Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Morning Edition - 10/2/07

Truth Is; Leopards and Their Spots
It is often said that a leopard can’t change his/her spots. I’ve often related this to instances where someone with negative traits will not make a positive change and become a better person; they will simply change temporarily to achieve a set goal. The saying doesn’t necessarily have to be aligned with a negative connotation, since the leopard in question could have positive spots it can’t change either. All said, my current internal debate is whether I’m able (or even willing) to change a personality trait that I believe is an intrinsic foundation block of who I am. My past has shown me to be a giving person, but one who is also very priority driven – that is, I tend to focus my attention and affections on those that mean a great deal to me AND those that I appear to hold an equally important position in their lives. I don’t invest much time in people who don’t appear to have much time for me. By doing so, I feel the greater good is served. I am reciprocating and cultivating strong bonds with like-interest individuals. Like-interests in that we both appear to have a vested desire to be important to each other. However, there are times when people come into our lives and we find ourselves working a different method – a change of spots, if you will. We give, ask nothing in return and even accept a position of less priority in an effort to be selfless and make the relationship work. I return now to my first point – a leopard cannot change his/her spots. So what happens when I realize that my attempt to appear selfless isn’t rewarded or it becomes a consistent jostling for first place in someone’s life? I’ll tell you what happens…red-line frustration. I used this weekend to think about this dilemma. Like Donnie McClurkin, I’ve chosen to “Stand.” This means that until I establish that this isn’t a passing phase or recurring issue, I won’t roar in that see-me outburst that demands anything – least of all, attention I know I will willingly receive from other parties. Yes, there are instances when we must defer to a specific person or situation and accept that we are not the priority of the moment – ie. parents, children, fires – but there are also moments when you have to realize your worth and say, I am the priority or this interaction doesn’t work for me. Turns out, this leopard won’t change his spots. They’ve served me well just the way they are.

Throwing Pearls to the Swine
There’s a passage in the good book that mentions casting pearls to the swine – a metaphor for repeatedly attempting to deliver the word of God to folks who have no intention of paying any mind to it. In my life a parallel metaphor has repeatedly occurred and I have held to the same logical train of thought. There are people in your life that don’t get it, never got it and will never get it. They make no bones about their inability or refusal to hear your concerns. In cases like these, my experience has taught me to ‘cut and keep stepping’. That’s right folks. You can repeat things to some folks until you’re blue in the face, but when they choose not to acknowledge you, it’s time to roll. Recently, I had a sibling of mine mention that I am a cold-hearted bitch that doesn’t care about anyone. It was their reaction to my applying my ‘cut and step’ program to our relationship. You see, I don’t really play favorites when it comes to the ‘cut and step’ program. Whether it’s siblings, my man or my best friends – the program is still the same. I believe in telling you how I feel, helping you understand how you make me feel and going forward, what we can do to make it better, but if you choose to disregard me, I take that as non-verbal communication – a ‘fuck you’ if you will. Hit up another jeweler for those pearls.

On Blast
The greater fear…Is your fear of cutting someone out of your life, greater than the fear of losing yourself?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

12 comments:

life said...

I absolutely loved this post! sometimes you have to excerise the gift of goodbye.

That Dude Right There said...

I believe that if something gets to the point where you want to cut someone off, the it's time to do so. One should never subject themselves to prolonged stress cause by someone else.

Darius T. Williams said...

I agree w/Life - sometimes being delivered from people is what you need to be born unto yourself. Don't change those spots - become accepting or affirming, but keep your ear to the ground and be the you that you're supposed to be.

By the way - that clip...yup, that's my ish!

Anonymous said...

Letting go of the person you love is like kicking a habit. You let go for a while and find yourself back hitting the pipe. You try to walk away from this relationship but like a magnet to steel, you are pulled in. I do not know that its fear, however I do know that I have lost myself in this relationship. I am still trying to find my way out…

Anonymous said...

I think you are jumping the gun out of fear.
You know I love you, with my whole heart and soul. Time will reveal my friend. Time will reveal.
In the meantime, be patient. There are different components in this relationship...not all stereos sound the same! I fear if you cut and run you may lose something that you were supposed to stick with and experience in order to evolve spiritually.
Hear me out, you know I would never want you to be hurt. I would never want you to feel unimportant. You are a priority in my life...I harass you all of the time with predicaments and I make my children talk to you because you are a reasonable honest man. Please apply the same understanding, the same patience, you exercise with ME and my children to what you are going through right now. WHATEVER your choice is, I am your friend and behind you 100%, but I would like to see you happy. He makes you HAPPY. Give it some time baby!
Cas608

ThisMightBeMe said...

Sometimes you've gotta do that and I know that it's often hard, but it has to be done sometimes.

Kensilo said...

Great post, maybe because this has hit home for me. I'm going to work on taking a step back out of people's lives with whom I support only in return they never can support me. When you are constanly giving yourself to others who is just taking and never giving back it takes it's toll. Thanks Cocoa, it's time for me to start slamming and bolting up some broken doors in my life.

Lata.

Cocoa Rican said...

Cas.. who said any of this had to do with BD? Girl, mind your manners... LOL

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

LoL@ mind your manners.

Anonymous said...

Noted and manners mind-ed : )
Cas608

yet another black guy said...

'Life' said it first and best.

Anonymous said...

this post comes at an extremely appropriate time. I didn't have a cut and step program, I had to be cut instead. I let my worth and value be determined by him. Luckily, deep down inside of my soul there was a part of me that clung onto me while the other 98% was giving the whole show away to him. Since the fortunte cut my 2% has grown to 80% and growing. My cut and step program is being pieced together as I type.