Thursday, June 22, 2006

Morning Edition - 6/22/06

Monogamy; Are Gays Incapable of It?
With the issue of gay marriage at the forefront of many political debates, it stands to reason we question the issue of commitment and monogamy in gay relationships. Statistics on the subject vary and studies show both sides of the coin; although the overwhelming majority shows that over 83% of gay couples cheat while in a monogamous relationship. One study even suggested that some long-term couples have adopted instances or rules where engaging in outside sexual activity is allowed – open relationships. Couples that had public ceremonies to announce their relationships faired better at remaining faithful to their relationships. The question remains, can gay couples remain completely monogamous or is this concept a dream deferred?

Ageism; Why Lesbians Fair Better Than Gay Men
Long story short, we’re all aging. If you look at the alternative, our only choice is to get older. That said, a study of gay men and lesbian women in May 1998 showed that lesbians are well-adjusted to aging and value women in their entirety, while gay men place an enormous value on having an attractive and vital body. Gay men, the study found, are more apt to consider their bodies currency, establishing their dominance and appeal to the outside world. The study even discovered that gay men tend to view aging as straight women do – with dread and despair. Since we’re all aging, it’s important to realize that you’re not alone and that those in your immediate group (that is, those that are your age) are aging at the same rate you are. Take care of your body and be realistic about your expectations for yourself and others in your age bracket. You cannot be the person you were 20 years ago and quite honestly, you can be better for it.

Blessings Abound
This Sunday, our very own Latisha Finney will celebrate her 34th birthday. As an early birthday gift, Tish and her husband Sean closed on their new home in North Carolina. Congratulations Tish. My favorite artist and intimate friend Philippe celebrated a birthday recently (I won’t tell if you don’t Fluff!) The beautiful caramel prince has been blessing Chicago with his talent since last December. We miss you and await your return home! Vicenta V., the beautiful wife of Eber V. of Virginia, began a new gig recently. The couple and their two beautiful children will be vacationing in Mexico very soon. We’re very proud of your accomplishments! You help us believe in the American dream.

On Blast
With love and respect, can relationships be tailored so that issues such as infidelity, living quarters spats, finances, etc. are eliminated as negative factors? Are couples who establish open relationships or odd rules to make their relationships last forever diluting themselves? Can you love someone completely and still feel the need to engage others intimately?

Keep passin’ the open windows…


Just Me said...

Love and sex, in my book, are two totally different things. Love and sex between a are totally different. I can be in love with a person and never have sex with them. I can have great sex with a person that I know I’ll never love.

If your priority in life is the fall in love with a person than I don't think that you can thrive in a relationship that only has only great sex.

On the other hand, if your desire is to be well cared for then you can remain in a loveless relationship because your main need is being met.

I think that open relationships thrive because of the huge trust factor. They know exactly what to expect from each other and are comfortable with knowing where they stand with their partner.

To love completely entails much for me. It says that you are ready to become an island with your mate to forsake all other relationships. That one person fills ALL of your needs. I’m sorry, I have friends that have gotten consumed by their relationships to only attempt a rebuild with the friends that they’ve diss’d because of what was thought to be heaven.

Life is a balance. Never cut off the hand that you eat with. If having an open/closed ended relationship works for you, so be it. I won't be your judge and jury.

Tammy said...

This is in reference to the statement concerning gay men and straight women: "The study even discovered that gay men tend to view aging as straight women do – with dread and despair." The reason gay men and straight women view aging in the same matter is because they both deal with men. Those oh so very visual creatures. Men are always looking for the next best thang! So gay men and straight women stress themselves out trying to continue to look good so that they can be competitive. (sad) Now on the other hand gay women, are dealing with each other...woman like pretty thangs to, but its not a deal breaker if their partner is not a 10. They focus on more important things along with the physical.

Cocoa Rican said...

This is so odd… if you asked me this question years ago, I would emphatically say that I can only be in a monogamous and exclusive relationship – even though my whorish ass consistently cheated back in the day. At the risk of making excuses, I’ve ALWAYS separated love from sex – although, my best sex has been with folks I’ve loved. When I cheated, I never felt the person posed a threat to my relationship – well, except for that one time – and even then, I felt I probably would have stayed in my love-less relationship until the wheels came off.

Today, I can say that the separation is still there – I don’t see love and sex as necessarily hand-in-hand. I will only be in a relationship with someone I’m in love with and want to have sex with, but I can have sex with someone I don’t love – they just won’t ever get any commitment. I don’t know whether I can engage in an open relationship…simply put, I feel the Leo in me would probably explode at the thought of anyone sharing what I believe is mine. Conversely, I’d rather have the opportunity to have open discussions with my partner to see what we find acceptable. As I get older, I do believe I can probably accept a semi-open relationship with clearly defined boundaries (don’t read too much into this folks!).

Tam, I agree with you. I’ve found that we (men) are creatures that work off of visual stimuli. We want perfection even when faced with not being it. Unfortunately, gay men want it and want to be it. Which brings me back to yesterday’s assertion that the more in-shape I become, the higher my demands of myself become. I notice the reaction of folks when I say I still have to trim this or pump that and they give that “You’re a freak!” look.

I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone who makes a relationship work by setting-up unconventional parameters, as long as they feel loved, respected and treasured. If you’re being disrespected, you don’t get any love (physical or emotional) and you don’t feel the person values you – BAIL!

Cocoa Rican said...

BTW Just Me...
I did the staying with someone because you believe being "taken-care-of" will be enough. The truth is, being in-love with someone supercedes the need to be taken care of.... well, for me...ultimately, the very person who's "taking such good care of you" ends up hurt by your not being able to love them in return.

Marissa "MJ" said...

Congrats Tisha!