BET, The Down Low; When He's Hangin' With His Boyz
Author J.L. King released his “tell-all” book detailing his experience as a “straight man” that sleeps with other men. His book, On The Down Low, exploded on to the scene last year and began a conversation long overdue in the black community. What’s remarkable is not the subject matter – it’s been going on for centuries – but the fact that it took this long to openly discuss the subject. Tonight at 10 p.m., Black Entertainment Television (BET) will have a special expose' on the issue – The Down Low Exposed. Guests include renowned author Terry McMillan. In fairness, I suggest folks be informed and read a more detailed and balanced book on the matter – Keith Boykin’s Beyond The Down Low. Statistics suggest the issue of alleged straight men having sex with men outside of their straight relationships is a problem that has been brought to the forefront of our communities and it’s important that we be informed.
Body Beautiful 2006
As the months pass, it becomes increasingly difficult to stay focused on maintaining that body beautiful mindset. Thirteen weeks after beginning this regimen of healthier living I’m 27 pounds lighter and tons healthier. Yes, I have my unhealthy moments – and for my close friends snickering in the background, yes a lingering unhealthy addiction, but all-in-all, I feel better than I have in years. Like folks that undergo cosmetic surgery, I believe the true change occurs mentally. Feeling better about your body will undoubtedly change the way you feel about yourself and subsequently those around you. I’ve regained my confidence of yesteryear and that in-and-of-itself makes staying on course well worth it. I’ve found that the key to keeping active is to not allow myself excuses for why I can’t make the gym today. I deal with each day as it comes without looking forward to what challenges I’m facing with regard to weight loss, muscle tone, etc. I’m not a morning or evening work-out person, so I make the sacrifice of using my lunch hour to work out and eat at my desk afterward. I cut out all sugary treats, minimize my carb intake and drink more water than I ever have. The key is finding what works for you and incorporating it into your daily life. It’s impossible to maintain a schedule that’s grueling and it’s even more unrealistic to think that starving is the answer. I’m okay with settling in at 150 lbs. for a while – even if I’d like to be at 140. The key is how I feel. I don’t weigh-in every week anymore and I simply go by how I feel in my clothing and the guy looking back at me in the mirror. So, with three months to go until ringing in summer 2006, let’s keep encouraging each other to feel good. The body beautiful will soon follow.
Dating 101; I Ain’t Sayin’ She’s a Gold Digger
As much work as you put into being that fierce bitch at work, you’d think you can convey a self-sufficient, self-assured independent persona in your dating life. While discussing the issue of dating and what folks are looking for with a friend this weekend, we began discussing how he felt the person he was dating may perceive him as a gold digger. The funniest part of the story is that my friend never noticed how much his conversations with his new man always returned to the discussion of material possessions and the like. My point is simply this, if you hate to feel like you’re being pegged as a gold digger then avoid discussions that return to cash, cars and homes, when you’re looking for a partner. You work 40+ hours a week and you hold down your own, so unless your new partner is asking you to contribute your earnings to the relationship, stay cool. There isn’t a need to discuss the other person’s W-2, what they drive or how much their home is worth, unless you’re planning some sort of marriage proposal or living arrangement change. Learn to like the person you’re dating first and let them see you for who you are in advance of discussions about how much dinero is sitting in the brother’s back account. Ultimately, when someone cares about you they will make an effort to put you at the top of their list for sharing what’s theirs. Now if your man is a cheap-ass spend-thrift that’s another discussion – one we can have in Dating 102.
Does it really matter where you meet them? Some folks will tell you that if you want to meet a good mate, you should go to church. Others will say that where you meet your mate is a direct indicator of things to come – that is, if you met him at a bar, why are you frazzled when he’s hitting that bar later in your relationship. Does it matter where you meet your mate? In your experience, do folks who hang out at bars, clubs, etc. return to those venues during their relationships or can they become more settled and satisfied home bodies? Do you have preconceived notions of folks based on where you meet them?
Keep passin’ the open windows…