Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Transit Trauma

Riding NYC transit every day, I’ve come across a cast of characters not unlike any movie set in Hollywood. No make-up or costume department can duplicate the authentic horror stories that commute with me every day. This brings me to the boisterous, hairy-legged, gnarled-toed woman sitting in front of me on the train this morning. As the train conductor made an announcement about delays, the loud talking Monster Paws – heretofore referred to as MP – loudly chatted on her cell phone about anything and everything that crossed her mind this morning. Unfortunately, I had trouble hearing her, not for the saving grace of my IPod, but the distraction that was her unsettling bottom half. Women, pull your note pads and pens out now. Write this down. You DO NOT have to shave your legs, but if you choose to force them upon unsuspecting onlookers and reside in the developed world, we will ask you to forgo your rebellious Chubaka-esque style and partake in the following services:
** Shave or use a depilatory on any/all portions of your leg that will be exposed
** Wash your feet, trim your toe nails and run an alcohol soaked q-tip under the toe-nail tips
** Moisturize all exposed portions of your limbs; reapply as necessary

Of course you can ignore the general public’s idea of common sense and personal grooming, but be reminded that the picture you see here could be of you…on a more widely read venue.

Keep passin’ the open windows…

7 comments:

Ty said...

I can't tell just by looking at the picture if that is a man or woman. My Lawd!!! LOL

BTW, get at me, I am thinking about having a Fall get-away for me and some friends. It will just be a weekend thing and only a couple hours outside the city. Hit me up if you and BD are interested.

Caspar608 said...

...or you could just not look and think happy thoughts...

Things like this haven't bothered me since this man, with literally a HOLE in his face where his mouth and nose used to be, came into my subway car one day and sat right next to me. I remember the horror I felt, people got up and moved, but I stayed put, and even asked him if he needed me to move my bag.

He had on a green shurt and tie. Beige pants and shoes. Eye patch over his eye. And a hole where his nose and mouth should have been.

I've never had the heart to look at anyone with disgust on the train again.

True story.

People have different priorities in life. Some just try to make it through each day. The woman you encountered just wasn't raised to take care of herself property...and no one ever told her to do so either.

Just look away...or try to ignore...the hygenic shortcomings of folk. Some dont know any better.

Love,
Cas

Cocoa Rican said...

lol. ...and purple horseshoes and blue diamonds for all the less fortunate folks who rudely yammer on their mobile phones and ignore hygiene and grooming. I guess I'm not as evolved yet. ;)

Caspar608 said...

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

LOL


I am going to snap crackle and pop in hell for laughing at your response....

LOL..............
LOL..............

Anonymous said...

Если врач знает название вашей болезни, это еще не значит, что он знает что это такое. Никогда не приписывай человеческой зловредности того, что можно объяснить обыкновенной глупостью. Человек может долго жить на деньги которые он ждет. Реальность это иллюзия вызываемая отсутствием алкоголя. Женщины едят за разговорами, мужчины едят заедой.

That Dude Right There said...

Her legs look harder than mine!!

Ty said...

I wanted to comment on your "Truth" post but it seems that whenever you do a vlog entry, we (viewers) can't post. There doesn't appear to be a link on those entries leading you to the comment section.

But my comment is that this post is so true. There is nothing like living your life in truth. Not having to worry about hiding this or that. I'm so glad that you posted this.