Friday, January 02, 2009

Lucky In Love; Refuse To Be Lonely


Lucky In Love; Refuse To Be Lonely
It’s 2009 – the year I come into the BIG 4-0. As I was catching up on some of my favorite bloggers I noticed the persistent theme of elusive love. As I think back to my love-life I am grateful that there was NEVER (and I assure you I’m not gloating) a time that I actually wanted a relationship and wasn’t in one. As a matter of fact, one of the more consistent themes in my life has been that I spent a considerable amount of time in long term relationships. BD isn’t the first long-term relationship that I’ve engaged in –although my prayer is that he’ll be the ONE that is with me for the rest of my life. I guess I say all of this to say that even in those moments when I was a single man, I used those times to get to know me; resolve my issues (and believe me, there were plenty of them); and enjoy great times with my friends. It was while in one of these periods that I met BD. We dated off-and-on for over a year-and-a-half before either of us realized how much we really cared about each other and wanted to be exclusive. During that first year we dated other people simultaneously and it wasn’t even a thought to stress each other or ask questions about what the other was doing when we weren’t together. Which brings me to the real issue at hand…Sometimes, we spend too much time worrying about not having a relationship or what we’re doing wrong or even what’s out there, to be someone enjoyable enough to want to be around. I’ve always had this concept that I can do bad by myself (I know…not original or new) but I also apply it to mean that I don’t need a brotha dragging me down – not my finances, my mood or my spirit. If you’ve become a hum-drum-drag, it’s harder to find someone to want to tolerate your melodramatic ass at the onset. Now I’ll tell you that I’m pretty high-strung and filled with colorful emotions, but I’m not one to bring all those zany tid-bits to the surface when I want a potential suitor to get to know how humorous, fun-loving, spontaneous and caring I am. I mean, don’t you want to buy a car and have it look good, drive like a cheetah and be fuel-efficient before you find out that repairs will cost you and arm-and-a-leg? Chances are that after you fall in love with this bad-ass ride you’ll be more comfortable investing the money in your car because it’s proven itself worthy of your every penny. Now if you drive that bitch off the showroom and the first thing you have to do is go up into a repair shop for a hefty tune-up, you’re likely to turn around and drive that heap right back to the dealership. All to say, loosen-up and enjoy your relationships – friendships included – and let the natural progression of things happen. You know there are still times that I wonder if BD and I will last forever. It’s at those times that I take a deep breath and appreciate today; because whether we’re together for life or not doesn’t minimize how much we love each other today and chances are, for life. The relationship part…well, that’s the part that we have to nurture every day. Here’s to loving ourselves first in ’09 and becoming the kind of people others gravitate to.

On Blast
What bummer will you admit to pulling out of your emotional bag too soon when dating?

Keep passin’ the open windows….

7 comments:

JACK said...

I suppose I've one of those who complains about love being elusive - I've blogged about my not looking for it per se, but wanting it. And I agree that being single is a GREAT time to self-assess and focus on bettering yourself. but that shouldn't stop when you're in a relationship. It's a perpetuality in my life - I know I'm single right now for a reason, whatever it may be and I've already made up my mind that I'm focusing on my health and finishing my degree. If someone comes along, I won't bat him away like some annoying bee buzzing in my ear ... but I'm not trying to set out honey to catch flies either.

Nice post.

Caspar608 said...

Um, didnt the beautiful and talented Ms. Hyman kill herself? I bet she didnt have a friend like you within 20 miles at the time of her demise, otherwise he (or she) would have come with the calvary to save her from herself. Poor dear.

Its not that deep for me. I pour my heart and soul into your niece and nephews...I just get a lil lonely when I am bored, which I can assure you isnt very often....

However, if cupid hits me in the ass with an arrow the size of Mt. Everest you'll be the FIRST to know....

LOVE is all we need. All we need is LOVE.

Darius T. Williams said...

Great question...but dating?!?! What's that?

That Dude Right There said...

I'll have to find a brotha that actually knows what a date is before I can answer this question.

Kensilo said...

In my past relationships I have realized that I tend to "see-and -say" what I don't like in that person too early on. Yes, everyone has flaws even me but for some reason in the past that was one of the first things I noticed when getting to know a person. Now for me in my fourth relationship(YAAY) I now practice "the see-but-don't -say" with my new mate. As things progress and more time is invested then I or should I say "WE" will talk about the things that nag me. Until then I focus on the charming things that are brought to the table and live in the present. Thanks Cocoa for the post enjoyed it.

Keep doing what u do!

bobbymo said...

Very wise words indeed, and right on time...

Mr. Jones said...

I tend to play the compare and contrast game and I need to stop it. So and so wouldnt have reacted this way. Such and such wouldnt have done that like that. I really need not to do that.