Monday, October 06, 2008
Back At One
Back At One
Relationships take work. Many times in life I’ve wondered if I have what it takes to make a relationship flourish and have it be everything that I want it to be. Sure there’s the romance, but there’s also the feeling of security that comes from a partner that understands your needs, recognizes your insecurities and accepts your many flaws. Warren Buffet – a billionaire revered for his wealth and wisdom – recently remarked that ‘the measure of success in life is the number of people you want to love you who do love you. And the way to be loved is to be lovable.’ We don’t always have the luxury of having those we love to truly love us in return. I’ve often commented to BD that we both suffered some pretty awful slights in life so that we would really appreciate each other today. Somehow I believe that if I met BD just five years ago, I wouldn’t have been ready to recognize the treasure that his love really is. As I read some of my favorite bloggers talk about their foray into dating and relationships I can’t help but think that their journeys have a purpose. Assuming they’re taking steps to be ‘lovable’ – not in some whimsical way – but truly lovable in the marketable way, then their struggle to love and be loved will be rewarded. Rather than setting materialistic standards and hurdles for our partners maybe we should be setting standards for who we want to be to someone. Are we ready to commit to a partner through the many episodes that our lives will have? Losing jobs, gaining weight, illness, even the natural aging process all present serious obstacles that can only be met and surpassed with the belief that you can always start ‘back at one.’ You know…that place where you first felt those butterflies in your stomach for your partner…when you left silly voicemail messages that contained a love song to punctuate your emotions…none of those emotions die of natural causes; we murder them with familiarity. As BD and I shared a romantic weekend together doing much of nothing, I looked into his face and saw the man I saw the very first time. The eyes that immediately caught my attention again held my gaze. His soft skin under my fingertips melted my heart like whipped cream over a hot cup of cocoa. I want to love him for life and that means that I need to consciously make an effort to start back at one.
Forget your ‘baller’ salary and your tricked-out ride…think of yourself outside your designer threads and your $25 undies….fuck your power-pad and your color-coordinated appliances…what do YOU bring to the table to make you ‘lovable’?
Keep passin’ the open windows…