My Closest Enemy
He’s been with me for over 22 years. When times were hard, he was there to comfort me. When I was happy and celebrating, he was there to make me feel higher in the moment. When I was 15, on the mean streets of NYC, he made me feel safe and strong. Through the death of my grandma he offered comfort and kept me together in the face of loss. As I suffered through a break-up for what felt like two years, he stood by me and helped me carry off that I-don’t-give-a-damn look. Whether I was fit or fat, he didn’t care; he didn’t mind my size. Strangely, I always knew he wasn’t always a good friend for me. There were times when his antics left me breathless. Not all my friends liked him. In fact, they specifically told me not to have him accompany me when visiting them. Still, he didn’t care; he would wait until I’d get out of whatever engagement I was attending and join me. We’d walk silently, sometimes amazed, at how it didn’t matter what other’s thought of us. Then, in the last year, I began to realize how I was embarrassed to be around him. I found myself sneaking around to see him and spend time with him. When I told him I was moving, he was elated. He figured we’d spend more private time together. After thinking long and hard, I told him we couldn’t see each other anymore. I told him that my move was the perfect time to severe our dysfunctional relationship. He’s a real charmer and used every bit of it to attempt to convince me that we could still hang. We’d just take it slow until I came to my senses, he said. When I asked him about how I discovered that he had purposely tried to poison me and that he had been spending my money hand-over-fist at the expense of things he knew were more important to me, he simply shrugged it off. I felt the hot tears in my eyes. They rolled down my cheeks slowly; a slight tickle as they dangled from my chin. “I’m going to miss you. I’m going to cry out for you some days, but you’re just not for me. We’re not really friends. For as long as you’ve been with me you’ve proven you’re not a friend; you’re simply my closest enemy.” We vowed to share our final moments together on Friday night. We promised to never look back once I board my moving van to meet my new life. “Goodbye Newport.” We had a good run.
Over 39.5 Million Times Thank You
From the over 39.5 million folks living with HIV/AIDS, I thank you. My call to you for the final $550.00 to meet my NY AIDS Walk goal was answered to the tune of $1,050.00 to date – bringing my new NY AIDS Walk total donations to $2,500. More amazing is that this total is BEFORE any employer match program contributions. When I asked all of you to help, I believed I would make my goal; I honestly had faith. However, I never imagined that my request would be doubled – all in less than 24 hours! I will be energized from any fatigue I may experience during my move on Saturday when I think of the incredible people in my corner and their show of support.
There are so many things in our lives that done in moderation are just fine. You can’t restrict everything from your daily life or soon you’ll realize you live a vanilla existence. However, if we’re in the don’t-talk-about-it-be-about-it mindset, we have to admit that there are poisons and risks that are just not worth taking. We can’t recapture the past and we can’t undo what is done, but we can change things for the better.
What negative behavior / habit / addiction are you struggling to unhinge from, but make excuses for keeping in your life?
Keep passin’ the open windows…