BET, The Down Low; When He's Hangin' With His Boyz
Author J.L. King released his “tell-all” book detailing his experience as a “straight man” that sleeps with other men. His book, On The Down Low, exploded on to the scene last year and began a conversation long overdue in the black community. What’s remarkable is not the subject matter – it’s been going on for centuries – but the fact that it took this long to openly discuss the subject. Tonight at 10 p.m., Black Entertainment Television (BET) will have a special expose' on the issue – The Down Low Exposed. Guests include renowned author Terry McMillan. In fairness, I suggest folks be informed and read a more detailed and balanced book on the matter – Keith Boykin’s Beyond The Down Low. Statistics suggest the issue of alleged straight men having sex with men outside of their straight relationships is a problem that has been brought to the forefront of our communities and it’s important that we be informed.
Body Beautiful 2006
As the months pass, it becomes increasingly difficult to stay focused on maintaining that body beautiful mindset. Thirteen weeks after beginning this regimen of healthier living I’m 27 pounds lighter and tons healthier. Yes, I have my unhealthy moments – and for my close friends snickering in the background, yes a lingering unhealthy addiction, but all-in-all, I feel better than I have in years. Like folks that undergo cosmetic surgery, I believe the true change occurs mentally. Feeling better about your body will undoubtedly change the way you feel about yourself and subsequently those around you. I’ve regained my confidence of yesteryear and that in-and-of-itself makes staying on course well worth it. I’ve found that the key to keeping active is to not allow myself excuses for why I can’t make the gym today. I deal with each day as it comes without looking forward to what challenges I’m facing with regard to weight loss, muscle tone, etc. I’m not a morning or evening work-out person, so I make the sacrifice of using my lunch hour to work out and eat at my desk afterward. I cut out all sugary treats, minimize my carb intake and drink more water than I ever have. The key is finding what works for you and incorporating it into your daily life. It’s impossible to maintain a schedule that’s grueling and it’s even more unrealistic to think that starving is the answer. I’m okay with settling in at 150 lbs. for a while – even if I’d like to be at 140. The key is how I feel. I don’t weigh-in every week anymore and I simply go by how I feel in my clothing and the guy looking back at me in the mirror. So, with three months to go until ringing in summer 2006, let’s keep encouraging each other to feel good. The body beautiful will soon follow.
Dating 101; I Ain’t Sayin’ She’s a Gold Digger
As much work as you put into being that fierce bitch at work, you’d think you can convey a self-sufficient, self-assured independent persona in your dating life. While discussing the issue of dating and what folks are looking for with a friend this weekend, we began discussing how he felt the person he was dating may perceive him as a gold digger. The funniest part of the story is that my friend never noticed how much his conversations with his new man always returned to the discussion of material possessions and the like. My point is simply this, if you hate to feel like you’re being pegged as a gold digger then avoid discussions that return to cash, cars and homes, when you’re looking for a partner. You work 40+ hours a week and you hold down your own, so unless your new partner is asking you to contribute your earnings to the relationship, stay cool. There isn’t a need to discuss the other person’s W-2, what they drive or how much their home is worth, unless you’re planning some sort of marriage proposal or living arrangement change. Learn to like the person you’re dating first and let them see you for who you are in advance of discussions about how much dinero is sitting in the brother’s back account. Ultimately, when someone cares about you they will make an effort to put you at the top of their list for sharing what’s theirs. Now if your man is a cheap-ass spend-thrift that’s another discussion – one we can have in Dating 102.
On Blast
Does it really matter where you meet them? Some folks will tell you that if you want to meet a good mate, you should go to church. Others will say that where you meet your mate is a direct indicator of things to come – that is, if you met him at a bar, why are you frazzled when he’s hitting that bar later in your relationship. Does it matter where you meet your mate? In your experience, do folks who hang out at bars, clubs, etc. return to those venues during their relationships or can they become more settled and satisfied home bodies? Do you have preconceived notions of folks based on where you meet them?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
5 comments:
First things first, whether you meet folks in church or at a nightclub, you’re gut feelings and initial reactions should never be ignored. Most times we try to give folks the benefit of the doubt and end-up lookin’ like str8-up fools. Trust your gut instinct. If you’re initial reaction is that the person is a playa – then work from that standpoint and act accordingly. A party-animal, playa and flirt will be this way whether they’re at the church or jammin’ to the latest tune. Many times we’re so pressed to meet someone new that we ignore the obvious. My theory is simple, if you’re up for a good one night stand then break the playa off some good stuff, but if you’re lookin’ for the long-haul then wait for someone who appears friendly, respectful and cautious regardless of the environment you meet them in. Remember, a leopard doesn’t change their stripes and you’re not about to start bleachin’ leopards.
As for the down low. I’m tired of women using gay men as scape goats. For the record, men on the down low do not identify as gay and actually resent the whole gay scene, so don’t group them with us healthy minded gay folks. These are men that enjoy having their cake and eating it too. They like getting down with women and men and quite honestly, it doesn’t have as much to do with sexual orientation as it does with lack of respect for the folks they deal with. Moreover, I’m afraid the new-found down-low cock-and-bull stories will have women paranoid over their gay friends instead of seeing it for what it really is. To my female friends – Stop playin’ blind just to keep your man. If it quacks like a duck and swims like a duck and has webbed feet, stop trying to make fried chicken of it. Now, if you accept having your man handle his business at home and with his boyz, then it’s all good, but stop blaming the gay community for something that’s not our bag. For the record, we didn’t hunt your man down, we didn’t force him to take his pants down and we sure as heck didn’t ask him to come running to us when his confused azz said he was “just coming out” and “didn’t really have anyone he was seeing at the moment.” Whew… deep breaths… deep breaths… and as for Terry McBullshit…she’s the biggest fag-hag who knew damn well her man was gay as a fruit basket when she met him… she just figured the brotha could still lay it down pretty tight, so she would overlook the obvious… so stop actin’ crazy for the press… you know you knew from the jump.
Caspar, I’m so proud of you. You know you’ll do it. Whether a size 10, 12, or otherwise, you’ll always be HOT to death, so don’t sweat it. Uma look out!
This summer I expect we’ll be doin’ the beach together – OFTEN! I’m beginning to wear my 29s again, so you know I’m syked!
Kris, did you say you were comin’ to DC in April? Tam, Donya, Winnie, Marissa, Angie, Marcia, Cola, Kimmie, Melissa, Jeanine, et al….what’s the story with lunch on 4/14? Are y’all joining me or what?!?!? Let me find out!!
Tam, God giveth and God taketh away. The lunch is the 14th… make it so or you’ll have a red-faced, panting, Puerto Rican man yelling in the reception area of your new job – TRUST! Caspar, you know how to disarm me… I luv ya’. I have another question for the ladies. What’s the difference if your man cheats with a man or a woman – isn’t the real down-low disaster that he CHEATS? As a gay man, I really don’t give a damn if my man sleeps with a man or woman outside of our relationship – the fact that he cheated will have him permanently CUT the F*CK OFF. I suspect that the main issue really boils down to pigeon-holding folks…maybe we should first deal with the main issue of having rules we will stand up and take a bullet for… like if you cheat (with a man, woman, goat, dog, sibling, martian, or someone from a previous life) you’re simply cut off. This way, we’re clear that infidelity (PERIOD) will not be tolerated. As for living duplicitous lives, some men (yes, even black ones) have done it since the start of time. Now can we have some grown women who take responsibilities for their own lives. How ‘bout that?
For the record ladies, y’all know I trust y’all enough to believe you know me – really know me, but I have to make clear that gay men (in general) will suffer the back lash of this issue and it’s not fair when we really have nothing to do with any of it. I mean, remember these DL men hate the thought of ever being associated with gay men… outside the bedroom that is.
Finally, if I don’t get some of you ladies calling me tonight while that show is on giving me some high-fives and givin’ me some love – followed by the occasional, “You know she’s wrong for that…” somebody’s getting turned-out tomorrow. LOL :)
You know what... I think I'm going to change-up... I'm gonna be straight on the DL? Translation: I'm going to cheat on the gay men I date with women? What's would that be the Up-Low... the Down-high... gimme a new name here!!
If I'm gay, but I've been finding women attractive, but I want to be on the up and up about it, but don't want to really be in a relationship with them - just want to hit it a minute - then I want to have a 3-some, but don't want to include the person I'm dating, so I hide it from them, but reveal how I feel without mentioning the incident... what does that make me? On the Up-High-Low? On the fish and meat chips? On the Alpo Meow Mix? Hit me!
Scratching pole over here! :)
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