One of the benefits of bloggers young-and-old sharing their thoughts is the hope that we come away with helpful information from each other. While the younger bloggers often relay some new fad or youthful mindset to me via their posts, I’ve found that with regard to issues of sexuality, my young Ritas appear to be treading on the dated line of years past. Let me save my youngins some time and effort here – safely enjoy your sexuality and vitality today, so you have no regrets tomorrow. In 2008 gay men should be less concerned with their sexual roles and more concerned with their social ones. As an aggressive man and self-proclaimed versatile bottom, I would strongly suggest that gay men consider how we carry ourselves on a day-to-day basis, rather than whether we decide to lay on our back and hold our own ankles. You see, from the moment I took an axe to my figurative closet door, I’ve always been a very assertive man – one not likely to roll-over for any man regardless of how sexually aggressive he is or his propensity to blow-out my back. I’ve often had to pull back on the reigns of my personality for fear of emasculating my partners and yet at no time have I felt any shame in enjoying bottoming for any of my sexual partners. As I’ve often professed, I love being a man – the rough-and-tumble; the perceived minimalist approach to aesthetic beauty. As I watch my younger brethren press into their jeans, wear cosmetics, slather lip gloss and emulating female runway models, I wonder whether they realize that their hyper-femininity, coupled with their inability to admit to enjoying being passive bed partners, makes them caricatures of gay culture – the very picture every comedian or gay-detractor attempts to paint in their routines. What happened to the boy next door look? Are there any youngin boys next door left? Being a gay man has nothing to do with what you wear; whether you top or bottom; whether you’re extremely masculine or feminine. You are not MORE or LESS gay because of what sexual role you prefer. You can equate being gay to being pregnant; simply because you’re not showing, doesn’t mean you’re not pregnant and one pregnant woman is no more pregnant than the next – regardless of appearance. When in doubt, here are some rules to follow:
* Be proud to be a gay man and understand that being gay simply means that you prefer intimacy with the same sex; nothing more, nothing less.
* Whether you truly prefer to be a top or bottom, how assertive or passive your personality traits are outside the bedroom don’t matter. You can be an aggressive bottom and/or a passive top.
* Have your own sense of style; dress appropriately to work and social functions and recognize when you have become a cartoon of yourself; have you become a joke?
* Be satisfied by your sexual partners. Communicate what you truly like without shame or fear of reprisal. Don’t attempt to take on a role that you feel would be more socially acceptable simply to fit into a mold.
* Accept others. Whether feminine or masculine; top or bottom; black, white, Latino, Asian or other; we are all gay men; same ship, different decks; what affects one, affects us all.
* Don’t engage or cosign gay bashing (verbal or physical) when in the company of our straight counterparts. Today it is them, tomorrow it’s you.
* Live honestly – even if you’re a hookah – and you’ll always have the luxury of holding your head high.
What negative traits (if any) do you associate with sexually passive (bottom) gay men?
Keep passin’ the open windows…