Rant and Fix
The past weekend was filled with enough ho-hum to last me for quite some time. I’m trapped in a feeling of helplessness and restlessness. The combination of the two is likely to have me do something rash to snap out of it, but in the meantime, I’m just plain lost. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m surrounded by hundreds of folks and still completely alone. This isn’t a cry out for attention or words of encouragement – respectfully, save all of that advice. Right now, it’s a time for me to take a good look at my self and admit a few things:
1. I’m frustrated with my professional life and all the complaining isn’t going to do anything to change that. I get paid a pretty penny to do what I don’t like to do, so you’d think that I can just get paid and shut up, but I can’t. I feel like I’m wasting precious years playing Ohura on Star Trek when I’m suppose to at least be Spock or something…well, you get what I’m saying. I have to make a concerted effort to find something that satisfies my soul while earning my paycheck.
2. Your home is your castle. You should feel comfortable, relaxed and safe where you live. Hell, it’s the advice I give all my friends. So why have I been dragging my feet on finding a new apartment? Maybe I’m hoping that miraculously I’ll wake up and my home-life will be different. Then there’s the complete hatred I have of packing and moving. Finally, there’s the time commitment to finding a decent new apartment. All said, the excuses are played out and it’s time to take action. Caspar will be assisting me on staying on track to find a new place. Target move date: June 1.
3. My love life is a shamble. I’m dating several – well wait, isn’t several three? – Anyway, I’m dating a host of folks and initially it was fun and exciting. Now, it’s an exhausting chore and I’m happier with my making it through yet another date, rather than enjoying the men I’m seeing. What’s the deal? Do I really like anyone I’m seeing? More important, is there a future with any of these guys? Then again, am I looking for a future or long term situation? I don’t know! So it’s time to pump my brakes and take a look at just enjoying the folks I really want to date, dropping the ones I cringe at when there numbers appear across my telephone and asking myself the REAL question – what are you looking for?
4. Finally, it’s time to go back to the posting that began this year and remembering one key resolution – I will enjoy my body and my physique regardless of my size. I’ve been working out for over a year – consistently – and am still being so hard on myself that I’m not acknowledging the success of my efforts. Short of starvation, I’m not likely to drop under 150 lbs. and at 38 this August, I think I’m holding up quite well. Enough already! I really can’t continue getting on my own darn nerves! If I beat myself up for having a cookie or a brownie one more time I’m going to go “white chick” on myself and injure! So, it’s all good… everything in moderation…I will not be 50 wondering why I didn’t accept myself back when.
Pick one… give us one thing about yourself you’d like to rant about this Monday. Remember, after you rant about it you have to give us the action plan you’ve thought about to make it better OR you have to end your rant with, “Please help me,” and we’ll jump in and give you our two cents.
Keep passin’ the open windows….
Monday, April 23, 2007
Morning Edition - 4/23/07
Rant and Fix