I Respect My Silence

Throughout my life I’ve been a fearlessly outspoken person. When I go silent, it isn’t for lack of words or fear of repercussions, it’s usually because I’ve shared my thoughts and don’t think anything I say will make an impact OR worse, that nothing I say matters. As I get older, I tend to respect my silence because it precipitates my disconnect from a subject or situation that I feel powerless to affect or change. There’s a funny thing about having more experience under your belt, you tend to know where things are going and can anticipate the outcome of things. I liken the feeling to that of watching an old farmer in his field; he knows what seeds will provide the best harvest for any given year and can anticipate the issues that begin to develop in his field. Sometimes we are so hell-bent to have others UNDERSTAND us that we neglect to see that we are wasting valuable time. I love where my life is right now and don’t take any of it for granted, but I’m not hyper-protective of it. I love my job, but I know that we’re all expendable; I am in love with my man, but understand that there are many variables and moving parts that keep that relationship working; I enjoy my new car, but know it can disappear in an instant. So, what’s MOST important to me is my knowledge that while I can’t predict the future, I WANT to be a part of it. Fat, old and in any varying form that my life may take, I am most grateful that I’m here. I know that deep down inside while I may struggle to sometimes fight-the-power-that-be, it is in my silence where there is a shrug of ambivalence; a means to my own sanity; and a respect for the fact that I may have reached the point in my life where there is so much that means a lot to me, but nothing that will ultimately shatter me.

Keep passin’ the open windows…