Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Morning Edition - 3/28/06

BET, The Down Low; When He's Hangin' With His Boyz
Author J.L. King released his “tell-all” book detailing his experience as a “straight man” that sleeps with other men. His book, On The Down Low, exploded on to the scene last year and began a conversation long overdue in the black community. What’s remarkable is not the subject matter – it’s been going on for centuries – but the fact that it took this long to openly discuss the subject. Tonight at 10 p.m., Black Entertainment Television (BET) will have a special expose' on the issue – The Down Low Exposed. Guests include renowned author Terry McMillan. In fairness, I suggest folks be informed and read a more detailed and balanced book on the matter – Keith Boykin’s Beyond The Down Low. Statistics suggest the issue of alleged straight men having sex with men outside of their straight relationships is a problem that has been brought to the forefront of our communities and it’s important that we be informed.

Body Beautiful 2006
As the months pass, it becomes increasingly difficult to stay focused on maintaining that body beautiful mindset. Thirteen weeks after beginning this regimen of healthier living I’m 27 pounds lighter and tons healthier. Yes, I have my unhealthy moments – and for my close friends snickering in the background, yes a lingering unhealthy addiction, but all-in-all, I feel better than I have in years. Like folks that undergo cosmetic surgery, I believe the true change occurs mentally. Feeling better about your body will undoubtedly change the way you feel about yourself and subsequently those around you. I’ve regained my confidence of yesteryear and that in-and-of-itself makes staying on course well worth it. I’ve found that the key to keeping active is to not allow myself excuses for why I can’t make the gym today. I deal with each day as it comes without looking forward to what challenges I’m facing with regard to weight loss, muscle tone, etc. I’m not a morning or evening work-out person, so I make the sacrifice of using my lunch hour to work out and eat at my desk afterward. I cut out all sugary treats, minimize my carb intake and drink more water than I ever have. The key is finding what works for you and incorporating it into your daily life. It’s impossible to maintain a schedule that’s grueling and it’s even more unrealistic to think that starving is the answer. I’m okay with settling in at 150 lbs. for a while – even if I’d like to be at 140. The key is how I feel. I don’t weigh-in every week anymore and I simply go by how I feel in my clothing and the guy looking back at me in the mirror. So, with three months to go until ringing in summer 2006, let’s keep encouraging each other to feel good. The body beautiful will soon follow.

Dating 101; I Ain’t Sayin’ She’s a Gold Digger
As much work as you put into being that fierce bitch at work, you’d think you can convey a self-sufficient, self-assured independent persona in your dating life. While discussing the issue of dating and what folks are looking for with a friend this weekend, we began discussing how he felt the person he was dating may perceive him as a gold digger. The funniest part of the story is that my friend never noticed how much his conversations with his new man always returned to the discussion of material possessions and the like. My point is simply this, if you hate to feel like you’re being pegged as a gold digger then avoid discussions that return to cash, cars and homes, when you’re looking for a partner. You work 40+ hours a week and you hold down your own, so unless your new partner is asking you to contribute your earnings to the relationship, stay cool. There isn’t a need to discuss the other person’s W-2, what they drive or how much their home is worth, unless you’re planning some sort of marriage proposal or living arrangement change. Learn to like the person you’re dating first and let them see you for who you are in advance of discussions about how much dinero is sitting in the brother’s back account. Ultimately, when someone cares about you they will make an effort to put you at the top of their list for sharing what’s theirs. Now if your man is a cheap-ass spend-thrift that’s another discussion – one we can have in Dating 102.

On Blast
Does it really matter where you meet them? Some folks will tell you that if you want to meet a good mate, you should go to church. Others will say that where you meet your mate is a direct indicator of things to come – that is, if you met him at a bar, why are you frazzled when he’s hitting that bar later in your relationship. Does it matter where you meet your mate? In your experience, do folks who hang out at bars, clubs, etc. return to those venues during their relationships or can they become more settled and satisfied home bodies? Do you have preconceived notions of folks based on where you meet them?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

16 comments:

caspar608 said...

As long as he isn't on the down low and a productive member of society I could care less where I meet him...waking up at 5:00am and working out for 1.5hrs a day six days a week is making me as horny as hell.
Why wouldn't I want to be with a man on the down low you ask?....because I am a WOMAN and a man on the down low prefers men. I am NOBODY's back up, kay?
The whole down low thing is sad. I feel badly for the women and I am disgusted in the men...not becauseof their sexual orientation...more because they lacked the courage to be who they are and they USED the woman as a smokescreen. If that ever happens to me I am doing a BID. Don't get it twisted, I love my gay brothers and sisters BUT if you want to be with someone of your own gender don't incorporate me into your quest for self deception.

caspar608 said...

The ARC trainer is better than the eliptical Hector. My ass and inner thighs are KILLING me AND I burned 430 calories in twenty minutes at level 5 (out of 10 levels) with a resistence equal to 35 pounds.
My goal is to be a svelte size 10 so keep me in your prayers. I really just want to be healthy and wear the "cute" clothes well. A 10 is just fine for me but I would settle for a 12 also.

Tammy said...

I'm with you Caspar, as long as the brother ain't down low, it doesn't matter where i meet him. Shoot I club myself so how am i going to judge a brother because i met him in the club. and if i do meet a brother in the club i hope he still parties after we get together cause i'm sure gonna still party!

Cocoa Rican said...

First things first, whether you meet folks in church or at a nightclub, you’re gut feelings and initial reactions should never be ignored. Most times we try to give folks the benefit of the doubt and end-up lookin’ like str8-up fools. Trust your gut instinct. If you’re initial reaction is that the person is a playa – then work from that standpoint and act accordingly. A party-animal, playa and flirt will be this way whether they’re at the church or jammin’ to the latest tune. Many times we’re so pressed to meet someone new that we ignore the obvious. My theory is simple, if you’re up for a good one night stand then break the playa off some good stuff, but if you’re lookin’ for the long-haul then wait for someone who appears friendly, respectful and cautious regardless of the environment you meet them in. Remember, a leopard doesn’t change their stripes and you’re not about to start bleachin’ leopards.

As for the down low. I’m tired of women using gay men as scape goats. For the record, men on the down low do not identify as gay and actually resent the whole gay scene, so don’t group them with us healthy minded gay folks. These are men that enjoy having their cake and eating it too. They like getting down with women and men and quite honestly, it doesn’t have as much to do with sexual orientation as it does with lack of respect for the folks they deal with. Moreover, I’m afraid the new-found down-low cock-and-bull stories will have women paranoid over their gay friends instead of seeing it for what it really is. To my female friends – Stop playin’ blind just to keep your man. If it quacks like a duck and swims like a duck and has webbed feet, stop trying to make fried chicken of it. Now, if you accept having your man handle his business at home and with his boyz, then it’s all good, but stop blaming the gay community for something that’s not our bag. For the record, we didn’t hunt your man down, we didn’t force him to take his pants down and we sure as heck didn’t ask him to come running to us when his confused azz said he was “just coming out” and “didn’t really have anyone he was seeing at the moment.” Whew… deep breaths… deep breaths… and as for Terry McBullshit…she’s the biggest fag-hag who knew damn well her man was gay as a fruit basket when she met him… she just figured the brotha could still lay it down pretty tight, so she would overlook the obvious… so stop actin’ crazy for the press… you know you knew from the jump.

Caspar, I’m so proud of you. You know you’ll do it. Whether a size 10, 12, or otherwise, you’ll always be HOT to death, so don’t sweat it. Uma look out!
This summer I expect we’ll be doin’ the beach together – OFTEN! I’m beginning to wear my 29s again, so you know I’m syked!

Kris, did you say you were comin’ to DC in April? Tam, Donya, Winnie, Marissa, Angie, Marcia, Cola, Kimmie, Melissa, Jeanine, et al….what’s the story with lunch on 4/14? Are y’all joining me or what?!?!? Let me find out!!

Tammy said...

OK, hector take a breath. Now, as for ms terry, you're right, aint no way she didnt know her man was gay...so shut up terry!!! ok, aint nobody blaming the gay community for the down-low brothas. i would not dare compare him to one of my gay brothas...cause they are some of the most honest men i have ever met...and aint nuffin honest about them down-low punks! and when you said, "Moreover, I’m afraid the new-found down-low cock-and-bull stories will have women paranoid over their gay friends ". none of these stories have ever made me paranoid about you or any of my other male gay friends...so thats bull!!! this stories have nothing to do with y'all. One last thing...a lot of these down-low creatures are good at hiding the fact that they are ducks hector...so dont blame the women if she thinks she has a chicken. Oh and darling...i dont think i am going to be able to make the lunch on 4/12. :-( I start my new job in VA on 4/3. Sorry.

caspar608 said...

Cocoa...
I am keeping you AWAY from the new man in my life (when he surfaces y'all) because you are ONE sexy mf. You have that special type of allure that makes straight men look twice SO STOP ACTING A FOOL AND ACT LIKE YA KNOW.

I would never blame the gay community for all of the down low gay men out there who are too deceitful to themselves and their straight partners to live with integrity. Men who live on the down low are cowards. If you want to have sex with a man, and proceed to do so, you ARE a homosexual. PERIOD. Once you crossover, as far as I am concerned, and had some of that man lovin, you ARE gay. You can't hop back on the other side and climb back into bed with your wife without thinking of the man you had sex with...especially if it was good. AND THAT IS ALL I AM GOING TO SAY ABOUT THAT. Except, again, its not Hectors fault ; )

Cocoa Rican said...

Tam, God giveth and God taketh away. The lunch is the 14th… make it so or you’ll have a red-faced, panting, Puerto Rican man yelling in the reception area of your new job – TRUST! Caspar, you know how to disarm me… I luv ya’. I have another question for the ladies. What’s the difference if your man cheats with a man or a woman – isn’t the real down-low disaster that he CHEATS? As a gay man, I really don’t give a damn if my man sleeps with a man or woman outside of our relationship – the fact that he cheated will have him permanently CUT the F*CK OFF. I suspect that the main issue really boils down to pigeon-holding folks…maybe we should first deal with the main issue of having rules we will stand up and take a bullet for… like if you cheat (with a man, woman, goat, dog, sibling, martian, or someone from a previous life) you’re simply cut off. This way, we’re clear that infidelity (PERIOD) will not be tolerated. As for living duplicitous lives, some men (yes, even black ones) have done it since the start of time. Now can we have some grown women who take responsibilities for their own lives. How ‘bout that?

For the record ladies, y’all know I trust y’all enough to believe you know me – really know me, but I have to make clear that gay men (in general) will suffer the back lash of this issue and it’s not fair when we really have nothing to do with any of it. I mean, remember these DL men hate the thought of ever being associated with gay men… outside the bedroom that is.

Finally, if I don’t get some of you ladies calling me tonight while that show is on giving me some high-fives and givin’ me some love – followed by the occasional, “You know she’s wrong for that…” somebody’s getting turned-out tomorrow. LOL :)

caspar608 said...

I am wondering if this whole DL phenomenom started in prison. I mean, men who have sex with other men in prison (outside of being raped) do not consider themselves gay under any circumstances. Soon as they cum, excuse me, come out of jail they realign themselves with their wives but I wonder if they go to orgies or something.

Cocoa Rican said...

You know what... I think I'm going to change-up... I'm gonna be straight on the DL? Translation: I'm going to cheat on the gay men I date with women? What's would that be the Up-Low... the Down-high... gimme a new name here!!

caspar608 said...

SAY WHAAAAT!!!???
SAY IT TWIIIICCCEEE!!!!!!!

caspar608 said...

If I was a turtle that ransacked a house looking for a head of lettuce to consume in ectasy all by my lonesome....would that make me on the side low?

Cocoa Rican said...

If I'm gay, but I've been finding women attractive, but I want to be on the up and up about it, but don't want to really be in a relationship with them - just want to hit it a minute - then I want to have a 3-some, but don't want to include the person I'm dating, so I hide it from them, but reveal how I feel without mentioning the incident... what does that make me? On the Up-High-Low? On the fish and meat chips? On the Alpo Meow Mix? Hit me!

Tammy said...

I really do wanna hit you cocoa cuz you done confused me??!! Tawkin bout turtles and lettuce and shyt!!!

Caspar I do beleive that a lot of the downlow brothas did get started in prison. I mean some of them were there for years. and everybody needs some lovin. so you conform and hey it ain't bad. but then you come home back to wifey poo thinking you are going to go back being the way you were when you went in...but nope...cause now you have developed a certain itch...and wifey poo can't scratch it.

caspar608 said...

THANK YOU. I couldn't articulate it properly...but girlfriend YOU CERTAINLY did. An itch that cannot be scratched.

Tammy said...

oh, and cocoa if you're gay but want to have sex with a woman, and want to do a threesome, but dont want your current partner to know...what does that make you? that makes you a bi-sexual ho, cheating on his man.

Cocoa Rican said...

Scratching pole over here! :)