Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Educating Ritas

Educating Ritas
One of the benefits of bloggers young-and-old sharing their thoughts is the hope that we come away with helpful information from each other. While the younger bloggers often relay some new fad or youthful mindset to me via their posts, I’ve found that with regard to issues of sexuality, my young Ritas appear to be treading on the dated line of years past. Let me save my youngins some time and effort here – safely enjoy your sexuality and vitality today, so you have no regrets tomorrow. In 2008 gay men should be less concerned with their sexual roles and more concerned with their social ones. As an aggressive man and self-proclaimed versatile bottom, I would strongly suggest that gay men consider how we carry ourselves on a day-to-day basis, rather than whether we decide to lay on our back and hold our own ankles. You see, from the moment I took an axe to my figurative closet door, I’ve always been a very assertive man – one not likely to roll-over for any man regardless of how sexually aggressive he is or his propensity to blow-out my back. I’ve often had to pull back on the reigns of my personality for fear of emasculating my partners and yet at no time have I felt any shame in enjoying bottoming for any of my sexual partners. As I’ve often professed, I love being a man – the rough-and-tumble; the perceived minimalist approach to aesthetic beauty. As I watch my younger brethren press into their jeans, wear cosmetics, slather lip gloss and emulating female runway models, I wonder whether they realize that their hyper-femininity, coupled with their inability to admit to enjoying being passive bed partners, makes them caricatures of gay culture – the very picture every comedian or gay-detractor attempts to paint in their routines. What happened to the boy next door look? Are there any youngin boys next door left? Being a gay man has nothing to do with what you wear; whether you top or bottom; whether you’re extremely masculine or feminine. You are not MORE or LESS gay because of what sexual role you prefer. You can equate being gay to being pregnant; simply because you’re not showing, doesn’t mean you’re not pregnant and one pregnant woman is no more pregnant than the next – regardless of appearance. When in doubt, here are some rules to follow:
* Be proud to be a gay man and understand that being gay simply means that you prefer intimacy with the same sex; nothing more, nothing less.
* Whether you truly prefer to be a top or bottom, how assertive or passive your personality traits are outside the bedroom don’t matter. You can be an aggressive bottom and/or a passive top.
* Have your own sense of style; dress appropriately to work and social functions and recognize when you have become a cartoon of yourself; have you become a joke?
* Be satisfied by your sexual partners. Communicate what you truly like without shame or fear of reprisal. Don’t attempt to take on a role that you feel would be more socially acceptable simply to fit into a mold.
* Accept others. Whether feminine or masculine; top or bottom; black, white, Latino, Asian or other; we are all gay men; same ship, different decks; what affects one, affects us all.
* Don’t engage or cosign gay bashing (verbal or physical) when in the company of our straight counterparts. Today it is them, tomorrow it’s you.
* Live honestly – even if you’re a hookah – and you’ll always have the luxury of holding your head high.

On Blast
What negative traits (if any) do you associate with sexually passive (bottom) gay men?

Keep passin’ the open windows…


Achilles said...

As soon as people hear "effeminate" or "passive" they generally associate: weak,limp-wrists, plucked eyebrows, wearing make-up, the runway walk. Just everything being dramatized and "overdone". Real women don't even act like that-I don't know why some guys do. People see that and think that's the norm for all gay men. It's a big misconception.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

I think effeminate dudes act as such are overcompensating for not actually being a woman. Iono but that's just the conclusion I came to a while ago.


Joey Bahamas said...

*looks up* Okay, okay, okay, I got on here to give my Unc a big ole hug because that post was ovah. And then I get in the comments section and see the comments above.

I just get tired of all the fem bashing, you fems make gay men look bad, women aren't even that dramatic, overcompensation bullshit. Really, my eyebrows stays plucked, my wrist is slightly limp and my runway walk serves. So what...sounds like femme men are embarrassments to the folks that commented above. Do they feel the same way about leather daddy's, bears or muscle queens...they two are used to stereotype the larger gay community. I pluck my eyebrows because they're too thick for my liking, my wrist has always been limp and walking the runway is fun to me.

That str8s stereotype all gay men on the femme model isn't my fault. And, I shouldn't be asked to change what I like or how I am because of that. We shouldn't be blaming femme men for that stereotype, we should be pushing mainstream society to accept the many variations that gay men come in. And, that might be easier if masculine or "normal" acting gay men would stop hiding in their closets or trying to pass, something many femme men can't or refuse to be forced to do.

Where Unc Cocoa go it right was: "Have your own sense of style; dress appropriately to work and social functions and recognize when you have become a cartoon of yourself; have you become a joke?" I think whether you're a joke it too much mascara or in a fitted, you're still a joke. We should allow people to be who they are, defend our femme gay brothers instead of bashing them for expressing themselves and embrace the community in its totality. Luv!!


Cocoa Rican said...

Hey Joey...
I agree with you on many points...I have always supported individuality and folks being accepted for who they are. I'm more concerned with a majority of our young gay men following some new fad of hyper-female (not femme) characteristics that don't appear to be of their own natural personality trait...mere copies of things they've seen. I'm wondering whether there are no role models - outside of Lady J and the like to give gay men a presence to emulate. I'm all for individuality - femme or masculine - but am disturbed by mimicking behavior/dress code that is neither attractive to all nor appropriate in all settings. You're a prince (and a princess when you want to be) and I love that...I'm simply concerned that everyone is hyperfeminine and NO ONE is a bottom. LOL Let's be real.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

(Sheesh, struck a nerve)Joey, enhance your calm ma dude. LoL. Nobody bashed anybody.


Mr. Jones said...

**pulls out pen and paper, sits down for Pappo's lesson**

These new age kids come complete with the oversized bags in hand (or on arm), the big oversized Jackie-Os on the painted face and a kitty heel to boot.

It's just too much for me. I can't deal.

Joey Bahamas said...

"I'm simply concerned that everyone is hyperfeminine and NO ONE is a bottom. LOL Let's be real."

Unc, maybe my perspective is skewed or DC is the exception...but our femme boys are proud, trade munching bottoms (no shade). Now the no fats no femme kids in fitteds and timbs that, at the sound of Beyonce can no longer control their pu$$y popping, but are "DL" and "tops"...that's where I see the dissonance...

Blaq,(swings my mane over my shoulder) I'm calm sweety! Just getting my point across...


bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Like pencil to a paper, your point was felt. *Wink*


life said...

You said so many things that made me laugh. I have to wonder sometimes what are these kids trying to prove?

Darius T. Williams said...

OMG - I love you!

You've hit the nail on the head with this post sir - the nail on the head. You're definitely educating and I'm taking notes.

D-Place said...

I agree...there are so many people trying to conform to what they think is acceptable instead of just being free to be themselves. The fem guys are doing what they want. They maybe the joke for the mainstream population but certainly shouldn't be for the the gay population. The reason being is that they are the strong ones. The fearless ones not ashamed to be themselves. Not the ones that are dressing a certain way or acting a certain way so that they won't be shunned.

nudeindc said...

I think you got it right and put it quite perfectly. It may be helpful to remember what being that young is like though. The young are still trying to find their "place" in the world. To see what makes them different and special. As we age a few years, we gain a little self-confidence that makes conformity much less important.

But young will always be by-and-large foolish and silly. It's a part of youth and exactly why Coco's words were so right on in helping them get through it.

As for femininity/masculinity, I think both damned sexy. I realize that it’s not everyone’s thing (which is ok), but remember that no two people are exactly alike in any way. So there will always be those that are more feminine. An even if all the feminine immediately butched up starting tomorrow, we’d only just move the bar because a year from now the guys that are gender-neutral in disposition will then seem like they are at the extremes. The trick is not to seek or shun the extreme, but to be yourself and allow others to do the same.

Caspar608 said...

I've seen some dudes so pretty that men look at them like "huh?"/

Maybe they want to entice the down lows? Maybe they just want to feel beautiful and thats how they do it.

I dont know if it does a disservice to the gay community by wearing kitten heels, foundation, blush, etc. We dont know what other people feel or think unless they tell us sometimes.

Embrace the youngins none the less and let them know, come what may, they are loved and respected.

And dont make me kick down your door with an easy pass and money in hand... stop being shady and call me OR ELSE.

Caspar608 said...

I am sorry I misread what you were saying...I havent been coherent in dealing with others lately.

love you!

Sean Stone said...

I'm loving the forum this post has created.

I think it's a phase. A stage in their lives where they feel this is who I am. We've all had some sense of "girl" in us at some point. For me, it was hanging with Brian, my "aunt", voguing to Madonna and Shania with bath towels as wigs on our heads.

The kids these days are fierce with their "so what" attitudes. But I agree with the notion some of it is media-influenced. I hope they realize the difference between accepting what others have already deemed them and coming to terms with what they really really like regardless of anyone's opinion.

Sean Stone said...

And that guy in the Bronx... what was REALLY going on for him to think he could come at you like that in BROAD DAYLIGHT???

That Dude Right There said...

I say to let people live their lives the way that they see fit to live their lives. What others eat won't make me shit.

kennyking78 said...

Wait... what did Norris just say?!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

houstonmacbro said...

Great post man ... I could say a lot of things about my younger same-sex loving brothers but will leave it alone. I think people have to find their own way, and eventually I think will come to their senses and realize that who you go to bed with (and what you do there) shouldn't be the focus of who you are a person.

bobbymo said...

I like the range of your thoughts.
It just seems to me that most people, gay or straight, live their lives more or less unaware that they have the power of choice over an amazing number of circumstances and "givens" in their lives. For most of us, ironically, our sexuality ISN"T one of these choices. Though the bible-thumpers would like to define the debate with this false idea of "choosing the homosexual lifestyle", most of us don't experience our sexual orientation as a choice.
But, yeah, how you dress & comport yourself, the music you listen to, the people you hang with, the sense of self you have - all these things and many more are constructs that we accept or create, most often unconsciously or unwittingly.
Your question, then, seems to me to be: do ALL of these different ways of acting in the public sphere really serve us, and really depict the reality of our lives as we live them in all their richness? Or are they somebody ELSE'S idea of who we are that we are either unconsciously accepting, or just as mindlessly acting-out against?
Keep up the good work!