Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Para Colmo De Males


It isn’t a contradiction. I’m saddened and relieved. Just as easily as he came into my life, Bruce is gone. About a week ago I confided to BD that I may have bitten off more than I could chew. Bruce is enormous and everything I could want in a puppy, but I was finding that I had less energy and time to dedicate to him. Rather than feeling stress melting away by having him, I felt pangs of guilt for not spending every waking moment with him. Ultimately, I did what I’ve always done when matters seemed too complicated to handle on my own. I gave it to the Lord. Seems lame huh? Well, the truth is, for as much a heathen as I appear, I actually trust the Lord to always do what’s best – even when I don’t have the good sense to make the best decisions. I placed a free classified ad selling Bruce and my stipulations for the sale. I told BD that if the Lord intended that he be gone, the sale would be fast and painless. Today, I got a call at my office from a buyer and he was anxious to see my boy. After contacting my vet, he agreed to stop-over and take a look at him tonight. One look and he insisted he wanted to purchase him on the spot. I was up-front – the dog will be large; the dog has a lot of energy; he’s been spoiled; there is NO return of the dog (I cannot suffer the emotional break more than once); All said, they wanted Bruce. With heart in hand, I packed up all of Bruce’s things and watched Bruce loaded into the man’s SUV. His wife and I shared some pleasantries and she promised to share photos of Bruce with me in the future. She even squeezed my shoulder and said, “You’re going to make me cry.” It was then that I realized that I had tears streaming down my face. I quickly brushed them off and said, “Take care of my baby. He’s a good boy.” With that, I turned and ran back into my apartment. It’s so quiet. Busta laid quietly by my bed. It’s almost like we awoke from a long dream and Bruce was part of that dream. Para colmo de males (to make matters worse) I feel a strange relief; A sense that I did the right thing for both Bruce and me. That relief stirred feelings of guilt. How could I feel relieved that my baby is gone?

On Blast
Would you say my sense of relief is centered on my doing the right thing OR from knowing that somehow the transaction to see Bruce gone happened so swiftly?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

13 comments:

Achilles said...

Baby, I know it's been rough for you these past few months. You're going to go through a re-adjustment period. Let's face it, you're going to miss Bruce, we all are (I don't know about Busta though). I know you did the right thing. Deep down you must've felt this couple would take good care of him; they have the time and the space that he requires. Plus I know you -- you wouldn't have went through with it if you didn't feel they could give him a safe and happy home. We're going to get through this. I'm here for you. Now and always.

Ian a.k.a. Darktomahawk said...

Brother NY, I'm hittin you up with my response through email because it's just way too personal...

As you say, "Keep Passing Windows"

"PA"

kennyking78 said...

I can imagine it not being easy to do what you did, but I am sure if you did it then you must have felt it was necessary.

When I was younger my parents sold one of my favorite dogs. I did not know they sold him. I just came home one day and he was gone. When I got older I asked about Snoops (his name). I found out that Snoops had just too much energy, did not like being left alone when my parents were at work and we kids were in school and was getting too big for our condo. Everyone loved him but it was a necessary decision at the time.

I said all of that to say that you did the right thing for you and Bruce. You took him in and did what you could for as long as you could. You also found him what seems like it is going to be a loving family. Good for you.

ShawnQt said...

My boss has the same dog here at his house, so I know how ACTIVE they need to be!

Sometimes letting go for someone to have a better life, IS LOVE! Don't feel guilty. He was in your life for a reason! ANd you his.

That Dude Right There said...

You did the right thing. But I wonder what Busta is thinking right about now.

Ty said...

Sorry about you losing your buddy but if it was for the right reason, there is no need for you to feel guilty. Although, I know that is easier said than done.

Caspar608 said...

You can make it through the rain.

Joey Bahamas said...

Awwwwwww Unc!!!! I'm sorry that this happened. You'll be okay but it sounds like you did the right thing....

~Kahlua~ said...

Darlin...feel your feelings whether they be relief, sadness, guilt or numbness. They're yours. I have been where you are and in the end, as long as Bruce is in a safe & loving place, and you are rid of the feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed, that's all that really matters. It would have been more unfair for you to keep him under the circumstances you found yourself in. He would have quickly outgrown (or already had) your home and you clearly aren't in a place to provide him with the outlet he needs for the energy he has. You made a hard choice, but I think it was the best choice for all of you. Just feel your feelings and I'm hoping soon you'll get the rest of your beautiful life back on track and look forward to the next season of your lives together. Be well baby. Love & miss you so much!

~K~

Anonymous said...

Oh, sweetie...hugs, hugs, hugs. Some people don't understand the relationship that man/woman can and do have with their pets, I do. Hopefully, this is reaching you at a better time.

{Peace}

Toy

Nobody not really... said...

I know that decision was rough for you. Hell, I've contemplated the same thing with Charlie over and over. Especially on days like today, when I came home from tennis to find my house ransacked( roll of tp ripped to shreds and strewn about, clean clothes all over the place, water from the toilet missing, blanket torn up), with no doggie responding. I finally saw her tail peeking out from beneath my bed...

One Man’s Opinion said...

First of all, when things get rough, I put them in the Lord's hands too. There are no greater and more powerful hands to put things in. Hell, I have somethings in his hands right now.

Second, how much did this damn post remind me of Roscoe? And how said is it that that song fits so well? Sorry you had to get rid of Bruce, but you did do the right thing.

Why is it that doing the right thing can sometimes hurt? Hell, it should be the easiest thing in the world to do, right?

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