Monday, September 29, 2008
...And Then There Was One
…And Then There Was One
Seven weeks after my relationship with BD spiraled out of control with three separate entities struggling to be heard and understood, we’ve emerged as ONE. Yeah, I can go into all the details of what transpired – and Lord knows, you’ve been privy to lots of it – but what it really boils down to is that BD, the Minnie and I are now operating as ONE unit. Contrary to popular belief, we have instituted the belief that if he and I are committed, devoted and respecting of each other, we are the most giving and present parents to the Minnie at all times. Yes, we read the comments that demanded that I step aside and allow BD to raise his kid; we even understood where the fear of parents who put new partners first and leave their children to suffer a damaging second place, stems from. All relationships operate under their own rules and incorporate what works for them. For us, the answer was clear – the Minnie fairs better with the love, devotion, support and PRIORITY from both of us working in tandem. It is a system we’ve seen work in both - my parent’s long standing 45-year marriage and BD’s grandparent’s life-long partnership. As BD and the Minnie joined me for my nephew’s birthday party this weekend, we were a family - one unit. As the kids played together, BD or I would periodically check on them and when the Minnie was roughed-up by one of my nephews during play, I was able to pull him aside and reassure him that no matter what, ‘Cocoa is always here for you, so you can come to me if someone bothers you.” To be honest, one issue that will always be at the forefront of my worries – is never having the Minnie suffer a slight because some fool – or their offspring – has an issue with non-traditional families. As BD got on his knees and again presented me with that gorgeous diamond ring he intended to give me on my birthday, it meant so much more; it now shines more brightly and weighs heavier on my hand because it represents the love, honor, commitment and spirit of our ONE family.
Drinking your coffee black because you’re afraid to ask for milk and sugar seems absurd. Yet, whether at the coffee shop or in your relationship, failing to ask for what you want, will literally – or figuratively – have you drinking bitter black coffee in silence.
Although there are compromises that need to be made in your life, there are times when you must stand up for yourself and what you believe in; most importantly, playing second-fiddle with your Stradivarius doesn’t make you a benevolent soul; it makes you a moron.
Can a couple compromising in silence to make a relationship work fair better than one tackling volatile issues head-on?
Keep passin’ the open windows…