Wednesday, October 01, 2008

The Death of Role Playing


The Death of Role Playing
There’s a sense in the majority of gay men I come across, that we somehow must assume the masculine or feminine role in our relationships. In the past I’ve found myself at odds with the role playing, since I’m assertive, somewhat athletic and yet love feeling safe with my partner – sometimes even relishing moments where I can cradle him in my arms or rest peacefully in his chest. As I’ve mentioned before I love being a man – the whole rough-and-tumble of it all – but can seriously enjoy being tenderly caressed and coddled. As I was enjoying BD this past weekend, I was amazed at how everything about him turns me on – front-to-back and top-to-bottom. Whether that boy sleeps on his stomach or his back I’m mesmerized. To watch the little dip in his top lip as he’s speaking or to sniff his armpits when he’s not watching…yeah, I know, it’s a bit repulsive. All to say, that I wonder if sometimes we gay men limit our choices of great-match partners because we have a vision of masculinity or sexual role play that disqualifies so many potential partners. Whether you’re extremely feminine or straight-acting (whatever that is) the fact remains that, as gay men, we’re all male; capable of taking on whatever sexual position we’re inclined to take at any given moment. It’s actually one of the things I love most about being a gay man; we don’t need toys, we don’t have to have rules and we have limitless possibilities to enjoy our partners – physically and spiritually.

On Blast
Honestly – are you irritated by men whom you consider attractive, but do not fit the masculine- or feminine-acting role you have preconceived for your future companion?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

8 comments:

Daryn said...

If it's just a matter of appreciating beauty then no, it won't. Beauty comes in many flavours in my eyes and i can appreciate it without being attracted to the person. The case where I'm attracted to him (i.e. want him as a partner) but he doesn't fit the right role would not occur because (unfortuneately) I won't be attracted unless he has several parts of the whole package including the "role" I want.

I totally agree with what you described and have always felt that way. I wish it were the way things really worked, especially with me - it would certainly make dating much much easier lol

Darius T. Williams said...

I wouldn't say I'm irritated because I look at the person for the person - but I can vouch that we have a serious issue with this in the gay community. Just because someone doesn't look a certain way we pass them right up. We haven't examined the inside nor have we given the person a fair chance. My friends get on me all the time because I'll be hanging out with someone that they consider too fem - but I'm looking at the individual to see who they really are.

Great post man - for real. We can have hours of discussions in regards to this - really.

fuzzy said...

I don't know if I can go as far as to say that I would be irritated. Disappointed I CAN say.

I believe people either don't want or aren't attracted to certain roles. I've never been attracted to feminine guys. Their behavior is a turn off to me. They are just not my tea. lol

One Man’s Opinion said...

I'm sorry....Men on Film...so funny. I couldn't even concentrate on what you posted about, although I get where you are coming from. Labels sucks, but as long as we allow ourselves to by into them, they will always be. I saw this movie yesterday, while over my mom's called "quinceanera". It was about this 14 year old, latin girl, who gets pregnant and goes to live with her grand-uncle and gay cousin (yes, that is how it was described). I already had the stereo type of what the gay cousin would be like, and boy was I wrong. It went to show me that I have my biases too. Anyway, it was okay and worth giving seeing, if you get the chance. Seriously. There is a message in it about unconditional love that I really enjoyed.

That Dude Right There said...

Nope, because when I look back at the men I have dated, they have all been within few degrees of my masculinity level.

When I look at a person, I really don't care if they are masculine or feminine. If i'm attracted, then I am attracted. But the problem comes when I wonder if I am masculine or feminine enough for them.

Caspar608 said...

sniffing his armpits?
wwwww.ttttt.fffff?

Chet said...

Can't say that I become irritated or if I actually have a preconcieved notion prior to selecting a mate, bullshiit I am always searching for the more masculine brotha, but have found that I am more compatible with the brothas that are a hormone short of being a man, I like to believe that there is no particular role(s) hell I can act up sometimes or get femm, but for the most part I appear and act masculine and I have had some very masculine brothas in the past that just turned me on when they would let their hair down so to speak get real. I can go either way and by all means there is no such thing as top and bottoms in my bed everybody gets done.

~Kahlua~ said...

Umm...sniffin his pits? Damn boi...you got it BAD!! In 16yrs I've never felt the urge to do THAT w/my husband...LOL