Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Para Colmo De Males
It isn’t a contradiction. I’m saddened and relieved. Just as easily as he came into my life, Bruce is gone. About a week ago I confided to BD that I may have bitten off more than I could chew. Bruce is enormous and everything I could want in a puppy, but I was finding that I had less energy and time to dedicate to him. Rather than feeling stress melting away by having him, I felt pangs of guilt for not spending every waking moment with him. Ultimately, I did what I’ve always done when matters seemed too complicated to handle on my own. I gave it to the Lord. Seems lame huh? Well, the truth is, for as much a heathen as I appear, I actually trust the Lord to always do what’s best – even when I don’t have the good sense to make the best decisions. I placed a free classified ad selling Bruce and my stipulations for the sale. I told BD that if the Lord intended that he be gone, the sale would be fast and painless. Today, I got a call at my office from a buyer and he was anxious to see my boy. After contacting my vet, he agreed to stop-over and take a look at him tonight. One look and he insisted he wanted to purchase him on the spot. I was up-front – the dog will be large; the dog has a lot of energy; he’s been spoiled; there is NO return of the dog (I cannot suffer the emotional break more than once); All said, they wanted Bruce. With heart in hand, I packed up all of Bruce’s things and watched Bruce loaded into the man’s SUV. His wife and I shared some pleasantries and she promised to share photos of Bruce with me in the future. She even squeezed my shoulder and said, “You’re going to make me cry.” It was then that I realized that I had tears streaming down my face. I quickly brushed them off and said, “Take care of my baby. He’s a good boy.” With that, I turned and ran back into my apartment. It’s so quiet. Busta laid quietly by my bed. It’s almost like we awoke from a long dream and Bruce was part of that dream. Para colmo de males (to make matters worse) I feel a strange relief; A sense that I did the right thing for both Bruce and me. That relief stirred feelings of guilt. How could I feel relieved that my baby is gone?
Would you say my sense of relief is centered on my doing the right thing OR from knowing that somehow the transaction to see Bruce gone happened so swiftly?
Keep passin’ the open windows…