Thursday, May 21, 2009

Robert Sims R.I.P.; The Skipped Exit Interview

At 16, I already had a year under my belt hanging out at the grown-folks clubs. It was during one of these party nights that I met Robert Sims – Bobby – and many of my other close life-long friends. Bobby looked at me with a crazy expression two years later and said, “You’re only 18?!” as I happily cut my birthday cake. Last night, just after 11pm, I received a call from another member of our crew who, fighting-back tears, informed me that Bobby passed away. Twenty four years of friendship and BAM!....he’s gone. I sat down, stood up, sat down again and fought back an emotional breakdown while I heard some of the details of the devastating tale of Bobby’s end. Bobby had been sick for over six months – in a wheelchair for five of those six months – and a hospice for a couple of months before passing on. I didn’t know this. I couldn’t know this. I wouldn’t know this. Why? Well, as long-term friends sometimes do, Bobby and I were fiercely opinionated and had a fall-out that rendered us officially on the “outs”. He refused to call me and apologize and I insisted he owed me an apology and would wait until he gave me one before we chummed-it up again. That moment never came. Bobby would take our petty feud to the grave and somehow leave me holding the bag…the guilt bag. Last night I lay awake for most the night having an exit interview with one of my best friends in the world. My ears filled with tears as I lay facing the ceiling and demanded he tell me HOW he could leave me without us making amends! WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME BOBBY?! I would’ve been there…I would’ve chased the gossipers away…I would’ve comforted you…I would’ve been your fierce protector…your comforter. The silence following my questions is deafening. Bobby and I had a friendship that defined who I am as a person…he taught me to be strong, to be witty and use my powers for good…and evil (LOL). Bobby was my good witch….my Glenda. Bobby was also the friend of our group who brought all others together. If any of us argued or fell-out, Bobby would be the go-between to make it all better. It’s no surprise that without him in that capacity during our tiff, we were left to come together on our own…a make-up that never happened. I can’t really share how devastating it feels not to be able to call my friend and say, “This is ridiculous boy….let’s make up you hateful bitch.” :::Insert laughter and threats from Bobby here::::: I just want a quick exit interview. It’s one of my toughest life lessons to date. Say what you mean…when you feel it…Mean what you say…Don’t wait…Nothing in life is guaranteed…..Nothing and no one last forever…My inner circle has been shattered. Bobby is the first of my tight-knit crew to die. I love you Bobby. I miss you Bobby. I wish I could just speak to you one last time and say, “Whatever it is we’re fighting about, it doesn’t matter….I forgive you…and I’m right” Yeah…we’d laugh…he’d say, “Do it again and see what happens…” That’s what I hear him say in my heart…that’s what I’ll hear until I see him again. I’ll never be the same. You skipped your exit interview Bobby. You owe me.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

6 comments:

Achilles said...

I'm here. ILUCC xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Im sorry that Bobby isn't with us any longer. I knew him from years back when we all were young and had no cares. I remember when he lost his sister after I had lost mine. I felt for his devastation. Now, we feel the devastation from Losing Bobby..

May God comfort us all from a life gone too soon.

~ RR ~

Ty said...

Sorry to hear about your loss.

~Kahlua~ said...

I've been where you are sweets, and to be honest, it's been 18 years since my best friend passed unexpectedly--I'm still not at peace with having left things unsaid. I took from that the lesson you're learning the hardest of ways--to say what you feel when you feel it--don't wait--mean what you say and always make sure the people you love KNOW it. I'm sorry you're hurting Cocoa...praying for healing arms to surround you. Love you babe...

One Man’s Opinion said...

I didn't want to read this, because I knew it was going to be sad and make me sad. You know you have nothing but love and caring from this in, baby boy.

Anonymous said...

I was @ IML here in Chicago this weekend - ran into an old boyfriend with whom I had had a HUGE falling out about 8 years back over his bitterness at his having HIV and me NOT having it (another issue entirely, but not uncommon).
Upshot - we had an emotional reunion and reaffirmed our love for each other. I just called him and his husband and left them a msg.
Thank you - I shed some tears just thinking about your situation.