Saturday, March 22, 2008
Morning Edition - 3/22/08
Time Will Reveal
Sometimes it takes being still to find your way… just being perfectly quiet so that you don’t miss the important points tossed your way. They say that when one of your senses is compromised, others are amplified. My choice to mute my many feelings and opinions about all the happenings in my life right now have helped me hear the voice of truth and reason. After a week of stirring at night about BD and our relationship’s end, I could only think that I hated to have him suffer. The thought of him being hurt was boring its way into my soul. On Thursday afternoon I did the unthinkable…I grabbed the envelope I received from the Minnie's school at my home a few days earlier and walked up to BD’s department to drop it off. It was one of those ‘buy a magazine subscription and support the school’ deals. He turned to face me and looked surprised, relieved and intense. He smiled and my heart melted in my chest. I handed him the envelope, maintained my cool and said that I had chosen some sort of Nickelodeon subscription for the Minnie, “You can feel free to change it if you think something else is more appropriate.” As I turned to walk away I heard his footsteps behind me as he handed me a large box and said, “Please take this with you and open it at home…don’t peek!” We both smiled and I quickly shot back, “If this is an inappropriate gift I’ll have to return it. Agreed?” He continued to walk me to the elevator all the while staring at me as though I was an apparition. When the elevator arrived I stepped back into it so as to not break our gaze and smiled, winked and said, “Deactivate,” as the doors closed. As soon as I reached my office I noticed the instant message from him that read, “It was great seeing you. Please fight the desire to peek!” When I got home, I opened the bag to find a beautiful cloth box with a satin bow on it. I slowly took the elaborate bow off and opened the box to find 18 white tulips; a small, light-blue envelope sat at the corner of the box. White tulips are my absolute favorite flowers – BD knows this – and I carefully filled a vase and propped each of them into it before sitting the vase on my pub table. I returned to my bedroom and opened the envelope to read a 5-page letter (handwritten, no less) that told the story of all that I mean to him, what he’s in the process of doing and mentioning that he will wait and fight for our relationship. I felt that frog in my throat begin to choke at me and took another swig of my coffee before finishing the letter and returning it to its envelope. I placed it in my nightstand and sent BD a text. “I read your letter and my heart is really full right now. Please know that I love you and will take the time to reflect on us and my decisions. Thank you for sharing so openly. It means the world to me.” Last night, BD and I had dinner and laughed about many of the goings-on in our lives before finally settling on the main conversation at hand – us. It’s clear that we love each other. More than ever I felt overwhelmed by the look in the eyes of a man who was willing to do anything to make US work. A part of me wanted to reach out and hug him to me and tell him that he would never have to hurt again, but the, now silent, realist held back. The old R&B group Debarge had a song – one of my favorites really – entitled Time Will Reveal. It is what I closed our conversation with. No one can steal, take away or prevent you from what is yours…if we are meant to be, we will be. The experienced part of me says to be still and wait…Time will reveal.
When you are faced with difficult decisions, saying less and listening more can sometimes render the answers you seek. Have you had a situation that didn’t require a lot of discussion, just time to sort things out?
Keep passin’ the open windows…