Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Morning Edition - 6/26/07

When Good People Eat Bad; Missing 6-Pack Found Cowering Under Calories
Last night, Baby Daddy and I rode home together and laughed about my outfit choices for the Gay Pride festivities over the weekend. What wasn’t as funny was my choice to eat light to avoid any bloating or discomfort while I was half-way nude. So, to accomplish this little miracle, I ate three Activa yogurts and about four pots of coffee – the entire weekend! Yes, it was more of an unconscious sense that I had to be completely confident in my hoochie-gear. The odd part is the exhale that occurred the 24 hours immediately AFTER gay pride weekend came to a close. At precisely 2 a.m. Monday morning, my crew and I pulled into Popeyes chicken, where my apparently starving ass, ordered a 4-piece chicken dinner, Cajun rice, two biscuits and a large Coke. I got home, polished off the coffee left in the pot and was in bed by 3 a.m. Not sooner than the alarm clock rang, than I had the percolator working overtime making another pot of coffee. I downed a bowl of cereal and washed it all down with a glass of orange juice. Safely at the office at 9:30 a.m. and I was in the corporate cafeteria purchasing a sesame seed bagel with a ton of butter and a large coffee. For lunch I inhaled a comforting dose of macaroni and cheese, BBQ chicken, broiled Tilapia, green beans and mushroom and a healthy dessert of vanilla yogurt with strawberries and nuts. Just two hours later and I was tapping my foot at the Starbucks counter awaiting my reduced-fat blueberry cake and my mocha frap. Waddling out of my office and on my way to the train, I made a quick stop at the Duane Reade for some toiletries and couldn’t resist that crunchy Reese’s Peanut Butter candy bar at the counter. As I walked through my apartment door I dropped my things, changed into my jeans and wife-beater before walking Busta. No sooner than I dropped the dog leash that I walked the few blocks to the neighborhood supermarket where I pace down the aisles making all the wrong choices for the right reason. It hit me that apparently it was officially my binge day. The moment I put down the grocery bags in my kitchen, I started my pot of coffee, pulled out my cast iron pan and left the ice cream on the counter to get soft enough to enjoy. Less than 10 minutes later and I was burnin’ y’all! Four burgers were being char-broiled to perfection and I sat on my couch to enjoy the apparently hell-inspired Cherry Garcia from Ben & Jerry. All said, I downed well over 3,000 calories for the day – at least twice my normal caloric intake and I feel amazing. This diet is not recommended for folks who suffer from heart disease, depression, liver damage or have limited toilet paper. Hey, sometimes you have to let loose and have it all! Admitting you need to pump your brakes and exposing the repository are the first steps to recognizing that you can’t do it everyday.

Ladies, Are You Serious?
Over the years I’ve been open-minded enough to answer questions from my “girls” to help them better understand men or even gay men. I try not to ask too many questions, but there are double-take moments when I look at a girlfriend like she’s talking through her cervix. So ladies, here are a few important questions that I need answered. I’m sure, like those regarding men, the female experience will vary.
Do you seriously see yourselves as equal to your male counterparts OR do you believe your parent’s dated admonitions that you need to be your man’s right hand?
Do you feel that having children completes your cycle as a woman OR are children optional?
Do you find that you resort to the he’s-a-man excuses when forced to stay with or leave a cheating man?
Is infidelity a deal-breaker in your relationship OR do the facts surrounding the indiscretion matter in your decision?
Is there a different timetable for men and women with regard to how many dates must take place before any sexual interaction?

On Blast
Turntable....or turning the tables. What is the biggest generalization or stereotype you believe exist with regard to minority – Black/Latino – women?

Keep passin’ the open windows…

5 comments:

Darius T. Williams said...

3,000 calories? Popeyes is the lick though...u gotta get chicken with some cajun sparkle and the biscuits with apple butter!!!

Paula D. said...

Haaaa! I am with you.....I would not have been able to resist some damn Popeye's!!!!

As for your questions:
YES!!!! I definitely see myself as equal to my male counterparts. I'm not in a relationship now, but when I am there is no 50's gotta get home to cook & clean mentality. We share responsibilty & respect each other on a higher level.

Ummmm.....no! I don't feel that having children completes my cycle as a woman. To tell the truth, I'm not sure if I will ever want kids & I am very happy with that.

At this point in my life, if a man feels like he needs to cheat, then he can move the hell on.

Haaaaa! I talk about the sex timetable here & there on my blog. I think you should go there when you feel like it. Hell, if the 1st date feels good for you then go for it!

Mr. Jones said...

Re #1 - 3K calories is a lot, but at least you enjoyed yourself. Don't make a habit of it tho. Keep it tight!

Re #3 - The biggest stereotype affecting black and latin women HAS to be whole loud mouth, ghetto girl person that's perceived by so many people. Think about how black and latin women are parodied in the media.

Anonymous said...

Not all black men have big, um, thangs.
Not all white men have small,um, things.
Not all Latin men are macho, but they ALL have big thangs.

Hahahahahahhahahahha. I make myself laugh sometimes!
Anyhoe, I got the kids thing down and time flies ... my daughter will be on her own in 12 years and the 15 years I have spent with my oldest son has flown by!!!!! My children are my soulmates so they were a necessity and a very nice surprise each and every time.

Cocoa, you ate like a savage and I love you all the more for it. I wouldn't have wanted to be there whilst you were shitting your brains and Popoeye's out though : No offense.

The men I have been involved with recently have been punks. One giggled the entire time I was at his house, what a spaz! I've known hm for 5 years, he has always flirted with me and admittedly had the hots for me, when I get to the house he giggles and sits on the loveseat while I was all by my lonesome on the couch. The other had it going on in horizontal mode but he was a whiner when it came to his finances and had frequent pity parties for himself because of it. I finally told him to man up and shut the fuck up before he was broke in more ways than one. Needless to say we are not on speaking terms at the moment.
Do I need a man? Only if he behaves with self respect, dignity and confidence. Otherwise, I got toys.

How do you sleep drinking an enire pot of coffee? Sheesh.

Cas608

Dayne Avery said...

BOY STOP! From the pics your "binge" hasn't even given you what most people call a regular stomach. I live by the suck, tuck, and stand up straight motto--lol.