A Quiet Peninsula
John Donne said, “No man is an island,” to say that no man thrives when isolated from mankind. However, he didn’t say, no man is a peninsula. For quite some time, I’ve become a peninsula of sorts; connected to the mainland on one side, but free on three sides. It has less to do with dramatic instances and disagreements than it does with growing up and realizing that you are less likely to want to invest time in people and situations that don’t serve to enrich you. I’ve noticed that many of the folks I called “friends” are either no longer in my circle or have worked their way out to the perimeter of the circle. Strangely, this hasn’t upset me in any way, but it had me thinking about whom or what is important to me and my social future. The short answer is I want the maximum amount of pleasure with the minimal amount of bullshit in any of my social situations. Today, that is the rule I’ve established for myself. I tend to agree to social gatherings that I know I will enjoy; I don’t dwell on differences in opinions; and I refuse to subject myself to unnecessary negative relationships. Oddly, this weekend, I ran into an old friend of over 20 years. Back in September I recognized that our relationship had changed and that we no longer enjoyed each other – or worse, had lost respect for each other. Since then I haven’t spoken with him and I had no idea we’d run into each other. When he walked up to the bar where I was standing ordering a drink, he appeared uncomfortable, but smiled and said, “Hello.” I turned to him, smiled and reciprocated his greeting with a simple, “Hey, how’s it going,” before turning to order my Heineken. I didn’t see him the remainder of the night. I had a great time and when I returned home I thought how good I felt about seeing that old, disconnected friend. We were able to greet each other and move on with very little discomfort. I realize that, at my core, I’m happy; happy to be a peninsula. Connected to the mainland and my main circle of friends, but able to appreciate that the majority of my sides are free.
Fire & Puerto Rico; The Islands
It’s no secret; I’m a summer, Caribbean baby with a love for heat and beaches. My boy Herbie has invited me to a weekend on Fire Island with him and the Boricua contingent. I excitedly agreed to join and will be heading to Fire Island some time in July. Shortly thereafter, I will be celebrating my birthday with friends in Puerto Rico, August 3-6. Mom has agreed to fix us lunch the Friday we arrive and the plan calls for beach and club excursions throughout! I’m so ready!
Memories…
Col aka Caspar and I celebrate 30 years of friendship this year. Here, Cas and I are preteens… oh, the awkwardness of it all!
On Blast
Being honest with yourself and accepting the good in your life helps to nurture peace and also allows you to make intelligent decisions about what makes you happy. I like where I am today.
Do you find you’ve held-on to a specific relationship (platonic or romantic) because of a fear of what your life would be without it?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
John Donne said, “No man is an island,” to say that no man thrives when isolated from mankind. However, he didn’t say, no man is a peninsula. For quite some time, I’ve become a peninsula of sorts; connected to the mainland on one side, but free on three sides. It has less to do with dramatic instances and disagreements than it does with growing up and realizing that you are less likely to want to invest time in people and situations that don’t serve to enrich you. I’ve noticed that many of the folks I called “friends” are either no longer in my circle or have worked their way out to the perimeter of the circle. Strangely, this hasn’t upset me in any way, but it had me thinking about whom or what is important to me and my social future. The short answer is I want the maximum amount of pleasure with the minimal amount of bullshit in any of my social situations. Today, that is the rule I’ve established for myself. I tend to agree to social gatherings that I know I will enjoy; I don’t dwell on differences in opinions; and I refuse to subject myself to unnecessary negative relationships. Oddly, this weekend, I ran into an old friend of over 20 years. Back in September I recognized that our relationship had changed and that we no longer enjoyed each other – or worse, had lost respect for each other. Since then I haven’t spoken with him and I had no idea we’d run into each other. When he walked up to the bar where I was standing ordering a drink, he appeared uncomfortable, but smiled and said, “Hello.” I turned to him, smiled and reciprocated his greeting with a simple, “Hey, how’s it going,” before turning to order my Heineken. I didn’t see him the remainder of the night. I had a great time and when I returned home I thought how good I felt about seeing that old, disconnected friend. We were able to greet each other and move on with very little discomfort. I realize that, at my core, I’m happy; happy to be a peninsula. Connected to the mainland and my main circle of friends, but able to appreciate that the majority of my sides are free.
Fire & Puerto Rico; The Islands
It’s no secret; I’m a summer, Caribbean baby with a love for heat and beaches. My boy Herbie has invited me to a weekend on Fire Island with him and the Boricua contingent. I excitedly agreed to join and will be heading to Fire Island some time in July. Shortly thereafter, I will be celebrating my birthday with friends in Puerto Rico, August 3-6. Mom has agreed to fix us lunch the Friday we arrive and the plan calls for beach and club excursions throughout! I’m so ready!
Memories…Col aka Caspar and I celebrate 30 years of friendship this year. Here, Cas and I are preteens… oh, the awkwardness of it all!
On Blast
Being honest with yourself and accepting the good in your life helps to nurture peace and also allows you to make intelligent decisions about what makes you happy. I like where I am today.
Do you find you’ve held-on to a specific relationship (platonic or romantic) because of a fear of what your life would be without it?
Keep passin’ the open windows…
9 comments:
i have a very odd relationship with my first ex. after being with him for several years we have this once mine always mine relationship (not sexual)... which is quite hard seeing he is bisexual and is currently dating a woman.
but anyway it is what it is. he shaped my life and how i deal with men and i couldnt imagine life without him.
Yes I have...the end!
*heavy sigh* yep.
In all honesty, I had several relationships that I thought I really couldn’t live without. Then I realized that relationships change and needs change. I also accepted that I held many relationships on a pedestal and gave various individuals priority positions in my life, when in fact, I was relegated to a position of a virtual acquaintance in theirs. Sometimes recognizing your worth and placing your greatest priority with those that hold you in the same regard serve your life better. I now refuse to give anyone more priority than they offer me. It helps to place the right amount of attention and nurturing to relationships that stand to reciprocate it.
…anything less than that is cheating yourself.
I have a problem with letting people go in general. It's not as bad as it used to be , but somewhere within i feel a mix of guilt at "abandoning them" and sense of loss. I value folk a lot and even when they bring drama to the table I try to work around it. I have to admit though, while I still deeply value friendship and people in my life in general, I am much more prone to toss the negative factors to the side these days. That sense of Self-preservation and all that comes with maturity. Idealism fades a bit.
Still got love for everyone I've shared my life with but ya gotta prune the tree for optimum growth...can't let the dead branches hold you down. And when I see them, I treat them in much the same way. Curt and courteous without any shade.
To the on blast question I am just going to say yes and leave it at that. Hector I will be in Manhattan from the 9th through the 14th Let me know what's up and what are we going to do.
Donya
my username and password is not working
oh those dates are for the month of August id and password are not working.
Donya
Hey Donya! You know if you're in my fair city it's you and me kid! I need the details...especially since I'm just getting back from my birthday weekend in PR on 8/6. Call me tonight OR hit me up on e-mail and we'll discuss logistics. You bringing the model children with you?
hi, cocoa,
i liked your post..for no real reason other than it was interesting reading someone else's 'drama' so similar to mine..; then again, i found your blog in the comments end of someone else's blog..and found myself attracted to your mug..then attracted to your manner of speak..then i just liked how you said what you had to say..though a bit cryptic to your immediate associates and friends, none the less informative for my life issues..stay true..
big up to ya bro..
my life is best seen at my flickr site..
http://www.flickr.com/photos/idlg/
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