Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Morning Edition - 11/28/07
Gimme More
Eight days in the Caribbean will either relax you or make you hate the thought of your return to reality. I’m not quite sure where I’m at with regard to being back in the rotten Apple, but I’m here. My trip to Puerto Rico is usually filled with days at the beach and nights at the club, but I took advantage of this trip to spend quality time with my parents and other family. The intense hang-out time with my folks made me keenly aware that they’re aging – fast – and that they can really use the help caring for their house (my house, upon their death, as they put it) and just basically getting around. I found myself serving as a caregiver – cooking, cleaning and driving them around. Yes, I still made it to the beach a few times and was sweaty at the center of a couple of dance floors, but the “hanging” wasn’t at the center of this adventure. When I got ready to pull out of my parent’s house yesterday morning my father gave me last minute advice on how to be safe and take care of myself, while my mom was teary eyed and said she didn’t know how she would function without me around. All in all, I have a gut sense that I’m the only child without an immediate family of his own that can actually serve as a support system for my folks. The thought apparently had crossed their minds too, since they insisted I forward my resume to them and begin a job search on the island. I haven’t ruled out a move to the island, but right now there are so many variables to consider – not the least of which is my relationship with BD. I love him. Throughout my stay with the folks, BD and I communicated via text and phone daily – sometimes several times a day – and I did miss him terribly. There’s so much that has happened since my last BD post – mainly growth spurts that included some growing pains. Still, he remains my heart and I his. It’s a case of feeling that I’m pulled in so many directions – sort-of like that “Gimme more…” concept. Don’t look for pics of this trip. I opted to keep the camera in my bag and simply let my memory take it all in. For the record, I really miss my parents today.
On Blast
Is it unrealistic (and social martyrdom) to assume the primary care of our aging family members OR is it a return to the respectful care of our elders to take on such a task?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
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13 comments:
Man it's good to have you back! i know you had a great trip (but i wanted pictures!) and wanted to stay though. i gots to call you so you can tell me all the r-rated stuff lol!
Glad you had a good trip.
I would have loved to be the care-giver for my parents, but they passed away in 1991 and 2001.
My Dad always says, "Once a man, twice a child". He figures one day he will need me to care for him and that's a responsibility that I will not shirk. I spent thanksgiving writing letters to my parents telling them how much I appreciate them...
This is interesting...I'm thinking about possibly moving home myself...
It's always depressing to go to a beautiful island then come back to a cold NYC!
Great to have you back yo.
You know, after my last post and what transpired afterwards that (didn't post that...*Whew*), I'm at a point right now where I don't want to take care of nobody but my damn self! I've been forced to do so much that I am drained. Conversely, once my mother does actually REACH the age where she'd need help, I'd of course step up. Hopefully by then I'll have enough money to hire someone tho cause us living together will NEVER happen again! LoL.
~Damnit!
Welcome back stateside, son!
I think it would be an honor and a blessing to be able to take care of my mother.
But parents are as far as that goes with me.
Speaking from experience: it was a true honor and priviledge to have my father allow me to care for him the last few years of his life. I was his Primary caregiver and only when my pending divorce required that i get a full-time job, did I turn over some of the responsibilties to my mother (20 years his junior). I left my husband and moved home to take care of him. i NEVER thought i'd be going back HOME!! But I never hesitated to provide whatever care he needed, whether it was making and accompanying him to dr appts, administering medications by the mouthful, providing comic relief for the days when he was ready to give up his fight---or when he would refuse to allow nurses or anyone else give him his shave besides me---that was our special time. And two years later, those shaves are what I miss the most...often the elderly lose the intimacy of touch from others---for various reasons---and it had such a healing effect on him whenever his care required rubbing him down w/lotion or aftershave or whatever else he needed to have done. It was indeed an honor to care for him...never a burden. I'd do it all over again too. Now, I am caring for my mother, who isn't as needy or dependent but i know the day is coming when she will be and I am up for anything. In my family, we take care of our own...something I'm really proud of...
~Kahlua~
Welcome back!
As far as taking care of my parents, I would love to have the chance to do that, my mother more so then my stepdad, but after all those years of them taking care of me, it's the least I can do.
Although I do joke with my mother that if she acts up I'm gonna put her in Shady Pines.
Welcome back man. It nice to read that you are taking wonderful care of your parents. Family and close friends are all we have so we haveto continue to look out for them. I do the same for my mom. Its good that you still had a chance to make moves on the dance floor.
Man I would probably be so depressed thinking about coming back home, especially if it's a good trip.
As far as the blast, I think caring for aging parents is definitely a sign of respect, especially if your parents took great care of you. In fact, one reason I'm thinking of having kids, is the hope that one of them would take care of me when I one day get old. It's selfish I know and of course there's no guarantee how your kids will turn out, but it's my wish.
Your question is interesting - the dichotomy lies within the generational audience though. Older kats think that it's the thing to do - as if it's not even a question. Even some cultures (other than Afro American) assume this though, espeically Latinos. However, ask some of us younger kats and we'll probably tell you it's definitely a return to the respectful care of our elders to take on such a task.
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