Morning Edition - 12/27/05

When Cocoa Got His Cuz Back
Nancy Robles, missing for over one full week, returned home Saturday night after a hospital stay. Robles’ daughter, Crystal, called and informed me that she had returned – unharmed – Saturday night. Needless to say, I was at Nancy’s doorstep Christmas morning to pick her up. I can fuss, fight and argue, but the truth is, I’m just glad she’s okay. We spent the weekend together and laughed, partied and enjoyed some much needed family time. Welcome home Nancy.

The Parent Trap
My parents arrived safely at JFK airport in NYC this weekend. The pair, equipped with two large and may I say, extremely heavy pieces of luggage, rambled out of the baggage claim area looking like two small children looking for their nanny. Mom is still burning the midnight oil and has not gone to bed earlier than 2 a.m. – even with my overt Ambien offerings. My dad, who now hears nothing, unless it resembles the engines of a 747 landing in my living room, now makes 4 a.m. his wake-up hour. Thank you for the Percocet prescription Dr. Feelgood. No folks, these narcotics are not being offered to my parents. I’ve instead opted to take two Percs along with one Ambien to ease my own pain and ignore the antics of the dynamic duo. Just before leaving for work I caught my mother thumbing through my porn collection that I hid in two trash bags and far in the back of an unused closet. Suffice to say, both my parents were admonished to stay away from this closet as it had private things in it. Instead of dropping my Copsuckers VHS tape securely in her hand, my mom simply looked back and said, “You don’t really think this guy’s a cop, do you?” I was shocked, horrified and was called “dramatic” for snatching the tape out of her hand, tossing it back in the closet and slamming the door shut. This tape ordeal comes on the heels of Saturday night’s fiasco that included me putting them to bed and thinking I was going to enjoy a marathon session of Noah’s Arc (the Logo program) only to find my mom got out of bed and was waiting for me on my couch (bed, now that they’re in town) while I was on a bathroom break. “That boy is a real puto,” she exclaimed when I returned and found she was admiring Ricky having sex in his store room. I raced to change the channel and she said, “Turn it back, I like it and while you’re up why don’t you make some coffee and I’ll watch this with you.” Not only did my private Noah’s-Arc time go down the tubes, but I spent the evening doing the unthinkable – discussing my favorite gay show with my mom! What’s worse is that she even pointed out Wade and said, “He’s your favorite isn’t he? He looks like you’re type!” Oh my God! How does my mom even think she knows my type?! Crazy thing is – she’s right!! We don’t even discuss my being gay for Christ’s sake!! My parents requested I pick them up from my brother’s house this evening when I get home from the office. Carl, hold on to something.

On Blast
New Year’s resolutions are over-rated and often disregarded after February 1. What one New Year’s resolution do you intend to make and keep for 2006? What will you do to insure it is a priority?

Keep passin’ the open windows…