Monday, April 10, 2006

Morning Edition - 4/10/06

Fat Chance; Mandisa Anti-Gay?
From the start, American Idol’s contestant Mandisa Hundley (aka Man-Diva) was at the center of a furious debate regarding comments made by Idol judge Simon Cowell. Cowell made a rude remark saying that the stage needed to be larger to accommodate the girth of the, then auditioning Mandisa. Since then, Mandisa showed great class in setting the record straight that she forgave Cowell and that the remark was very hurtful. America loves an underdog and gay America loves their confident and in-charge BIG girls. Yet a short while before she was sent packing from the hit show, Mandisa went on the Idol site and mentioned she would not perform at any gay event since she doesn’t advocate the lifestyle. Shortly thereafter Mandisa found herself –for the first time – on the bottom three and out of the show. Now, she wonders whether her comments contributed to her being axed. Truth is, we’ll never know what shifted the tide for the hefty crooner, but what she definitely should be aware of now is that gay fans are loyal to the death – even when an artist is no longer hot and at the top of their game. Just ask Patti LaBelle, Barbara Streisand, Bette Midler or Liza Minelli and they’ll tell you that gays have probably kept them on the stage years after their careers hit their peak. So ManDiva honey, I guess this is a lesson learned. No one makes you a fiercer diva than your gay followers. Now, praise the Lord on that one Man-Dissed-A.

Oops You Did It Again
It can be disturbing when your man suffers from premature ejaculation. This is when you’re just getting going and your man is done. Doctors and sex therapists say this happens when men don’t know how to listen to the signals their body is giving them. There are four stages a man undergoes during sex – the Excitement Phase: this is when a man’s breathing deepens and his erection begins; the Plateau Phase: this is when he’s fully erect and begins consistent stroking; this leads to the Orgasm with Ejaculation Stage: basically, he comes; finally there is the Resolution Stage: where men lose their erection, their breathing returns to normal and he may even fall into a sleepy stupor. The key to maintaining a good rhythm going is to listen to your body while in the Plateau Phase and knowing when you are getting too close to the point of no return. Once at that point, most men cannot stop themselves from ejaculating. Doctors suggest stopping periodically when you feel yourself feeling “too good” to control your orgasm. As a partner of someone suffering the problem, you may want to also pay attention to your partner’s rhythm and help slow down or stop the stroking until the point-of-no-return sensation dissipates. There’s no point in throwing it on him and popping that thing if he’s just going to leave you hanging.

Easter; Now You Know
Although Christianity teaches us that Easter celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the true beginning of Easter or, at the very least, the name Easter derives from the more pagan, Scandinavian or Teutonic “Eastre” or “Ostern” both goddesses of mythology that stood for spring and fertility. It was celebrated on the day of the vernal equinox.
Vernal Equinox: On or about March 21.

On Blast
If you were attracted to someone and began to date, but right before sex they shared they have an incurable and communicable disease (herpes, HIV, etc.) would you discontinue dating them? Would you consider practicing safer sex to continue your interaction with them? Is it worth the risk?

Keep passin’ the open windows…


Anonymous said...

On Blast: Hmmm, being truthful - I don't think I could have sex with a man if he told me that he had an incurable STD.

Anonymous said...

I would have no problem dating/being in a relationship with a person who has a devastating ailment. More than 75% of the population has some form of Herpes and I would guess that many more don't even know what it is. I've had Fever Blisters ALL of my life and will never be able to research where I contracted bothersome varmint. I infected one person before I knew that they were contagious but since that time I never try to have any sexual interaction with anyone while I'm on my 'period'.

I have had sex with a person who is HIV+ and we wrap it up and don't leave it sitting.

In this day and age 'The Pill' is no protection and if you ever think that you’re protected, you'd better ask yourself. What am I protecting myself from? Both of the ailments mentioned can go without detection so; don't think that if a person knew they would tell you because MANY MANY don't even know.......

P.S. I fear for my life everytime I have sex....Father-hood is NOT for me.

Cocoa Rican said...

Keepin’ it real… I won’t date you if you communicate to me you have an infectious disease prior to becoming intimate. Not long ago I met a great guy who during one of our initial dinners revealed he was HIV+. I felt a sense of gratitude that he told me in advance, but also a sense of ignorant shame when I stopped any future dates with him. Ultimately, I felt the risk was too great. Yes, I may be having sex with guys who are HIV+ but don’t reveal this to me in advance, but the feeling that I knew in advance made me feel that it was the RED flag. Moreover, had a condom broke during sex I would have just felt shattered. I’m a bit conflicted about this subject since I believe safer sex is the answer to the growing problem of accepting responsibility for your encounters, but still have that underlying feeling that I haven’t caught anything up to now (thank God and knock on wood ten times) so why play with fate.

Anonymous said...

I must admit, if my partner told me that he was HIV positive, all bets would be off. I wouldn't comfortable being intimate with someone in that state.

Tammy said...

If my partner revealed he had an STD I would not be intimate with him..sorry but I'm too scared. I've come this far with no diseases and I am not going to test fate now. We would remain friends but that's it. As far as stupid of her. First off girlfriend, you are not even an entertainer yet so what are you talking about where you will perform? Secondly does she realize how large the gay community is in the entertainment field? Thirdly her fat azz is discriminated against because she is fat as much as gays are discriminated against because they are gay. Bytch need to accept all the fans that she can get to stand beside her; gay or straight! Dumb bytch!

Cocoa Rican said...

Bless your heart Tam... spoken like a true smart azz! That's why I luv ya'... you say what I as the moderator am too neutral to yell from the roof tops!

caspar608 said...

OK, so does she have sex with her partner...unless she is a virgin and has the disposition of Mother Tereasa she has no right to say she shuns anyone. Jesus shunned NO ONE.
Thats what gets me about people who refuse to accept the gay community as just another group of Human Beings. Some of these bufoons use their religious/spiritual backgrounds to justify their refusal to accept folks for who they are. Although being obese and being gay are two different things altogether (people are for the most part BORN gay, obesity is a mental/physical/genetic illness), anyone would set themselves up for quite a backlash from the universe just by shunning any group (unless it was a group of racist murdering pedophiles of course). So lesson learned for Mandisa....Jesus loves all of us, and we should treat each other accordingly. Watch what you say about any group of people, lest you get kicked in your rather ample azz for it.

And, no, I would not be able to do the do with anyone who tells me they have HIV or herpes. And YES, I would want to know. And although I am horny as all heck right now, I couldn't put my children at risk for being motherless just to get off. SHoot, we aren't soupposed to be fornicating anyway. STD's are a good reason to be celibate.

Cocoa Rican said...

In her defense, Mandisa did go on the record with the Advocate magazine (a gay pub) and said that she was upset by her comments being taken out of context, since she doesn’t judge anyone and treats everyone as she wishes to be treated. It still didn’t negate her comment about not performing at a gay event because she doesn’t advocate the lifestyle. All said, as a struggling new artist, she should be glad to be asked to perform at a Klan rally.

Caspar! Celibate?! Girl, you know I’d be taking folks down if I try to go to long without getting’ my swerve on. I do get it though… I don’t want to die for a good time. Truth is, we’ve slept with and will sleep with, folks that aren’t up-front and honest about their health status and some of these will have herpes and HIV. Unfortunately, with herpes condoms aren’t necessarily going to protect you. It’s a case of using your most prudent judgment and hoping for the best.

caspar608 said...

I AM celibate. By all means get your swerve on honey. For now, maybe I am just not willing to risk my health. As I have matured, I have learned that its important to really get to know someone before you jump in the sack.

Sure, I am ready to take a few men down, but common sense is preventing me from taking it there at this point in time. Plus I don't really go out much since my babies keep me busy with all of their ballet and basketball and stuff. Its time well spent nonetheless.

Cocoa Rican said...

I think that would make a good On Blast question in the coming two days. Don’t answer it now, but I’m thinking something like…
• Do you think gay men have sex more often and with more partners than their straight counterparts?
• As a straight person do you believe that gay men place themselves at greater risk by being less “picky” about their sex partners?
• Is it a widely held misconception that gay men are really promiscuous or is this myth based on solid evidence?
• Are straight and gay single men any different with regard to their sexual practices?
• As a straight woman, do you think your lesbian counterparts exercise the same judgment with regard to choosing their sexual partners?
• Do gay men have a higher sex-drive than their straight counterparts?
• Do you believe that passive gay partners and women share the same problems with regard to reputation following sexual encounters?

Just Me said...

FYI - You need not have intercourse to contract Herpes or HIV. The HIV+ virus lives in every oz. of fluid in body so, unless your going to be a virgin, I say protect yourself and quit playing roulette because of what you think you see and possibly know through your eyes. There just isn't enough of the virus to infect you in the saliva or tears. If it wasn't for treatment of the disease, you would not know that a person aquired the HIV+ virus until the end was near...

NY and DC both have a high population of DL dudes so, don't even think, NOT my MAN or Woman. Wrap it up if you can’t store it in the frig.

I know a married couple where the woman, yes the woman, is HIV+ and she wants her husband to leave, but he will not. Could you or would you do the same....?
Magic Johnson has been HIV+ for more than 10 yrs, I think and he and his wife have as much sex, if not more than you and possibly me...

Cocoa Rican said...

Okay, before we go off the deep end here… let’s clarify:
• HIV: Cannot be contracted through kissing folks who have the condition and it is only transmitted through unprotected sexual contact OR the sharing of needles. Of course, there’s transfusion, but you won’t be giving your sex partner a pint of blood during sex. Moreover, medical research has shown that you’d have to drink over a gallon of your partner’s saliva (at one sitting) to have a chance of contracting it via that means.
• Herpes: There are several types, but overall, the condition CANNOT be cured and is easily transmitted even through skin-to-skin contact. Which means that if you use a condom; do your thing and remove the condom afterward; and snuggle with your partner, their private part rubbing on your booty (or any other part) can pass the disease to you. It is more highly communicable during outbreaks, but can be spread even when there are no signs of the condition. See also Human Papiloma Virus (HPV) You may have seen ads for this. It is the virus that is seen in genital herpes and a precursor for colon/anal cancer in gay men and several cancers in women.
As I previously mentioned Just Me, I’m sure we all encounter folks infected with both or either condition, but knowing it BEFORE we engage them sometimes can send us in the other direction. This doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. I’m just thinking out loud when I say that KNOWING in advance makes me feel like someone is warning me of impending danger and I insist on going head-first into it because I think I can protect myself. All said, you’re right, we are in as much danger with the folks that tell us in advance as those that keep the info to themselves.

Cocoa Rican said...

Now, if say, I’m dating Boris Kdjoe and we find out after having mad, passionate, butt naked monkey love that he is positive and has herpes, we’d have to work through it… maybe use condoms, watch for outbreaks and get a Valtrex prescription. Hey, some brothas make life worth living and death just something to look forward to. (just kidding you judgmental bytches!)

caspar608 said...

Please get off the cross Papi. We need the wood for paper products.
The answers to your paranoid schizo questions are as follows...

1)I would hope not, since that would mean the gay populatin gets to have ALL the fun. Thats just the remnants from the haterade I drank this morning.
2)no. All kinds of stupid people refuse to wear condoms.
3)no. The gay men that I know are generally as active as all the straight men I know. They want to bust a nut. Big Deal.
4)no. Every man wants anal. Whether or not they admit to it is a different story all together. But they want it.
5)Probably. Better choices I would think. Lesbians have the hearts of women and the minds of men, but thats just my own opinion.
6)no. Then again it depends upon whether or not they took crystal meth or ecstasy.
7)People are people and most people have feelings and insecurities. So if a passive gay man is worried about being considered an easy lay, then he should pride himself more on being a good F*$^.

Alright, alright....I gave up sex because I am too busy. You got me.

But I also don't want to die so its convenient that the two coincide.


Anonymous said...

That why they don't tell you or act indifferent when you try something risky; now what’s scarier? If everyone acted as if they and their partner was HIV positive, practice safe sex and tried to keep it real people won’t continue to get infected. Wow, I can not believe that beautiful, sexy, and intelligent professionals would believe that it’s less scarier if they don’t talk about it or if their partner doesn’t mention being infected he or she is health.

Cocoa Rican said...

Well Anonymous 5:39 p.m., you’re absolutely right. It’s hypocritical that some of us feel a bit taken aback if someone is upfront and honest about their health status with us. The truth is, it takes a great deal of courage to entrust someone with such intimate information. I also suspect that HIV+ folks who reveal their status to their partners are accustomed to folks choosing not to take the risk in being sexually intimate. All said, I don’t believe the reaction I experienced when confronted with the situation was realistic, mature or in any way in-line with my core beliefs. I do want to know. I do want my potential partners to tell me their status. I do appreciate them being open and courageous. I’m working on it. The great thing about this blog is that as much as I may bring to you guys, I also get in return. I’m going to work on dealing with the information more constructively. Thanks for a positive way of setting me straight on how ignorant my view on the subject may have come across. It’s certainly sad that I can still feel some issues are difficult for me to openly discuss. I’m a work in progress, so hang in there with me.