Monday, August 28, 2006

Morning Edition - 8/28/06

You Really Can’t Teach’em
Don’tcha just hate it when a cliché becomes a reality – more like a nightmare reality? A woman in a suburb of Beijing, China decided to teach her pooch a new trick. Apparently, the dog always watched her drive and would mimic her by placing his paws up on the dash. So Ms. Li – I’m serious, her name is Ms. Li – decided to give the dog a driving lesson. With the hound at the wheel, Ms. Li operated the gas and brake. Shortly after the lesson started, Ms. Li and Fido were involved in an accident. No one was injured and Ms. Li is said to have paid all the damages. So, we reiterate this – You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

It’s Not Like I Don’t Want To
I’m very aware that New York has been dubbed the city that never sleeps. Unfortunately, I’ve joined New York and though I’m no stranger to a bed – shut up Clent! – I’m not getting much sleep. It seems that somewhere between the working engagements and social engagements my internal clock has been distorted and jammed on dawn. I mention this because I’m showing real signs of wear and tear – including poor short term memory and a odd bout of Tourretts syndrome. That’s right, Tourretts. Yesterday while on a date I reached across the table during a lull in conversation and snatched my date’s butter knife up. I pointed the knife at my date (who will remain nameless until I’m sure he’s not pressing assault charges) and yelled, “If you say one more word I’m going to gouge your right eye out of its socket!” When I realized what I was doing I put the knife down and laughed it off. He looked at me, first shocked, and then afraid, then bewildered, then he laughed it off and said, “Boy you are just too crazy.” I have to admit, I was disappointed he thought I was joking because he went right back to running his mouth again. Since we left his car parked some distance from the restaurant, he was forced to ride in my car, but not before he read my license plate (which I completely pay no attention to anymore) and like a little kid kept repeating, “K-M 4 ME” again and again. “So what does it mean,” he asked. Annoyed I turned to him and said, “Killing Men for the Medical Examiner!” Otherwise, that date went well… I want to sleep… preferably in a nice fetal position…with my air conditioning on blast… and my sheets over my head.

Breaking News
I’m like a space shuttle reentering the Earth’s atmosphere… no wait, wrong story… hurricane headed for Florida! Tropical storm Ernesto is making a bee-line for the Florida peninsula and is estimated to have 75 mph winds pounding the Miami and Key West areas within 36 hours. Kent, cut your vacation short and bring home the tan as is!

On Blast
Do you believe that a higher power regulates the events in your life OR your life’s outcome is dependent on your personal choices?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

9 comments:

Just Me said...

Life's choices, in my opinion, are self guided, not divine. God has givin each and evry one of us the equipment needed for life. I don't believe that he sits there in his chair passing out blessings or hardships. It is our personal decisions that lead us into torment or bliss. With that in mind, be careful of what you ask and desire.....

Cocoa Rican said...

I believe it’s a combination of the two…
You have the choices you make that alter the paths you take, but ultimately the Lord does have a plan. I liken my life to playing Battleship with the Lord. He lets me set up my game pieces and he zones in on them.
"Lawd... you sank my battleship!!!"

Tammy said...

well, i do believe he passes out blessings, cause he sho' blesses me, erryday. he also gave me a brain to make my life choices, but he is always their when i f**k up those choices and he gives me another chance to git it right!

caspar608 said...

We were given the opportunity to live our lives in a manner that will lead us back to HIM. It was never part of his plan for us to disobey HIM. Our humanity caused us to make some really stupid decisions and choices.
I concur with Just Me.....

Anonymous said...

My thing is what comes around goes around. I wouldn't be here if I didn't go through some tough times to allow me to appreciate what I do have today. I know that if I do right by people, God will bless me. The blessings may not be immediate, but He will look out.

Caspar608- I disagree. I think it was part of His plan to disobey Him. He knows that evil exists, and knows that it's human to make mistakes. That's why He is a forgiving God b/c if we repent our sins and acknowledge that we messed up, He gives us another chance. That doesn't mean for someone to go out and keep doing the same things over and over, but he knows that we are humans and there is room for error. ok- didn't mean to sound preachy but had to air it out.....

ReddMann said...

I think the higher power gives us choices to make in our life.

Tammy said...

you're right anonymous...he expected us to be f**kups! that is why his son died for our future f**kups. but he is a forgiving God. whew! and thats good. :-)

Anonymous said...

Now you know you should’ve opened that door; I tried all morning not to reply to the “bed and you being no stranger to it” but sweet IT"S HARD, smile, not to say a little something, something. Well here goes: If you would only turn off those 1800 watt flood lights, remove the slipper when wet signs, have the Con Edison men take a break from installing the 340 watt power jacks under your pillows and ask the Mariahi band to play something soft; you would have a better chance of falling asleep.
Love ya but I gotta cut ya’…Peace J’Moo

Anonymous said...

The power of chance is what makes us children of God...