stronger bond...and you will have to deal with the fall out when he finally does come out to his family...except the fall out will be 24 hours a day 7 days a week unless you are at work or on the toilet...what if lil man bugs out over the news and has an emotional meltdown...can you handle that 24/7?
Just think before you jump...
thats all I am saying....
The whole living with someone let alone the fact that they are your lover. Never lived with someone I was involved with and honestly I am a bit selfish with my personal time/space to even consider it. And the Minnie another part of the equation that will only add more stress. I would never tell someone not to do something but ummmmmmmm...yea.
~Damnit!
Talking with the Minnie should definitely be taken care of to make sure he's all good with it and everyone is comfortable with the situation, adults included.
once that is done, everything else should fall into place. I think by moving in together the family will begin to know.if not, then the move will sure as hell speed up the process in telling them with all the questions that might arise in their minds.
Mr Laugh N Fun will always be there, but the Minnie should be acquainted with the fact that he has another parental figure to answer to. Because he already gets along with you, the process shouldn't be that bad. there's always the option of taking in some of the parental duties before the move happens (if it does happen) to ease those involved into an already fast paced situation.
By all means discover what you want to do first. After that is settled, discover what you will bend on and what you wont. Then common views and goals between you and BD. I would go about it that way...
I think all those things are important. And, moving in is a big step especially because of the Minnie. I say make sure this is something that is considered very carefully...you can always find a good place in time, but if you rush into this you could damage the relationship in an irreparable way. I'm wishing you guys the best though, Cocoa...you know I want to see you happy! Luv!
JB
I think they are all valid questions, I agree with some of the other comments and making sure that the Minnie is comfortable with everything, like you said, the kid isn't blind, and even if he is only 8, kids are very intuitive. You both should sit down with him and ask him to express how he thinks and feels about a move in. And your role will grow, no doubt about it, but u can still be the fun half of the parental unit. after that, everything else should just happen one step at a time.
good luck
Thank you all for your honest advice and opinions. I appreciate your thoughts.
Unc, this is really intense. It seems kinda... rushed if you will. I didnt realize Minnie was 8. I think we share more parallels than we realize. Going from a hot bachelor to a "married" man with an 8 year old is a lot to take in. IDK. I want you to be happy but it would be "Too much pork for my fork"
LOL @ J shanlin ...
I don't know if one can have TOO much pork on his fork. I'll have to think about that. lol
But I believe in going with your gut. If its telling you to do something (or not to do it), then listen.
Life is too short and 100 years from now we'll all be dead. Have fun. Go for it if its what you want. Don't take too much time to second guess yourself. Because after all, the only way to find out if its going to be a 'dream come true' situation is to try it.
Even if it doesn't work out, its a lot better than playing the woulda coulda shoulda record over and over in your head ....
Sorry, can't answer the on blast question of the day. However, I do feel for you, my brother. It has to be a little scary, but at eight, kids realize and except a whole hell of a lot. Of course the Honeymoon has to be over at some point, but I believe that as long as you have always been yourself around him then there shouldn't be that big of a shock for him. Now, if you have only been happy go lucky around him and never had to be stern with him then it might be a bit of a problem when yall move in together. Real talk.
Of course you know that I am going to say that all three on the list are of the same priority. Why? Because they are all something that you wonder about.
Now saying that, i'll say this:
1. You and BD need to talk to the Minnie together and see exactly where his head is. You know that he knows that you and BD are more than just friends. But BEFORE you 2 move in together, he NEEDS to UNDERSTAND that you 2 are partners and also understand what that means.
2. Moving in with a man at BD's age IS coming out! No doubt about it. Mom ain't stupid!
3. That's a bridge that you will have to cross when you get to it. Of course your personality and actions will change somewhat, but don't let that stop you from being a part of BD and the Minnie's life.
And finally, stop trying to find reasons to run away from that man. He loves you and you love him!
AND LET THAT BE THE REASON!!!!
Awwwww Norris...
You always know what to say ;)
I think your relationship with Minnie is paramount in this situation. Going full speed ahead into a full fledged parental figure may prove difficult and maybe even somewhat traumatizing (in the way of a culture shock type effect- not tryna be dramatic)
The other two issues fal into place with their own weight of importance but what I will choose to address is the fact that you haven't even settled into your own skin in your own place. You may want to luxuriate in that freedom a bit more.
However, if you feel in your heart that you may want to move forward with this course of action, all of these need to be addresed and SOON.
This is indeed a hasty move. Bear in mind that there WILL be other places that may prove just as , if not moreso, perfect, if for no other reason than that the timing is more conducive to a smooth transition. You can never rush in love and it isn't wise to rush children either.
All said in love.... *SMILE*WINK*
Follow your heat Cocoa it will elad you the way you should go. Nothing anyone hear says myself included matters anyways. The real question is what does your heart tell you to do amour?
You're absolutely right Kyon. Thanks for the vote of confidence. ;)
Well let me first congrats you on the Move in Relationship part. I kno it is not an easy thing to move BD and the Minne in being on your own for just one year. BD sooner more than later will have to bite that bullet and come out to family and friends. AR AS THE Minne getting detailed info on you guys relationship status, I say take your time and ease the little one into it. Even though we all know that the little one's tend to have more insight on things than we would like to think. I pray that it all goes well and joyous for you BD and Minne.
Take care man.
I've given this a lot of thought. I want you to be happy. I want BD and the Minnie to be happy.
As a Mom, my main concern is Minnie. You know I love you...thats a given.
I just want you to be sure your sure...that goes for BD as well. Be sure. Kids always suffer for the drama adults go through. If you are both sure - and believe its forever - I say GO FOR IT.
Lets have a housewarming this time though, OK? : )
Housewarming!!! Another reason for a blogger get together!!! We'll have to put the Minnie to bed before we pull out the liquor though!
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