Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Morning Edition - 3/13/07

The X Factor
On a cold winter’s night, over a year and a half ago, I met a 22-year old man named X who was sexy as hell and had a fire all his own. I figured it was just a casual romp that wouldn’t amount to anything. As luck would have it, X was equal parts affectionate and sexual and his need for my undivided attention proved fatal to our budding friendship at the time. Not to mention that at 22, I was easily a teenager when he was born and I somehow felt a bit advantaged – meaning, my life experience would have me working circles around this kid. And so it was that X began blowin’ my cell phone to smithereens and leaving more messages than a commission-based cold caller. I grew weary of his immediate latch-and-destroy demeanor and simply refused to take any of his calls. Six months later, I ran into X at a bar and he made the fatal mistake of trying to make me jealous by flirting with a close friend of mine. His feeble attempt left him humiliated and feeling like the new kid on the playground. Less than three months later, I ran into X again – this time I was alone- and he was slightly intoxicated. Like the saying goes, a drunk mind speaks a sober heart, and X had plenty to say. He mentioned that he was sorry that he stepped out of line when he saw me last and that he really liked me and couldn’t understand why I didn’t feel the same about him. I said, “I like you, but I don’t like to be toyed with and you proved my fear of dealing with you because of your immaturity to be a very real issue.” He repeatedly apologized and I left it at, “You’re a nice guy and you really need to find someone your age to grow with.” Six months later he called (December 2005) and, as some of you will recall, I was dating T. I picked up the phone, realized it was X and stammered to find the words – especially when T was a raving jealous loon who didn’t appreciate my taking a 3 a.m. call when we were having “quality” time together. I abruptly said, “Look, this isn’t a good time and I’m presently dating someone, so I can’t talk.” I hung up the phone, argued with T for an hour and didn’t hear from X again…..well, until Sunday night. I was enjoying the 2-for-1 drinks at Chi-Chiz in the West Village when someone bear-hugged me from behind and as my feet left the floor and my head went back I saw the unmistakable pearly whites of X. I turned around and he hugged me tight again and said, “It’s been a while.” As I gave him the escalator look I noticed that this was a revised X. He was trim, fit and still had that bangin’ booty holding his jeans just so. “I would ask what you’ve been up to, but boy, the body is speakin’ for itself. What did you do?!” X looked pleased to be getting my full attention and honest inquisition. “I lost more than 50 pounds!” For the record, X was a healthy boy when we met, but he wasn’t obese. To lose fifty pounds and still look like he was ready to pull doors off hinges, made me smile. “You look great kid.” He said, “Yeah, but do I look great enough for you to take me home?” I felt the blood rush to my face and was saved by X’s friends who joined in to ask who I was. I was promptly introduced as the man who “stole my heart and refuses to give it back.” I shook everyone’s hand, excused myself and proceeded to get a beer at the bar and catch my breath. X joined me at the bar and said, “You know I mean that shit right?” I smiled and said, “Stop being silly boy. I have to run and meet friends at the club up the street.” He grabbed my shoulders and held me in place. “I’m going to call you this week and you’re going to take my call this time. I just want to hang and be friends. I don’t want another year to go by before I see you again.” Humor to the rescue, I said, “Yeah, just let me recharge the battery on my cell.” I laughed… he didn’t …he’s left two messages since then.

On Blast
Some say age is only a number, but with age - MOST times - comes experience and wisdom. There’s also a sense of having a skewed sense of reference and relevance when the gap becomes too wide. When (if ever) should adults consider age a factor when dating?

Keep passin’ the open windows…


KahluaLoverInVa said...

When maturity levels factor in. My ex-husband fell in love with me when he was 31 and I was 22. Gracious, I was such a baby back then...being sheltered and dying to get out from under my parents! Knowing now what I didn't know then, I'd have to admit that I wasn't mature enough to enter into an full-fledged "life-long" commitment at that time. I had a romanticized ideal of what "togetherness" was supposed to be. Attention-starved and needy, it did alot of damage in the beginning years of our 11-year run together, but I did grow up...eventually outrgrowing him. Turned out his 9-year age "advantage" ended up being a hinderance in his personal growth and our growth together as a couple. He was already living like an old man and I was full of life and vigor. Simply put, we were on different paths, but the love never stopped--even to this day. Eventually we proved though, that love sometimes isn't enough. One thing I have learned is, I play with people my own age (or a little older). I get hit on by much-younger guys all the time...I want no parts of them. Not because they're not decent, well-meaning people with "stamina that would kill normal human beings" but because they are likely lacking life experience and the wisdom that only time can offer. (God Hector, what the hell is UP with us? All this growing-up business! LOL)


Just Me said...

When you are old enough to be the other person's parent, they are too young. There is a great divide in age when the other person is too much younger. When we were 20ish and the other person was 17ish, that was a great difference in age and experiences but, as you get older it becomes a small difference. Now, that you’re old and they are still 20ish, you need to consider what it is that you’re attempting to do here.

Honestly, I've always been attracted to older women. I would have nothing to do with a girl my age or younger. I am a young man with an old soul as they would say...

taylorSiluwé ..... said...

Damn boy. U moved me with that. And I so admire your restraint and wisdom in this situation. Age is certainly a factor, and yes we are growing up, shockingly fast I might add.

I wish you'd made this post a few years ago. I really needed to read it then.

Thanks for starting my day off right.

btw- I added your feed to my site because so many of us need these little wake-up calls.

Darius T. Williams said...

A commission based cold caller? HA!

So, age is always important. It really is. I'd like to think it's not - but from personal experience, it makes a difference.

Every once in a while you'll run across a super mature person that's younger than normal - but even then...you have your picks and chooses - trust me, something will be wrong. There'll be something that compensates for that high maturity level. I don't know what it is...their teeth may be green, they may be a theif, maybe they have 6 toes...trust me...something will compensate.

Cocoa Rican said...

I’m working on it, but right now I feel awkward interacting with folks that are over 10 years my junior. I think this may be due to my always dealing with folks older than myself. I also have serious issues with having nothing to talk about and all my points of reference being lost to someone who isn’t from the same era. Let’s see what happens – certainly doesn’t appear to be anything long term or of substance.

Taylor! Thanks for adding me to your page! You probably don’t remember me, but you and I have a shared youth – Darryl S., Richard S., Troy H. and the Jersey crew… can you believe it’s been over 25 years?!?!

Kahlua, you know I’m your koochie in the Vagina Monologues! LOL

Leniere said...

I am ready for love,
All of the joy and the pain...

It makes sense to make decisions based on experience. It's a logical thoought process.

Love is not logical. It is definitely risky. For me its really hard trying to find balance between those two ideas. Logical thought and illogical feelings.

If I "go with my heart" I run the risk of getting it broken, and kicking myself for not following my head. If I follow my head, I run the risk of thinking away all the potential for love that is put before me.

I guess the fact that it feels so good is supposed to make up for the process of finding it.

WhozHe said...

I believe maturity is not necessarily indicative age. Some people are more mature than their age and others are far behind. Just be aware of where you are in life and what you are willing and not willing to ddeal with.

That Dude Right There said...

Age differences are a bitch. When I was 19, I dated a guy who was 37. When I tell you this guy acted like he was 87, I ain't lying. I was always ready to go out and do something and all he wanted to do was stay at home and have sex.

Then, six weeks into the situation, he wanted me to move in with him. When i told him no, he cried in front of me. Now tell me who was less mature, me or him.

Experience in relationships is essential, but one must learn from those experiences. If a person is 40 and still hasn't learned anything, then shame on him.

But if a person is 22 and knows exactly what he wants and what he is doing, then I see no reason to not give him a chance.

I'm not saying to marry the dude, but give him a chance. See what his expectations are and give him yours before you start anything again.