Monday, November 24, 2008

Puerto Rico & Gettin’ My Dick Sucked

Puerto Rico & Gettin’ My Dick Sucked
After adding $1,900 in car repairs to my credit burden, I proceeded to sigh in preparation for my departure to Puerto Rico tomorrow morning. What is normally a Thanksgiving family reunion of sorts, is now also a time to take care of dad who will have surgery in the coming days. A special thank-you to Clent for being there and taking care of Busta for me last minute and to Cas for taking the insomniac task of driving me to the airport at 3:30 a.m. for an early flight. As usual, BD is my knight in shining armor and he’s always there making me feel great even when I don’t want to feel anything at all. I’m so in love with my man and each passing day I find myself more and more attracted to him. This weekend while watching 24 (the first season) we decided to role-play and I was a captive being repeatedly sexually abused by my attacker. Of course, once all was said-and-done, I had just as much fun relaying to BD – who had managed to save me - what the attackers had done to me and how I couldn’t believe I survived all of it…I included all the juicy details of how my assailant looked and how I felt while he was abusing me. I get ‘brick’ just thinking about it. All said, the man just does it for me and I’m amazed at how I’m never bored or ho-hum about enjoying him. Now, this makes this morning’s story that much more ironic. Just before meeting BD at the train for our ride to work, I was walking Busta when I noticed a guy in his late teens-early-twenties cross the street with a puppy pitbull. He approaches me and let’s his pup play with Busta before saying “Hey, what kind of dog is that? He’s so cute.” For whatever reason, I heard my internal alarm ringing like mad. I couldn’t understand why, since it seemed innocent enough. Then suddenly he says, “What’s his name?” Once I responded he quickly jumped to, “What’s your name?” I looked at him annoyed and used my middle name (I never use this and it’s simple enough to remember) Snatching Busta who was pulling toward the guy’s puppy, I said, “I really am running late for work.” He then asked me, “So what are you Dominican?” I sounded insulted and retorted, “No, Puerto Rican.” This bold youngin’ continues without a care in the world, “So my girlfriend says that Puerto Ricans have big dicks and I was wondering if you would show me yours.” I looked incredulously at this guy and felt embarrassed, confused and amazed that he was so out-there to say this to me in broad daylight in the middle of the Bronx! “Well you should have one of your Puerto Rican friends show you one,” I icily responded. I pulled Busta so hard he yelped! Homeboi then says, “Yeah, cuz I like to suck dick and I would really like to suck yours.” Dude was out of his mind! With Busta in a mid-crap squat I was trapped in place when dude says, “So you rushing to work? What’s your number…212-“ I said, “Later…I have to run kid.” I took off so fast Busta was running to keep up. In all my years, I’ve never been propositioned by someone 20-years my junior in the middle of the Bronx at the crack of dawn. When I met with BD, I told him what happened and we laughed about it. What are kids coming to these days?

On Blast
There’s never a reason for violence, but the level of bold disrespect the youngster in my neighborhood showed this morning justifies gay-bashing for some. At 39, I have never propositioned someone on the street. Have you ever been bold enough to do or say something to someone you weren’t sure shared your interest?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Stop and Get On Your Knees

Stop and Get On Your Knees
Life is full of ups and downs and although some folks may think that the world should always be seen through rose colored glasses, the reality is that those rose colored glasses can sometimes be smoky or worse cracked; such is life. Lately I’ve been feeling very emotional – crying while watching some sappy Oprah episode or having fits of rage; you’d almost think I was manic. I realize that several things are weighing heavily on my mind. First, my dad is about to have surgery to repair a recurring hernia. What should be a routine surgery is actually a bit more involved since he’s now older and it involves working around his intestines. The doctors predict that it will go well and I believe them, but it doesn’t take away the worry of having the man I sometimes view as invincible suddenly appearing vulnerable. Second, working for one of the financial industry giants, I am hypersensitive to the threat of layoffs. I spend a good part of my work day analyzing my boss’ reactions to me in the hopes of figuring out if he somehow knows some clue to what my future holds with the firm. Trying to juggle my immense workload and play clairvoyant to his moods sends me home completely exhausted at the end of each day. So all said, it’s time to ‘circle the wagons.’ I got home tonight and had yet another frustrating incident – not even worth mentioning here – and decided to stop and get on my knees and take it to the only one who can do something about anything. “Lord, you’ve always been there for me and you’re the one who knows my yesterday, today and tomorrow. I’m not going to ask you to do what I want; I’m asking you do what’s best for me. May your will be done in my life and may it serve to make me better; In Jesus name I pray. Amen. …and so it is, that come what may, it will be what is suppose to be and it will be good.

On Blast
Believing in God gives me the resolve to push forward and know that all things work best when left to him. Like the hymn says, “He may not be there when you want him, but he’s always there on time.”
Have you ever been at a place in your life when you’ve looked around and wondered what the Lord had in store for you?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Monday, November 17, 2008

Minimizing Stress; It’s About You

Minimizing Stress; It’s About You
Call it a case of maturing or simply an attitude that ‘life is too short’ to spend it on self-created drama, but I’m learning to pull back and withdraw from negative behavior that doesn’t necessarily affect me OR negative attitudes that don’t need to suck me dry of all my positive energy; in either case, if you don’t serve to make my life better, then you won’t be served. Sounds really cut-and-dry, but some of life’s choices are really black-and-white. I read some of my favorite bloggers post about situations that ring of self-imposed drama – they create these suspenseful, negative or no-win situations and then live to tell how they were victorious – or not – in combating them. The real question is, why do it to begin with? BD and I recently had a conversation regarding infidelity (a hot topic for so many relationships) and one that I think should be discussed openly in any partnership. As I mentioned to him, I can’t foresee myself cheating at this stage in the game and would more than likely bring any thought of stepping-out to his attention. For me, it boils down to an issue of minimizing drama. If I feel the need to sleep with someone else – and for the record, BD and I are so passionately sexual with each other that I don’t have my sexual interest piqued by anyone outside of our relationship – it would just be simpler to bring it to his attention and either get a go-ahead or a ‘let’s be friends.’ Then there are some basic stressors that can be minimized or extinguished with the simple click of a button. There are folks that are trapped in a negative rut. They call you and ‘bitch and moan’ for what seems like hours with no real solution on the horizon. There’s never really a time that these folks have anything positive to say. You’ll find that you’re consistently interjecting with, “Everything will be okay….” or “no you’re not having a streak of bad luck…” the truth is THEY aren’t – YOU ARE! Now don’t get me wrong, you should be sympathetic and supportive of your friends, but when there is nothing positive and you are simply being used as a back-up battery to recharge your friend with every conversation, it’s time to cut it off. Hit that ‘Ignore’ button and realize that you are being drained of everything positive within you. We’re all entitled to a rough patch, but when that patch becomes a dirt road to nowhere, cut your losses and be still…you aren’t the bad guy for saving yourself. A couple of years ago I had a motto of not taking calls on weekends before noon and not answering my phone if I was in the middle of something important. Since my return to New York I revised my own rules to accommodate my friends and family only to find that I’m expected to answer their calls or suffer their hang-up-call-back repeated calls with insults about my reasons for not being available. This has all changed. This weekend I promised myself to answer the phone when I’m available and only when I’m truly available. This means that when I’m simply not in a position to give my full attention, I don’t answer any calls – save for my mom and my man – who will be told I need to call them right back. Technology and the advent of mobile phones has to be used for what it was intended – a convenience item for ME to use; not a ball-and-chain making me available to everyone 24-7. The ultimate message is simple, whether it’s friends, family or work that drain you, it will continue until YOU decide to control your own life and the exchanges in it. In the end, folks will come to understand that your time is precious and that whether you want to lie on your side for an hour or speak to them is strictly up to you. Like any commodity you are as desirable and popular as you are scarce and exclusive. Make yourself important to you and you will be important to and respected by everyone else.

On Blast
They say you should practice saying “No” while standing in front of a mirror until you are comfortable with saying it. You set the rules that improve your quality of life.
What area of your life has seen some stressful twists because of your inability to assert control?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Sunday, November 16, 2008

In Closing; Sense Through Humor


In Closing
I think she said it best. Sometimes humor conveys the message in a way that makes most sense.

On Blast
Why haven't those attempting to protect 'marriage' outlawed divorce?

Keep passin' the open windows...

Friday, November 14, 2008

My Soul Wifey & 99 Red Balloons

My Soul Wifey & 99 Red Balloons
When she told me she was moving to Germany, I could only think of that 1984 tune by Nena – 99 Red Balloons. An eerie tune that didn’t have much meaning then – really, doesn’t hold much meaning to me now – but had a catchy tune. Marcia Rhodes a.k.a. My Soul Wifey was joining the love of her life in Germany; a move that would put her thousands of miles away and a time zone six hours ahead of mine. Marcia fast became one of my closest friends and confidants when we worked together in Washington, DC more than six years ago. The size zero beauty is more than 10 years my junior, but has such a wealth of wisdom, charisma and natural warmth that I couldn’t resist feeling instantly connected to her. Throughout the years she has been a Godsend; her advice level-headed yet stern; never agreeing just to agree; never blind to my feelings. Marcia appeared to always know what I was thinking – even when I was fuming and hollering or just silent from disappointment. In the end, I knew she had my back A couple of years ago we vacationed in Puerto Rico, staying at my parents house. We hit the beach and the clubs, making my birthday celebration that year one of the best ever. On our last night in Puerto Rico there was a power outage and Marcia and I slept together in the back room of my parent’s house. All the windows open we talked into the wee hours of the night, sweat beading on our foreheads. The Coqui – a frog indigenous to the island – sounded louder than crickets on our pillows. Marcia probably doesn’t recall, but she was also the one who with the most modest – yet thoughtful gesture – brought cupcakes to the office for my birthday on a day when she was off, making me tear-up at the thought of her making the time and effort to make my day special. To date, it is one of the most heartwarming birthdays I’ve had. Although I’m a bit sad to have my girl so far away, I’m extremely happy for her. She deserves all the happiness in the world. Greg – her fianc√©- should thank his lucky stars that I’m gay as a fruit basket or he would have the competition of a lifetime. I miss you Marcia….
99 dreams I have had. In every one a red balloon. It's all over and I'm standing pretty. In this dust that was a city. If I could find a souvenir. Just to prove the world was here. And here is a red balloon; I think of you and let it go.

On Blast
Expensive gifts are eclipsed by thoughtful ones….your heart’s desires are satiated with quality, rather than quantity.
Name a gift you’ve received that holds/held little material value, but is priceless to you.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Equality; Black or Gay – Does it Matter?

Equality; Black or Gay – Does it Matter?
A recent discussion regarding marriage by same sex couples highlighted an important issue for me. Gays are somehow considered less beholden to civil rights based on the ignorant notion that we have a choice on whether to be gay or not. By saying that the plight of the Black person somehow eclipses that of the gay person simply because the Black person can’t change the color of their skin, is saying that gays can somehow change their sexual orientation. For the record, my misguided straight brethren, my being gay is as embedded in my DNA as your IQ falling in the single digit range is to yours. Which brings us to the next issue – who has suffered more? I guess my question is, “Who cares?” Suffering is suffering. The fact that the struggle for equality by the Black race is a much documented one doesn’t negate the devastating trials the gay community has suffered. Add to this the struggle of being a person of color AND gay. One of the key differences between the Black and gay struggle is that when you’re a person of color, you can call HOME the safe haven from the injustices of your day. For a gay person this isn’t necessarily true. Some gay youngsters (as Norris pointed out in a recent blog post) are banished from their homes simply for admitting to the very people that brought them to this world that they are gay. I haven’t come across a Black or Latino child that claimed to be put out of their home because their parents realized what their race was. All to say that regardless of what the injustice is the ONE FACTOR that should guide our judgment is justice and equality. It lacks common sense to deny folks their rights simply because we don’t agree or take part in their struggle. Human rights and civil rights are a privilege we should insure is shared by all Americans – Black, White, Latino, Gay, Straight, Handicapped – and ANYTHING short of EQUAL rights for all is wrong. We’ve tried the separate, but equal thing in the past and as many can attest, it does not work. There is no need for a separate set of rules when we’re all EQUAL. America is beautiful for its rich diversity – religious differences, racial differences, etc. – but we’re also one of the most judgmental countries in the world. We insist on forcing others to live their lives as WE see fit or in a manner that makes us comfortable. That is not what America is built on. Let’s stop the hatred and ignorance. Let’s stop meddling in other people’s household and take care of our own. Let’s insure that everyone has EQUAL rights to live their lives as they see fit and the RIGHT to make the same choices and mistakes as their fellow man/woman.

On Blast
Do you believe that astronauts landing on the moon should be required to wear briefs rather than boxer shorts? Since you’re not an astronaut, why should your opinion matter? Why do you care?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Monday, November 10, 2008

Obama Believes in Separate but Equal?


Obama Believes in Separate but Equal?
The recent Obama win has everyone cheering for the enormous step our country has taken to recognizing the ignorance of discrimination based on race, but it has heightened the awareness that many Americans can’t seem to get around the discrimination based on sexual orientation. California’s Proposition 8 is legislation to specifically ban same sex partners from marrying. In essence, the California Supreme Court ruled that providing anything other than marriage for same sex couples would be a means of discrimination – a separate, but equal status, if you will – that does not jive with what America is about. Yet, California couldn’t accept that ruling. They invested over $74 million toward the issue and voted on the very day we elected our first African American President, to outlaw marriage by same sex partners. The ads for Proposition 8 depicted scare tactics showing teachers forced to teach same-sex education in elementary school and religious leaders charged by the state to forcibly marry gay couples. Neither scenario is real. The truth is that supporting equality for all Americans doesn’t erode family values; on the contrary, it enhances family values; the value that should be part of every American family to believe that ALL men/women in this country are equal in the eyes of the law. Sadly, even our President-elect who is enjoying the very concept of ‘all men created equal’ has repeatedly mentioned that he supports gays having equal protections under the law and an institution similar and equal to marriage, but not marriage. How does a black man who required ALL Americans to pump their brakes on discrimination and old school ignorance fix his mouth to say such a thing? I’m disappointed at best and disgusted with the hypocritical belief that discrimination based on race is now viewed as dated and ignorant, but prejudice surrounding same-sex relationships is fair game. Regardless of what your religious beliefs are, gay Americans are not asking you to join them in bed; they are asking that you allow them the SAME rights as every other American. Gay parents don’t want same sex education taught in public elementary schools as much as ANY parent wants sex taught to their children in elementary schools. The state cannot FORCE a religious institution to go against their beliefs to unite gay couples in their sanctuary – know what the facts are people. Here it is 2008 and we’re having some statewide battle on whether we should allow consenting adults to marry simply because they don’t look like the picture of the couple we have in our heads. It rings of the black/white marriage bans that plagued our nation in years passed. Marriage for same sex partners is NOT an issue that should be left to the states, it is an issue that should be approved at a federal level and incorporated into our present marriage laws. The issue does not open the flood gates on marrying animals and inanimate objects; those ignorant comments are so off-base I can’t begin to comment on them. If gays across the country will not be offered EQUAL rights to our straight brethren then we should be offered a cut in our tax liability to compensate for our lack of equal rights. At a time when we should be celebrating an Obama win, it’s disappointing to hear the very man flying on the wings of equality playing a different tune when it comes to marriage by same sex couples.

On Blast
Either you take a stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. In what way does the marriage of same-sex couples affect the values of heterosexual families? As a straight man/woman, why do you care if same-sex consenting adults marry?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Friday, November 07, 2008

Grateful


Grateful
Every one of us has been given so much. Blessings that far outnumber the crushing defeats. Are we grateful? Obama in the White House…be grateful. Gay marriage suffering at the hands of ignorance…be grateful. Our health, our families, our friends, our jobs…be grateful.

On Blast

What will you give back?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

President Obama...When You Believe

President Obama and the Inspiration for A Personal Campaign
Like most everyone in blogland, I too have moments when blogging just isn’t a priority and getting me together far outweighs getting my thoughts out to others. This is certainly one of those moments. Overall, I’m happy. I have my health, a good job and a great man; God is good. The race for the White House is over and history was made; I now see the infinite possibilities of what can be when you believe – really believe. I am so proud of President Barack Obama and the campaign he ran.

As the weeks progress I’m implementing 5 ongoing projects; my personal campaign if you will…
1. Faithfully returning to and maintaining my regular regimen at the gym
2. Making time to honor myself and my well being – decent rest, healthy food, killing the vices
3. Begin to write my novel – maybe even co-write a novel with BD
4. Get a grasp of my finances and work to create a healthy savings plan
5. Treat BD like each moment with him is my last; insure that he always has my full attention

On Blast
New Year’s resolutions are a crock….What five (5) things will you implement going forward – your personal campaign – to a better life for you?

Keep passin’ the open windows…