Monday, February 08, 2010

Didn’t Want Any, But Lucky to Have One

I’ll be the first to tell everyone, I never wanted children. I sincerely feel that folks should stop feeling like they HAVE to leave their mark on the world by adding another human being to it. For the record, if your ass is screwed up, there’s no need to pass those jacked-up genes of yours on to another person in the world. It’s like an even more f*cked up version of 100 Years of Solitude (a novel by Gabriel Garcia marquez)…maybe I’m just wasting that little reference, but what the heck. All to say that children are NOT for everyone…shoot, let’s keep it real here, children are not for MOST people. My initial thought was that children require a lot of time, positive reinforcement, selfless love and an innate ability to place them-over-you, at all times. Well, as a man who is now parenting a 10-year old boy, let be the one to tell you that none of my thoughts on the subject were off…not even a little. If you’re going to do a good job of parenting you will NEED to put your child’s needs first and let me tell you, this is a HUGE learning experience for someone who has cared for himself and only himself all of his life. Take this simple example…our son asked me why I would give him the best bacon on the serving plate and take the burned pieces for myself. He asked, “Do you like burned bacon?!” I let his giggles subside before I replied, “No, but I love you, so I sacrifice what I want to give you the best.” He fidgeted for a minute then smiled at me and I smiled back. Nothing else needed to be said on the matter. That ONE simple interaction really defines good parenting…you MUST be willing to give up all that you thought was yours for the simple pleasure of making the life of another human being wonderful. Don’t sleep on this story, I still will tell anyone that I didn’t want children, but now that I have one I realize that the ONLY concern I now have is whether I’m making an impact in his life. Am I making him a better person? Will he ever understand how much we love him and are willing to do for him? The truth is that those are moot questions. This isn’t about what I desire or what I wish the outcome will be, I now realize that the real way to make an impact is to be the best example to him, coach him and give him a little fun and laughter in between it all. I really didn’t want any kids, but I’m so lucky to have one. It is the most gratifying, taxing, selfless and core-love experience I’ve ever had in my life. I’m lucky to have our son and I’m thinking that it’s not just about what we WANT in life, sometimes it’s about what life deems we need.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

3 comments:

Caspar608 said...

well, I'll be the first to say they didnt arrive by the greatest of circumstances...but I LIVE for my children. That meant, night when my friends were out shaking their asses in the club, I was at home watching Disney Channel, playing scrabble or reading books. I didnt move from relationship to relationship dragging my kids along for the ride. I gave up my own happiness(?) fot their well being and sense of security. I dont regret staying home with them. I get kicked in the ass when they mouth off, but someday they'll thank me for putting them first. I'll never regret it and would do it again as long as the same people came into my life.

BuddahDesmond said...

This has to be one of most honest, forthright posts I've read in quite some time. This is the kind of truth we need to hear. And that we all should express. Raising children isn't easy. And it takes a special kind of person to be able to do it. And like you said, it's not for everyone. But if you're able to sacrifice and put the needs of your children first and you want to make an everlasting, positive impact on their lives - then you are on track to be a good parent. My fiance and I want to have kids. And whenever we're blessed with them, we are committed to being what they need and placing them above all things.

Cocoa Rican said...

Buddah you'll do great. I didn't think I would be where I am today, but that's what's great about life, if you stop fighting the current and actually enjoy swimming WITH it, you can experience wonderful things.