Saturday, February 28, 2009

Bacon & Oreos; Fat Chance

Tomorrow is March 1st. This year, daylight savings time comes early – next Sunday, March 8th to be exact – which means that although it feels cold as an ice cube in a corpse’s ass, we’re fast approaching summer ’09. Admittedly, I’m heavier than I’ve been in 10 years, but I swear, for the first time in my life, I’m not as concerned about it. However, this doesn’t mean that I’m going into the summer marking the start of my 40s as a fat ass. This morning, I set-out on my morning run with Bruce when I realized my knees were hurting and I was breathing harder than Annabella Sciorra in Hand That Rocks the Cradle. I settled-in for a more comfortable power-walk before returning home and starting breakfast. Three Eggs, a complete pack of brown-sugar Oscar Meyer bacon and an entire sleeve of Oreo cookies and milk later and I'm asking myself, “What are you doing?! So I’ve officially quit smoking – 1 ½ months clean – and taken up the ‘you’re-married-so-fuck-them diet. I’m tipping the scales at an uncomfortable 168 lbs. – an entire 20 lbs. heavier than I was at the end of summer ’08. Is it me or do pants suddenly become high-water when you gain weight? I don’t know, but my entire wardrobe is now tight – pants, shirts, shoot – even the shoes make my feet look like baked bread! March is the beginning of the slim down. I have three months to drop the weight, tighten that ass – well the cheeks (couldn’t resist the gay joke) – and ready myself for summer ’09. I’d like to take a moment to say thank-you to my man, my colleagues and my close friends for looking the other way and not staring at the train wreck.

On Blast
Do you make any changes to your diet or exercise plans in preparation for summer?

Keep passin’ the open windows…


Nobody not really... said...

I gave up sweets for Lent. Yeah, I lost loads of weight in '08, but now I can't seem to get momentum in '09.

I just finished a Talapia filet and a bunch of broccoli, and I'm guzzling down water as we speak, so maybe it's working for me.

I mean, this IS only day four, but I'm down 4 pounds already. But I got a coupon for free pizza in the mail. Let's hope I can keep it up...

And, yeah, I swore I was the ONLY person in America who knew Annabelle Sciorra's name, and still mock her for that fake attack she had at the end!!!

Anonymous said...

You are sooooo full of shit!!!!! That is what is making you feel so heavy. You LOOK good, and you need to stop beating yourself up. I am sure Keith agrees. I understand you feel out of shape, but why dont you stop beating yourself up for a little while and just feel great about being loved...
Bacon, oreos and all the other junk you eat comes out eventually. Just take a deep breath and feel good. Its not going to kill you unless you lay in bed 24 hours a day.
You'll get there eventually.

Keisha Kornbread said...

Wow, 20 lbs!! I know exactly how you feel, as I have done it a couple times.

Thankfully, this winter I am finally down to my target weight of 170 lbs on a 6' frame. I have been 185 lbs for so long and struggled to get that fat off of me, but I did it!

Get that body tight, baby!!

kennyking78 said...

Of course. I was able to maintain my physique during the holidays a year ago, but let go of my normal health regimen the last few months due to a break up and moving.

My body still looks good, but I can feel a difference in my strength, breathing and stamina.

I actually make Spring my goal to be in the best shape and then just roll into summer. This year, however, summer is my goal as well.

In preparation, I just add a weekly aerobics class to my normal workouts and also work one additional muscle group every day at the gym.

Mr. Jones said...

First, hon, you were thin as a rail when I last saw. What are you now, a light pole? I keep telling you you look fine. But I also know that we often see things other don't and that regardless of what someone else says, we'll never be happy with our bodies until we're happy with our bodies.

As for your On Blast, I've been in the gym pretty much every day since January. I'm going to LA in April and Miami in May. I'm tryna get it right, get it tight! I'm down about 15 pounds since I started and more importantly things are getting tighter and I'm getting physically stronger from all the lifting I've been doing.

And listen to Casper. Stop being yourself up so damn much. Enjoy what you have instead of being so anxious to get what you don't.

Joey Bahamas said...

I'm down about 15lbs...and I want to get rid of 5 more lbs before the summer...landing me at 165 lbs. I think I can do it...but we'll see!


Jersey Brotha said...

I'm starting to do more cardio and crunches. I'm trying to turn at least 2 heads when I'm at the beach this year lol.

That Dude Right There said...

I ain't trying to lose a damn thing. Right now I have a "fuck it" attitude about exercise. I'm going to eat what I want and enjoy it.

Then when I get tired of it, i'll revert back to being healthy. But for now, "fuck it".

Kyon Saucier said...

LOLOLOLOLOL!!! At the video amour!