Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Morning Edition - 2/28/07

If I Know Who I Am
As I mature, I realize how the opinions of others are less-and-less important to how I see myself. I never realized how much I internalized the opinions of others and sadistically tried to be more like what everyone believed I was. In the last couple of years, I’ve allowed more of the real me to be exposed to others. I’ve accepted that I am not always the outgoing person people think I am, I’m not always funny and yes, I even get offended by hurtful comments. Initially there was a fear that at 37, I would somehow be rejected by the very people that meant the most to me. What I found was that I’ve already suffered rejection from people that I believed were the closest to me and that at this point in my life, I will either be accepted for who I am – wholly – or acknowledge that they don’t really have a place in my life. It’s a scary feeling to think that the people you care about the most will not be there, but it’s even more terrifying and self-defeating to feel that the person that my loved ones respect and care about is not me. This year, I’ve begun a journey of truth –with myself. I’m trying my best to be honest with myself - what I’m good at, what I suck at and loving who I am – today. The challenge is not if others will love me if they know who I am, but if I will love myself if I know who I am. So far, I like me. I’m accepting that my sense of humor is sometimes fueled by my need to shield myself – hey, if I poke fun at myself and make a wise crack about myself, I diffuse anything you can say, right? Wrong. It serves to deflate my self esteem. My cutting wit is founded on years of jaded pain that has found an outlet in sarcasm and hysterical tongue-poison…funny at times, but when I’m alone with myself, I think that I probably wouldn’t find myself amusing if I was listening from outside of myself. My unrealistic expectations of people I date are cemented in my effort to sabotage anyone’s attempt to cross the barbwire that now encases my heart. Now I know. Now I can work toward overcoming some of these issues. If I know who I am, I can help grow into a man I can love.

Religion vs. Common Sense
The issue of church vs. State has always been at the forefront of many discussions. Most recently in NYC, the Catholic Church was up in arms over the city’s decision to blanket the city with their new free condom campaign. With over 100,000 New Yorkers living with HIV or AIDS, the mayor said, it isn’t a question of faith, but of saving the lives of New Yorkers who are not practicing abstinence or safe sex. The question becomes one of common sense. Should we rely on the Catholic Church’s message of abstinence to protect folks from a deadly condition or should we simply explain that if you are going to have sex, you should make it less risky. There are so many religious beliefs and moral stands that can be taken about sex outside of marriage, homosexual sex, etc., but the issue of saving lives should be universal. Providing condoms doesn’t send a message of condoning or promoting sex, but one of responsible intimacy and the fight to save lives.

Memories
Last year our Ski Trip was off the chain! As we gear-up to leave for our 2007 Ski Trip weekend, I look back on one of last year's highlights - when the ladies attempted to drown me in front of several hundred attendees!






On Blast
Step outside yourself… Would you be your friend? Looking from the outside in, what issue(s) would you have with yourself?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

10 comments:

Just Me said...

Honestly, I have No issues with myself. If I could marry myself legally, as I have emotionally, I would be set.

On the real..... I don’t believe that I, nor anyone else, could be their own best friend. Friends have different personalities that mesh together to make whole. The friendship that I provide to others is NOT the friendship that others provide back to me. Their personality and thought process differs greatly and I must understand they we've arrived at this point through different avenues even though we may be traveling the same road currently.
Have you ever noticed that two of the same personalities almost never get along together?

caspar608 said...

Hector, I loved you then, I love you now and I will love you forever and ever.
I've often felt that you were a clown to hide all of the pain inside of you. That you covered up the wound with fancy cream just so you wouldn't have to look at it.
I know YOU. I see YOU. I will always be here for YOU. My family loves YOU (they are really disappointed when you are a no show) and if you need to sleep in Sophias room until we find you somewhere new to live you are more than welcome. We'll have to keep buster in the closet though.
STOP trying to please other people, stop swallowing down what you REALLY want to say and let it all out.
Again, I love you.
Colleen

Anonymous said...

I would be my best friend as I like being in the company of intelligent, confident people with a hint of sarcasm.

Redhotmamagirl

Anonymous said...

I would be my friend but I would probably have an issue being in the shadow someone so fine. No, for real...

J'Moo

Cocoa Rican said...

Col thanks... my crib is fine for now...I'm taking my time to look for a new apt.... I'm not pressed or bothered by my environment. I think I'm finally saying what I think - really - so stay tuned... thanks for the offer and you know I'll take you up on random weekends when I need to just space out...
J'Moo...you're a darn fool...

I think I'd be my friend, but I suspect that we'd have a few falling-outs...my biggest issue with me would probably be feeling important as a friend, since I would think that my time and attention was split in too many directions.

Honey-Libra said...

I love the on blast question..I actually think I'd make a great friend I do talk too much sometimes but I'm a great listener lol

HisLoveCoversMe said...

Cocoa,
Nice very nice. It's important that we love ourselves. For me the first thing was admitting to myself that I have issues and work to overcome them. I applaud you.

On the real...
I could be my best friend. If I don't enjoy my own company, or respect myself how will anyone
else?

Thank for sharing your memories.

Also,
Thanks for the comments you posted on my blog. I seek to inspire other SGL individuals with the knowledge of the life changing love of Christ.

www.loverofoursouls.blogspot.com

The Captain said...

OK. This is insane and no wonder we have so many issues in society that is breaking down our families, generational structures and posterity.

If you were a father and found that your 15 year old son likes this girl and started to think about having sex with her, would you give him a condom and say, "GO BANG HER, HAVE FUN"?

Just Me said...

Who is the idiot of the bunch? That question was NOT whether you do or do NOT support teenage sex. Simply, if you KNOW that you kid is having sex at 13, do you teach them to protect themselves or do you sit by saying...."You know you can catch HIV or some other disease"

Dahhhhhh

ReddMann said...

Gooooood question... I have many issues, issues I have embraced but would I be my own friend... you got me thinking on this one.