Afternoon Edition - 12/12/05

Pushing For a Dead-End Job
The Funeral Directors Association is hoping you or your youngster will consider a career dealing with the dead. It is estimated that with the rising deaths in the baby boomer generation there will be a shortage of funeral directors, making recruitment an utmost priority. Now funeral directors across the country are joining other professionals visiting area high schools on career day to encourage youngsters to make the cut.

If You Love Someone, Set Them Free
In the vein of the cock-and-bull line of “If you love someone set them free, if they return they’re yours and if they don’t they never were” I’ve set T free – or wait, did he storm out of my apartment like someone set a match to his balls at 11:30 last night?! In either case, temperaments flared and I’m not the one to toil with, so I didn’t exactly get out of bed to chase him up a NYC block. All said, we had an argument – in the nude, no less – that ended with chicken necking, a few expletives and T taking his toys and leaving my play pen. Will he return? Is it over? Your guess is as good as mine. Unfortunately, when you reach my age dating takes a different twist and the only question I have is – hey T, are you still going skiing with me or should I book another partner in your place?

Long Story Short
Tomorrow I will be joining J’Moo at the filming of Inside the Actor’s Studio featuring my girl, Queen Latifah. Inside the Actor’s Studio normally airs on the Bravo channel – I don’t have an air date for this particular episode. Noah’s Arc is airing their season finale this Wednesday at 10. I don’t know what I’m going to do without my boys! If you missed last week’s episode you can catch it tonight at 10:30 on the LOGO channel. Sunday, December 18, a group of us will trek up to Woodbury Common to do some last-minute holiday shopping. These outlets brought me luck last year when I stocked-up on gifts for most of my family and friends. Tattoo Saturday? Well, just maybe. This Saturday a tattoo artist will give me an assessment – of both pain and price – to plaster the Puerto Rican flag on my right arm. The lovely waving banner will be framed by the script name, “Cocoa Rican.” If I can deal with this kind-of pain I’ll settle in for a nipple piercing before summer. Carmen C. had another FAB-U festivity last Saturday. The Martha Stewart-esque Carmen had a holiday appointed home with assorted tasty treats for all. New crowd, new convo, all fun! Thanks Carmen.

On Blast
If my aunt had balls would she be my uncle or would she be my aunt with a little extra? If the glass is half full, should I be wondering who drank the other half? If one bird in the hand beats two in the bush, why the heck are we looking behind the darn bush? What idiot came up with “Careful what you ask for because you just might get it?” Did they have no concept of what to ask for? Somebody hit me back and keep it light – PLEASE!

Keep passin’ the open windows…