Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Mas Sabe El Diablo Por Viejo, Que Por Diablo

Mas Sabe El Diablo Por Viejo, Que Por Diablo
In the vein of Spanish sayings of yesteryear applying to my life today, “Mas sabe el diablo por viejo, que por Diablo,” holds a special place in my heart. It simply means that the devil knows more because he’s old, than because he’s the devil. Typically, this saying is meant to say that our age and maturity should have us make better decisions – even in light of our education and position in life. Recently, BD and I caught up on the many changes going on in his life. He has come out to his family – including the Minnie and has even had a conversation with his ex-wife regarding who he is and how they can work to insure the Minnie has a positive outlook regarding his parents. BD has made some monumental advances in his personal life; positive changes that will benefit him as he lives in his truth and draws strength from living honestly. As we conversed about how far he’s come in such a short period of time, I couldn’t help but wonder why some folks wait until it appears too late or after they suffer some insurmountable loss before they actually forge forward with changes to improve their lives. After offering over a year of encouragement and advice, BD had seemingly handled it all – and handled it well – in just over a month following our break-up. BD and I are in the same age group, so being intuitive to those around him is not a new skill set. I almost feel that he is polished, together, intuitive and astute in all matters unless they relate – or related – to us. Which begs the question, did BD not take me seriously when I shared how important it was for us to act as a team – us against the world – to succeed in our relationship? Did he believe that I would simply sit around and be slighted by his family, his friends – damn, even his ex-wife – because he couldn’t live in his truth? Most important, if we reconciled, would it mean that each time that we encountered a serious issue in our relationship it would take a debilitating break-up to have him take positive steps forward to strengthening who we are and how we’re perceived by others? While many folks believe that the Minnie should be the most important person in BD’s life, I feel differently. You see, I believe that the partnership has to be the priority and that bond will show itself in our love and care of the Minnie and our interaction with the outside world. If we are united and strong, we can collectively overcome anything. Otherwise, BD should consider that the Minnie be his priority and wait until the Minnie is an adult to resume his social life. At present, I don’t know what the future holds. A part of me wants nothing more than to embrace BD and rejoice in his accomplishments. He has shown that he finally gets it. The other part of me says that a reconciliation will only send the message that my word means nothing and that to effectively communicate our partnership must be in a volatile state. I also don’t know that I have trust in BD’s ability to be sensitive and act intuitively with regard to my feelings – characteristics that are non-negotiable if he is to be my partner. As a mature man, I have to be true to myself. My feelings matter. I also must live in MY truth. This far along in my life I can say, “Mas sabe el diablo por viejo, que por diablo.”

On Blast
Is it more important to you to win at all costs or to lose sometimes, while maintaining your dignity?

Keep passin’ the open windows….

22 comments:

The Black Russian said...

i think its important to lose we all cant win every time... dignity is more important than anything

anonymous1 said...

OH GOD! I need you to get out of my head! I was fine until you asked your question.

I'm fully aware of what it means to not fight the good fight for what we want. But what happens when you keep shooting the ball, but it always "almost" goes in?

I'm considering giving up...

Anonymous said...

I swear we are living parallel lives...to answer your question, I think it's better to lose sometimes because sometimes the costs are too great and you may never be able to regain that which you have lost.

KennonP said...

I don't think its a all win or all lose situation, it seems some comprimise is needed. But when it comes to kids, I belive the kids should be first period. I don't want a man putting me ahead of his kid.

JACK said...

Wow - as I traveled through blogworld, I saw your comment on another page and VOILA, here I am. And I say wow because I really enjoyed this read, eloquent in every aspect. Y un Boricua tambien! *does a happy dance*

-ahem- but yuh, anyway - I have two kids and yes, my ex-wife knows. But I have to agree with kennonp above me who said that the kids should come first. To piggy back on the sentiment of your blog, my partner needs to be whole in and of himself, in his own right and needs to enter a relationship with me BEING whole. Towards that end, he doesn't NEED me, but my kids do. So, if I have to choose between my kids' school play or his basketball game - I'm in the school auditorium every time. I say that up front before I get with ANY mfer, for real. My babies first. I really don't think that my social life needs to be on hold for that to be true. It's like my job - when I have things to do with the kids, I take off, I come in late, or leave early. They get their pound of flesh out of somehow ...

nudeindc said...

Definitely need to maintain my dignity, or to word it slightly differently, I need to stay to true to image of myself as I want to be.

Cocoa Rican said...

Kennon, there definitely needs to be compromise and although I don't expect to be put "ahead" of his kid, I do need to be a priority. Otherwise, BD would find himself constantly caught between us and having to choose. By making me a priority he eliminates the need to choose between the Minnie and I and adds me as a parental figure who (with him) will do nothing but put "our" child first.

Jack, great to see you papi. This isn't about me trying to be whole...I assure you, I came to this relationship complete and giving 100% to both BD and the Minnie. I don't expect BD to neglect, ignore or favor me over his son, but to reiterate my point to Kennon, it's a partnership, not my lover and his son with me as a third wheel. As I watched my parents (now married 45 years with 5 children) I am amazed at how they always took care of each other and together nurtured each of us. That's what it's about. Finally, let us not forget that children leave home and have their own families...who will the co-dependent parent run to then? You've chased away your partners, but sadly your children won't have time to make you FIRST and their only priority.

One Man’s Opinion said...

I gotta say, Cocoa, and you know I love you, but I do believe that the Minnie should be the most important thing in BD's life. That being said, I don't think that should take should take anything from you.

Okay, this is so funny, but it fits. Just the other day, seriously, I read this comic from the Family Circus. I hope you know the comic. Anyway, it shows the mother with her four kids, in the park, talking to another woman. The woman says, "So, many kids. How do you divide the love between them." Mother's answer was; "I don't. I multiply it."

BD should not be dividing the love, but multipling it. Do, I think yall should be back together? Not for me to say, (but yeah, I do. And I rarely say crap like that). However, not if you are already think that the next pitfall could lead to yet another break up.

Love ya, bruh. Now, put on some clothes!

Cocoa Rican said...

Thanks One Man. First, let me say that I don't know where the confusion is, but at no time am I saying that I need to be placed before the Minnie in BD's life. This doesn't seem to be translating well...don't know why. The fact that a few folks have made this point so prevalent has actually given me pause to thinking about issues I hadn't considered....go figure. All said, that's what I love about the blog process...unadulterated opinions from folks who just tell it to you like it is.

As for the clothes...hmmm....I'm feeling free without them...LOL...now whatchu doin' dwellin' on that anyway? Let me find out... LOL

JACK said...

Hey pa - I'm glad that it's given you pause. If I do it right, then my man knows my kids and my kids know my man and things just gel. But I stand by the decision to be in the auditorium and not in the gynmasium. That doesn't make me co-dependent; it makes me a father. Because, trust me - when they're done with college, them little bastard gon' have to get out. LOL - I'm done at that point. Until then, I'm for them an ever present help in time of any trouble - and, again, if I'm doing it right, so is my man ...

May I put you on my blog roll? (The gentleman in me always asks)

jerzey_reality said...

I agree with u that if the couple is united and storng they can overcome everything. When u have someone that u can depend on as they depend on u it makes this life easier. When it comes to diffcult decisions and choices n life, having someone with whom u can communicate helps n the process. I feel that when u have that bond/connection with someone u should be able to work thru anything that happens...or in other words be united and strong to overcome it.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Nude is intriging to the artist in me, boy. You gonna pose for s brother? lol

fanovbot said...

With relationships being what they are these days if you're lucky enough to find someone you love and who cares and loves you the same its worth a second chance. If BD truely loves you he knows how huge you are on your word and will therefore treasure that you gave him another chance. Don't let pride get in the way of something great. I'm not saying pride isn't important, because it is. What I'm saying is the best things in life don't come easy, you have to constantly work at it and build it up until its a beautifully oiled machine. You two have that perfect foundation on which to build. Its rough out there don't throw what you have away with both hands. You two have the potential for that "happily ever after" that so many of us wish we had but sadly never find. I wish you two the best of luck.

Darius T. Williams said...

I think it's important to maintain dignity either way - whether we win or lose.

But you know something? I've learned this - and it seems like this is just one of those fundamental truths about life. Sometimes, we play the role of the preparer...and sometimes we play the role of the permanent. Ain't that some shit? I don't think it's NOT that BD took you seriously, I just think that the set up was designed for you to prepare him a bit.

I think I've come to terms with this with Jason and I.

Darius T. Williams said...

Just read the exchange between you and One Man...hmm - you's a mess, you do know that right? Hilarious!

Cocoa Rican said...

Jack...I hear you and will definitely take what you say to heart... please feel free to put me on your roll and I'll def reciprocate - I mean, it seems like a good fit. LOL

JACK said...

yay! I'm off to update my page. I feel all grown meeting new bloggers and adding to my roll.

Anonymous said...

COCOA,

I'll tell you what! This man must love you to do all the things he's doing. Most closeted men much less out men would not make these kind of sacrafices and changes for a suitor.

YOUR SCARED! Understandable. But don't you think he might be too? You've both got alot to lose and or gain in this.

Nothing worth having is going to be easy. Be it a great body, job, house, children, success, or relationship. Theres always struggle, risk stress, and give and take involved. Theres no way around it! Thats just life. You count the cost as best you can and hopefully you end up with change.

GO FIX THAT DAMN MERCEDES!!! LOL

Caspar608 said...

"Do you wanna ride in a mercedes boy (riiiidddddeeee) tell me what your gonna do (wit me wit me wit me) cause if you wanna ride in a mercedes boy, there are so many things that its gonna do to you".....
Pebbles
aka The Thief who took all of TLC's money
aka L.A. Reid's ex wife

That Dude Right There said...

I already said what I had to say. Now do I need to call you again????

Anonymous said...

I found this site using [url=http://google.com]google.com[/url] And i want to thank you for your work. You have done really very good site. Great work, great site! Thank you!

Sorry for offtopic

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!