Thursday, November 19, 2009

Going Rogue In NYC

For years we've heard stories about good people, that in a moment of frustration with the repeated drip-on-the-forehead torture that life's obstacles can present, finally snap and do something rash. Well, I am consistently beseiged by the overwhelming desire to, not unlike Palin, go rogue on my polite life of pleasantries and congenial banter and land at the center of a retributive beatdown. Translation: I'm growing increasingly tired of ignoring the purposeful rudeness and ignorant behavior of those around me.

Here are some of my inner thoughts and how my pressure valve finds release through imaginative thought:

* Commuter Correction: if you speak to a fellow rider or on your mobile phone at a volume louder than a whisper or soft inside voice, we are now entitled to slap your mouth, mush your riding partner for not telling you about it and/or snatch your mobile phone and stomp on it until our inner thighs hurt

* if you board a two-person wide escalator and stand to the left but choose not to walk, those behind you can kick you in the center of your back and hold your face to the teeth at the end of the escalator grate

* if a door is held for you and you choose to walk through and not say thank-you, we bring said mannerless person back to the door and repeatedly slam their fingers in it until a audible crunching sound fills the air.

I'm still on this side of the bars; Fighting the desire to snap. Imagining a world where there are reflex reactions to the consistent bating by the ignorant.


Keep passin' the open windows...

- Mobile post from my iPhone

9 comments:

Caspar608 said...

ANGER.
MANAGEMENT.

Cocoa Rican said...

What time is the class?

Kyon Saucier said...

Goodness Cocoa you are starting to sound a little bit like me... I love the evil thoughts... Hey at least you don't act on them but I feel you people are much more rude now adays than they ever have been...

Ty said...

Cocoa for President!!!!

Caspar608 said...

uh...if Cocoa were President I think the Middle East would be reduced to a sheet of glass...he hasn't the patience or fortitude for nonsense...and if you threaten him, he's pushing the button...

That Dude Right There said...

*if when driving you jump in front of someone, the person has the right to ram your car from the back repeatedly until your car is pushed over a cliff

Gina M. said...

Cocoa for President!!! I can empathize with all those feelings. I recently experienced a mannerless sot and his equally ill-mannered family who walked through a door my daughter was holding open. After they all passed through, I called out "you're welcome!" and not one looked back! It's a product of the environment and deteriorating quickly. *sigh* when does the class start?

yet another black guy said...

Man this is so true. Somedays, I really want to go apeshit on the rude people I encounter. The slamming the fingers idea? Priceless!

Kingsmomma said...

"if a door is held for you and you choose to walk through and not say thank-you, we bring said mannerless person back to the door and repeatedly slam their fingers in it until a audible crunching sound fills the air.
"

Hilarious.. Those are my exact sentiments however society only allows me to yell You're Welcome