Letting It Ride
Last night BD and I shared the usual train ride. Our focused conversations and light-hearted banter was still there and I resolved to do one of those church moves – Let Go, Let God. First, I was (am) really physically worn. Combined with my drained emotional state, I didn’t think we stood to benefit from rehashing a topic that he was clueless had such a negative effect on me. Second, I don’t want to set an early (and bad) precedent of ‘what-the-f*ck’ every time he tells me something. I’d rather be in the “know”. Third, hard as I may try, the shields have been raised and I’ve taken an emotional step back. He doesn’t know it; I don’t act like it; and no one is none the wiser. Finally, big thanks for the rational-thinking comments yesterday. There were only a few, but they all made perfect sense. This morning I received several text messages from BD – all positive, warm, loving, sexy, etc. I sighed with the relief that I didn’t unleash the dragon.
Apparently the Cocoa crib will be the site of nightly dinners – as evidenced last night with mommy’s second dinner in two days. Her Righetti (Puerto Rican Spaghetti) last night was on the money. Ground beef, chorizo and other miscellaneous unidentifiable meats graced the protein-packed delectable supper. Mom even threw in tostones (green plantains) as a side dish and we had enough mixed veggies to clean out my large and small intestines. All said, I give up on regulating family dinners at my apartment while they’re here. Following dinner, mom and I spent the next hour-and-a-half doing dishes. We talked about my siblings and the conversation circled back to me. I said, “Mom, I love you very much and I know we don’t talk about it, but I’m glad you accept me and those I care about as your own. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you and dad didn’t grow to accept me and my friends, but I suspect you wouldn’t be standing here today.” She looked up and without missing a beat reminded me where my lightning-wit comes from, “You’d cut us off so fast our hearts would stop,” she laughed. I reached passed her to get a paper towel and wiped at my face. “It’s hot as heck in this kitchen,” I said wiping around my forehead and eyes. “Yeah, it is,” she said wiping around her eyes. We continued washing dishes and decided my older sister was a good subject to talk about for the next 30 minutes. “What’s going on with your sister?!” she started. “Where do I begin….” I smirked.
One week from today, I will be headed to La Isla del Encanto – Puerto Rico – to celebrate my 38th birthday. Who knew that mommy’s high-calorie visit would anticipate my celebration? Rest assure, I’m wearing those darn bikinis anyway! Uh…note to self…pack a lot of black tops! My flight leaves NYC at 8:00 a.m. Friday and Caspar is my flight buddy. Saturday we’ll be joined by Mercy who will probably not show me any and we’ll burn and turn to my heart’s content. I’ll be sure to have Cas and Mercy take more photos than I pulled off for Memorial Weekend. I keep hearing this one song in my head, “Caribbean queen; now we’re sharing the same dream….”
I’m not saying that I’m forgetting the little office conversation BD and I had yesterday. I’m not even saying that I’m okay with his way of handling situations. What I am saying is that sometimes you have to step back and just observe. As the old saying goes, the truth always comes to light. Besides, I have to stop living in the belief that everyone will handle situations as I would.
Have you experienced an instance when not speaking what you felt at the moment benefited your position in the situation?
Keep passin’ the open windows…