Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Morning Edition - 10/3/07

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea
Yesterday I laughed when I realized that some folks believed that my post may have something to do with BD and I, when in fact, the first paragraph regarding a Leopard’s spots centered around me and a recurring issue with some friends and family. Although BD and I are two strong minded individuals, our desire to keep each other happy has helped us overcome issues of priority and position. I’ve pretty much settled into the dynamic of a relationship that involves a young child and now address any arising issues pretty swiftly. Love is truly a two way street and stepping across the double lines can have the drifting partner damaged by the oncoming issues. We pretty much agreed that when issues arise we try to speak about them openly. Yes, I still have my moments when I feel that it’s best to wait and feel out where he’s coming from, but normally, BD has been on point when it comes to delivering the goods – pun intended. As for the Pearls to the Swine rant, I’m disturbed by my younger sister’s steady path to destruction. She seems hell-bent on tempting the devil, fate or whatever other negative force you’d like to believe in. I’ve chosen to step aside, since I’m living by the Maya Angelou admonition – When someone tells you who they are, believe them. At 18, she believes that she knows everything and that her family will always be there to catch her before her face hits the pavement. For her sake, I hope she realizes that I’ve put away the safety net with regard to her. She has reiterated to anyone trying to give her advice that she is an adult. I agree sis…you’re grown and you get no arguments from me. Please be sure to refer back to that assertion when the feces hits the fan.

Boot – It’s Almost That Time; How’s This For Being Early?
Boot aka my southern muffin Parker, is celebrating a birthday this week. Born and raised in North Carolina, Boot brings that southern charm that warms your heart and soothes your soul. When we dated years ago, I was in a rough place mentally and emotionally and wasn’t the best person to Boot. Today, in a very public forum, I want to take a moment for a two-fold public post – First to loudly yell, “Happy birthday Boot! You deserve all the happiness life has to offer. I caught a very small sliver of the polished, intelligent and kind-hearted man you were evolving into and I’m sure you are now the catch of the day in the DC area. Be true to yourself and others and everything you share will come back to you.” My second point is one that is harder to express, but equally important. “My sincerest apology for not being a better man to you and a better caretaker of the love you bestowed on me. Your love taught me that to receive all that someone has to offer, I need to open my heart – even to the point of vulnerability. Your love wasn’t in vain and today I am a better man for it.”

On Blast
Mean it or don’t say it. Being able to apologize from your heart and not expect anything in return serves several goals. Two important goals are: 1. It frees your soul from the guilt, defeat, frustration and chains that bind you to a negative instance. 2. It shows growth and the ability to recognize your mistakes and their impact on others.
When (if ever) have you chosen to withhold an apology and found that you’re not only wrong, but feeling a long-term bind (tie) to an issue or individual? Is (Was) it worth it?

Keep passin’ the open windows…


yet another black guy said...

1st - you're so right about letting people fail on their own so they acknowledge all that others were trying to show them.

2nd - i'm so proud of myself, i NEVER thought that post was about BD!

Ailed LittleKnight said...

I don't believe I have ever chosen to withhold an apology from anyone. I am always apologetic, or try to be anyways!

Anonymous said...

A person i know, under estimate the power of apology, they just want to be right all the time. even if deep down in their heart they know they are wrong. They want all their friends to think that they are the victim and only tell one side of the story.

I was hurt by this person, and all they can do is talk about me like a dog,i guess that makes them feel better about themselves. I hope they read this and just say Sorry,it would really change my life for the better and put us back on track. When the person reads this, they will know who i'am talkin to.

P.S. I miss you and still love you.

Anonymous said...

One more thing,Do it for the kids.:)

Adam said...

I don't think I've ever held back apologies, at least not that I can remember. I think that the ability to apologize, and mean it, makes you a stronger/better person. None of us is perfect, and the thought that you've never had anything to apologize for is pretty selfish. We all make mistakes, intentional or not, and need to acknowledge them to those we may have hurt or upset. I believe that the old thinking of, "I don't apologize for anything," is pretty immature. I mean, it doesn’t make you any less a person. Your name is still gonna be ______ when you wake up in the morning. Plus, when we get tired of apologizing, we won't do f**ked up s**t.

*** With Just One Look...
INDEED! LOL!!! Who is that? Chiyo or Sayuri?

Anonymous said...

curious. The anonymous post above sounds like someone I know.....

Cocoa Rican said...

That's the beauty and downfall of anonymous posting - no one knows who you really are AND no one knows who you really are...LOL
Oh well, if it was intended for me, hit me up directly; if not, then hope you get your apology.

Anonymous said...

Sheeeet. I know I am wrong when I lose my temper and set myself up for disappointment when I expect a modicum of decency from them. I have expectations of people and they act like I am not a human being. I have no problem apolgizing to people at all. In my paricular case, in my particular "relationship" which did involve children, I couldn't TAKE the other persons selfish BOOSHIT anymore. I was tired from being overworked and unappreciated. The individual who my rage and anger was directed at was someone who had deserved it for years and years. Does that mean I am not remorseful about treating the person the same way I had been treated - only I was treated even worse in a far more vulnerable preganant position - of course I feel remorseful. Every day of my life. Every time I look in the faces of my children - whom this individual said were not supposed to be here - I feel remorse. And strangely I feel relief simultaneously...because now we have a life and are free from another persons addictions and depression. I have no problem apologizing....even if the person I apologize to is partially wrong.
ANd if anyone of this particular site has ever been hurt or offended by something I have said...I am so so sorry. And so sincere about mine : )

Anonymous said...

who is using this website to air out their dirty laundry?
take it therapists couch please!

Anonymous said...

and why do you need someone else to change YOUR life for the better?
You have it within yourself to make that change. Listen to Man In The Mirror. Michael Jackson was waaaay ahead of his time.


Mr. Jones said...

This is the most anonymous replies I've ever seen.

Good point re: the mean it or don't say it comment. I've never been one to say things just to say them.

For example, I refuse to say ugly babies are cute. So, when shown pics of unattractive babies, I say:

"Oh wow, look at him/her. Isn't he/she something!"

It's all in the voice inflexion.

Anonymous said...

Cas, with you being the exception to the rule, people do have the power to change other people's lives. We all need sombody i don't care who u are. It's always the people who put up this front,like they don't need anyone,who are the weakest behind closed doors. We all hurt each other everyday. If you hurt me today and i hurt you tomorrow,whose right and whose wrong? It's about learning and growing that makes you a better humanbeing. You must learn to let go of the past and stop holdin on to it,or you will be waiting to hurt your mother,father,sister,brother,and all your friends, cause i know at some point in the past they have all hurt you. What do you tell your 5year old who hits another child and says" they hit me first", you ask when, and they say
"yesterday" Do you say good job you gotem back! I know that i'am not perfect and i have hurt many people and i'am here today to say that i'am Sorry,Sorry,Sorry! i hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me. I have grown so much and i understand so much more,i hope that you have grown aswell.

life said...

You touched on something I just posted. yeah, people have to learn the hard way. I completely agree with ON BLAST

Dayne Avery said...

Soooooooooo many times...I have realized that I am stubborn as hell. Not only that, but I don't like aplogies because so many of them are not genuine.

However, even though I don't verbalize my apology, I usually show it.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous : )
First, you need to explain how I am an exception to the what way? That I don't need other people to change my life for the better? You definitely don't know me, because here's the point you are missing. My life has had its ups and downs. I found that when I was down, I had to work to get myself up. I had three other innocent human beings depending upon me. I could have given up and went on the dole and sat around expecting pity from just about everyone, but I asked God for help. And you know what, He never failed me. So do I need the people who hurt me the most to forgive me for reacting in a negative way to all of the ish they were shoveling in my direction? Nah! It would be nice if they would forgive me for being hurt and lashing out - but my life has improved because I had the courage to make it better with the help of God. So, you see, I do understand the need for closure, but my life will go on without it. Time waits for no one.
And as far as what my children are being taught is concerned I will tell you this....just last week my daughter was bullied and attacked by 8 MALE classmates. She is 7 years old and the youngest in her class, but physically superior because height runs in our family. When I found out what happened to my daughter upon her arrival home from school that evening I told my daughter that when someone hurts you and are engaged in a wolfpack mentality (meaning, they recruit the stupid and ignorant into their attack), they are doing so out of cowardice. I told her not to fight back with boys unless its absolutely positively necessary to hurt someone back to get them to stop hurting you. Her older brothers, on the other hand, told my daughter to keep punching the first boy she can get her hands on in the nose until it explodes into a bloody mess and to grab the arm of the second boy who hangs around to watch the debacle and twist his f**king arm back till she hears it snap crackle and pop. Why! Because that is THEIR baby girl - they have taken full responsibilty to love, protect and respect the black woman in my household, because her Daddy wasn't up to the job.
So, you see, each person has their own journey. I have learned from my own experience that closure is righteous but certainly not warranted to move on. I depend upon myself and the God I believe in to make things right for me.
I wish you well in your quest for forgiveness - for yourself and the party who inflicted harm upon you.

PS Come out come out wherever you are, anonymous. How do you expect to get what you need if nobody knows who you are.

WhozHe said...

Wow, cocoa you've really started something. FIrst of all, I can tell you're really concerned about your sister and I agree with you. She has to learn on her own that she doesn't know it all and there will be times her family can't save her from crashing. Next, I think that apologizing to others for the harms we've done is like a gift we give to ourselves. We validate ourselves as a human being capable of making mistakes, we free ourselves of unwanted guilt, and increase our sense of self respect and often earns the respect of others. good posting.

Anonymous said...

I forgive you with my whole heart and soul. Not for the kids. For me.