Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Choosing My Battles

I’m not quite certain if I’m making better choices regarding what battles are worth fighting OR I’m simply suffering from age fatigue, but I’ve finally reached that point where I’m not likely to fight everyone or every battle that comes my way. The lesson to walk away from some of those nasty fights has been learned. Here are a couple of recent examples and the outcome of each…
1. My parents – my mom specifically – is a horrible money manager. Regardless of how much money she has, mom can burn through it. Recently, we discovered that she may be making covert decisions regarding their home in Puerto Rico. Decisions that can affect our ability (as her children) to inherit the house in P.R. When I heard of this, I was about to hit the roof. Suddenly calm came over me and I realized that the house is theirs to buy, sell, mortgage, give away, etc. I don’t have an interest in debating an issue that doesn’t directly affect me or my interests. Battle averted.
2. BD and I were having a discussion during lunch today RE: Facebook and our shared pictures being seen by our friends who may not know we’re a couple. I could care less, since I live openly and don’t feel I have any explaining to do to anyone. BD, on the other hand, recently asked me to remove pics that showed us together (simply standing next to each other) because his Facebook friends may deduce that we’re a couple. I let it go then, but as the conversation played-out today, it hurt my feelings…mainly because I thought he was beyond this…not so much, I guess. All said, I let this battle go too. I chalked it up as an issue he needs to work through. Does it change the way I feel? Yes, somewhat. It undermines my ability to feel that I live an open and proud relationship that commands the respect of others. Does he see this? Probably not. At this stage in my life, even this has become a battle I’m not inclined to fight. It is BD who should be concerned about the effects those types of blows have on our foundation as a couple.

What does all of this mean? It means that situations will arise that appear to be important, but under closer inspection they aren’t worth your time and aggravation. I choose to invest my time in THE MOST important person in the world – ME. It isn’t conceit, selfishness or delusions of grandeur that should bring each of us to the healthy realization that if you choose to make yourself happy first and back away from battles to force others to hold you to a higher regard, you’ll prove that the task of making you the top priority is best handled by you.

On Blast
It takes practice…a conscious effort to NOT fight. Sometimes it’s harder to turn and walk away from a fight then slugging it out for nothing other than a battle of wills. Upon close inspection, do you recognize one instance in your life where you’re fighting tooth-and-nail and you should be walking away from the fight?

Keep passin’ the open windows…


Anonymous said...

#1) I can relate here. My mother sold her 5 bedroom house on the Jersey Shore two and a half blocks in from the beach. I couldnt say shit.

#2) Ugh. Come on already. Here's a poem for that one:

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

He’s the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

Cocoa Rican said...

Wow Cas...love the poem...spoke volumes especially to me...thanks!

Keisha Kornbread said...

I have learned the same lesson. I'm too old to argument or get mad...so I do what I need to do to get to the best conclusion for me. That's who I have to take care of.

thegayte-keeper said...


Ty said...

So true. Most times it is not worth the stress, yelling, cursing, and raising your blood pressure.

Rekha said...

First time reading your blog and you've helped remind me to LET IT GO at a time in my life when I've been acting all-too-consumed...

nudeindc said...

Great topic/post. Focusing so much energy on so many fronts really means robbing ourselves of the energy and time to focus on what matters most.