Do You Get It?
A young black man is chased out into traffic before being beaten, his jaw fractured, his life changed. Another young man is chopped to pieces by his attacker, his body parts placed in plastic trash bags and spread throughout the NYC transit system. The stories are many. More disturbing, the stories are recent. They read like a 1950s and 60s newspaper. They sound like the victims of race mongers of yesteryear, but they aren’t. They are the stories of gay men attacked by predators that are incensed and blinded by a trait these men cannot change. Like the complexion and race of their predecessors, they are hated for an aspect of themselves that is as much a part of them as the color of their skin or their eye color. I realize my blog family is primarily straight. It is to you that I bring the problem because it is those in your circles who are the perpetrators of these atrocities. Like a silent attendee at a Ku Klux Klan meeting, you are aware that the plan is to exterminate those different than those sitting with you. You can continue to sit quietly, hear the plan and do nothing; safe in the belief that if you’re not striking the blow, you’re not really guilty of anything. I’m here to tell you that you are. Each time that you are party to a conversation that degrades someone for being gay or pokes fun at a lifestyle your compadres don’t understand, you’re cosigning the violence. If you had your druthers what would you say to that person who, back in the 1960s, sat-in on a conversation that included, “Niggers are just dirty and need to know their place.” Would you say, “Hey, as long as you’re not using the “N” word then you’re cool in my book”? Would you accept their excuses that they love black folks and understand that it was just the way things are, so there is nothing they could do? I suspect you wouldn’t. I believe you look back on footage of the disasters of the civil rights movement and can break a comforting smile at those white individuals that stood shoulder to shoulder with the black marchers. It’s your turn. Will you join the fight against injustice, violence and intolerance or will you be a silent witness believing that your apathy renders you innocent of the crimes against your fellow man?
Recharge, Rethink, Renew
The last couple of months have been trying ones. With the end of the summer and the cool weather making a quick sweep through the Apple, my mood has changed into a somber one and my ability to overlook the little annoying daily idiosyncrasies of life are fast becoming unbearable. I visualize myself kicking the old woman standing on the left-hand side of the escalator (intended for folks who want to actually keep moving) in the center of her back – it’s like that. Thankfully, I’ve scheduled a long vacation with the folks and am set to take-off in just two weeks. Eleven days in Puerto Rico should serve to recharge my batteries, rethink my future and renew my down-trodden spirits. I’ve even managed to schedule a date on the island even before I arrive; how’s that for resourceful – or as my buddy VD in DC would quip… “Hookah!” Now, the battle is in counting down the days until my departure. I’m breathing deep and trying my best to see the sun through the clouds.
Thug Passion; Relax and Enjoy
In 1996 Tupac Shakur came up with a song titled Thug Passion. At about the same time he also discovered a drink by the same name that combines Alize and Champagne. The drink is dry and fruity and feels light on the stomach – important when you’re out and trying to have those abs look flat as a board. Note: More than 4 of these babies in less than two hours will have your head spinning and your toes tingling; you may also need a pain killer the next morning.
On Blast
Some people are disturbed to have the black civil rights movement of the 1960s in any way compared with the current gay rights movement of today. Both minority groups suffer(ed) violence, discrimination and the perception of their oppressors that they should just accept their less-than-equal rights in society. Do you believe the two movements share the same inequalities and issues OR do you believe the gay movement disrespects the black civil rights movement by making the comparison?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
6 comments:
Hate is wrong. It was wrong when it was done to the Jews, it was wrong when it was perpetrated on blacks and it’s wrong today when gays are, again, targets for the ignorant masses. It boils down to accepting that whether folks look different or lead different lives than ourselves and don’t necessarily have the same values, we are not in a position to judge, impose our beliefs (religious or otherwise) or withhold equal rights from any particular group. In the case of gays, there is the added presumption that the general population has a place in our bedrooms! How the f*ck is that?! The straight population would be aghast if America suddenly wanted to weigh-in on what went on behind their closed doors. The key to tolerance and acceptance is recognizing that relationships between consenting adults is not within the scope of our opinions; we do not need to understand someone else’s life and life choices to respect them; we NEVER have the right to rise to violence against a group simply because they do not share our morals and values.
Concisely said: Ignorance=Intolerance=Violence
Either you’re part of the solution or you’re part of the problem….you decide.
WOW Hector it is crazy that you even brought this up. Just recently I was in a cab with a girlfriend of mine and I don't know how the subject came up but the cab driver started to truly bash gay MEN. Now I capitalize men because he has no problem with gay men. My girl was speaking to him and that is how we found that out. But it was so shocking to me to hear the things that he was saying that I (who is probably never speechless) could not respond.
So when things happen like that just out of the blue how do you respond? What do you say? I am good conversation wise but when it comes from nowhere it threw me off. I am not a quick person like you or my sister. I think about things and have truly thought about that since that incident. I don't want that to happen again so I guess I am looking for advice for the next (hoping that it won't be)time.
Donya,
I’d like you think of it this way… each time someone makes a derogatory comment about a gay person, I want you to hear it as a negative comment about blacks. For example, when the cabbie said, “Fags are nasty…” You should hear, “Black folks are dirty and lazy.” Now I want you to let that sink in. What feelings come to mind? How insulted do you feel? How ignorant does he sound to you?
Now, with those feelings intact, simply say, “Wow those are some pretty strong feelings you have about gay men. Have gay men done something to you?”
He’s going to respond with more epithets similar to those in paragraph 1 of this comment.
You’ll simply retort, “As a woman, I’m more suspect of a man that hates gay men so much when they have nothing to do with him? You have to excuse me, but I’d rather not hear any ignorant comments like that around me.”
See, this is the BIG ta-da moment… your cabbie and people like him have had folks co-sign and laugh off their negative and derogatory comments for so long that they feel completely at ease saying them to any and everyone they come across. It’s time to “pump their brakes!” These types of comments are the hill on which the snowball begins to gain size and momentum. Level that hill off!
Just as we wouldn’t tolerate a cabbie saying some crazy racist crap in our presence (and I’m sure they did back in the 50s and 60s) we cannot tolerate negative gay remarks today.
Live and let live but…
In the eternal words of Susan Powter, “STOP THE INSANITY!!”
What is the gay right's movement? There is nothing the gay community is fighting for that is not already available. You get to travel, eat, sleep, live and work anywhere you decided. There is nothing holding back gay men...that is crazy and foolish thinking.
I’m glad Cas spoke the way she did. It highlights my point. Cas mentions that the man who ran out in traffic died while seeking a “sexy rendezvous,” which also explains why judgments like hers (and those like her) have acted to prevent outrage at the lack of a thorough investigation and harsh prosecution of Michael Sandy’s attackers.
No, most of you wouldn’t sit-in on a KKK rally, but Cas fails to mention that today’s equivalent of a KKK rally is a night out with your friends when the banter turns to negative, ignorant and hateful remarks against the gay population.
We didn’t mention marriage, but now that Cas has – marriage is NOT a religious institution. Ceremonies revolving around a religious theme are secondary to the secular institution of marriage. Sorry to bust everyone’s Christian bubble, but marriage does not belong to any one religion. Demanding the SAME rights, privileges and title as legally married heterosexual couples is the legal right of every warm-blooded American homosexual person.
To say that blacks were more identifiable than gays are because of the color of their skin and therefore gays don’t suffer the same persecution is one of the most ignorant statements of all. First, many gay men are visibly gay. Second, we are assuming that to have any semblance of safety gay men and women should remain closeted and act as “normal” as possible for fear of being gay bashed; The equivalent of asking blacks in earlier days to try to pass as white to survive. Yes, many gays do it, but it is a sad day when the advice we give for combating discrimination and bigotry is to try to fit in. Lest we forget that this is the birthplace of the “down-low.”
We in the gay community would love to keep our bedrooms private. It is the right-wing establishment and their fascination with the gay bedroom that has it in the spotlight. Who’s doing who? What are they doing? How? Is it banned by sodomy laws? Let’s agree… we’ll talk about our sex lives EQUAL and in the same proportion as the straight population.
Cas you missed the point – painfully – by miles. You and the rest of the heterosexual blog readers are within the group perpetrating these atrocities. That’s what I said and that’s what I meant. You are more likely to see the ignorance as it unfolds, as it gains momentum and before it reaches my group – the ones being beaten and killed. I’m asking that you NOT be silent and laugh-off the ignorance… that you demand it stops… that you end the violence when it is still an asinine comment.
I realize you think this is just another issue that we can be combative about… it isn’t. While I and those I hold dear – my gay family – are in imminent danger, I will not debate whether you agree or disagree with ending the ignorance and judgments that has empowered predators to prey on innocent human beings.
UNDERSTAND FOLKS: Ignorance breeds contempt. If you hear it, stop it. If it is mentioned as a joke, stop the prankster in his/her tracks. Stop the hate. Don’t be a silent participant. The buck stops with you.
Now take that passion, shock, anger, frustration and horror and multiply it by 10...you're now close to where gays in America are today. No one is singling you out... your viewpoint however must be singled out...stop bringing this back to US and OUR friendship...that will never change...this is about a very serious issue that doesn't have gray...only black or white. Either you are against hate, intolerance and inequality or you're for it. Why do you have a hard time excepting that concept? It isn't about anything else.
On a different note...I never take your comments personally, nor do they affect US or our bond as family...don't ever feel the need to factor in OUR relationship or exposing our past (especially when it is a private moment) to make a point on issues we discuss online. You'll find there is plenty to be said without putting all my business in the streets.
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