Monday, June 07, 2010

Some Things Need Not Be Discussed

Have you ever walked up to your mom and asked her if she remembers where and how she got pregnant with you? Have you ever cornered your dad and asked him if he remembers the first time he slept with your mom? Have you ever sat your parents down and asked them what their favorite sexual position is? All of these questions seem absurd to ask our parents (or they should seem absurd) and more important, they have no relevance to your relationship with your parents. It is in this same vein that I tell my fellow God fearing-God loving homosexual brethren to stop trying to explain why you’re homosexual or what homosexuals do in bed to folks who have NO need to know these things. As a group, homosexuals are sometimes asked questions that are inappropriate, but worse even, is when they volunteer information in an effort to have others understand where their mindset is. A recent article I read regarding exorcising the demons from homosexuals brought to the forefront the relationship I share with my parents. More than twenty five years ago I came out of the proverbial closet and declared that I was homosexual. Since then it has been a rocky road to foster and maintain a relationship with my Pentecostal parents, but one thing has rung true – I refuse to run back into that closet or to trivialize my life to make them feel better about their religious beliefs. This may seem like a difficult thing to say, but I am not seeking the approval of my parents, my siblings, my friends or any religious sect. I am a homosexual man and they may be heterosexuals men/women and for all intents and purposes we can enjoy each other as family and friends and enjoy what we offer each other OR we can simply withdraw from each other’s life. Sounds simplistic? Well, you will find that when someone really loves you they are willing to put their beliefs aside to share in your life. I don’t necessarily agree with everything my heterosexual loved ones do, but I love them in spite of it. Basically, that’s all I ask. Love me for ME – the real me – and leave matters that need not be discussed alone. I’m happy to say that once I practiced that relationship method with my loved ones all else fell in to place. Life is too short to be spent trying to change people’s mind about who we are or worse, trying to reconcile that with who they’d like us to be.

Keep passin’ the open windows…


Anonymous said...

long ago, and oh so far away, you actually did a post on gay sex 101 (2006)...and I wondered what made you feel compelled to do so. sex is sex. and its nobody's business.

Cocoa Rican said...

I think we want others to understand how alike we are...well, I guess I WANTED folks to understand. Today, I would really tell someone to mind their business and keep stepping. Treasure that 2006's not likely to happen in this decade.


Anonymous said...

I treasure all of your posts!

I am really floored by how stupid people are sometimes...even when I was with E...people would ask me if what they say "about Black men" is true. It was appalling at the time. Why would I tell anyone how good the dack is or was...?

What the hell is wrong with people that they would ask questions about the physical interactions in intimate relationships?

I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to have to deal with friends and or family who want to know about how you conduct your relationship on an very intimate level.

I was fond of all of your lovers, with the exception of one. However, BD is the first I've been taken back by...he's just so organically good and genuine that I am actually offended that anyone would want you to explain anything.
He's more than a lover, he's your spouse. Thats like asking a man if his wife gives good head.

Enough with the ignorance.

thegayte-keeper said...

AMEN! I am SO tired of heteros asking me dumb things and thinking that ALL gay folks know each other...of course that all goes aways when they realize that I do NOT need their approval to breathe as a gay man on this planet...