Do you know? I think it’s human nature to wonder where we’re going to. What is our purpose in life? Are we getting the most out of our lives? I have my moments when I think, “I’m happy, I’m healthy and nothing else matters.” Those are great times, but there are also periods when I question whether I’m where I’m supposed to be. I’ll sit and wonder how one small event in my life has changed the entire course of where I was going and who I would meet; how those chance meetings have become life-long smiles or eternal heartaches. Reflecting on the ‘what ifs’ of my life I think of what life would had been like if I had stayed home instead of leaving home at the age of 15. Would I have been miserable if I had gone away to the Marines at 17 years old instead of backing-out by saying I was too young to be legally held to my signed contract? Then there was that acceptance letter to the University of Missouri at Columbia. I remember receiving it along with the name of my dorm roommate. We spoke on the telephone for over an hour and were excited to be coming from such different states; we never met. Instead I would stay in NYC and live a hard-knock life that made me street wise, deaf to the call of my dreams and content to just survive. Along the way there were the many faces, the incredible personalities the beautiful bodies; people who would pass-on tidbits of wisdom – some morsels that live-on in me today. With each new encounter there was a new turn and a new road traveled. I wonder if any of the roads has brought me closer to my dreams or if I’m skipping along a dead-end street that just happens to be set with a colorful façade and dreamy scenery. Then there’s the reality that life is so short. We believe that 60, 70 or even 80 years is a long time, but in the big-picture scheme of things – and in light of almost hitting 40 – it’s already halfway gone. So when I ask myself, “Do you know,” the easy answer is, “no.” Even through my inability to ‘know’ and my regrets, sorrows and accomplishments, I believe nothing that is destined for me can escape me. All that is my mine to have cannot be taken away. For all my missed opportunities, my changed plans and my questions, I somehow believe that I’m just where I’m supposed to be.
Do you know where you’re going to?
Keep passin’ the open windows…