Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Evening Edition - 8/6/08
Any Given Tuesday
As many folks know yesterday was my 39th birthday and I planned a sushi lunch with BD and some close friends. It was a minimum-effort and expense event to avoid any grandiose birthday celebration. Quite honestly, I wasn't up for it the pomp-and-circumstance this year. My close friends know I'm not much of a materialistic person
I’ll preface this story with a conversation I had with BD last November regarding Christmas and birthdays. It highlighted how BD considers Christmas a very important holiday - probably the most important gift-giving time of the year. I iterated that I believed Christmas was for children and that it is highly commercialized, but he wouldn't hear of it. He said that Christmas to him and his folks is a production of sorts. It ended with my accepting that you can't change how folks feel about any given holiday and that if this is how he felt, I would need to get on board with making Christmas special for him. Conversely, I mentioned that birthdays are more important to me since it allows me to focus on one person and dole my attention, affection and finances to making that one-day of the year special. The conversation ended with my feeling that it didn't really matter - my man was going to be treated special whether it was Christmas or his birthday.
Fast forward to a month after our discussion - December - and I was a little out-of-sorts and was anxious about buying BD a gift for Christmas. I debated what he would like and opted to shop with him while he picked out gifts for other folks. Call it an act of God - or pure old-fashioned manipulation- but BD saw a bag he really liked at the Coach store and was ready to plop-down his credit card to purchase it. Once at the counter I decided to take-over and purchase this gift for him, since it was obvious it was something that he really wanted. Five months later (May) when my baby's b-day rolled around I found my way to BD’s favorite jewelry store to put a down payment for a diamond ring we both agreed was perfect for him. One month after that the Minnie celebrated a birthday and I was sure to be there for him as well. At no time did I second-guess my choice to get my partner and his baby these gifts.
I have taught myself to be selfless and as the partner with the vehicle I frequently pick-up, drop off and make special trips to make my man comfortable. A few months ago BD's son inappropriately joked "...our personal cab is here!" while sitting in my car. He giggled and was joined by BD for a hearty laugh. It was a hit below the belt for me, since I have all sorts of issues with feeling taken advantage-of and this was waving all kinds-of red flags for me. I didn't address the little one's comment or BD’s reaction to it.
I sent BD an instant message from the office on my birthday afternoon and said that I was feeling a bit melancholy and that maybe we should put-off our little intimate celebration until Thursday night when he could (maybe) stay at my crib. Fifteen minutes later BD responded with one word, "Cool." I was a bit surprised since he never even asked if I was okay and seeing that it was my birthday and he should want to make the night special for me, the question should have been a logical one. At 4:45 p.m., I hit BD up again and said that maybe we should go forward with our birthday-night plans and I'd like to see him to which he replied, "No, Thursday is fine."
BD appeared upset that I had suggested changing my plans of spending my birthday night with him, opting to spend it alone. Seeing him after work changed my mind and I suggested we go forward with our plans to spend my birthday night together. I assumed the issue of changing my mind was history - especially in light that his intention should have been to make this ONE night in the year, a happy one for me. When we reached my house I asked BD to walk the dog while I freshened-up and he said, "No, I'm going to go ahead and get a cab home." Stunned, I said I would drop him near the grocery store, since I would probably just head out and pick up a couple of beers in preparation of my birthday night alone.
All said, I was shocked that BD would leave me alone on my birthday - seemingly out of spite for attempting to change our plans so while driving him home, I simply said, "It's really spiteful of you to leave me alone on my birthday night...the ONE night in the year where you should make every accommodation to insure that I'm okay." His outburst left me speechless, "You love to fucking argue.” From that moment on we silently rode to BD’s crib where I dropped him and he left me with a simple, "Goodnight."
He never called to check if I returned home okay – 24 hours after dropping him off on MY birthday night, he hasn’t so much as said, ‘suck it up sucker.’
I didn't care that BD had NOTHING for me for my birthday - not even the decency of covering my lunch - but when he refused to give me something as basic as his time, it was a slap in the face for me.
On any given Tuesday this situation may have been blown-off as a bad day at the office and an unfortunate event, but on THIS specific Tuesday BD did the unthinkable; he highlighted that I had placed myself in a position of ‘giver’ and was somehow unworthy of being a ‘receiver’; even on such a momentous occasion. It is an error in judgment that he will soon realize has irreconcilable repercussions.
In light of my age I can only think of one saying we have in Spanish….Mas sabe el diablo por viejo que por diablo. Translated: The devil knows more because he’s old than because he’s the devil.
What old saying would you say best describes this disastrous event?
Keep passin’ the open windows…