Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Morning Edition - 3/8/06

One Day It Will Be Your Turn
Following in the vein of previous postings detailing how important it is to take life by the horns and live with verve, news of Dana Reeve’s passing was shocking. Christopher Reeve’s widow, in her early forties, died yesterday of lung cancer. Remarkably she never touched a cigarette and lived in the country, so pollution was never a factor. Reeve’s death highlights the importance of why you should say what you mean, do what you dream and enjoy every moment. Ask yourself the pivotal question, “If I was given the news of my impending demise, would I feel I lived life fully?” Revise your priorities and make the move to be happy more and regretful less; say what you mean; grasp at love; make today count. As we remember a remarkable woman, who in her short life did so much to prove life can be lived with dignity, we also take a moment to recognize her positive energy as a quality we must all aspire to possess. Ultimately, your turn will come.

DC Revised
My DC family was invited to join me for a festive dutch lunch at the National Press Club on April 14. That lunch venue has been changed to the Daily Grill. Those planning to attend should let me know by the end of this month, so that we can adjust the reservation. In addition, go ahead and give the boss a heads-up on taking a longer lunch – I’d really love to enjoy a lunch that doesn’t feel too rushed. Hope to see you all there.

On Your Own
Statistics show that 18.2 percent of American households are run by single parents. That means that 13 million children have one consistent parental figure in the household. This may be due to the decline in folks finding the strength and wherewithal to fight to make their marriages work. It is estimated that 51% of marriages end in divorce. Single mom households make up 84% of the single parent households. To be fair, there are 2.1 million single father households in America. In custody hearings following divorce, statistics show that 2 out of 10 fathers are granted joint custody.

On Blast
They might change, right? Many single parents refuse to have the other parent take part in their children’s lives to avoid any negative impact, disappointment or disillusion to the children; while some parents use their children as pawns or tools to get the financial or emotional leverage in the interaction with the other parent. In the end, each family environment offers a variety of scenarios that lend credence to allowing the participation of both parents or excluding one for the betterment of the children. First, should parents that have a negative track record with regard to the children, be given future chances to redeem themselves and make their relationship with the children work? If so, realistically, when should you give up on trying to include the other parent in your children’s lives? Does the very nature of being a biological parent entitle someone to be given unlimited chances to make a relationship with their children work?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awesome topic. I am a single parent of three children, 15, 17 and 20. The 17 and 20 year old have the same father that did not participate in their lives on a consistent basis, but only when he needed to prove to the world that he had beautiful, well mannered children. Eventhough the bum paid no child support, nor could he hold down a job, boy can I pick'em, I wanted him to be a part of their lives.

I am just finding out a couple of years ago that he bad mouthed me due to me being the only active parent and disciplinarian. As they reached early puberty, the teenage issues within the household started and he kept promising them that he would move them with him. They wanted it sooooo badly cuz Momma ain't take no mess.

Now that they are older, they have formed their own opinions about their deadbeat father and want nothing to do with him. If I had known what he was doing 10 years ago, I would have interferred with the relationship and probably would not have allowed him to continue to come around. However, years later, I think it worked out for the best because they truely respect me and understand why I did what I did. They detest their father. I have encouraged them over and over to get over it and try to respect their father but to no avail, they just don't like him. I love maturity.

Can you believe still I will not allow them to bad mouth their father, even though some of the things they say are sooo hilarious?

Denene

Just Me said...

I have several thoughts on this matter....and here we gooo....

The custody parent doesn’t have the right to keep the child from the other parent in this situation. The custody parent looks at this situation as protecting their child from hurt, if the kid doesn't experience the worthlessness of the parent first hand they won't see them for who they are and in turn blame the custody parent for keeping them away from their loved one. I'm the 'god-father' of many more than I'm the father of and I advise the women NEVER ever use the kid as a bargaining tool. I don't care if the father is busted and broke-down; you laid with him to make this child. If he wants to spend time with his kid and never offers cash, let this man see his kid over his mother's house...The custody parent knew the qualities of the other parent long before a child appeared on the scene. Even if you don't want face the facts, you knew....
A better and more appropriate question would be.....

What qualities should a MAN have that would make him a good parent?

I'll answer that question a little later.

Cocoa Rican said...

As a person with no children – well, no human children – my answer may seem based on logic, rather than emotion. I believe I would first want the courts to designate joint custody and establish a financial support plan, so there is no confusion with regard to the financial support of the child and the legal right for me to make decisions in my child’s life. That said, I think that regardless of my relationship with the other parent, I would like to meet with them to try to logically establish parameters for what subjects are off-limits to our child – namely, discussing our feelings for each other (or lack thereof) with our child. If I was the established caretaker, the above is non-negotiable and I will NOT allow any interaction between the other parent and my children unless you were making every attempt to support our children in all facets of the relationship. If you can’t pay support and I am forced to shoulder all expenses for our child, do not expect to make decisions with regard to schooling, clothing, meals and discipline. Get yourself in order before attempting to regulate anything with regard to our children. After the above rules are established and followed – feel free to take the buggers, whip their asses and buy them some Timbs for school. BTW – if you have a significant other, you should be aware that they have NO right to discipline our children. I don’t want to have to catch a case.

caspar608 said...

you feel me Cocoa! Taint nobody going to put hands on my chirrens except me myself and I. Dummy wouldn't even think of bringin none of his equally stupid hoebagz (birds of a feather etc) around my three musketeers...they would whoop her ass as soon as he turned his back. Sophia alone would send the biyatch running. Believe that.
The beauty of being a single parent - if you are a good single parent and not one who is expecting everybody to do something for you - is that your children get to see the beautiful struggle firsthand. My children were and continue to be blessed in a home environment where their Mother isn't bringing man after man after man after man into the home. I gave their Dad opportunity after opportunity to set a good example for his children...and time after time all he showed them was that he was selfish, lazy, greedy and inconsiderate. When he gets his act together, I may allow him to have visits with his children, but only if he lives in his own home (certainly not with any of the beasts he calls his family) and he pays support. I have no interest in him, so trust they are not being used as a tool. I just have no respect for him at this point. My babies will be just fine.

Tammy said...

What "Just Me" said...

Just Me said...

Cas, I must disagree. Every kid needs both male/female to be in their live to be complete. You can't give them what a man has nor can a man provide what a woman has to offer.

Don't take this personal, and this is to ALL woman, but
What makes women think that a man is a good man?

Personal, I look for qualities in all my friends and an associate is not a friend...

How do they treat their mother and sisters/brothers and people on the street? What kind of contact to they maintain with their children, if they have any. What is the character of this person because when all shyt hits fan, you are just another person on the streets, if not less. I hate to hear, "But he loves me." "He would never treat me like that". I tell my kids that a good CHARACTER is the most important quality that your mate must have if you are ever to make it work and be equal partners in life.

If you marry a scum bag, don't think that marriage is going to make them change. If this azz rag can't count their own pennies, your pennies are expendable too. If they call the other parent Bitch/bastard believe me, you'll be the same. I believe that I am no more or less than anyone else.

KRISALMIGHTY said...

COCOARICAN IS ON POINT. I ENDORSE HIS COMMENTS.

Tammy said...

What "Just Me", said again...

caspar608 said...

Well, just me, from my experience I will tell you what makes a man not such a good man. I never said I can be both mother nad father, I just didn't have a choice but to take on ALL of the responsibility. I chose NOT to have an abortion. So, when Daddy is busy with his bitches and forgets he has children, lies about their existence so most of these bitches will fuck with him in the first place, adds nothing to the bank accounts of his children because he claims not to have money - only enough money to buy one of his bitches a Fordham Road engagement ring - then I think it would be safe to say that the parent who does not live in my home is a shitty fucked up animal who deserves nothing more than to have the Universe give him a swift kick in the ass. I ran back and forth to the hospital and fought for our youngest son ALONE. I also buried our youngest son alone because Daddy "just couldn't handle it". Problem is "Just Me" when you don't have all of the information needed to make a decision based upon the decisions I make in my life, it makes your judgement of my circumstances somewhat ignorant.
What makes a man a good man/father is NOT the money he spends or the car he drives. It is the time he spends with his children teaching them how to be good people.
It is NOT his job, it IS his ambition and aspirations even if that ambition and all he aspires to be is the individual responsible for putting his children through coleege without the help of the United Negro College Fund.
My children have also been blessed with uncles who will love them and share of themselves with them whenever needed.
In the meantime, their Daddy seriously needs to get his shit together or miss the sweetest days of their lives. My CALL. And the best I've made thus far.
Peace. My brother.

Anonymous said...

i agree with just me. Cas, i wonder if you would ask your kids how they feel about their dad would it match what you said. i bet money it would not. i bet you won't even post what they say, it's too bad they don't get to have a say in the matter. then again they might have somthin good or positive to say about that low life, scumbag, pal of shit, good for nothin, poor excuse for a man, azzhole they call daddy, and who wants to hear that?.

Cocoa Rican said...

I’ve been crazy busy today and just got on to see things have gotten a bit stirred up around here. On the one hand, I agree with Cas – if you are not going to provide financial, emotional and mental support and enrichment to my children then stay the f*ck away. On the other hand, if I make that choice and my children do not experience first-hand the disappointment their dad/mom is, they may resent me for keeping him away. Ultimately, it’s the responsibility of an astute parent to decide – jack-up my kid’s perception of parenting or have them resent me for a while. Personally, I’d rather be resented for keeping the jerk away and have you find out – as an adult – what a low-life he/she is, than to have them cause some emotional or mental damage to my impressionable child. I’m curious Just Me, do you live with your kids? Age range/group of your children? Relationship with their mother? Answers to these may shed some light of where you get off….

Anonymous said...

your right Cas, we don't have all of the information and your side is not all of information. you referd to his family as Beast and him a animal,is that because he's black? won't that make his kids whom you claim to love so much animals too? what does that make you for choosing to sleep with a nasty dirty animal for so many years. only thing you did was bring more animals to this planet. but don't worry somone will talk about and have just as much hate for them as you have for that pal of shit father.

Just Me said...

Cas,

I'm truly sorry if I hit a cord, but my intentions were to bring to light situations that exists not to point fingers at people I really don't know. Again, sorry...

And to the anonymous commenter, that was truly unnecessary... I guess that's why it's anonymous...

Play Nice.....This is a learning BLOG not a butcher shop...

caspar608 said...

first anonymous, post your fucking name and be real or be gone. Remember, this is NOT SHADY, JUST FIERCE. Stick to the script.
Second, ignoramus, get your head out of your stinkin ass and stop inciting racial bullshit. The fact that the father of my children is yes, black, only makes the situation even more saddening. We all know the statistics, and the bullshit needs to cease and desist for all mankind, not for just blacks. Stop changing the story. Since you do not know the timeline of my life I suggest you step the fuck off of the hamster wheel of stupidity and think about what you type before you put your fingers in motion.
What would I define as an animal? Someone who runs AMUCK without thinking of consequence or circumstance. I don't care what color or religion they are. You revert to primal behavior when all you care about is sticking your dick in something (or having someones dick stuck in you for that matter) and contributing more to momentary needs than the needs of your offspring. ANIMALS do just THAT, anonymous. Watch the discovery channel retard. As far as his family members are concerned, with the exception of the innocent children, they get down like Mutual of Omaha. Since you certainly aren't entitled to ALL of the information I am privy to, I will give you a little insight on the folks he grew up with...one of the elder brothers was screwing one of the youngest sisters since she was a CHILD and NOBODY did anything about it. I don't know, would you call that normal...civilized? I certainly would not. So please shut up and stop with the racial bullshit. I am raising my children as human beings who embrace all of their heritage. Yes, they love their Dad. This I know. The problem is their Dad does not love them enough to make them a priority in his life. And I am not going to make his life any easier by allowing him in and out of my home simply because he does not have a place to call his own right now. Thats not my problem. He made his choices. I made mine. I have consistently handled my business in my home without his help.
Seems like yo uare a supporter of men who perform disappearing acts.
And trust, had I known that he was capable of doing the things he did, I would never have given birth to my beautiful daughter.

Perhaps you know him or he reminds you of someone? He needs H.E.L.P. Tell him to utilize the medical insurance I pay for everymonth to handle his business.

In the meantime, stop being a punk and post what you KNOW rather than what you think.

caspar608 said...

Furthermore, coming over to play video games and wrestle may be a good old time, but what about enforcing chores, responsibility in his children? He cannot be a good teacher is he is irresponsible himself. And the cycle of irresponsibility will continue if we allow irresponsible fathers to mentor our children. I don't care what color you are. This has got to stop. We ARE ALL in trouble if our young men do not know what it means to be responsible.

I don't have a problem with sharing my experiences with other people. I am not ashamed of who I am. I share so that others can learn...good, bad or indifferent.

I am open to judgement and condemnation, just expect I will clap back to defend myself, my choices and my life.

I thank God every night that I do not have AIDS. But if I find that I do, I know exactly who gave it to me. And I blame myself for the choice I made to forgive and try to make my family happy.

Have a good night all. Even the Anonymous coward who tried to imply I am a racist.