Monday, December 29, 2008

Click; ’09 Holds the Splendor of Grace

Click; ’09 Holds the Splendor of Grace
Grace: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God

Last night I watched Adam Sandler in Click – a movie that takes a young husband and father of two through a hell ride when he’s given the opportunity to forward, rewind and pause through any part of his life with the use of a nifty universal remote given to him by, who we later find out is, the angel of death. Halfway into the flick I figured I missed this movie with good reason – it was Adam Sandler giving his usual great guy, bad circumstances act, but I was wrong. By the last 30 minutes, I was pulling my tissue box off the nightstand and using every commercial break to reflect on my own life and the times when I didn’t make the best choices. The moral of the story was simple, given the chance, would we fast forward through the difficult times in our lives only to find that it was at these very times when all the excitement and worthwhile living was taking place. As 2008 comes to a close I reflected on my family – BD and the Minnie included – and how there were warm-hearted times to go along with those frustrations that had me wishing for a universal remote of my own. This year showed me that the biggest priority in my life is those I love. I had the honor of caring for my parents when my dad had a recent surgery and this past weekend had me put my money where my mouth is as I spent 22 hours at BD’s bedside during his bout with appendicitis. All said, my loyalty to him was a greater gift to me than all the wonderful material things BD showered on me this Christmas. Our hospital drama gave me the gift of “in sickness and in health” and allowed me to live it, not just say it. I realized that I love BD and it had nothing to do with whether I think he’s the hottest man since baked bread. For all the times that I wondered if I could be the man he deserves, I felt I was given the luxury of earning my man’s heart. He’s now at home recovering – minus an appendix. As for my siblings, my sister hosted BD, the Minnie and I Christmas eve and we had an amazing time opening gifts; our children interacting and playing with their toys. As BD, the Minnie and I slept in front of the fireplace that night, I lay awake thinking how lucky I am to have more than I wished for. Can 2009 get any better? Well, it’s not always a matter of better. I believe that when you give of yourself and give without reservations it comes back to you ten-fold. I never would’ve predicted that 2008 would bring me the many gifts it deposited in my heart, but it did and for that I’m eternally grateful. My wish for 2009 is that the Lord blesses my loved ones and brings us genuine peace and happiness. In the end, it’s really what it’s all about. To my fellow bloggers, thank you for being a part of my extended family and sharing all that my life is with you. May your lives be filled with more happiness than you ever dreamed of and the splendor of grace. Here’s to the shine of ’0-9!

On Blast
With 2009 set to begin, what one thing about yourself do you KNOW to be true for the New Year?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Educating Ritas

Educating Ritas
One of the benefits of bloggers young-and-old sharing their thoughts is the hope that we come away with helpful information from each other. While the younger bloggers often relay some new fad or youthful mindset to me via their posts, I’ve found that with regard to issues of sexuality, my young Ritas appear to be treading on the dated line of years past. Let me save my youngins some time and effort here – safely enjoy your sexuality and vitality today, so you have no regrets tomorrow. In 2008 gay men should be less concerned with their sexual roles and more concerned with their social ones. As an aggressive man and self-proclaimed versatile bottom, I would strongly suggest that gay men consider how we carry ourselves on a day-to-day basis, rather than whether we decide to lay on our back and hold our own ankles. You see, from the moment I took an axe to my figurative closet door, I’ve always been a very assertive man – one not likely to roll-over for any man regardless of how sexually aggressive he is or his propensity to blow-out my back. I’ve often had to pull back on the reigns of my personality for fear of emasculating my partners and yet at no time have I felt any shame in enjoying bottoming for any of my sexual partners. As I’ve often professed, I love being a man – the rough-and-tumble; the perceived minimalist approach to aesthetic beauty. As I watch my younger brethren press into their jeans, wear cosmetics, slather lip gloss and emulating female runway models, I wonder whether they realize that their hyper-femininity, coupled with their inability to admit to enjoying being passive bed partners, makes them caricatures of gay culture – the very picture every comedian or gay-detractor attempts to paint in their routines. What happened to the boy next door look? Are there any youngin boys next door left? Being a gay man has nothing to do with what you wear; whether you top or bottom; whether you’re extremely masculine or feminine. You are not MORE or LESS gay because of what sexual role you prefer. You can equate being gay to being pregnant; simply because you’re not showing, doesn’t mean you’re not pregnant and one pregnant woman is no more pregnant than the next – regardless of appearance. When in doubt, here are some rules to follow:
* Be proud to be a gay man and understand that being gay simply means that you prefer intimacy with the same sex; nothing more, nothing less.
* Whether you truly prefer to be a top or bottom, how assertive or passive your personality traits are outside the bedroom don’t matter. You can be an aggressive bottom and/or a passive top.
* Have your own sense of style; dress appropriately to work and social functions and recognize when you have become a cartoon of yourself; have you become a joke?
* Be satisfied by your sexual partners. Communicate what you truly like without shame or fear of reprisal. Don’t attempt to take on a role that you feel would be more socially acceptable simply to fit into a mold.
* Accept others. Whether feminine or masculine; top or bottom; black, white, Latino, Asian or other; we are all gay men; same ship, different decks; what affects one, affects us all.
* Don’t engage or cosign gay bashing (verbal or physical) when in the company of our straight counterparts. Today it is them, tomorrow it’s you.
* Live honestly – even if you’re a hookah – and you’ll always have the luxury of holding your head high.

On Blast
What negative traits (if any) do you associate with sexually passive (bottom) gay men?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Monday, December 08, 2008

Fantasy Freak

Fantasy Freak
Relationships grow and sometimes grow apart. What makes them flourish varies depending on the partnership. The rules of engagement can change as the years progress. I had a conversation with BD this weekend and remarked at how I read an article about how some long-term relationships included everything from freakish fantasy play to third parties to enhance the union. Although we both agreed that a scenario that includes a third party in our particular relationship is out of the question, I made clear that it is my hope that we can always share and explore our fantasies and desires with each other. I began to think about how some partners choose to step-out on their partners using the excuse of being bored or trapped, rather than addressing – without judgment – the advent of fantasy. At virtually 40-years old, I don’t see the need to hold back what my desires are from BD. I’ve been able to stretch the limits of what I thought was enjoyable – even trying things I never tried before – and am enamored with the sense that he shares my desire to explore each other physically and mentally through fantasy sharing and role play.

15 Will Get You 20
In a matter of three months I’ve put on 15 pounds. On my recent trip to Puerto Rico, family members remarked that I had gained weight, but that they liked me better thicker; a sentiment shared by most of my straight friends and family. Although I’m not overweight – probably never will be – I’m not at a weight where I’m comfortable or better – confident. At over 160lbs., I’m a good 10lbs. over my ideal weight. This Thursday I’m undergoing a minor ambulatory procedure and will try to be at the gym again by next Monday. Although my lunch-time workouts would be professional suicide right now, I will make the time to workout in the evening. As luck would have it my gym has opened a location just 5 minutes from my crib.

Annette (Freakin Rican) Sympathy
My deepest sympathy goes out to Annette (Freakin Rican). Freakin’ lost her dad recently and unbeknownst to me, was in Puerto Rico at the same time as I was with my dad. Freakin was a frequent commentator on this humble blog years ago and recently visited the spot to let me know of this tragedy. Thank you for finding the strength to offer your words of encouragement to me during my rough patch. Please know that you are always welcome back at your Not Shady Just Fierce home.

On Blast
Describe one sexual fantasy that you believe is difficult for you to share with your partner(s) or friend(s).

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

La Isla Bonita and Temper-Temper

La Isla Bonita and Temper-Temper
Well folks I’m back from seven days on my home turf of Puerto Rico. Unlike most of my other trips, this one had little to do with pleasure and more to do with taking care of my dad post surgery. I’m happy to report that the surgery was a success and he’s recovering well. In the same vein, I’m recovering well too – since I worked like a country mule. Sitting in my office today is my true vacation and my appreciation for not working in a capacity that requires me to perform manual labor daily. I love my parents and would truly do it again – a million times over – but I’m afraid for them. After working seven days straight – everything from cleaning, painting, gardening, cooking and caring for their dog and cat – I realized that I (not yet 40-years old) was exhausted. I couldn’t imagine retirees doing this. Having a home at their age is physically taxing and I suspect it’s a responsibility they won’t be able to maintain for long. I pray the Lord I’m wrong. All this said, I was the parent and as such I was attacked by mom and dad at every turn. The role reversal of saying we were not going out on a given day was odd at best and disconcerting at worst. As has become the norm, BD was my constant anchor in the storm. I can’t thank him enough for being my back bone. I suffered terrible separation anxiety since I haven’t been away from him for any real time for over a year. Let’s keep it real, this man is my 24-7 tireless ying to my yang. One thing is certain; my temper is not what it once was. Maybe it was the added stress of running a house, having two geriden (geriatric children) and stressing about the well being of my dad, but my fuse was virtually nonexistent. I was blunt, coarse and at times terrifying in my delivery. I finally took a deep breath a few days before returning to NYC and said, “Cocoa you’re scaring folks so stop it.” I may have to return at the beginning of the year to check on the folks again. BD made my return to NYC extra special. He surprised me with Chinese food, while I showered and we made love until every last knot of stress was worked away. His thoughtful card, intuitive kindness and calm make me the person I want to be. Thank you happy boi! I now miss mom and dad, but with my sister at the helm for the next week, I’m sure they’ll be okay. To all who prayed for my family a HUGE thank-you!

On Blast
My parents have officially reached the stage where I am anxious about their well being while they live alone. What would you do to minimize the pressure of elderly family members when they live so far away?

Keep passin’ the open windows…