Saturday, February 28, 2009
Bacon & Oreos; Fat Chance
Tomorrow is March 1st. This year, daylight savings time comes early – next Sunday, March 8th to be exact – which means that although it feels cold as an ice cube in a corpse’s ass, we’re fast approaching summer ’09. Admittedly, I’m heavier than I’ve been in 10 years, but I swear, for the first time in my life, I’m not as concerned about it. However, this doesn’t mean that I’m going into the summer marking the start of my 40s as a fat ass. This morning, I set-out on my morning run with Bruce when I realized my knees were hurting and I was breathing harder than Annabella Sciorra in Hand That Rocks the Cradle. I settled-in for a more comfortable power-walk before returning home and starting breakfast. Three Eggs, a complete pack of brown-sugar Oscar Meyer bacon and an entire sleeve of Oreo cookies and milk later and I'm asking myself, “What are you doing?! So I’ve officially quit smoking – 1 ½ months clean – and taken up the ‘you’re-married-so-fuck-them diet. I’m tipping the scales at an uncomfortable 168 lbs. – an entire 20 lbs. heavier than I was at the end of summer ’08. Is it me or do pants suddenly become high-water when you gain weight? I don’t know, but my entire wardrobe is now tight – pants, shirts, shoot – even the shoes make my feet look like baked bread! March is the beginning of the slim down. I have three months to drop the weight, tighten that ass – well the cheeks (couldn’t resist the gay joke) – and ready myself for summer ’09. I’d like to take a moment to say thank-you to my man, my colleagues and my close friends for looking the other way and not staring at the train wreck.
Do you make any changes to your diet or exercise plans in preparation for summer?
Keep passin’ the open windows…