You Really Can’t Teach’em
Don’tcha just hate it when a cliché becomes a reality – more like a nightmare reality? A woman in a suburb of Beijing, China decided to teach her pooch a new trick. Apparently, the dog always watched her drive and would mimic her by placing his paws up on the dash. So Ms. Li – I’m serious, her name is Ms. Li – decided to give the dog a driving lesson. With the hound at the wheel, Ms. Li operated the gas and brake. Shortly after the lesson started, Ms. Li and Fido were involved in an accident. No one was injured and Ms. Li is said to have paid all the damages. So, we reiterate this – You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
It’s Not Like I Don’t Want To
I’m very aware that New York has been dubbed the city that never sleeps. Unfortunately, I’ve joined New York and though I’m no stranger to a bed – shut up Clent! – I’m not getting much sleep. It seems that somewhere between the working engagements and social engagements my internal clock has been distorted and jammed on dawn. I mention this because I’m showing real signs of wear and tear – including poor short term memory and a odd bout of Tourretts syndrome. That’s right, Tourretts. Yesterday while on a date I reached across the table during a lull in conversation and snatched my date’s butter knife up. I pointed the knife at my date (who will remain nameless until I’m sure he’s not pressing assault charges) and yelled, “If you say one more word I’m going to gouge your right eye out of its socket!” When I realized what I was doing I put the knife down and laughed it off. He looked at me, first shocked, and then afraid, then bewildered, then he laughed it off and said, “Boy you are just too crazy.” I have to admit, I was disappointed he thought I was joking because he went right back to running his mouth again. Since we left his car parked some distance from the restaurant, he was forced to ride in my car, but not before he read my license plate (which I completely pay no attention to anymore) and like a little kid kept repeating, “K-M 4 ME” again and again. “So what does it mean,” he asked. Annoyed I turned to him and said, “Killing Men for the Medical Examiner!” Otherwise, that date went well… I want to sleep… preferably in a nice fetal position…with my air conditioning on blast… and my sheets over my head.
I’m like a space shuttle reentering the Earth’s atmosphere… no wait, wrong story… hurricane headed for Florida! Tropical storm Ernesto is making a bee-line for the Florida peninsula and is estimated to have 75 mph winds pounding the Miami and Key West areas within 36 hours. Kent, cut your vacation short and bring home the tan as is!
Do you believe that a higher power regulates the events in your life OR your life’s outcome is dependent on your personal choices?
Keep passin’ the open windows…