Friday, November 03, 2006

Morning Edition - 11/3/06

Maybe If; Just Ignorant
Maybe if the young girl didn’t wear a short skirt, she wouldn’t be raped.

Maybe if blacks would quietly stay in their own neighborhoods and not try to move to primarily white neighborhoods there would be peace and harmony between the races.

Maybe if parents took better care of their kids, pedophiles wouldn’t get their hands on their unsuspecting victims.

Maybe if we outlawed abortions women would practice safe sex.

Maybe if gay men would just act straight, choose to sleep with women and deny who they are for their entire lives, we would cut down on gay bashings.

Maybe gays need to learn that as long as they receive equal rights, they don’t really need to have the “same” rights as their fellow man. I mean, what’s in a name right?

Maybe if gays stuck together – maybe rode in packs – they wouldn’t have to watch their backs from their homophobic oppressors.

Maybe if the gay community realized that the Holy Bible dictates life as we know it and that gays have a special – much hotter and gruesome – place in hell, they’d remarkably wake up and be straight.

Maybe if I keep repeating how I’m open-minded and have plenty of gay friends, no one will notice that I don’t want to get caught up in taking up their cause. I mean you gays are entertaining, but do I really want to deal with these serious issues that are brewing?

Maybe if the civil rights leaders of yesteryear just left well-enough alone things would have changed for the better; Maybe if gays today do the same they just might change for the better too.

Maybe if you look deep inside yourself you’ll realize that some of your core beliefs are ignorant and baseless. Maybe if you look at your past you’ll find that you are where you are because someone took a stand for what they knew to be right. Maybe if it begins to hit home – maybe if it hate crimes happen to you or someone you care about – you’ll begin to care.

Maybe if…

Reflection
When I came out to my mom (around the age of 14 or 15) she said, “You still have time to change before it’s too late. The gay life is a difficult and unfair life. You will suffer and be hurt and the longer you are gay, the harder it is to return to a normal life.” Today I recognize that she was partially right. The gay life is extremely difficult and gay folks have to be extremely resilient to survive – make that double-strong if you are a person of color and gay. What she was very wrong about was thinking that I had a choice in changing. Gay is not a “lifestyle” it is life for millions of us. Believe me, no one chooses to live life in a constant upstream swim in society. Gay men are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. If we hide our life from others, we’re on the down-low and if we come out, we’re asked why we can’t conform to the norm. Today, I don’t expect acceptance and I can care less if you’re comfortable with who I am. What is important to me is that I am given the respect, justice, rights and quality of life afforded my fellow man.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

10 comments:

Rahman said...

Man . . . maybe if more of the world could respect and accpet YOU and others like you then we could really be a truly progressive society.

caspar608 said...

I have a question for all of the gay members of this blog since clearly I am an ignoramus and could never in a million years know what it feels like to be gay and oppressed.....
PLEASE DEFINE WHAT GAY MEANS. I have many questions....
Do all gay males HAVE to behave in what most would call a "feminine" manner in order to be accepted by the gay community?
Suppose a man behaves in a masculine manner but is gay, loves his partner and everyone knows it - but because he isn't seen in gay bars and gay establishments and snaps his fingers and has a flamboyant way of speaking, does that make him an outkast to the gay population or is he accused of closeting his gayness because he is comfortable with who he is but doesn't feel it is necessary to air his private life?
Why must someone "come out of the closet" to be embraced by the gay community? Maybe they just don't want to come out of their bedroom.
What exactly defines gay behavior? How should a gay man behave? Do you all have a set of rules so that you know who is gay and who is not gay?
Cocoa never answered these questions for me when he was supposed to so perhaps someone could shed a little light into the area of my brain that seems to be darkened by lack of gay knowledge.
I am being humble and I would like to know whatever it is I am supposed to know about being GAY.
I would really appreciate some honesty. We are all adults. And I know it cannot be easy being gay. But you all seem like you have a lot more fun than the rest of us heterosexuals so please do enlighten me.
Thanks.

Cocoa Rican said...

Wow Caspar, you’ve never in the past asked me about ANYTHING gay, so I surmised you knew…but it’s apparently “vent private on public space week” so we’ll let’er rip! BTW – I e-mailed you and called you several times since last night’s debacle and you’ve chosen not to address me privately, so I guess this isn’t about clarification, it’s about the “let’s give outsiders a show!”
Here goes…

PLEASE DEFINE WHAT GAY MEANS.
Gay means someone is same gender loving. They are attracted to the same sex and basically feel the EXACT feelings you feel for the opposite sex, but for their same sex.

Do all gay males HAVE to behave in what most would call a "feminine" manner in order to be accepted by the gay community?
No, most gay males do not “have to” behave or act effeminately, but some do. Regardless of how they act or are perceived, gay men are as accepting of other gay men as straight women are of other straight women. For example, you have the girly girls (love make-up, etc.) and the more plain-Jane girls…both groups interact and frequently accept each other.

Suppose a man behaves in a masculine manner but is gay, loves his partner and everyone knows it - but because he isn't seen in gay bars and gay establishments and snaps his fingers and has a flamboyant way of speaking, does that make him an outkast to the gay population or is he accused of closeting his gayness because he is comfortable with who he is but doesn't feel it is necessary to air his private life?
No, I don’t believe our rule book mentions making any gay “member” an outcast because he chooses to not partake in our gay festivities and venues. He would, however, become an outcast if he chooses to belittle, degrade or disrespect other gay men because they do frequent these establishments. Funny…gay men don’t like being disrespected even by their own.

Why must someone "come out of the closet" to be embraced by the gay community? Maybe they just don't want to come out of their bedroom.
No one NEEDS to come out of the closet to be embraced by the gay community, but most WANT to, since living a closeted life means you must constantly live in the shadows and deny who you are. Also, being gay is not a life that revolves around our bedroom, just as you being a straight woman is not based on the sole action of you getting screwed by men.

What exactly defines gay behavior? How should a gay man behave? Do you all have a set of rules so that you know who is gay and who is not gay?
Contrary to popular belief, there is no secret gay handshake or nod. There is also no rulebook given at our yearly recruiting drive (I think some folks think we have those). Sometimes there is flirtation between each other (assuming we like each other – and not unlike straight folks) and that’s how we know.

In closing, it appears you must have the last word, so I’m sure we’ll see a 12-paragraph rebuttal, but here’s what is most important that you come away with. Friends talk. When you felt that our blog discussion became personal you should have picked up the phone and called me – I mean, as you mention, we’ve been friends for over 30 years – shyt, it’s what I did…. You just refuse to answer my calls. The overwhelming and recurring theme is always – THIS BLOG IS TO VOICE ALL OPINIONS, VIEWPOINTS, THOUGHTS. It isn’t about you – or me for that matter. You’ve never seen me mention the plethora of personal information I know about you to highlight any of my points. It’s not appropriate and it violates our bond as friends. Get over this chip on your shoulder that everyone is calling you a racist, bigot, etc. I have NEVER done it before and don’t think I ever would. It’s all in your mind. Finally, when you finish sulking because your view on this specific topic doesn’t appear to conform with the majority of this blog’s participants, realize that there’s always the BIGGER picture. In the war of words, I would gladly relinquish my position as VICTOR to insure that my position as FRIEND survived. It’s not your viewpoint that has rendered you an “ignoramous” it’s your inability to express it, stick to facts and let it go. You have to run it and possibly our relationship into the ground in the process. I mean damn…

caspar608 said...

I don't have a huge chip on my shoulder jackass. I was being humble and trying to understand why people stereotype behavior of gay males and ask my own questions. You clearly had the final word when you shut down my attempt at being humble.

The Captain said...

You are in no position for demands. Respect is earned my brother. What has the gay community done to embrace society or promote value to society? NONE. So why do you expect to someone to respect a vile lifestyle that will only bring disturbance and torment?

caspar608 said...

and for the record I couldn't answer the phone last night because I was swarmed with children, housework, drama and bs. This morning I was getting SOphia ready for school and when I hit the office I was bombarded with crap. We'll talk this weekend. And you shouldn't be ashamed of anything I said about you. Not only were you a victim of a sick freak at a young age, but someone who loved defended you and was ready to lay down their life for you and someone she thought was better for you at the time. That isn't airing dirty laundy my dear. That was me telling you that I recognzed your struggle long before the struggle was a in the media and a political debate.
Now, if I mentioned the bars where you worked as a stripper ....ooohhh, sorry I let that one slip.

Cocoa Rican said...

...and while we're busy fighting among ourselves a complete stranger shows us the darker side of weakening the "circle" and allowing outsiders in.

caspar608 said...

Captain, what the hell are YOU talking about?
Being gay is secondary, in my humble opinion, to being a human being.
Vile lifestyle? Being gay is not a lifestyle. People are BORN gay. You cannot see it, because it is part of their DNA and the way the brain functions. Like righty's and lefty's. Or ambidextrous folks.
Yes, worldly superficial respect must be earned in terms of feeling positively about any human being - i.e. "I respect that brother because he worked hard for everything he has.". But the ability to respect each other is something that should be ingrained in us from an early age.
And for the record, Gay Folks have contributed more to society than hate mongerers.
Have you ever heard of Alexander the Great?

caspar608 said...

Don't worry Cocoa, I got this. I am a little too grown and a lot too big to be lifted up over anyone's head and body slammed for you.
Come with it Captain. Explain yourself.

Anonymous said...

Dear Casper, You don't have to be gay to be oppressed. Think of those who are close to you, those who you love most and see how it has an impact on their lives. Oppression of any kind is the same as gay hatred, race hatred and plain old hatred. Not being able to change the color of your skin, hair, face or sexuality; it all hurts the same. Someone somewhere has hated you just for you being you and it is not expectable. Not in my world it isn't. Being gay and acting feminine behavior are not the same. Most feminine males I know are straight, i.e.; metro-sexual.