Morning Edition - 3/14/07

FM vs. JT
Last night’s American Idol competition made clear that if America votes solely on vocal talent, FM and JT will go head-to-head in a battle of voices for queen of American Idol season 6. For those just joining us, former background singer Melinda Doolittle who has wowed anyone listening since her first audition, will heretofore be referred to as the Flying Monkey or FM and Lakisha Jones who let us know early on that she was “not going” has earned the honor of sharing NFL player, JT’s initials, for her massive talent with shoulders and back to match. The two are proving that the Lord is a fair God. He said, “Guys, give those two these amazing voices, I was all out of necks and lady’s backs.” On another front, Sanjaya Malakar will now be known as Golden Sunshine or GS. All talent be damned, GS is just astounding to look at. Last night the AI hair and make-up staff apparently blew a fuse using a curling iron on the angelic GS. The Kodak Xanax moment goes to superdiva Diana Ross who coached the final 12 for their performances as they tackled (no dig on Ms. JT) many of Ross’ hits. Tonight Ross herself will perform at the “chop” show, where one of the disciples will be sent packing. FM can let the poppies make her sleep…she has it in the bag.

Friday the 16th
So it doesn’t have the impact of the horror thriller, but the action set to take place this Friday at LQs in midtown Manhattan will certainly serve as a depression killer. Evelyn Maldonado celebrates a milestone birthday and her coworkers and close friends will congregate to be sure she never forgets it. Simply mention that you’re attending Evelyn’s birthday bash at the door and join the fun. The party begins at 5:30 p.m. and we dare not mention an end time. Gents will fork over $5 as an entrance fee and ladies are free before 6:30.

Baby Fag
Yesterday we spoke of X who has been quickly filling up my voicemail box with the proposition of showing me how many times 24 goes into 37. Unfortunately, my math isn’t that bad and after a quick pencil and paper session, I’ve figured out it only goes in once – hence, his calls haven’t been returned. Now, in yet another Twink-Gone-Wild episode, I’ve been propositioned by a 20-year old Pear, or some other fruit, PC salesman who has gone from polite pleasure seeker to Effie-wanna-be in a matter of a couple of days. Now, the you’re-gonna-love-me greenhorn (Jo) thinks that the old man is just going to roll over and play dead because I have regrets older than he is. Case in point, he called last night and said I should allow him to come over, lest I lose points with him. “Pa, I’m the scorekeeper and right now, you’re a high school team playing an away game against the Harlem Globetrotters. You need to fall back.” He tried to begin an attempt at a comeback, but I said, “Grown folks have to work tomorrow, so we’ll chat on Friday.” There was that long Cingular Wireless commercial dropped call pause, before I said, “Good night,” and hung up the phone. Okay…where are my grown and sexy folks this spring?

On Blast
Are women more likely than men to accept disrespect, dishonesty and tomfoolery to make a relationship work? Is there a different agenda / rule book for men and women after break-ups?

Keep passin’ the open windows…